Is it time to say good bye?



  • My boyfriend for 5 years left me 5 months ago. He, now living alone, left me because his children (daughter 18, son 21) knew that we were dating while he was married.

    Now, he is divorced. But he left me for his children, he says is ashamed because he feel guilty and does not want any trouble with them. His son is very mature and accepted the situation about his father. His daugther is different and manipulates her father everyday.

    He is an excellent father and he really loves his children.

    Just 5 months ago, he said to me, i was the most important person in his life, he wanted to live with me for ever. But now, its over. Im really devastated. I cried a lot tha past months. He does not want to talk to me, and it seems he is showing me hi left me forever. Two weeks ago he told me, its over, accept it. I asked him , Dont you love me any more? he said, i cant say anything, but its over.

    I love him a lot, but i have been in a big pain. I finally accepted that he doesnt want to see me, and talk to me. I dont call him any more. We have just a big problem... we have bussines in common. For now he writes me some mails about bussines, not about any more. He is just trying to show me its over... I feel so bad, so sad, i dont know what to do. Can anybody tell me if are living a similar situation and tell me how to act?



  • Hi, I guess he felt his family was falling apart. He wants to stay very close to his children. This is one of the risks involved when dating married people. Your pain is understandable.

    I see this as a lesson learned. Don't cross this bridge again. There are hard lessons in this type situation. Consider this an open door to something else.

    Talk w/someone spiritual like a counselor or minister. It'll take a while to forget about this. Do not contact him. Let him go his own way. I wouldn't consider a friendship either. It's better to totally move-on from this.



  • Let it go -- that's a lot more attractive than being clingy and miserable!!

    If you are meant to be together - if he sees that you are strong and capable and a person in your own right - he is more likely to come back to you then - rather than thinking knowing or beleiving that you are waiting for him! whilst he is trying to keep everyone else happy -- and not himself.

    If he loves you - but sees that you are moving on - he might re think the situation ! But do what is right for you - and please don't spend moping about him anymore - its 5 months now!



  • Hi,

    I feel your pain, so I had to write. I too was in a relationship that ended.

    The pain and hurt and depression I went through was overwhelming. It consumed every moment of my life. I thought I could never be happy again without this one person.

    I was the one who walked away and he was quite willing to let me go. He didn't even try to get me to stay in the relationship. Initially he was the one who pursued me.

    I did become strong again, and you will too.

    Don't let the hurt consume you, be strong and move on. Perhaps, your guy will change his mind, but don't sit around waiting for him, try to get really busy and move on with your life. That is the best advice I can give you. Good Luck and God Bless



  • luzm,

    In a way, each of us has had this same experience. ((hugs))

    I feel a great deal of Light moving toward you, as this was a place you were only supposed to dwell for a short amount of time. Your relationship was designed to mirror something back to you, an important perspective or message. Only you can unveil what this message is.

    The Light that is coming your way will help you to reframe the past, and reframe your experience.

    Be kind to your self; treat yourself with great care.

    I have a little web article you may like to read:

    http://topten.org/public/BE/BE201.html

    Sending you blessings of great peace,

    Ahliyah



  • Hello,

    I am sure we all can identify with your pain, and it can all be so confusing when we love someone and they refuse for whatever reason, to love us back.

    It is very important to feel the pain, sorrow, etc., you have to mourn your loss and please do not feel bad for doing so. It does not mean you're not strong, it just something you must go through to get to other side of clarity, stability and true love.

    Sometimes we need to let people go and find themselves. You must let him go because you need to see clearly what is going on with him. If he is not willing to forsake all others at this time for you, then you need to let it him go...for he is doing what he feels is best for him right now.

    But you cannot let him see you hurt like this, unless he has proven himself worthy of that disclosure by taking care of your heart, and he has not done so. You must make him see that you can make it without him, you don't need him, and don't make yourself available anymore.

    A man needs time to think about and miss you...even if he came around, could you trust him to not change his mind again? You may come to the conclusion, that he was not all that anyways. Sometimes we live in fantasy in our heads than what is actually infront of us. But we THINK that we have something we never really had, it was just a fantasy...a dream of what we wanted, but his actions never lined up with the dream, but we thought we had something....WAKE UP!

    It's time for you to heal and restore. Wake up in the morning, make yourself look good, do things you have been wanting to do for a long time, and one day it want hurt so bad. And you will walk away with the lesson that was to be learned for today and the future.

    Whatever his reasons are, don't matter, you are not part of them. Its difficult, you must get busy, stay busy, talk with those who are caring and sympathetic to your plight and able to give you sound counsel.

    You must find you again and get rid of the fantasy.



  • crisis is the opportunity for change>>>>accepting what you can't and changing what you can>>>>which in all reality boils down to-WE CAN ONLY CHANGE OURSELVES and the way we look at it>>>>If it is really over just like that, then maybe he is doing you a favor>>>giving you the opportunity to be with someone who is willing to go the distance. My advice think about dating someone else>>don't sell yourself short>>your life is more valuable than that. Plus, he might have loss some respect for you because he saw you dating a married man(even if it was him)guys take that very serious if they feel serious about you.........He might be afraid that you will do it again>>>>hold out more opportunities will come>>>>>be strong sister!!!!



  • Thanks,

    im walking away. when someone does not want to see us we see things that they really are. I understand and learn the lesson. Believe me friends, My pain is so so big. But your words are like a messagge from my interior voice.

    The problem i dont know how to manage is because we have some bussines in comon.

    Two weeks ago i just send some emails about very important things. He allways answer, with short words like: ok, yes, no... or something like that. We must see us each other next month in a meeting. I will try to act like nothing happen, just gentle and ignoring his acctitudes. I will try to be whith him the same like with the rest of the people invited to that meeting.

    thanks



  • Hello,

    I truely sympathize with you and I can probably relate quite a bit to the way this man is doing you...I think he is stringing you along as maybe plan B if he feels a need to fall back on you...I mean Please his children are grown and they realize by now very much in life and how "sometimes things can happen" If they were in Love is he so foolish to think he can rule how they conduct their relationships ?? NOT.. if he says so he is very mistaken..or a liar one..I would guess he is full of bull**** excuses now he is really made the leap and free and wants to keep you on the back burner because he knows he can...honestly he has had you there all the while & you took it because you love him...right??

    Let me tell you, I was married AUG.22,08...this man was always indecisive...one day we were on the next he was breaking up because of B.S. excuses...it absolutley drove me crazy and kept my life in constant turmoil....he was, and is my everything, in the first month after marriage I busted him out ...he had been part time sharing a home with another woman for 3 yrs...whenever he need a bootie call I guess was the last year...but the house she rented was in HIS name...he borrowed my truck for like 2 days..lied to me what he was doin' for me to find out he was moving furniture that was his out of this place...I could go on and on...I was crushed...forgave him..he said he lied to "PROTECT" us...my stupid a** ate it up...forgave him..since I have been through H*** and back I think....I found out in Feb. of this year he was still talking to her...you could not even believe..I left last weekend..he went to jail for family violence...at 12 midnight it is May 27th my birthday..what a present huh ?? Crushed yes..but also I know in my heart he has been wrong...Sorry if I have been too blunt, but if you would like we can email...maybe try to support each other anyway....mine is ...Whatever you decide..K ??



  • PLEASE READ MINE>>>!!!


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