Am I fighting a losing battle ??

  • Me (Pisces) and my boyfriend (Cancer) were together for a little over 4 years. In January, he told me that he just wanted to be friends because I could not give him enough attention and affection. (HUH??) So I agreed. However, for the last 5 months, we have been anything but friends--spending nights at house again, going on a romantic week vacation, saying I love you to each other again00even though I NEVER stopped saying it.

    Ok, so we had the BEST April that I can remember. I talked to him on Sunday May 3--last thing he says to me is I will call you tomorrow and I love you. Ok, so on Monday May 4, he takes off (he used to live with me and my son but after he lost his job, he moved in with his mother and grandma until he could get back on his feet). He is just gone !! I have no idea where he is--he has gone away before but he always tells me when and where he is going. I have NO clue what is going on. He has not even called or texted in the past 2 weeks.

    Is this his way of telling me something without having the b*lls to actually tell me ?? My gutt is telling me that we were getting too close again and he freaked out. He told me a few weeks ago that is we get back together that he wants marriage and if I can't give him that, then I need to walk away and I told him I am not going anywhere. I am here for the long haul.

    This is just so not him . I know we are in a Mercury retrograde and all, but can that affect him this much ?? I did try to call him the day after he left and he just opened his flip phone and closed it right back up. Called back and I got 1 ring and then busy signal and finally on third call I got his voice mail and left a message saying I believe you just hung up on me and that is SO rude. Then I said you know what, I think we are going to have to talk here soon. I know the kiss of death to a guy, but I am so tired of him being so disrespectful.

    We are both in our 40's so not a hight school crush. I still believe that he will be bakc that maybe he is just working some stuff out. But that does not explain his lack of communication. Also, 80% of his things are still at my house and that makes it hard for me to walk away. Even though I am not yet ready to walk away, I would like to wait this out a bit. But if the day comes when I am ready to walk away, I would need his things to be gone. I have told him a couple of times to get his things and he keeps making excuses why he can't and then he never brings it up again.

    Anyone have any words of wisdom for me ?? Please no bashing, just sincere advice. Thanks !!

  • Hi, I think your not going to be able to depend on him. I don't know exactly the reason why he keeps flip-flopping. My guess is that he is no longer faithful to the relationship. Breakups are not easy and I don't want to sound uncaring. But I feel that you would be a lot better off going your own way. Don't worry about the stuff he left. I know you think he's coming back but he doesn't want to deal w/it. I would leave it w/his mom. He moved out, it's time the clothes did too. If you choose to wait for him, I feel that you are only hurting yourself.

    If someone tells you that they want to cool the relationship, it's always better to accept that. It's hard but let him go. In the meantime, be true to yourself and be good to yourself. A relationship is suppose to compliment you. But it can't define you. It'll be ok and so will you.

  • You are a brave woman to take on a cancer>>>the lower kind are self absorbed and don't commit well>>> They love the home life but their imaginations make them restless>>>Their indulgent appetites often extend to the bedroom making them the very lusty kind>>>The full moon usually dictates their mood, and even after the relationship has been over for years sentimental cancer goes over the sweetness you shared like it was yesterday but that wont be enough to tie down such a drifter that cancers really are on the inside>>>They love people but tend to hide in their shell when their emotions (or intentions)become too exposed>>>

    My best advice is don't call him till he calls you!!! Any guy loves a chase and that the only way to see if a guy is really willing to go the extra mile for you! Not you running the extra mile, although I know you Pisces women love to chase you men, most Pisces women end up with the lessor choice men because they refuse to make" him" work for you. You are always the kind to be obliging to a mans wants first. This is coming from a Libra women who is with a stubborn Taurus male, but my sister(Leo) was married 17 years ago to a cancer. and he still reminisces there love to their 19 year old daughter>> but he left her for another women that he got pregnant during a break up>>>and he live lies to this day, he says he lives in Las Vegas (he don't!) and he is in the mafia(unlikely)>>>that is the insight I am reflecting on. These qualities have been similar in more than one cancer I know so...................your call really, we are all individuals>>>but strangely the same in many ways???

  • oh he will be back, don't worry about that, that is just an excuse to keep a line attached>> the problem is If you allow him he will go back and forth>>thats the easiest way to get away with murder and keep everyone in the dark about what their true intentions are

  • Generally men do a awol when they share too much too soon or get too close too soon. Doesnt matter what sign, they juss do. they self scare, so i kinda agree, keep the in touch to a minimum, n try if u can, hard 4 us pisces NOT to keep in touch no matter the outcome LOL

    but try if u can stay silent for say 14 days. I tried, i got as far as 8 days LOLOLOL still working on that. hard to do, but i pray one day i may b able to. Also ive done another thing, i reduced him on n off to a friend n aquaintance. N that makes it all easier. meanwhile busy yaself with stuff u wanna do. get busy busy busy

  • I agree. With all the posts and Shanikeyspleaz is head on!!!!! The Cancer guy that I was dealing with is VERY much like the guy she described! They live in a lie and once the fact that they have real feelings for someone is revealed they bolt! The fact that he can't give you what you need is probably why he left. Because in his heart he WANTS to give it to you but since he can't, he's gone. Please read my discussion post if you haven't already, I think you will be amazed at what you read about the behaviors of Cancer men during the months of April and May. Good luck, I will love to see what the outcome of any of our situations with these men will be. As for me, I've moved on.

