Urgent help Please! Any advice appreciated!
I don't know what's wrong with me ( February 23,1997). I seriously don't know. Well, I know I have depression but it seems worse than that.
Well, let me give you a little background.
Last April I tried to take my life. One of my friends told my mom right before I closed my eyes to go to sleep forever. I've come to terms with my depression, though my mom (November 26, 1974) still refuses to admit that something really hazardous is wrong with me. She thinks that if I try hard enough, the feelings of depression will go away. I am now in therapy and have had 3 sessions so far.
I know where to find happiness. I just don't know how to hand on to it. (I don't take any meds)
I am proud to say that I didnt try to take my life again earlier this month.
I thought the feelings of sadness would go away by now. I thought I would be happier than I was before but that's that the case.
This week and last week I've felt awful. Not the usually sadness but I felt as though a door of darkness was dragging me in.
I need help.
I don't know what to do. I try positive thinking and all of that but it only temporarily helps.
watergirl18 last edited by
First of all, please do not do anything drastic. If you feel like you might, then PLEASE reach out to someone close to you for help. A friend, family member or your therapist. It will get better - I promise you this.
Secondly, three sessions is not that many and therapy is a process so try not to get discouraged when things don't change overnight. Are you seeing a psychologist or a psychiatrist or just a counselor? If your emotions are this extreme, your psychologist or therapist should refer you to a psychiatrist so you can at least temporarily get on some meds until you get over this "hump' in your healing. I have a degree in psychology and have not yet finished my graduate degree, but I know enough to be able to counsel you on this so please take my words to heart.
Thirdly, I am sensing that there are repressed emotions here - I am getting anger, but I think it stems from emotional or physical abuse, possibly by a family member (?). You tend to become overly intellectual or overly involved in "intellectualizing" other people's problems so that you can avoid your own feelings - the real ones. When we don't give them an appropriate outlet, they try to fight their way out on their own which is why you are having these major-depressive and suicidal episodes. I also feel like there may have been a recent incident of harsh communication, a break-up or not getting something you wanted...??
I do see that you need to consult a doctor about this. I'm not sure your current therapist is the right one. Please check into licensed psychologists that are available and be upfront with her right away about your emotions and suicidal thoughts so she can get you referred to a psychiatrist for meds. You do not need to be on meds forever unless there is a biological root to your depression. Otherwise, you will be on them long enough to get you through the really dark period of digging up these repressed emotions (and possibly memories). The first step will be to acknowledge the anger toward whoever hurt you. Let the floodgates open. Once you get to a point of being a bit more stabilized emotionally, then you can come off of the meds.
Please keep me posted on how you are doing...
watergirl18 last edited by
I also wanted to say that you need to be going to therapy at least once a week. If the sessions are farther apart, then you need to discuss this with the psychologist as well. Also, it would be extremely beneficial to have some joint sessions with your mother -- she is dealing with the fear - and possible guilt - by being in denial about it. You need to have her on your team, so to speak, which means she needs to face reality and start being a source of strength and support for you. The psychologist can help with this...
I'm not having suicidal thoughts anymore. Just not wanting to carry on. I can't got to therapy that often because it cost $35 a session. I have an appointment in a few days. I was supposed to go Monday but she had to go to the emrgency room. Maybe I'm just over sensitive. I don't know. I really wouldnt want to do joint therapy with my mom. She is jealous that I tell my therapist things i don't tell her. I dont know what happened to me this week. Thank you so much!