Spiritual Boot Camp - Part Two
I want all of those things. To me...there would be times that one aspect is a 100 percent and other times that it isn't because something else is. I want someone who is capable of giving all of those things when they are needed, if that makes sense. There may be times that I just want the emotional/mental stimulation and other times that will get pushed to the way side for the physical side of it. I guess...what I am saying is that I don't need all of those things all the time. If I'm upset about something, I want to be able to talk about it with someone who will listen to me and offer suggestions....so I guess for me...it is really the possibility that the person I am with is capable of all of those things but doesn't have to give them all to me 100% of the time. Maybe I am being unrealistic in that expectation.
OK- Physical includes financially so- 50
I can't split it up into 100%, either.
AuntBuck, the exercise is to consider what you need as a whole, not just from time to time. It's never true that you actually need 100% of only one thing but just more of it than the others. What percentage of 100% as a whole do you need these things to support you? Eg. - 60% emotional, 20% physical, 5% mental, 15% spiritual or whatever. This is to help you work out what your priority needs are - and why.
Poetic555, you need to think on this more as it is also an indicator of how much you know yourself and what your needs are. Fill in the blanks if you can. Don't you need some mental connection with a partner? Common interests or activities etc?
I'm still at a loss captain, like AB...so if i break it down to 25% that would equal 100%..but i don't need that all the time then how can it be realistic..I do know what i want..but at different times or days...ah confused...
For an example, I am attracted to people who are deep thinkers as this often goes hand-in-hand with spirituality. I like to be able to talk to and dicuss everything with my partner. So my requirements in a partner would be -
Mental rapport (being able to talk about stuff) - 40%
Emotional support (warmth and affection and understanding) - 30%
Spiritual connection - 20%
Physical attraction/relationship/doing things together - 10%
For anyone asking for 100% of something from your partner, I ask you to consider if you feel you are being realistic or reasonable. Can you say you yourself give absolutely 100% when someone else wants it from you?
physical - 20
emotional - 30
mental - 35
spiritual - 15
I think this is pretty close. I originally came up with 110% so given that the saying is giving something "110%" I thought DONE! But of course...I've revised it to be a 100%. It is really hard to assign this importance of these items. I gave the lower scores to spirituality and physical things because I have pursued those on my own and have done ok. I can support myself...I may not be swimming in the lap of luxury but my kids and I have never gone hungry or been homeless. So..the security of another income also comes with the idea that you could end up like I did in my first marriage where I managed all the money, took all the flack for the shortages and didn't have a lot of say on how it got spent outside of bills. I know that part has to be compromised for me. I don't know that I would ever have another joint checking account again with someone. Maybe joint savings for big ticket items but day to day expenses would be split and how we managed our money after that would be our own decision. It eliminates a lot of problems with money spending and finances in a marriage. I believe that a good relationship means spending time alone and spending time together. I think it is a bad idea to make someone your everything because if you do that it means that you are nothing and that is so not true. People need to maintain their individuality in a relationship. :0)
Well said AuntBuck...I think of relationships like a pretzel...you each should have your own time & interests & be intwined at other times to share life's experiences both the ups 7 downs
OK, so I'm a touchy feely woman, (so are we talking that being physical,? or does that mean just having that person there... or are we talking financial support.?
I also love to talk about anything to my partner.(so that would be mental) this one is a given:)
I don't think i would compromise my spirituality with anyone, they would have to have some kind of a loving connection with unseen forces.in touch with themselves,etc..(so that would be spiritual)?
so the "emotional", warmth,understanding,affection,wouldn't this also mean physical?
peace,light and love to all
Hi everyone Not really ready to study properly yet, but had to comment on the partner lesson. I think I'm really screwed up because I read it several times and the 100% partner that pops up is me every time. (ha, its probably the mom issue, not being there etc ) but I'm not sure I want 100 from any one person, seems a bit overwhelming to me! I have hubby, friends, family that I enjoy different kinds of energy with...kind of like a buffet of life............I don't know but every time I read it I felt like I would suffocate if I had to receive 100 % from my husband, or any one person Not sure what this means. I mean we share our lives and opinions fairly well, and generally have a great time together for 30 yrs now. This one is really confusing for me. Evidently I've got to get caught up and get back to boot camp. Love and Light GJay
Okay, here we go again, I'm going say
#5- You guessed it! 20%
Okay, I'm being cute always hated math, but absolutely need something in common, that's my biggest complaint now in the real world, if their is nothing in common there can be some lonely times even when you have company, I can hear mental crickets.
