Anyone offering me insight please...not sure what more I can do



  • I explain my story it is silly perhaps to some people but this is my life and as much as i make changes i struggle to 'integrate' because I am who I am.

    once upon a time a girl moi lived amongst people who were very different from her, appearance wise, culture wise, whilst she was small she couldn't see the difference between herself and them nor could they see the difference between her and themselves either. but as she grew up they started noticing she looked different from them wore different clothes whilst she was at home because that was cultural roots and ate different foods and they distanced themselves, but every girl needs a man right to have a future with? But she was too different they liked people the same as them and perhaps she felt she wanted someone who could understand her too? so a wall was built different outside but the real self just shown at home.

    then one day her family moved to a place where there were few more people like herself, but these people looked on her as different because her mannerisms were different from their own because she had grown up in a different place.

    her culture likes arranged marriages, but this virgo chose not to listen. rebelled, said no her choice going against her culture. causing many rifts in family because she was first in her circle to say no. many people stopped speaking to her family bad mouthing her character that she a bad girl going against culture her family and must be a wanton woman but they were so far from the truth. many arranged marriage offers came some good some bad all declined, much upset. then this girl in her mid twenties after uni decided perhaps its time i met someone to settle down with. but how...

    she met people but none worked now...she is in her early thrities she feels did she make a mistake saying no to arranged marriages? should she have taken the arranged marriage route? Now she is a joke in her community, disrespected by family letting them down when other girls who listened are settled and have children.

    Now this girl..feels ashamed to be in public gatherings can feel the sniggers.

    now what can I do....the issues are still the same....but worse as I am now older so not many arranged marriage offers coming through. I am not 'traditional' enough in many peoples eyes. so what do I do?

    I have tried to use internet dating as a last resort....but i dunno not finding this good. people around here ummm kind of stay away from me because not the same ie i am green and they pink not sure or they know my brothers too well and they friends with them.....am i likely to ever meet anyone what can I do. how will i recognise him what changes do i need to make in my life?

    does anyone see me ever being married in a relationship where the person doesn't try to change me? or first meet me like me because I am different but then realise they like traditional girls.

    recently my grandmother passed away...out of all the cousins its just me and another cousin who are not married and I felt so embarrassed. i sometimes even my own siblings feel embarrassed of me and most definitely my parents. I have outcasted myself now what....my culture is like the victorian era.

    Its not bad lots of things are good about it too, i want to be proud of who I am etc...but how to find someone who can share in this with me....

    so sending this out over the internet.....help....



  • You are not attracting any compatible partners because you are not clear in your mind exactly who you want. You waver between traditional choices and your own feelings - back and forth so much that the Universe can't get a fix on what you really want so as to provide it for you. You have to decide if you are going to follow the traditional route, or buck tradition and just do what you want. And stick to that decision. In the end, only what makes you feel right and happy will work for you. You can't let others make your life decsions for you, or keep trying to fit in or win the approval of people you never really connected with in the first place. First and foremost, you have to accept and like yourself and then other people will do it too.



  • hmmm thanks captain...

    i do make my own descisions and I am happy with who I am but I am not sure how to meet others similar to me....

    i am not going be the traditional person that is out of the window.... but just want to meet someone with a balance need guidance as to how to make this happen. if that makes sense. I can kind of click in and click out because I do love and respect my parents culture but equally I know thats not hundred percent me but just something that enhances me....

    so how to meet people that on the same wave length as me...hmmm to be honest with you I wouldn't want the life the other girls have....they're welcome to it...

    not sure how to make this work...i just wish a stork would visit..... i do meet men but dunno never feels right....hmmm

    I think now an introduction by parents I would be receptive to but.....tough..i feel like the avenues are closed...the area...the circles how can I open this up....



  • hmm thinking captain about what you saying...tick tock...do i change because I know I am not traditonal to relate to people. but equally it goes the other way too....when I meet people from around here I have to cut out things about home tetc..family because they don't understand....i feel like who do i relate to confused which bit shall i cut out its all me....

    so i accept losing a part of myself? or is there a chance i might meet someone who fufills all of this...its sad...i feel sad about this now...confused

    thanks captain re reading what you wrote... x x x x



  • You say you make your own decisions, but you don't seem to be able to stick to them because of this "should I or shouldn't I?" wavering. It seems like the perfect partner you need to find is yourself. You can't expect others to fulfill you or fill some emptiness in you. You have to decide what the emptiness is and fill it yourself. It's too much to ask anyone to solve all your inner difficulties for you. You seem to be looking for a healer or counsellor or even a good parent rather than a partner. Tell me who you really want to be.



