Spiritual Boot Camp - Part Two



  • When you go about the process of healing your past, you must understand that you are dealing with two different aspects of yourself - the adult you are now and the child you were whose issues may still be affecting you in the present. You have to heal both aspects of your psyche. So though your adult self may recognise that your parents were human and made mistakes, the child in you may still believe that all mums and dads are infallible and can do no wrong.

    So, even if you feel healed as an adult, you might still have to check on how your child self is feeling and help him/her release all the childish fears they may still be holding onto. For example, if a child is told they are stupid or ugly, it won't matter how much their adult side tells them that they are attractive and intelligent, the wounded child will still be miserable and crying inside. You have to soothe and comfort that child and convince them that parents can indeed be wrong and that the child/you is a good person.



  • 🙂 Didn't read all the stories yet but Aunt Buck I bet when you beat up that boy they left u alone! Be back soon.



  • The problem is re: relationships is that no one is perfect, there will always be something lacking either in the other person or yourself. As women/Girls, we were taught to want/get the Knight in Shining Armour and there just ain't many of those around. Everyone wants to be loved and to give love. Captain I'm with you, right now I want Peace and Quiet and a lover when I want to see them, thats it, at least that's what I want most of the time, it changes. There are things to be said of security, money, the what if's like, what if I get sick? Who is gonna take care of me? Who is going to be there? The problem is we can't have it both ways or can we?

    We are alll victims of our childhoods and relationships with men/or sexual partners. Someone beat me to it already, the best method to get over anything is to forgive, you forgive you don't have to forget. They say we choose our lives before we come into the world, our challenges to overcome, adversities, sometimes I swear I say did I choose this life?

    My fears used to be that I didn't want to be poor, worse old and poor and alone, I don't really fear that anymore I don't think....



  • Ahh...yes...he left me alone and the teacher called a big pow-woo with all of us and it got settled that day.

    Captain...I haven't done any inner child work at all during my journey and I can relate to what you were saying about as an adult we can tell ourselves something but the child could still be harboring hard feelings. I am going to have to work on this.



  • EXERCISE: When you imagine the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, decide exactly what kind and amount of support is the most important to you

    What percentage of 100% do you want a partner who supports you physically - as in someone who can prevent you from being physically attacked or hurt? Someone who won't abuse you physically? Many women grow up believing in the 'big strong man' ideal who can save them from the dangerous world out there. This also includes financial support to 'save' you from being penniless and vulnerable materially. Someone who is physically fit/strong and financially stable?

    What percentage do you want a partner who supports you emotionally - as in being there to comfort you in troubled times and make you feel loved and lovable? Someone who listens when you pour out your feelings and is not afraid to share how he/she feels too in an honest and open exchange of emotions? Who doesn't put you down or make you feel bad? Someone who is kind and caring?

    What percentage do you want a partner who supports you mentally - someone you can talk to and exchange ideas and be stimulated by intellectually? Someone whom you can count on to come up with workable answers to your problems or whom you can bounce your own solutions off? Someone to discuss global or local issues with? Someone who is smart and a deep thinker?

    What percentage do you want a partner who supports you spiritually - someone who believes the same things you do and whose view of life on earth and in the Universe is compatible with yours, someone who won't mock even your most radical beliefs or actions? Someone who has a strong inner faith and tries their best to be a good person?

    This exercise will be an indication of where your greatest vulnerability or fear lies.



  • I WANT A 100% AND ALSO TO GIVE A !00%:)...so for that to happen I need to give that to myself first...

    I had learned a valuable lesson these past couple of days, that has affected me time after time, after time...My mother...rrrroarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,

    I was always there protecting her, yes even as a child then an adult...I keep searching for that same feeling...But how many times must i be slammed down to the ground thinking my mother will be just a mom to me...yep, theres a little girl inside of me who is P'off, hurt etc...I don't want to protect her anymore and feel sorry for her, just because she had a terrible life, but i have had one to...I don't what a percentage of a mother I want a 100 % mother, but learning its just not going to happen, How many times can a little girl be crushed, even at 50...

    sorry, everyone, i just had to put this out there, i am who i am because of the way i was brought up, but i don't have to keep excepting the hurt feelings. Time to grow up I guess...

