Part 2... HELP... another lady confused by Cancer Man!!!
Part 2 of Help.... another lady confused by Cancer Man!!!
The Cancerman called last Wednesday and left me a voicemail message after one month of no contact be either one of us. His voicemail said... Hey, its me. I need to talk to you. I've been meaning to call. Hope everything is okay with you and Lola too (Lola is my dog)! I'm on my way to Reno (business). When I get back to town I will call. Well, he text me this morning and said can we chat tonight. I told him I have plans, but if he needed to chat I could after 8pm. He called me right at 8pm. He wants to meet up. He wants to be friends. He is dating other women, but says he hasn't slept with anyone since me.... whatever! What was the purpose of sharing that with me. Anyways, he says he has a few of my things that he wants to get back to me. I told him they aren't things that I miss. He can keep them. He won't let up on the meeting up thing. He is determined to meet with me. He said, if I need more time he understands. He wants to see me and be friends. I told him that it's not necessary. What the heck. Can someone please explain this guy to me....????
I need some insight on how to handle this... HELP!!!
Thank you all in advance for your advice!!
This post is deleted!
You are handling it perfectly well Brightsmileandhazeleyes. You've defined your boundaries and are sticking to them. Good for you! Don't let up now. It's your life, you are in charge. If you don't want to meet up then you don't meet up.
He'll get the message eventually.
Thats his small way of keeping you in his life. (Ive experienced a similar situation with a cancer man). With them you gotta keep it moving....because, their inconsistency will wear you out.
Hello everyone and thank you for responses.... I don't know what happened to Saturday night girl. I didn't ask and I truly don't care. He had his chance with me and decided he wanted to pursue the new interest. That's fine, but this lady (me) isn't waiting around nor will I be put on the back burner. I don't want to be his friend. I have plenty. I am looking for a committed relationship and will not settle for less. I don't know why it is so important for him that we are friends. I believe its to make himself feel better and he wants his cake and eat it too... not going to happen with me.... I also don't believe he is use to having someone tell him no. Oh well, I'm sticking with my. I will not settle!boundaries.
GOOD FOR YOU GIRL!!
Believe me, you will have no regrets with your decision.
You set a great example, by saying NO!
This post is deleted!
Hello again Brightsmileandhazeleyes ~
Listen to your gut instincts girl...and stand your ground! While I don't know your cancer man, and I don't want to be unfair, I do know the pattern and I am not surprised he has contacted you after no contact by either one of you! Remember a few things I wrote in your other thread:
"I have observed him in many, many relationships and they all end up the same way...as soon as he has them hook, line and sinker...he is already looking for his next challenge but will keep them around until he knows whether the next challenge is worth his time! If it is then he drops them but if not he still has someone until he finds another challenge to lay on the charm! Sometimes after dumping them he'll charm his way back only to do the same thing when he finds another challenge, but he tries to keep them in the wings so to speak for as long as they will put up with it. I've told him several times that he gets this adrenaline high when he has a new challenge to pursue and I can always tell when he's on the "prowl" even while still being "involved" with someone. He has this "need" to be loved but when he gets it he doesn't want it anymore."
"I can't tell you what this cancer man will do but I wouldn't be surprised if he does try to charm his way back into your good graces at some point, especially if he comes to realize he's lost a damn good woman! The problem is that once he's charmed his way back into your life and into your heart, he'll probably do the same thing to you again! Whether you decide to completely cut him out of your life, be friends or give the relationship another try is up to you but I would caution you to be very careful if he tries to lay on the charm because chances are it will end the same way...although it may not! Just be careful and listen, really listen to what your gut feelings tell you."
My guess is he got the other woman hook, line and sinker but then decided she wasn't want he wanted after all or maybe she realized he plays games and doesn't want to play! So, he wants to test the waters with you, to see if, or how easily you will let him back in your life and if you will be his "lady in waiting" while he plays his game. I am not saying that he doesn't genuinely care about you, because he may, but if he can have you in his life as his "friend" and still play the game until he decides if or when he wants more with you, then he gets to have his cake and eat it too! I can't tell you what to do as I do not know him, but you do, so only you can decide how you feel about him and what course to follow. I would only advise that if you do decide to meet up with him, be careful of his charming ways, and I think you know what I mean! You have to listen to your heart, but don't ignore what your instincts are telling you because they are there for a reason, and your gut instincts help and protect you and your heart!
I don't know if this helps or not...I'm a little tired so I hope this makes sense?!? Lol! While it's sometimes hard to believe that someone that doesn't personally know you can understand how you're feeling or what you're going through, I do understand! And I know at times it can be very confusing! But it's YOUR life... and you DO have a say in it... he doesn't get to charmingly dictate what kind, if any, relationship the two of you have!!! It's not all about him or what he wants...it's about you and what you want too!!!
Whatever YOU decide, I wish you all the best!
Good morning danr... thank you so much for your thoughts and wisdom. The bottom line is I don't trust him or believe in him. I am done. He called again last night and said he has a birthday gift for me. I told that its not necessary. I told him there is no reason for him to give me a gift. He said its something he ordered special for me and can't return it. He won't let Yep on being friends and now meeting to give me my gift. I told him I am really busy with work. He said, well let me check with you later next week when your not so busy... what the heck... now what? Are cancer men pushy and persistent as he seems to be? I thought they hate rejection? I keep rejecting and he hasn't given up!
Thanks again for your words of wisdom
Persistant when they can't have what they want!
Virgo girl at my work was dating a cancer man, they dated for about 4 months then he backed away and she did not hear from him for 3 weeks. Then he calls her out of the blue, how much he misses her...blah blah and wanting a second chance with her, after much begging and being persistent, she caved in to him and they started dating again. He sent her the most beautiful bouquet of long stem roses, no joke he spent over $300, they were just beautiful. ( I even have a photo), not even a week later he distant him self from her, she did not hear from him, he would not answer her calls, she was done, enough was enough.
I am not saying this will happen to you, but once again, they are unpredictable.
What danr wrote is very true.
LOL, you know what, I bet a good way to get him to leave you alone is to act interested -once you "get hooked" he'll take off again. Haha, and then you get a present out of it!
i respect your stregnth bright eyes.... so does he, that's why he will continue to chase you. I am sure he does have feelings, if they are strong enough for him to trust you enough to go to the next level he will choose you if not....you still win. Stay true to self it's the only way to gain love from another.