  • Dear Forevervirgo,

    Just the fact that you've chosen this nickname to represent you tells me that actually that's what you chose - to be forever a virgo. And there is nothing wrong with it, no matter what your neighbours say. Probably you don't realize it on a conscious level, but is it possible that you are happy as you are and only try to go through the motions out of pressure to be "normal" ? I know lots of Virgos, and trust me, family life doesn't come naturally to most of them. However, if you are determined to change this situation, there are 2 things you should be aware of - first, nobody is going to "fulfil all of these", you are the only one who can, because nobody else is you. Second - I'd suggest that you emotionally open up and stop seing people in terms of "me versus them". There are plenty of people who see themselves just as "outcasts" , just as you do. You should try to become less judgemental towards the others AND yourself, and you will feel less judged by others as a result. And just one more advice - BE the right partner for yourself, or for the the kind of person you would like to attract, then you will eventually attract the right partner when you the least expect it.



  • just me 😉 i can be me...and most of the time i think thats the problem i can't change all over if that makes sense because for those that find me too 'english' i would have become traditional culturally and for those that perhaps see me as different to them i would disregard everything i have grown up with to be exactly like them. i kind of want both aspects in my life thats why metting the right person is such a struggle.

    perhaps it is me that is asking for as i want a balance of both to be able to change in the right envirnment i don't want to give anything up and i don't see why i should have to.

    its a case of how do i find someone to compliment me..because I don't want to change or cut things out of myself nor do i want anyone i choose to be with to feel isolated or not able to relate to certain aspects...i knew i would be in a confined situation re the arranged marriage and not able to express myself and would need to become a stereotype hence i backed off from this . its just the lonely side because i dont want to have to leave everything behind I have been taught as a child grown up with etc...and arranged marriage is no responsiblity. its very strong to last till 32 when most girls in my community get married between 18-21. so maybe i am too pig headed.

    how do I meet someone that i don't need to change for thats the question who takes me as I am. what can i do etc....because seriously i am at a loss...maybe I just can't compromise.

    who I can chat with to about cultural aspects but equally blend in and have a drink with down the pub with my friends how do I meet the right one...

    hmmm

    actually its very late now...i need to think about this properly I am babbling and feel all fuzzy....



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  • After reading your message, I have had friends in the same situation, The issue of family upbringing can cause many upsets when a family member goes againest traditions.. There is no obligation to follow in there foot steps and it has caused personal problems with your family, thou it is a personal choice to go your own way to find happiness. you may feel left out that is still a choice to find happiness.. Dont ever let them sway you in your leap of faith.. If they are unable to see you as a strong person and get behind you then you need to move away and find your true path and life your life to the fullest... Take care and dont ever give up...



  • thanks people i think I can find a balance for myself but I am not sure how I can meet people that can kind of compliment me or am i taking the wrong approach not sure.....because when i with family i am okay and with friends pretty much kick back...ths is being adaptable i guess...but long term life partner....

    how where when hmmmmmmmmm because if i feel something missing then its for sure they feel something missing if that makes sense, i don;t want to feel isolated or isolate someone from certain areas of my personality. so perhaps the question is am I making a mistake in trying to find people from my culture who have like me also been trying to find a balance thats what the question is....

    am i just going through the process of kissing frogs before I find my prince or is it a case of I am just looking in the wrong pond.

    this sound weird, but I find so easy to help people and often later they say ooo good one N as my real name starts with N...but for me....i can never see anything clearly myself. or even on ocassion if i do my own readings never seems to work that well for me too much going in my own head



  • thanks people i think I can find a balance for myself but I am not sure how I can meet people that can kind of compliment me or am i taking the wrong approach not sure.....because when i with family i am okay and with friends pretty much kick back...ths is being adaptable i guess...but long term life partner....

    how where when hmmmmmmmmm because if i feel something missing then its for sure they feel something missing if that makes sense, i don;t want to feel isolated or isolate someone from certain areas of my personality. so perhaps the question is am I making a mistake in trying to find people from my culture who have like me also been trying to find a balance thats what the question is....

    am i just going through the process of kissing frogs before I find my prince or is it a case of I am just looking in the wrong pond.

    this sound weird, but I find so easy to help people and often later they say ooo good one N as my real name starts with N...but for me....i can never see anything clearly myself. or even on ocassion if i do my own readings never seems to work that well for me too much going in my own head



  • FV, at the moment you are not looking for an equal partner but for a friend to support you and validate what you have done against your family. You are looking for yourself. When you are ready to look for a partner in the true sense of the word (someone who is not just a crutch) and when you have truly found yourself, you will find a compatible person. Right now you should be selfish and sort out your own personal problems before you go looking for a partner for all the wrong reasons. We are here to work things out for ourselves, not to find someone to do it for us.



