Chances of fidelity



  • i have been engaged to a man since december 23, 2009. up until then he claimed "i don't know what i want". i had to make it clear that didn't help me feel confident about sleeping with him (we met in 2007 as friends, and it seemed he preferred a "friends with benefits" relationship since he ended a relationship 22 years ago where his ex cheated on him; i had just ended a relationship for the same reason). i respected his need to 'take time'. i was born 1/30/1961, at 8:53 am in s.f., ca. He was born 11/4/1954 at 2 am in Frankfurt-am-Main, Germany. In early 2010, he was 'friended' by a past love interest, and her possessiveness caused friction between us because she was secretive about already being in a relationship herself. He seemed to 'cool' with her after discovering that fact. This year, we both were 'friended' by a woman just out of a broken engagement. She was born 11/29/1959. I don't know how much he 'needs' this relationship, but he has claimed that he wants to be able to 'enjoy the charms of women' without necessarily telling them he is engaged with other women who befriended him since our engagement. He also likes to flirt with women in general.

    How much can I believe this situation won't turn into something more intimate? (When the previous love interest 'friended' him, he was reluctant to tell me about that because he 'didn't know how (i) would react".



  • Dear cuspqlyph

    Your bethothed has a cup that runs over with charm that is of the deviious kind. Honey in plain words you have yourself a womanizer, who can't stop hisself from befriending woman. He wants to taste the fruits of passion and keep a good woman on the side . You really have answered your own questions here by just writing your request. You need to respect yourself enough to let this fish jump back into the lake . You will meet another man a short time after you release this man from your life. The new man will be dark headed and slim with wonderful dark eyes that just shine happiness through them. He will have something to do with landscape or he loves to work with the ground and earth. He may be a bit younger than you by five yrs is what I'm getting. Please let us know when you have found this new love that will bring you far more happiness than you thought possible.

    Shuabby



  • Thank you, Shuabby!!

    I have been trying to see this situation in a broader light, since he's claimed it's just about making friends...last year, I asked him why most of these friends were women instead of men. He told me it was because he felt more comfortable having women as friends. I know from his history that his father was a womanizer and a charmer (at one point he exclaimed "I have my father's killer charm", almost like he was oblivious to what that could mean in our relationship). His mother left her husband when my fiance was 14 (his father was a military man who moved to Germany from America with the family). My fiance says while he spent a lot of time with his mother, she had angry words to say about "creepy male sexuality" that left him feeling rejected and scarred sexually. Upon her deathbed, she told him "Stop petting me". I brought this up to him earlier this year as a possible reason he needed to keep 'friending' women; he didn't react negatively. But since I haven't 'friended' numerous men and followed his earlier "advice" to have lots of women friends 'since i can't meet all your emotional needs', it seems unbalanced and unfair to me in the long run.



  • p.s. He had also claimed 'nobody can meet all your needs' in defense of having relationships with all these women. But he won't tell me what those needs are that i supposedly 'can't meet' either.


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