Future Chance?

  • Thank you for telling me this and good evening Captain! Sorry that some people abuse the site. I had posted earlier and would love to hear your response. I am 5 13 54 and he is 8 22 53. Can you look up my old post, or should I restate it?

  • I can still read your old post.

    MaBelleAmie, your friend has a lot of ego problems and he craves a ton of love and attention so he can be very demanding. He will need a very patient and understanding partner who can put up with his attention-getting and self-aggrandizing antics, that are just a coverup for how awful he really feels about himself. His controlling behaviour and a focus on the negative can drive many people away. Yet he can also be romantic, affectionate, ardent, and impossible to resist. It's his 'love me/hate me' syndrome that really messes him up. At times you might think he is the most kind, charismatic, and generous person in the world only to have him turn around and behave in a childish, petulant and emotionally manipulative way, pushing away those who want to love him. if you think you are someone who can cope with all this drama, then read on - or run away fast now!

    You yourself have problems with expressing yourself in an appropriate way (behaving immaturely) and a fear of abandonment. Your wrath when you are crossed can be terrible and could very well chase your insecure friend away. There's a huge gap between your potential and your ability to manifest it. Poor communication leads to many misunderstandings. Greatness is definitely in you but you have to figure out how to move what is your head out into the world and get what you want. You can't be lazy or think there is a shortcut to success. Patience doesn't come easily and you will need a lot of it to put up with this friend of yours.

    This relationship will ask the two of you to keep your feelings and attitudes frank and open rather than hidden and suppressed. A relationship that makes natural and unaffected behaviour its main requirement would seem pleasant enough, but it is precisely the area in which your friend has problems, and he can come to see his relationship with you as tyrannical or insensitive to himself. He can retaliate by ferreting out your insecurities and making life very uncomfortable for you. In the long run however, if you two can stick it out, your friend will usually soften his resentment as he loses his inhibitions, while you will enjoy the structure that the relationship imposes.

    In love and at work, your friend wants the option of hiding or revealing. The pressure to be open all the time will frustrate him and he will probably envy your easier attitude. Likewise, when deprived of the ability to reveal himself dramatically - whether in a physical, emotional or spiritual way - at moments of his own choosing, he can feel disempowered and curiously deadened by the sameness of the boring (though natural) routines that you like. The relationship's denial of choice is likely to make act him rebellious and perverse. Your dominance or more correctly your belief in the direct approach, will be strongly felt in a friendship or marriage with your friend who may once again come to feel insecure about his ability to meet the demand to be natural and open, preferring the dramatic life as he does. He may become closed and secretive and will hate himself for it. This conflict is not only harmful but unnecessary - in striving to be himself (maybe against the current of the relationship) he will become stronger and will also influence you by demonstrating the value of intimacy. If a balance can be reached between introversion and extroversion, between privacy and gregariousness, between routine and variety, then a calmer more balanced state in the relationship may result, though there is no guarantee. The differences in your approach to life are extreme. The question is - how much of this will you be able to take before you can reach a more relaxed plateau of emotions?

  • Thank you Captain for your response. I am a very patient person and I know what you are saying. I have seen that other side of him when he pulls away and does not talk for days. Then he resurfaces and yes, he can be very sweet and attentive and romantic. He is a good man and I would very much like to give us a chance if he will only allow it. As I said I know he needs to do things for himself, first, he has been burned so many times before. I just want him to come to the realization that I am not like the other women he has known. I will not hurt him and just want to have the chance to show that to him.

  • Captain, this is all very interesting and so much of it sounds familiar to me. I know a man 07/18/56 with whom I have been friends for almost 8 years. I am 11/11/56 and often wonder if this may one day be more than friendship. Thank you.

  • Scorpioreader, can you please start your own personal thread by clicking on the "Create a new topic" button at the top right of this thread, and I will answer you there?

  • Good morning Captain! Happy Mothers Day! I just payed my respects to my mother, while there asked for help and a sign. Got in the car and the radio ad man that was speaking was Rich.....(my friends name!) Then, wished my sister a happy mothers day (she is also in heaven) the next song that came on the radio was Rascal Flatts, My Wish. That is a significant song with us. I had to pull over because I could not see through the tears. Any take on this? Namaste!

  • When we want something very badly, our vibes can attract seeming 'signs' of approval from the Universe. But it's what you feel in your gut that you should put the most trust in, not signs or your emotions or mind.

  • The thing is that my gut tells me the same things......just a long and winding road to the outcome! But....I will get there.