  • yes captain....personal probs...hmmm not really actually looking for someone if that makes sense and if I'm honest have taken a break from the whole looking for someone for a while now just wondering am i going about it the right way...

    but no I am not ready to meet anyone...family.....my immediate just want to see me settled as do all families and back then it was a big deal but now I think it has kind of settled. I guess its just anxiety as my grandmother died recently and at her funeral it became so evident that really it is me and another cousin that are not married. so dunno wondering what am I doing wrong.

    but I am kind of keep myself to myself since my last proper relationship about three years ago kind of just going with the flow...but it does concern me sometimes....few weeks I okay and then I think ooooooooooooooooooooooh god how do I find myself to the one meant for me.

    with people I do meet i do struggle because I don't want them to be a crutch an escape. from one thing or another and when I feel like this I certainly would never even think to entertain the idea of someone because I know it would be with clouded vision, anxiously meeting someone if that makes sense. i guess i need to take a chill pill just so many visitors lately paying their respects and the question soooooooooooo when do i get to buy a wedding outfit for your wedding...hmmm all became a bit much....but generally speaking my immediate family mean loads to me and I look out for them the rest gossip mongers I have no time for...

    theres not really any insight anyone can offer me because i know things happen at the time we are actually ready to receive them...its my impatience...and perhaps I am just not ready to recieve anyone yet which is fine....

    so I await the tall dark stranger to enter my life when i least expect him but equally he could be short gingerhaired someone I know....hmmm

    i'm the kind of person that has to read the end of the book first before I read the whole book...but I have not that much control over this.

    the only thing I have control over is trying to be a nice good person and looking after the people close to me and most definitely myself. but thanks to all those who replied to me sometimes I get panicky....feel calm today...

    mwaaah peeps x



  • You need to walk away from the bonds you grew up with as well the people with the same ideals of your family to see the new out look for your life, mabe seek some help on the outside to gain some insite to you new life style

    Or you will alway be trapped .



  • FV, what do you believe in? You don't seem to have much faith in God/spirit/the Universe to do its best for you or in yourself to make the right choices on your own. Where do you put your trust and hope?



  • i do believe, sometimes i feel lost, but when i bring myself out of self pity like today I realise that all the things that have happened/or people have come into my path have been to either to teach me something or for me to help them. same with the choices sometimes i question second guess myself but generally speaking i know i have made the right choices with regards to not following the traditional route set out for me.

    i just need to take it easy. go with the flow and i know always later on I see things with more clarity just sometimes things become fuzzy...

    but captain u r good x x making me think about stuff which is at the back of my subconscious.

    thnaks x x x

    i dunno let me think about this.....



  • i guess i am anonymous and I can say this...

    But i believe in god/spirit something I know that looks out for me...

    because I know am being self pitiful lately but I know I have been saved from so many disasters... by giving me strength.

    Now I guess I want to move on with the next phase of my life not impatiently but at the right time, its a bit of lull at the moment....

    because generally speaking I am quite a happy person when I get upset it all builds up and I kind of go into melt down and rant as my first post was...

    but i've been praying lately for peace and i feel better and to be shown the obstructions/the things i need to work on in myself/my life to move on to the next phase. because i do kind of believe once we properly learn a lesson then the next phase happens...

    i am the oldest in my family, family traditons aside which I never conformed to, my general family set up has lots of issues so i guess when my house is in order (without running away) thats when my mind will be in order to meet or move on properly. unfinished business.



  • I think you have 'inherited' a lot of fears and issues from your parents - it's something that happens to us most. Not only cultural traditions in your family get passed on but their emotional and mental traditions (as in fears) too. If you can identify what in you is not really your own issue or fear, then you can feel freer and lighter if you 'pass it back' to those it really belongs to. It may manifest as an irrational fear - something that you can't trace back to an incident or source.



  • I guess the main thing that I have picked up from my parents is ten fact that everyone is better than me. That not good enough"not pretty enough others prettier, not well mannered enough, not social adept as others. That basically everybody gets somewhere because they are better than you and you will never amount to anything because you have no insight no sense of judgement.

    I guess my parents had the wrong child lol



  • No, they have the wrong values. Give them back the negative attitudes that they passed onto you as a child. Your load will then be considerably lightened. Realising that many of our fears and negative beliefs are actually not ours at all can be very freeing.


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