    Namaste to all

    Sheila



  • No, I mean you have to divide the four requirements (physical, emotional, mental and spriitual) up amongst 100%. You can't have 100% of each one - or if you do, it shows you have unrealistic expectations of fallible human beings and are chasing someone who doesn't exist.



  • Captain, i do understand what your saying...But to me,

    "maybe my thinking at the moment is that i'de be settling for pieces. Somedays, "no matter what relationships"..we need different emotions throughout the day..Does that make sense?

    I mean like today for example what if i wanted 100%,lets just for say for my partner to be there for me emotionally... Or 50% mentally. etc.

    My above rant i guess was hurt feelings from the child within was mostly pertaining to the above post......

    the adult you are now and the child you were whose issues may still be affecting you in the present. You have to heal both aspects of your psyche. So though your adult self may recognise that your parents were human and made mistakes, the child in you may still believe that all mums and dads are infallible and can do no wrong.

    So, even if you feel healed as an adult, you might still have to check on how your child self is feeling and help him/her release all the childish fears they may still be holding onto. For example, if a child is told they are stupid or ugly, it won't matter how much their adult side tells them that they are attractive and intelligent, the wounded child will still be miserable and crying inside. You have to soothe and comfort that child and convince them that parents can indeed be wrong and that the child/you is a good person.

    Thanks again Captain

    sheila



  • MJ, if your partner was there for you 100% emotionally, it would mean all the other important aspects of the relationship would be neglected. There would be no physical, mental, or spiritual connection. Is that what you want perhaps? Just someone to take care of your emotional needs, to be a good parent without any physical closeness or sharing of interests?



  • No, not at all, maybe I'm not explaining myself 🙂

    of course all the connections go together...but what I'm saying is that sometimes lets just say i don't need or want that 25% of the physical, but he needs that...i get that...i'm willing and able to give those connections, but I don't need them all at once to feel complete. Sometimes its all about balancing with your partner is it not?



  • But what if your partner is not able to offer all those connections of support? Are you perhaps dealing with an ideal, and not a reality?



  • LOL, oh you do love to pick my brain..hehe no disrespect to you dear captain:) Awe, yes the what ifs. OK I'll bite, hes not there the 25% for me physically but he makes up for it in the other connections..is that settling?



  • Not if you don't need more physicality. There is no wrong or right here - just making sure your partner's capabilities match your needs.



  • Some days yes, Captain and then there are those days i have to be honest and say NO. But i guess i could ask myself that same question:(

    So by working on myself more, my authentic self, would this mean that i would be able to have that connection in any relationship...Would that be what we are searching for?

    Thanks again for responding Captain

    Sheila



  • or striving for?



  • No, not if the other person doesn't have that 'supply' you need. It takes two people to make a strong connection on the levels they both want. You have to know what you need. For example, a person who wants someone to give them lots of affection and warmth is not going to be happy by falling for someone who is mentally-oriented and emotionally cold. They just don't connect at the vital levels. You have to match your needs with a person who can give you what you need. And vice versa - it's no use encouraging someone for example who seems very dependent and clingy if you know you hate that sort of thing.



  • By giving myself those connections on what i want or need, then i would attract a relationship that had the same? or am i still confusing myself::)



  • First you have to do the exercise properly. : ) So that you think long and hard about what you really need from a relationship - the percentage of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs you want to have satisfied by a relationship...



  • I mean, a relationship as a whole - and not just what you want sometimes or something else at other times.



  • OK, i will give this some thought...thanks again Captain..it was nice chatting with you:)

    it also helped me to get over my ranting about my mother issue and to come out of it with some peace..."about my mom anyways"..so that is a great thing..

    Thanks again for your time...

    Peace.love and light...

    Namaste' Captain

    Sheila

    Hope to talk, more soon


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