  • Dear Captain, would it be possible to get another reading from you? I would like some insight to a situation with my estranged husband. We are legally seperated, there are issues between us. I know that I have to get things finalized but he wants me to walk away with nothing. He can be helpful at times but also very controlling. His birth is 11/11/47 and I am 5/13/54. I know I need to proceed, but it is not going to be pretty! Thank you for your time. Blessings to you!

  • Your love relationship with your ex was probably torrid and wrenchingly passionate. The need for detachment is acute here and indeed you two are often able to objectify and discuss your problems. This relationship usually doesn't last but it can be memorable while it does. Marriage and friendship often begin casually here, growing out of a chance meeting or quite ordinary circumstances. You may meet at a social gathering, a club or fitness centre, while travelling or through a mutual friend. Your nurturing attitudes meld well and make you good parents or caretakers of pets. Accepting each other without reservation becomes an important goal, which is tested through daily interaction.

    Your ex can suffer deeply from your loss although he will hide it and may try to inflict the same sort of pain and suffering he feels on you as revenge. The deep almost heavy emotions here must be lightened and even resolved, leading the two of you away from the deeper wells of feeling to the airer realms of thought. You must not get drawn into your ex's emotional dramas and manipulations. The objectivity and capacity for acceptance between you will go far in permitting you to detach from one another and process whatever may be going on emotionally between you, no matter how profound or difficult. Your ex's fun-loving side often gets forgotten or ignored over his sexual expressiveness, seriousness, and need for control, but you can often provide the humour necessary to pry him from his darker moods. You yourself are often conflicted, lacking the tools to sort through your feelings - something your ex's profound understanding of emotions can help you with to a greater self-awareness.

    So the key to resolving things here is to try and keep it light and undistorted by blame, revenge or upset. Try to restore some humour, fun and thought to the situation and it will be a lot easier on both of you.

  • Thank you Captain. But in my case there was nothing torrid about it. There was hardly any sex while we were married. I always felt like an older child. There were good times, don't get me wrong, but it turned sour. Usually if I did want to discuss things I was accused of trying to start a fight and then would get ignored. Now, yes , we are able to discuss things, but usually it always turns out to his advantage. I try to keep things upbeat and I then go along with what ever he suggests. I know that this needs to be finalized, but I know he will blow up. He wants me to walk away with nothing from our union. It is not going to be easy, I know this, but it must be done. Thank you again.

  • Torrid means more than just the physical aspects - it also bmeans torrid passionate times emotionally.

  • I can not think of any to relate to. Let's see...we never really fought, as I said if I did want to talk about something he would accuse me of starting a fight. He would talk down to me in front of people or disregard what I had to say. Others noticed it, even though I would not admit it for sometime.

  • That sounds pretty heavy and intense.

  • Ok, I see, in that sense I guess it was. I did feel my spirit as squashed and just existing.He can also be very nice, and will tell you how much he does for everyone and how nothing is appreciated. That is why at this stage of the game, I know I should end it. I will go ahead and have the papers drawn up and then at the right time he will get them. I know it will not end pretty, he says we will never have to speak to each other etc again.

    Some one said to me the reason he came up with abit extra money for me is because he knows that if I do go through a lawyer they will decide what is right that I deserve. As it stands now, I am on his health insur, he pays the car insur, and for the past two months has given me money. Oh, and cat food and litter......tokens. So how do you see this playing out?

  • Yes I also feel the extra money was self-serving on his part. So push ahead and get what you deserve for all the stress and hardship you have endured.

  • Good morning Captain! I will be in contact with the woman who did my seperation papers this week. I will push ahead and wait for the right time to give them to him. Then let the chips fall where they may. After all at 57, not getting any younger and to much time has been wasted already. Will keep you posted...........Blessings to You!:)

  • Once you are free and clear of your marriage, your future path should become clearer. Just make sure you are not swapping one difficult person and situation for another, as our issues can keep us locked into certain patterns that we repeat over and over until we gain the self-awareness to break free.

  • That is what someone else said also, that my friend can not commit until I am finally divorced. He is a good man and treats me nice and actually talks 'to me', not 'at me'. I think that after 32 years of marriage I am not going to make the same mistake.

  • Hello Captain. Well it has been a month since I was with my friend. And last talked to him a few weeks ago. He has pulled away again. I want so much to just contact him and say hello, but feel I should let things run their natural course. He did this once before and then came around. But the waitting is difficult.

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