Captain? Could you help please?

  • Dear Captain, you've been so helpful to people on this forum, and I'm already grateful for your extreme generosity in making the world better!

    Could you please help me with something? I'm trying really hard to create a positive flow in my life, to fix a lot of negatives that have followed me for a long time, and move on up to the next level in life.

    However, I feel stuck and confused. In addition, I have trouble following through on courses of action that I think could make my life better, but I'm not sure why it's been so hard to keep going.

    Do you have any advice? My birthday is 12-14-79 if that helps. Thank you so much!!! ❤

  • SS, one of your biggest problems is trust - of yourself, of others, of life. You have to learn to trust your own judgment and stick to it. That means using your intuition - and not your emotions or imagination - to become more discerning and a better judge of character in order to solve a problem or make progress in a situation or relationship. You have to release your feeling of being a victim and realise you have the power within you to achieve whatever you want. You are a deeply sensitive person and you cover your soft underbelly with a hard protective shell. But in order to become more balanced, mature, and psychologically whole, you have to integrate your inner and outer realities by revealing and sharing yourself more with others and not putting on a false face for society.

    You are a big thinker who may find that your principal issues revolve around keeping your expectations of yourself and others on a realistic plane. Your downfall is falling prey to your romantic visions or need for approval. You may chase quite a few windmills in your search for love and understanding, but how are other people expected to get to know you if you hide your real self away from them? You are a very emotionally complex person and you must be willing to develop more genuine self-awareness. The deeper you go inside, the farther you can see outside. There is an underlying streak of insecurity in you that must be dealt with by tracing it back to its source and resolving why you feel so fearful when you have so many talents and good qualities, such as compassion and a keen observational ability. It's likely your childhood had some tragic element to it that made you feel insecure and unsafe - much of which you may have blocked out. You may have been made to fend for yourself too early or to take care of people who were supposed to be taking care of you. Maybe you feel like the lone survivor of a shipwreck who is left to make it back to shore and cope all by yourself. This is a very deep feeling and it may drive you towards a clingy, dependent response to relationships. Or else you can go the other way and become addicted to feelings of isolation and alienation and abandonment. Drugs, alcohol, food, or any other means of escape could erode all your efforts toward success.

    If you can recognize and align yourself with those who appreciate and understand the grandness of your vision and at the same time help you to understand the magic that can be found in smaller everyday experiences, you can make a great success of your life. Your imagination can be your fortune and probably will be. However when it comes to home and family, your imagination can easily run away with itself - your expectations are high and horribly low at the same time. You strive to create a perfect scene of domestic stability because you demand perfection. While in the same breath, you are expecting a tsunami to take away your dream of peace. Living in a world of make-believe is fine if you are a writer or artist but you don't want it to take over your whole life. You try not to dwell on the past so as to be positive and upbeat, but you must deal with old misery and trauma or you will never be completely free of pain. It does not go away by itself, no matter how much you push it down.

    Your daily life may be a strain, given how much drive and visions of greater things that you have.

    But don't underestimate what the smaller more mundane elements of life can give you - they ground you, anchor you, and save you from sinking into a morass of entropy. They stretch you, force you to relate, mix with others, and be a grownup leader in your field. You are able to handle issues, solve problems, troubleshoot, and remember details nobody else can. So competent, so sober, so sane in public. Then you go home and it's quite another story. You present one image to the world and live a rather surreal fantasy existence once you are away from the public eye.

    In order to feel completely safe and secure, you cannot hide at home in a world of your own creation. You must forge out into life and face it head-on, be of service to others. As you shift attention from your own fears and turn your focus away from the (resolved) past onto the present, you will easily be able to see how to restore order in situations of chaos and find the peace and oneness you crave. You must lose that victim consciousness that your past created in you and take back your power. You have to stop needing others to help you overcome your inner sense of helplessness and paranoia. Only when you look within will you discover what outer structures you need to create in order to feel strength and purpose. A search for a savior or mentor whom you can trust blindly and surrender to can be neverending and unhealthy, and it has probably backfired on you by attracting people who take advantage or leave when you become too dependent. The only way you can achieve your goals is to organize your life in the way YOU need it to be, so you will feel safe and strong. Waiting safely but alone in the shadows will never give you the courage and confidence to go out into the world and do something productive. At some point you simply have to begin actively participating in life. The irony is that when you start to join in and learn what leads to successful results, you will gain the confidence you seek. Basically, if you never try, you never fail - but you never achieve or learn anything either.

    You have a lot of healing energy from drawing on your own experiences that can help others. You would excel in the medical profession - doctor, nurse, masseur, psychologist, counsellor, dietician, etc. as well as craftsperson, accountant, organizer etc. You can accomplish in one hour what it might take someone else five hours. Plus paying attention to details will help you focus in the present. Physically creating order relieves your psychological stress but you must resist a tendency to skip steps or take shortcuts, and you must trust your instincts. You need to be in a working situation where getting the job done well is respected, rather than simply working for an hourly wage. You may often feel torn between the material and the spiritual but you can successfuly combine both in a holistic enterprise, such as running a New Age bookshop or teaching self-help seminars, for example. You have the resilience, creativity, and insight to excel in many fields, but you must believe that you can do it. You possess great abilities, but can indulge in too much self-reflection and self-criticism. Stay open to other people's feedback and remember to take any project step-by-step. You may have complusive/impulsive spending habits so don't behave frivolously with money. Ultimately the state of your finances depends on the process you follow and whether you have found an occupation that makes good use of your multifaceted skills. If not, self-doubt can see you doing "a little bit of this, a little bit of that."

    2011 for you, SS, is a special year when your sensitivity and intuition are at their highest. Your big ideals make this the perfect time to create events which bring out the best in yourself and others. You are the peacemaker and mediator this year. Your ability to quickly and accurately analyze a situation will be a real strength in the business world. But don't try to do everything at once - fix one problem at a time. 2011 is the time in which you will experience much soul growth and when you will be called upon to give of yourself, your time, your talents, your insights. There is much self-awareness to be gained now. This is a very spiritual year and it is best to channel its energy into some artistic or psychic endeavour. Your intuition should be humming this year, with revelations, visions, and psychic illumination. 2011 brings with it inspired thinking, originality, and inventiveness. Sometimes in this year there will be unexpected associations or unexpected breakups. 2011 may bring you opportunities to gain prominence. You may find yourself in the limelight and in a favourable position to launch a new product, invention, or service. Definitely a "Go for it" year! Good luck!

  • Wow, thank you so much!!! I never expected you to put so much time into it, and I really appreciate it.

    This was totally accurate. I will have to go back and reread over a period of time to really absorb everything you are saying. Thank you again.

    One thing this brought up is that I had a sibling who passed away when I was young, and I ended up facing it more or less alone, putting on a brave face. What I really wanted to do was freak out and have the grownups reassure me everything was okay. You are right, there is this trust/fear issue, like life itself is uncertain, and there's nobody there to protect you.

    It's hard to know exactly what's wrong with your perspective on the world if you've felt that way as long as you can remember... So again, thank you very much for your incredibly helpful insights. I'll go put them to the best use I can! <3<3<3

  • Facing such a tragedy as losing a sibling when you are young can make you feel very early on that the world is a dangerous place. It sounds like you learned to maintain a brave face even when you most need help and support - you may never have properly grieved for your sibling but held it all inside.

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