How do you handle situations in which you are feeling used?

  • My husband and I are both Capricorns born 18 days apart and we have a situation which we know needs to be handled but are not sure how to handle it in a tactful way without causing any drama. My husband has recently (3 months ago) started a new job after being out of work for almost a year. He really likes his job and doesn't want to do anything that may compromise his new position. My husband does not drive I have been taking him to and from work everyday. One of his co-workers said that they would ride him home so that he wouldn't have to wait the hour before I was able to pick him up. We agreed that we would pay him each week for the ride home but that I would continue to take him to work. (We didn't want to be dependant on someone else for the ride into work because we didn't want to take a chance on someone else who may be late etc...) So we agreed on paying his coworker for rides home. The co workers van broke down almost a month ago, the co worker had said that he had the money to get a newer car and was not going to get his car fixed. The following weekend he was supposed to go out car shoping. At the time the co worker lets call him "Jim" asked if I would be able to give him a ride in the morning (5:00 am) and then ride him home. I didn't think that it would be a problem, but I was wrong! He has yet to get another car, my husband found one for him but that didn't "work out," Jim has yet to even look for a car himself. He is not giving us any money for gas, (which would have been fine for a few days or even a week) but at almost four dollars a gallon here it is quite costly. Now he is having me stop at the store for him, run errands, etc... Also the job that they do is a very dirty job and he is not a very clean person, he comes to work in his filthy clothes from days prior, he is doing nothing but just plain and simple using us for a ride now everyday and my husband and I don't want to start any work drama How do we get out of taking Jim to and from work. Even if he would start to give us gas money we are so sick and tired of him and his filthyness that we don't even want him in our car. Help! how can we do this tackfully?

  • Funny! there are several different ways to go about this one of them being, drive to the gas station on the way to/from work and say okay Jim your turn to fill er up. Is it possible for your husband to get on a different shift? You can be running late a few times or forget to pick up Jim..... He will get the message surely. The B/O is really hard to address w/o hurting someone's feelings, if he smells that bad someone at work should tell him ie a supervisor, good luck.

    Or turn the other cheek and endure.

  • Its a tricky one, no there isn't any way to change work hours, My husband don't know the bosses well enough to see if they would say something about his odor, and we really don't want to start any drama at work. Maybe the forgetting to pick him up may work but that seems to go against our integrity. I guess we are just stuck with this smelly mess! Thanks for your suggestions The gas station idea after payday is a thought though....

  • Hollyhighhopes,

    Your husband is being a bit to weak in the backbone department here. I understand that this is a new job and he doesn'nt want to make waves so to speak, but why get drowned in someone else'es disrespect. A man that wears the same clothes that smell for days is a man that does not respect himself nor other people.You and your husband are nice people and Jim knows this and is taking advantage of that fact .

    You need to stand on your integrity and tell Jim that you have deceided that he has to pay his way each week and enter into your car with clean clothes on , as you are clean people and run a thight ship. If he makes excuses than tell him flat out that you will no longer be available to chauffer him to work . If your husband loses him as a friend than what has he lost?


  • Heres a thought just say you have other business to do,and you won't be able to pick him up.or take him home.for a couple of weeks..

    I know it would be hard for me,

    but this stress will continue if nothing is said or done...Hoping and saying a prayer that Jim:) gets a car soon..

    i like what poetic said about the gas station idea:).

    peace love and light


  • I agree with Shuabby, you and your husband need to enforce your boundaries. You'll find you are creating far less waves than you expect and in fact receive much more respect from people. Especially your husband's other co-workers who have more than likely been seeing "Jim" in the same light as you have for quite a while.

  • Thank you all for your input, I am happy to report that on the way home yesterday I stopped at the gas station, pulled up to the pump and did just like poetic555 suguested and said " Jim, I think that its your turn to put some gas in the car. He seemed a bit surprised but went in and did put $20.00 in the tank. I also asked him when he was planing on getting another car together and he replied that he was going this weekend to look for one. What I didn't know at the time was that my husband did speak to him before I picked them up and he told him that the situation was becoming an interferance for us, but that we would give him a week then after that we are not going to be able to ride him any longer and he is going to have to decide if he is going to get another car or move within walking distance of the job. So we will give him a week then he is on his own. The dirty clothes didn't get mentioned but I took a blanket, sheets and towels and spread them thoughout the entire back seat of the car, encapsulating everything that he could touch before I picked them up. He got the message. This morning he didn't smell quit as bad. Thanks everyone for your help with this situation! For all you softies out there let this be a lesson to you: Don't start anything that you don't want to be stuck with! After this week my husband and I decided that he will wait the hour until I can pick him up and we are not going to get involved with any sort of Ride Share's with anyone ever again! It is not worth it!

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