Will his daughter be the end of us

  • I feel as though I have found the love of my life. He loves me too, tells me all the time how much he loves. Has said how good I am for him, and he loves me more than life. However, recently, his 17 year old daughter has done a very good job of sabatoging any plans we have with little "i need daddy breakdowns" . I feel selfish, but then again I also feel like she is completely manipulating him and she just breaks his heart over and over again. She runs a terrible guilt trip on him every time she sees him.

    Will she convince him to go back? He is an amazing dad, and I respect his need for time with her, but I feel like she is doing her best to destroy what we have. Am I crazy?

  • I feel for you. Im sure if your guy is really into you he will not let his daughter come between you. Its very strange how some men let there daughters run them. Ive seen it several times. But you have to ask yourself if you could be with a man that would let his daughter run his life like that. I think if you two have that connection , you have nothing to worry about.

    Hopefully he see's what she is doing and doesnt give in to her.

  • Thank you. I think once she goes away to college, it will be easier for him. I have a daughter myself, and she loves him. I haven't met his daughter, she wants nothing to do with me. I know he loves me, just wish he was a little tougher with her.

  • I have seen these types of situations and once she goes off to college she may just grow up. She will be focused on boys and schooling. But how long is that wait? As long as she is getting her way with him the more and more she will manipulate him into screwing up your plans. Have you talked with him about this? What does he say?

  • He realizes that she is manipulating him and that she has control. Neither one of us know how to get it back. He has spent the past 2 days with her. Just trying to have a couple of good days, so she knows that he is still there for her, even though he doesn't live with her. I'm hoping they resolve some things. She knows about me, he told her he is in love with me, but I haven't met her.

    The latest stunt is she said she wouldn't travel with him to see her cousin graduate from high school. THey had been planning this trip for about a month. She knew how important it was to him. I thought it was awesome that they were going to spend some time together doing a short trip. She just knows how to hurt him and it is very difficult to keep a positive attitude about her when she is so mean to the man I'm in love with.

    So, yes we have talked about it. He feels extremely guilty about the divorce and has a difficult time being tough on her. When she cancelled the trip with him it was the first time I had ever seen him angry at her. I hope he puts his foot down. I haven't heard from him since yesterday afternoon because they are spending time together...just have to see I suppose...

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  • I hope he thinks well and appreciate you. I had the same situation and he left me. His daughter used to say horrible things about her security, she had "some plans" on her mind. That situation scared his father. Finally he left me and promised me for ever. He even dont call, or wanted to explain in person. He called me and left me.

    I hope you have a different an happy end.

