Spiritual Boot Camp - Part Two

  • And your ex-friend's partner will have to learn his own lessons through trying to help her - you have already worked out how she just uses other people's help to turn it back on them - he will learn this eventually but there is nothing you can do for either of them. If she kills herself, that is on her - no one else.

  • Do you feel he will ever learn Captain? I hate for him to think I've abandoned him in trying to help her, hes at the point he just wants her to survive, I feel very strongly she won't pass away from this, I think she will get a grip before then for her child sake. Part of me says if I step away from her when she gets better she coudl say you didn't beielve in me, or help me, the other part says theres nothing I can do and I have the right to not deal with her being like this. I told him this wouldn't work as long as she has enablers and she has some left, I told him she has to exhaust all of her enablers before she will realize it. She said she has more problems then anyone she knows, but yes you are right! She does turn it back on us.

  • Yes he will learn, if only by the hard way - experience. Your ex-friend, too. You should listen to the part of you that says this has never been your problem and you are not responsible for other people's choices. You have tried your best to help and can do no more than that.

  • Thank you so much, I will listen to that part, its speaking to me loud and clear, I hope he does too.

  • I had a response today, from the wife want to know who i am, and i may have the wrong person.

    I said stuff i know where work, relationships between kids.. and the dog icon she has same as i have pic same name.. let alone she has him on her fb friends.

    She wants to know how i know him

    I got the answer i needed, have no real deal you reap as you sow.. but i feel guilty, it not her fault at he end of the day.. it hid and part mine for not listening to my instinct.

    I be advised to leave it as part me agree with that..other did not. so i just said met on-line, it over and done.. not you fault. im so sorry!

    crazy but i felt it right for me to do?

  • Scully, you may have opened a hornet's nest for other people. Even if you had the wrong person, his wife may never trust him again.

  • Know she asked for one last question.. well iot two in one.. when started and last time i saw him, gut tells me to just say late last year till mid this year, but i be advised not to,, as it wont nesserly end there?

    What do you think?

  • Scully, I think you should drop the whole thing and move on, chalking it all up to experience. Unless deep down you want to break up this marriage?

  • I have now,, she wanted it, so i just said time frame and left to that..have not heard nothing since.

    Of course i had not even thought of deliberately breaking up a marriage.

    He lied and i gave him a chance he didn't take it.. Hate lairs .. i put it out there on a message reacting on emotions when i saw it,, then i felt bad as not her fault.

    I know him better than you think.. he has way of making you feel guilty for questioning him, he will worm his way out.. he makes a convincing argument.

    I got him rattled and got last laugh..

    He makes up he sick when don't get his own way for attention.. and i realise he done this outside sex one part it hurts her and he need the variety too its his issues.,,, gauntness he be fine.

  • Scully, you have to let go of the anger and pain in order to completely move on and forget him. He's not worth so much emotion.

  • Captain, I had one "those" dreams. I was okay wth it today but after I looked it up it got to be a bit. I felt it had meaning and was referring to my deep anxiety. I felt the details were symbolic and worth paying attention too. I felt it raised up my fears for me to see what I might be afraid of? I dreamt I was driving a white mini van, (I don't drive this in reality), but I use to have one, and a former friend has one. I was driving this and all of a sudden I'm seeing it all from an aerial view, I'm about to take a circular like some what sharp corner and veer onto a highway with other traffic. I see myself and know in my dream I am going to not take this corner right, I'm going to swerve, and loose control. I dreamt I lost control and flipped it over and over until it stopped. Then my boyfriend was there and I was realizing that I didn't know if this van was really mine, and I was thinking I had jsut wrecked another persons van, I then somehow came to conclude it was my van still, and that I had not sold it to anyone else, and I felt very relieved that I had atleast not wrecked anyone elses van, only my own, I was extremley relieved by that. Then next I'm looking down ad my legs, though not in pain are covered in blood, and wounds, I am showing my boyfriend all of the wounds to my legs, but I am still at this point glad it was mine since I thought I wrecked anothers vehicle. Then I woke up. I was anxious and thinking about the good times, the old days when I was not anxious and went where I pleased,a nd hwo much i wished them back, and was thinking of others who recovered, wondering if I would. I prayed I would and fell, asleep having that dream. I'm hoping it wasn't some literal warning about my driving? Or is this just my fears? or more? any advice would be appreciated, thank you!

  • It seems to me that this dream might be telling you that you fear having an accident or getting into difficulties not for your own sake but of the repercussions for others/loved ones, and also fearful of their reactions (rejection, blame, ridicule?) towards you about the accident/situation.

  • That makes sense, thank you Captain. I wonder why I fear having an accident? I do think my concentration abilites are somewhat impaired right now, and I was feeling guilty because I use to go on every field trip and be at every class party I chapheroned , because I loved having my kids know I wanted to be there, and was happy to be the parent that took their group through botanical mazes or museums in the city. Then for two years I was a walking medicated zombie, now I'm wide awake, but no longer can go on the trips alone without attacks,they say "thats ok, we know you get scared", that just makes me feel worse, I would rather they yell sometimes honestly then be so stoic about their mom not being the same anymore. I think I'm afraid I'm going to have an accident if I have a panic attack so I haven't been trying the way I use too latley, and that got depressing. I never hit anyone when it happens, I did run a light once, and worry myself, but I realized from that , that the key is to slow down, but there was loud arguing in the parking lot and it sent me into that dazed panic state.

  • I think the fear of having an accident is the fear of making a mistake - and being condemned or rejected by others because of it. It smacks of old past failures (or the idea of it) that may have led to people punishing or rejecting you.

  • Today is the day, i have flipped it around and thought, you know it is in life's experience, and i have learnt a lot about me and how my emotional needs can blind sighted me to the truth,

    Just could.nt get my head away from needing to know the truth, and i so wish at times i was,nt like that.

    I certainly will be more aware if someone is trying to play me now.

    I never wanted to break a marriage just wanted truth and in that i reacted.. then felt guilty as it not her fault.. what could i do the bag was open and she asked lot ..well just time frame that's all.. haven't heard nothing since thank god.

    The trouble is i tend have a drink when emotionally upset or up tight, and this is why at times i do things like this, with out think through properly.

  • Alcohol just makes things fuzzier and worse, as you found out.

  • My first plan i did today to start to get some balance as well as getting out more. I wrote down the five things im interested in doing.

    I used to have day saved especially for girl pamper time.. i did it today, i will re put that into my life.. makes feel good

    I, v also deleted some just text people, to me that's not normal relations and its all from that web-site..

    Im setting a goal for each day, so i slowly get into new lifestyle.. without rushing doing all at once and results in not working out because i have over loaded myself.

  • Good for you, Scully.

  • I would like some insight as to why .. in my long-term reaction since i as a teen, of emotionality hurt and stress in life why i have turned to alcohol

    It's hard to break that cycle.. it get better, but still there..

    I do not want this still to be corrupting my lie any more.

  • Scully, everyone feels like they need a crutch like alcohol, food, sex, drugs, other people etc. to get them through a tough period. It's only when you keep using the crutch all the time that it becomes a dangerous dependency. It's far better to depend on your own courage and inner wisdom to get you through.

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