  • ACCKKK !!!! Another day of NO communication !! This makes day 18 and I am going nuts !! Is he really this rude ?? I WILL not call him, I tried and got no where a couple of weeks ago.

    I just don't know what the hell is going on inside his head.

    I have to be strong, I have to be strong ..........

  • Teesme - I;m sorry but let this one go. I too am having a hard time letting go of my Cancer. I . loved him so much - he truly broke my heart. nothing like anyone I had ever been with - EVER. I have spent so much time and money trying to figure out what I did that was wrong and how I can fix it and I it doesn't matter. I have learned that when men leave - they do so because it's about them - not me.

    Remember that. Take care of youself - 4 years or not - there is always someone around the corner for you that is yours........and yours only.

  • teesme....forget him! 1 day without communication of any sort seems extremely rude to me let alone 18 days! No point in hanging'll make you ill and miserable....Get on with your life, do things you were doing before you met him, and hold your head up high. You've grieved for him long enough...go out and start living! And if he does contact you again it'll be a stronger "you" he has to contend with and if he wants to carry on a relationship play it by your rules......

  • Hmmm, I am no fan of cancers, either female or male, they always have a hidden agenda. Sounds more like a guy thing to me, no matter what his sign. Do you like playing games?? Normally, cancers and pisces get along with all that emotion and drama. I agree with rnchick, just be yourself...........see what happens. Patience is a virtue.

  • Hi and thanks for all of the words of support. I will be distancing myself for a bit. However, I truly feel that he is dealing with some things that I cannot begin to imagine right now--unemployment, back child support, computer game addiction. I just feel that I need to be there for him on some level. He is a good person that has hit some bad times. His entire family has pretty much turned their backs on him and I need him to know that I will be there for him. Even if it is just on a friend level--he needs to have some "safe" place. We connected on SO many levels--beyond the intimate relationship level. Don't get me wrong, I am not holding on to wishes--I just feel that right now, he needs towork thru whatever is bothering him.

    Nothing happened to make him just walk away. The last thing he said to me was "I truly love you". I know even though I don't see anything happening to make him walk away, something in his head or mind has happened to make him do these things. For the time being, I am just going to give him the benefit of the doubt. And myself, I will be trying to distance my emotions and get on with my life.

  • teesme - I think being there as a friend is the sensible thing to do and I applaud you for it. He sounds as if he has a lot on his plate to contend with....he probably does love you and has walked away for your own good. Don't hang on for him though...get on with your your gut feeling and if circumstances change and your paths cross romantically again then things may work out. All the best.

  • Your friend has no clue as to what he wants. Let him be alone for awhile. You should go on as if he is no longer around. If he comes back then that's the time to put your plans forward and let him know. He cares and he would accept but if he is "finding himself", you would not want to be there until he finds what he's searching. Will you wait infinity until such time he does? I don't think so. You must be strong and move on.

  • Has he been in contact with anyone else? I don't want to stir you up, but you might check to see if anyone has actually talked with him or seen him. If he has been seen, he may have another "life" going on with different people and there is more to his deception than just not being around for you even though he declares his "love".

  • Well, he did call and asked why I hadn't called him HUH ?!?!?!?! We are supposed to sit down and talk this evening. He called about 7 times in a 2 hour period. Started trying to blame me for his running, but I told him that it was enough. If he was going to continue to blame me then I would have to talk to him at a different time. Changed his tune pretty quick. I guess these 2 1/2 weeks apart made me grow something--strength I hope. Cuz I know now that I do not deserve to be treated like this. He got awful "squirmy" when I starte talking about my feelings, but I told him that I was entitled to them and if he could not understand them that it was just too bad. I will still keep my guard up, cuz that is what I have to do. Don't know many details yet about where he ran to, but I got the "see I told you I could disappear if I wanted to" talk. Whatever !! He does need to grow up and I need to grow strong. Just taking it a day at a time for now, I guess.

  • I totally agree with TEESME,Cancers are real bad liars, I called one before, and he said he was at a wedding and couldnt talk. Then what would be the point in pickin up the phone YOU IDIOT!, I wouldn't. Then the following day I get 6, Yes 6 missed calls from this guy in the morning, I ring him back and apologies for missing his calls. He then says he can't talk because his SO- CALLED BROTHER is in JAIL !, I have never heard SOO MUCH rubush in my life, you call me , then say you canit call cos your brother is in JAIL, does he think Im an idiot, THIS FOOL is older then me by 3YEARS, his now 30. BUT ACTS LIKE A CHILD. HE has MAJOR EMOTIONAL ISSUES, AND MY GOOD, FEMALE VIRGO FRIEND, SAYS THAT I SHOULD STAY AWAY. Which I have. I know if ever I saw him, He would try to speak to me. BUT I on the other hand would RUN, AND I MEAN RUN in the opposite direction. I pray to GOD that I never have to encounter his presence in my life time again!.

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