  • I had a very similar problem, but I feel that I lost my soulmate. We dated back when I was 18 for 3 1/2 years and he left me for my girlfriend. I heard he was coming back to me and just three months later I found out she had gotten pregnant and they had to get married. I always felt like she did it on purpose because she took birth control pills. I eventually married two years later. Twenty-four years later we happened to run across each other, both of us now divorced, his wife had ran around on him the whole time they were married and she got pregnant by another man while they were married, and they divorced. His ex wife married the guy she got pregnant by. Anyway, we hit it off immediately, just like we did back when I was eighteen (I was 44 and he was 43.) You could not separate us. We were like peas and carrots and we did everything together. We had so much in common it was unreal. His parents loved me and so did his brother, but his sister, well I always felt like she had something to do with our first breakup since this girl he left me for was one of her girlfriends too and was suppose to be one of mine as well. Today, I never trust anybody. But both of us loved to hunt, fish, loved the outdoors, liked the same foods and even left the same thing and amount of food on our plate when we were through. We always thought the same and would catch ourself saying the exact same thing, at the same time when we were talking. I had my own house that I had bought with my sister and we each had daughter's. He had a real old house he had rented for years and eventually bought. He had one son that was around 20 at the time and he seemed to like me very much. He also had a daughter that was 17 at the time and she seemed very jealous of me. His son lived across the road and the daughter lived with her mother and I felt she had influence over the daughter since I was the ex that come back into his life. I was very good to both of his children, cooked for them when they came over and gave them money and bought them things they never had in their life. I was having problems with my job that I had worked for twenty years and decided to quit. I had my retirement and thought I could find something later. I didn't ever move in with the guy, but traveled back and forth everyday since he worked 12 hour days and did everything for him. I cooked his breakfast, lunch, supper, washed his clothes, did his bills, bought his groceries, whatever he needed I done. I was so in love with him. I spent the night over there alot, especially on the weekend, but come home everyday during the week. We were together for 3 1/2 years and he did give me an engagement ring, but he never would commit. I even put my house up for sale, but he never put his. We talked about him buying my sister out and even brought his daughter over to look at my house, but he never did that either. He always told me how much he loved me and I had better not ever leave him. I thought he truly loved me. During this period my ex husband passed away and so did my mother. I got quite a bit of money. I bought him very expensive gifts and things for his house for me to be comfortable while I was over there and for him and me to enjoy. I bought things for his family. I did everything to make everybody happy, whatever it took, I did. We could have walked in a brand new house paid for, but he never would commit and eventually my money just dwindled way and I couldn't find a job with the way the economy had gotten. His daughter was starting tech school, and she only went to school a couple of hours, two days a week, but I guess she couldn't spend time with her boyfriend if she was working, so she quit her job, and all she wanted, and always wanted from her daddy was money. So, I guess she came first and it didn't matter about all the things I had done, he couldn't help me and my situation at home had become a financial nightmare. All he told me was that I needed to get a job and he knew I had put in applications everywhere and had been going for interviews. I think how stupid I was: I left my job, I had enough money to pay off my house and invest the rest and now he would not help me. The wear and tear on me going back and forth to his house eventually got the best of me, so I started staying home some during the week and only going to his house on the weekend. I tried to explain this to him, I couldn't keep traveling back and forth, I was getting to old for this. He never listened. I guess this give him free time to talk to his daughter, which she must manipulated him even more, since I wasn't there, it gave them free time to talk and he has always been so easily influenced and she must have told him that I was up to something else or seeing someone else, who knows. All I do know is when I did go over there, his daughter was showing up on his caller ID right when he got home from work everynight and she got where she called the whole time when I was over there and he would not talk in front of me. I even asked why she was calling so much and he would not say. He started being rude to me and less attentive and completely shut down. No sex, unless it was just to please him. Then we went over to his sister's house one night and the sister said, in front of me, that his daughter had been calling her alot, she was worried about her daddy because we were fussing all the time. That really made me mad, we were fussing because he had started treating me so bad. I confronted him with this, but he never would say much, he knew he had got caught talking behind my back. Two weeks later, he sent me to the store to buy some groceries (I had bought all the groceries for 3 1/2 years not counting everything else, and I couldn't afford to supply two places anymore). Well he had not bought anything for around two months and he gave me $120.00 and I went over $75.00 and wrote a check off my account, normally this would not have been a problem, he would have given me the money to cover this, but this time he said I would have to learn to hard way and he wouldn't give me the money to cover my bank account and it cost me around $300.00 in my checking account with overdrafts. I didn't even know who this person was anymore. I left very upset and called his sister, and you could tell that they had been talking, and she said, Well, you shouldn't have went over what he told you and that was enough money to have lasted a whole month. She said, I think yall should just break up. She said, I think yall just got together to fast and he was dating other girls when you came in the picture and he never learned to do things on his own. Well, I really got mad and tried to call him later that night and he wouldn't answer his beep, which was unusual. I figured he was on the phone with his sister. I tried to call him that morning before work and he said he didn't have time to talk. I thought he would call me from work, but he didn't. He knew he had got caught talking about me. So, I went over to his house and got everything that I had bought, including gifts and guess what, the groceries too, and went to his work place and got the stuff out of his truck I had bought him and he saw me leaving just as I shut my door on my car and I was gone. I'm talking about I spent alot of money on this man, thousands and thousands of dollars. Did he call me on my cell phone and ask me what was going on? No - so he must have known I found out something and was very, very, mad. When I called him that night and asked him was it over. He said ya, he had spent all the money he was going to spend on me. I thought, what a liar and he had told his daughter and sister the same things. Who was this man. What happened to him. After three months, he finally called and said I guess you left because we were not going anywhere and I told him no, it was what his sister had told me and that I had been talking behind my back. He never believed me and his sister told him she didn't say exactly that and I misunderstood her. Ya, right. His family, or so he said was furious that I took the gifts and I broke into his house, ya with a key. His family never knew the whole story of how rude he was being to me, calling my a lying ass, I needed to dress better, when I tried to talk - he would say, I've already heard that and cut me off from talking, told me I didn't turn him on anymore and when we got in a fuss about the check, he told me to get the F out of his house. AND he had been starting to try to do things on his own like his sister had mentioned - he wanted to know how to use his check card at the machine, he never worried about it before, he just let me do it, he said I didn't have to fix his breakfast anymore, he would eat at work. Too much just added up. He eventually asked me to come see him and I did, things went, well so, so - I found he had been calling other woman on the phone when I checked his caller ID and we got in a fuss about that. He dropped off for a while and then he started calling all the time and wanting me to come over. Sometimes I did, but then I kinda quit because he always wanted me to come late at night and leave early the next morning like I never was there and no one would know. Finally he called me to come early and called everyday thereafter and one night he hadn't called I decided to call him and guess what, another woman answered the phone and said she was with him now and she has completely moved in, does not work, never leaves, drives a crapy car and he want talk to me anymore. I couldn't believe it, we had only been broke up for 6 months. So, I guess his daughter did get her way. My daughter always tried to be friends with her daughter - invite her to spend the night and go places, but she never would, I guess she was jealous of me and my daughter. My daughter always went to his family gatherings, but his daughter would not go - now she is - my daughter has seen her recently on the internet on the boat and other places with his new girlfriend at his family gatherings. Oh, the daughter will probably do her the same way eventually, just a matter of time. So, I don't know what to tell you except blood is thicker than water. If you have a real man, he will take control, if you don't and he is easily influenced and has a very immature daughter that knows how to get what she wants from her daddy, you can forget it. The daughter was 20 when I left and I don't think she will ever grow up. For me, this has been worse than going through a death, I felt I did the right thing, but I will always wonder if I should have stayed and fought my ground, but, I was just too tired and thought, he will have to figure it out by himself. I know my heart is broke in a million pieces, and don't know if I will ever be as happy again. But I guess, life goes on and you have to do what you have to do. I wish you the best in your situation and please feel free to contact me if you wish. Oh, I forgot to tell you this. Also, at the same time this was all going on, before we broke up, one of his friends at work had got a divorce and was going to bars, and, well you know how men are, telling their stories of woman and I think along with his daughter, this is just another thing that lit his fire while we were already having problems. I did call one of the woman that was on his caller ID and she confirmed that my guy and the other guy he worked with were exchanging phone numbers with this woman, but she never went out with my guy. Never let your guy, hang out with a single guy, it always leads them astray too. Another thing, guys are very prideful and stubborn, especially mine - he never would admit he made a mistake.

