Reading urgently Needed for my health and sanity
I have been seeing a taurus male for six months born 26/4/60. I am Libra born 27/9/61. We get on fantastic never argue and enjoy each other. He has committment issues thats Ok. He says likes spending time with me when I asked what he felt for me. He is secretive and disappears for hours on end on weekends. He meets with his ex constantly and went away with her and told me he was away working. I know when he is lying and I dont say anything but it is making me ill. A psychic told me he has another person besides his ex that he is working on getting with. It is hard to believe as he treats me so well. He eats and sleeps at mine every night, but the days and weekends he disappears. I am overwhelmingly in love and his actions are making me ill and depressed. Does he really want me or I am convenient? I dont want to give him up but may have to for my sanity. He hates confrontation and gives away no clues. I just know when hes lying. Do I walk away or wait and see if he falls in love with me? if I leave will he follow me? Please help me.
Does he really want me or I am convenient? He doesn't love himself or respect himself so how can he love and respect you or anybody else.
I dont want to give him up but may have to for my sanity. Will be the best thing for you. But I don't think you will.
He hates confrontation and gives away no clues. He is a lying, cheating bugger. The psychic was right about him.
Do I walk away or wait and see if he falls in love with me? He will not fall for you. He is too selfish to "fall" for anyone. Only thinks of himself first and foremost.
if I leave will he follow me? Yes, he will try to keep you around.
He is lying now and you are letting him get away with it. There will never be any trust as he will always lie and you have the choice of letting him and letting it eat away at you till there is nothing left OR confronting him in which case he will comtinue to lie to you and make it all your fault that you do not trust him.
Of course he gives away no clues, he is doing things you would not approve of and he knows it. So in order to do them, he must lie and conceal and again he feels it is your fault in his mind which makes it okay to be doing this to you.
Even the smallest things like wanting to stop at a friends house is lied about as he feels telling you the truth is like asking your permission. Which it isn't but he works it out in his mind and decides that rather than have a possible confrontation, it is easier to lie.
This will always be so. It is too easy for him and you allow it. As soon as you no longer put up with it. He will be gone and guess what, he'll blame you for the break up. He'll say you were too controlling and he had to hide everything.
Sorry but if you really love him and he is making you miserable, do you want to spend the rest of your life this way?
If you move on and he follows all sweet and wonderful, I love you, your the one and only, FINE but make some ground rules and stick to them. The first lie and you are out of here. Period, there are no excuses, no reasoning as to why you felt it would be better to lie. And make sure he understands and follow thru with it.
Liars don't change. They feel they have good reason for doing so and that makes it okay as far as they are concerned.
Thank you for your honesty. I know all your comments are true. I just cant seem to bring up the subject and then i just sit there quietly. He must know something is bothering me and I am not the same fun person he met. I think deep down I must know that when i do bring up the subject of his dishonesty that will be the end. If he has to be honest he will feel trapped. Why does he stay with me every night, cook me dinner and treat me so well if he dosnt want to be with me long term? He texts constantly and never says who it is. Once when I handed him his phone I saw his ex's name on the screen and he smiled and said it was a mate. Once again I said nothing. I told him I was thinking of leaving town, which I am, and he didnt seem to care one way or the other. It will break my heart to leave him, I have never been in love before, I never thought it was real. Now I wish I never found out that it does exist.
Your love is one sided and that is not what you deserve. Love and a relationship must be shared. When you find that, it can be wonderful. You must be willing to BE loved and know that you CAN be loved. Part of that is loving yourself first regardless of all of your faults. You want to think you are deserving of this but you are not sure your are. Well BE SURE. We are all misfits and full of faults but that is what makes us wonderfully different, diverse. KNOW that your are deserving and you do not need a man to make you believe it. You are deserving all on your own.
Start thinking about where you want to be. What you want to do. What you could be doing if you were not tying yourself to this man or any other. Work on you and what you want and go for it.
Work out an action plan for getting there. Have your friends and your goals and your schedule of activities you want to do and do them.
You will meet like minded people, make friends and possibly date but do not lose yourself in the next man you meet up with and become less than who you have become. Keep that part that is you that attracts others.
Just start thinking what that would be like. To be you and to be in the company of people who enjoy each other and still maintain their individuality.
Only you can define your happiness and right now what you are living is not happiness. So define your joy and then figure out how to live it.
Im sorry to tell you your wasting your life with a boy he is no man!!! He is very imature and you are feeding hes need to open your door after he leaves, knowing he is lieing to you and putting up with it . he continues hes abilty to treat you badly... Kick his ass to the curb and you will regain the power of a true lady not putting up with this bull shit.......
Thank you all for your advice. I do know what I need to do I just keep putting it off. A part of me keeps saying that he is a Taurus and from everything I read they do take a long time to commit and they are very secretive. Only they are also supposed to be very honest. They are uncomfortable with confrontation and dont like to share their inner thoughts. I am supposed to be having a romantic weekend away at the end of the month and would really like to do that before I end the relationship. Although I wonder how much fun it will be as it is exhausting pretending nothing is wrong with me.
Does it really matter what star sign he is? Seriously and honestly star signs have nothing to do with a persons moral code. I see so many women here making excuses for their partners because of their star sign. No matter what star sign a man is IF he loves a woman he treats her right, with respect and honor and he usually commits. He doesn't lie, cheat, manipulate and use, he doesn't become your friend with benefits. He doesn't disappear for days or weeks with no explanation.. If a man loves you, you will know it. That goes for ALL star signs. I am a man and I can tell you from a man's point of view this guy is a loser and is wasting your time. Ditch him and learn to love yourself more.