I am a bit late for this but here is my input:
Hmm not sure if the 100% can really be properly split up. Spiritually is not so important, as long as he looks like he is listening and is a bit spiritual, I can do the rest myself, I have you lot. Physically well I love a romp in the hay and a physically attractive partner is important but I can do without the romp in the hay, I live in Amsterdam, plenty of shops..., mentally now this one is very important for me, I have to have a partner I can talk to about more than just what is happening down the pub, my hubby and I may have our differences but mentally we are on one level, mental as in intellect, emotionally, well that is difficult, I need a partner who understands me emotionally but then what man understands a woman when she has the time of the month or a bad hair day. I need a man to hug me when I need it .Mine is mostly never there. But he is very patient with ood swings.
We both live our lives and enjoy our time together because it is always too short, I love my freedom and so does he and I think if we were on top of eachother all the time we would have parted long ago. I would get really claustrophobic. But still a bit more together would be nice.
GJay, there is no right or wrong answer here - this exercise is just to make you more aware of what you need. And you don't seem to need someone to be there all the time for you. If you have children, you can include your partner being a good parent into the emotional/physical section.
The second part of the exercise is to look at your present partner (or previous partners if you are single) to see if your needs are/were met by that person. People often rush into relationships without taking the time to intuit whether they can satisfy their partner's needs and vice versa. It's sometimes only in hindsight that we see how wrong that person was for us.
Here's the exercise again -
EXERCISE: When you imagine the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, decide exactly what kind and amount of support is the most important to you
What percentage of 100% do you want a partner who supports you physically - as in someone who can prevent you from being physically attacked or hurt? Someone who won't abuse you physically? Many women grow up believing in the 'big strong man' ideal who can save them from the dangerous world out there. This also includes financial support to 'save' you (and your kids if yiu have them) from being penniless and vulnerable materially. Someone who is physically fit/strong and financially stable? Or someone who is physically very attractive with whom you can have a satisfying sexual relationship?
What percentage do you want a partner who supports you emotionally - as in being there to comfort you in troubled times and make you feel loved and lovable? Someone who listens when you pour out your feelings and is not afraid to share how he/she feels too in an honest and open exchange of emotions? Who doesn't put you down or make you feel bad? Someone who is kind and caring to you and your children/family - if you have them?
What percentage do you want a partner who supports you mentally - someone you can talk to and exchange ideas and be stimulated by intellectually? Someone whom you can count on to come up with workable answers to your problems or whom you can bounce your own solutions off? Someone to discuss global or local issues with? Someone who is smart and a deep thinker?
What percentage do you want a partner who supports you spiritually - someone who believes the same things you do and whose view of life on earth and in the Universe is compatible with yours, someone who won't mock even your most radical beliefs or actions? Someone who has a strong inner faith and tries their best to be a good person?
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Doeyeyedpisces, does your present parther satisfy those needs for you?
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Is it too late to join this round of spiritual bootcamp or could I join in?
I use to be alone when I went to school and places and work and do things. Then one day alot people left me because of having to cross over lots. One day, was another sad day a friend left to crossover and that same day my husband wants to leave me and get divorce and shut out lights. Ah dont know what happened but ever since im not right. I cant get my old self back and its been a few years im really tired I want it to go away, Now i dont like being alone or bymyself or out and about I want to be home all the time. What can I do I would like to get out but its like i get attacked everytime im out, i havent even drove in a long time. I dont know if it is physical or not ive had lots of problems but cant take much more of it. I love people i do but im sad sometimes but not all the time only about this it seems so simple but for me its not.