  • Hey, It's Millerhighlife again, just thought I would tell you I made an error in one of my sentences. When you get to the part where he finally calls me and says, I guess you left because we were not going anywhere and I said no, it was what his sister had told me THEN THE REST SHOULD HAVE SAID and that he had been talking behind my back - Not I had been talking behind my back. Sorry about this, was a long reply.

  • Hi, Is the daughter very close to the mother. Let him plan his activities w/the daughter. If I were you, I wouldn't be present when they get together. Let their time be their time. What I mean is, if there is conflict, you won't be subject to it.

    I have been thru this before. One daughter is extremely nice and the other causes problems. I avoided the 2nd one. I think she wanted her time with her dad to be her time. Actually, the one that caused problems wasn't close to my friend. She was very close to her mother. The friendly daughter was very close to her dad.

    Bottom line is that sometimes big problems can get started and you may be no party to it. Be prepared to keep your cool and sense of humor. Remember these are kids. Not competition.

  • PS> Overlooked the age part. I think she needs her dad. She's getting kinda old to be placing guilt trips on him. I think the problem is a little broader. Maybe you could tell her that your not trying to take her dad from her.

  • Thank you all so much. I haven't met the daughter...she wants no part of me right now. He did finally set her down and tell her she needed to get used to the fact that he was with someone else. He told me he loves me more than life and that he and I are going to be fine, and his daughter will come around eventually. I certainly hope so

  • It really depends on how your relationship initially started - if, for example, you were seeing her father whilst he was still married to her mother (ie you were having an affair)...she is now at an age where she looks at certain situations with an adult eye and would probably consider you as someone who is not trustworthy or she doesn't approve of what you've both done to her mother & her family. In that case I don't blame her for being less than friendly towards you but she shouldn't be rude towards you and should remain civil. Don't expect to be best buddies & don't try to bitch about her mother either!

    If, on the other hand, you met her father when he was separated (ie you weren't part of the reason for their split)....then she is acting very immaturely but I do feel that a relationship with her has the potential to blossom.

    Your man though seems a really nice chap - he knows his daughter and if I were you try not to worry too much....

    I base my opinions on the attitude of my 15 year old daughter. Her step mum was having an affair with my ex husband and when we split they did get married. My elder sons accepted the situation and my daughter, who was about 7 at the time did too. Now she is nearly 16, her attitude has changed towards her stepmum. It is as though a lightbulb switched on in her head and she is angry ...with both her dad & stepmum. Stepmum & my daughter were pally (stepmum is only 10 yrs older than her) but she is now horrified at the cheating & hurt that went on. I think it is because they are at the stage of having relationships themselves & are beginning to feel the pain of rejection, cheating, etc as well as the euphoria of love etc. Still, I have never badmouthed my ex & his wife in front of the kids and I have always insisted that they were polite.

    Wishing you lots of luck - hang in there....his daughter may be a pain, but she is a part of him and you should love both unconditionally.

  • I was not the cause of the breakup of her parents. THey were already apart.

    thank you all

  • My situation is very close to yours , I have been married to someone for nearly three years, all was nice for the first two but the last has been hell all thanks to his daughter she is 24 and should be minding her own business. You need to get this situation sorted out quickly and finally as it will only go on and on and cause you untold hurt. He needs to put her in her place which is not part of your relationship. Do you and your partner interfer in her life ? I d'nt think so.

    He is the one allowing her to manipulate his life, if he dosen't care about hurting you he is not worth it. I made the mistake of selling my own home, giving away my pets and totally giving all to this relationship with someone who won't even stand up for me , how stupid am I ? I wish I had known this all sooner , find out your place in his life before you waste any more time with this loser, LIFE IS TOO SHORT !!!! GOOD LUCK

  • Ur not stupid...you were in love...

  • 85% of 2nd marriage break up because of the steps.Got this t shirt.I was not the cause of their parents breaking up but I got the resentment! funny how when we separated they no longe want to visit w/ dad everyweekend anymore.They rarely even call him,didnt even remember his b day.He is very disallusioned w/ them and now sees it was never me,It was the joy they got out of causing dramma.Everyone lost but at least now that we are spending time together he is free of guilt they put on him and the truth is out.I had to step out of the pic before he could see my side though.Good luck

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