Daangala, your comment is like a breath of fresh air to read!....I agree with you totally on this, everyone really ought just drop the star sign fixation, it will never solve anything, and base whats happening in their relationships on whats truly happening in it, things won't be going wrong because they are such and such star sign! your gut instinct should always be listened to! it won't let you down!.... star signs are just a general general tiny segment of a persons real personality!....
This has been so good to say out loud what I am thinking. I never tell anyone these thoughts. Everyone just thinks we look perfect together and that I am so lucky! Thank you so much for confirming that my fears are actually right. Yes, the star sign thing is an excuse I can use when I dont want to believe otherwise. I have ignored my intuition for long enough and it is time to act. I dont want to walk away, I want to be with him forever and it will be one of the hardest things I have had to do. Thank you again.
Healing ways, wise words. I think any intelligent , logical, practical human being wouldn't think twice about "star sign compatibility" when something as serious as infidelity is occurring in their relationship.. unless they are looking for excuses, hope and something to hold on to.
Does it really matter what star sign they are, what their chart is like, what moon they were born under if they are total douche bags who are not treating you with respect , who can't commit, who lie, who cheat, who give excuse after excuse, I could go on but why bother Honestly...I don't think it matters much, what matters is how they treat you and how you let yourself be treated. You have the control not the stars.
Well tonights the night. Im going to confront him. I am scared but determined!
I wish you luck and strength.
I'll add my own good wishes for luck and strength as well. Stay centered and try for calm.
Well I am none the wiser after a long talk. I told him I am having trouble deciding wether to leave town as I dont want to leave him. He says that I have to do what is best for me. He cares for me alot but cannot commit to me. He said he wouldnt be here if he didnt care for me and he would never do anything to hurt me. He said another option is for me to go and he could catch up with me at a later date. I should have asked him if he might end up staying for his ex but held back. He asked why I couldnt just stay let let things go on as they are. I want more. I am so confused.
Why would he want to commit? He has it all right now. A home and family when he wants it, other women when he wants it, friends when he wants it.
Now as long as it works both ways and your are free to sleep around, hang out with whomever you want when you want and not have to tell anyone or check in with anyone. Go your way and just do what you want. Hey your friends with benefits right? What else could you want?
That's is exactly what he told you. He does not want to change the basis of the relationship. You are friends with benefits and there is no reason this will change as far as he is concerned. If you can't live with that, then he understands that you have to go your own way. To each his own.
So there is nothing to be confused about. Either you agree to his terms or go your own way.
If you can't agree ti his terms then it is obvious you must move on and find what you want. NOT settling for what someone else wants
I do feel for your situation but there does come a time when you have to decide for yourself what it is you want and work towards that rather than settling for less than. What you want will not come to you if you do not decide to go for it. It will not magically appear at your door to save you from your mistakes. You have to want it and do something about it.
You go girl!
I look at your sign in name and I feel as if though your life has been in shreds for quite sometime and you were looking for a life saver when you met this man. Dearheart please listen to what I'm saying to you now. You must learn through this experience that you love yourself more than you love him and let him go. You think that you are not a lovable woman, some faults that you see in yourself or have been told by others keep you from really reaching out and selecting the right man for you. What you feel mostly here is a lust for him, which of course is not love . I would like for you to find a good healer and go for emotional healing that stems back to a preivious marriage and all the way back to how a father was not present when needed emotionally.You have never really experience a true love , one from the heart that touches your inner being with so much joy that no darkness can destroy it. Want this for yourself first and than with healing it will be brought to you as sure as God promise'es that we who call upon him will be blessed with his help in whatever way he knows will grant us the most happiness and also to fullfill our promised distiny in which we have come here to fullfill.
Love Comes to those who wait,
" I want more. I am so confused."
What is there to feel confused about? You want more he doesn't..
Thankyou for your kind wishes. Shaubby your post made me cry because it is so very true. I will try to go to a healing session although I live in outback Australia and am not sure what is available. You are right I always think I am not worthy of someones unconditional love. I am questioning that now. Why dont I recieved the kind of love I want (whatever that is)?
May be I need to move to the city and start over.
Daangala, I am confused because he says why dont you stay and see what happens. May be we leave together and may be not, see what happens. I said I cant wait and see because I feel he is staying around to see what happens with his ex (who is also in a relationship). He says that I am completley wrong in my assumption and he does not want to get back with his ex. When asked why he lies about his whereabouts when he sees her I am met with silence. I said if he continues to lie he will push me away and his reply was, that is a possibilty. I said no, a fact. What if I am totally wrong and he is telling the truth? I do feel stronger for telling him what I think.
"I do feel stronger for telling him what I think. " Congrats honey, you just took the first step of NOT being a doormat everyone steps on. Keep walking. I was like that a long time ago, it's just one of the lessons you have to learn to advance as a person.
"Why dont I recieved the kind of love I want" I think you gave the answer yourself : whatever that is?.
I met my wife shortly after i had a serious talk with myself and decided EXACTLY what i wanted from a woman. And the universe (God, chance, kismet call it whatever you like) responded.
But it happened the RIGHT time, when i had the maturity to know what consitutes a good human being and appreciate what i had found (or what had found me). So don't worry, don't panic. Respect yourself and the world will respect you.