BImoon please! Let's talk!



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  • I hear your bumps----I respond better to the moon and it is disapearing right now. The new moon will show you more possabilities. Also, your love life question is more distraction than relevant right now and your counselour can give you advice. In general, attaching yourself to unknown situations---is a coping mechanism for your pain. Like turning up the radio when you don't want to hear other things. You are jumping ahead of yourself---both a good sign as you get "it" quikly and this means you will do well with help---you understand how things work in a big picture---the ripple effect. You are impatient and want a relationship. Those are valid feelings but include your head. This is a time for healing---so you do not need to gather pain through relationships. Will you heal?--yes---will it be as if never happened--no. It is a part of you. Healing means bringing your shadow side into the light and being aware enough to think before your wound directs your life. Have your counselour direct you to excellent books that help you see your "side effects" Or just browse the late night bookstore say a prayer and let spirit guide you. Abuse survivors all are unique yet also deal with comman issues. They are life long but managed. INTIMACY is an issue---be aware of attractions that feed that.fear---including attractions to detached people who keep you in that safety net yet also cause pain because it is your pain needing release. Your counselour is aproaching this in a smart way---starting the process at the source---releasing the story over and over untill it is spent and out in the light. Get through this first. There is a lot more stored up pain than you imagine---it takes time to release as it is every cell of your being. Next step is examining your habits that sabotage healing. To cope with your trauma you established coping skills that helped you survive but stunt you---there is deep safety trust issues. That is a big rebuilding project. I really believe as long as you remain in treatment you will move faster than most but with that extra zest you need to practice patience. You will always be attracted to more withdrawn people--that's ok--just pick the more enlightened ones! Most likely your mate will be a man with wounds of his own--so you can grow together---so it is important to choose a man who is as aware as you he has a problem--so when you both slip up you can help mirror each other. The worst thing you can attract right now is a "rescue" relationship---a man you want to help who ain't looking to be enlightened. So be patient. There is a law to energy attraction---you heal first enought to see the symptoms of your own illness and you can see it in others! So to answer you question---yes you will meet a man.. Right now is more about you being your own relationship--getting to know yourself as something has been lost. The trauma in early childhood has distorted who you are. This is the journey we all take---finding are way back "home" ---putting ourselves back together. Spirit shows me the number 6---I hear weeks---that will be the time for a clearer picture---a hnt of the future possibility in the love department. Have patience untill then and spend this time getting to know you. This committment of intention will attract a man who is on the same path! BLESSINGS! PS--spirit adds that you should "play" more---nurture your inner child. Find a lost joy!



  • Dear BImoon,

    Thank you for your reply! I've got to say that after you encouraged me to go and see the counsellor and he found a problem, I've felt very connected to you and the way you read. It's the first time I've ever been very sure of a reader instinct-wise and just in how connected I feel and I think that I'm going to be a loyalist to your readings. I think I've finally found something that works (although I will still welcome and respect the other wonderful readers here - it can't hurt to get more than one opinion as long as you don't get so many different opinions that you get confused! lol). I hope that I can make this thread continuous between you and me, as in, whenever I have an issue I just add onto this thread instead of starting a new one.

    By the way, I made a mistake when I wrote you after my first session with him. I don't have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome. The Disorder is much more serious than the Syndrome. It takes more intensive healing - it's for those suffering from traumatic memories much more serious than mine. I wasn't abused in any way and I wasn't in a war. Although there's definitely some trauma the doctor says that it doesn't seem to be too serious. I'm already healing very quickly, according to him! The second session with him, I told the whole story to him again and I barely had an emotional reaction to it; I stayed very calm and no tears were shed. I even laughed half way through, which is a good sign. 🙂 It seems to be that the event itself wasn't too traumatic but it's that I stored it away deep inside of myself and never came to terms with it and I'm still looking at it as a 12 year old girl when I think back on it. I feel it as a twelve-year old does. But now, after I'm starting to come to terms with it as an 18 year old. After the first session I already felt really refreshed. After two, I now feel so much more confident. 🙂 He recommends just one more session but says that I'm welcome to have more sessions if I feel that I'd benefit from them.

    I think you're right that right now should be the time for healing, not romance. I guess it's okay to talk about romance - I enjoy talking (and thinking) about the future, as I'm sure you already know. LOL. I guess it's because it reminds me that I can't change what happened in my past but that there's a whole life ahead of me. It makes me happy - it reminds me that life goes on. But I guess that right now when I'm trying to come to terms with what I did when I was 12, if I were to go on a date my insecurities will be fed - I'd be overanalyzing everything that happens, worrying, etc. Not the right time, I guess.

    Oh, and something that reminds me of a question I have out of curiosity. Yesterday I was on a walk with my mother and Andrew's mother rides her bike around the neighborhood every day. She's a doctor and she's very health-conscious. Well, she rode by my mother and I and slowed down when she was next to us and asked if I know where I'm going to go to college yet. I told her that I've decided on Bryn Mawr College and that started a very long conversation with her. She went to the University of Pennsylvania which is the brother school so she knows more about BMC than most people, I think. She seemed to think highly of it and we had a long conversation, she pulled Andrew into the conversation a few times and then we ended the conversation and my mother and I continued on our walk and she continued on her bike ride. She's always very friendly with us (I think especially because Andrew's older sister, Abigail, was in the same class as my older brother in high school). I'm wondering if she can tell that I'm very interested in her son? I don't bring him up a lot but I'm wondering if she can tell in my expressions and the way I speak when she brings him up that I'm attracted to him? And do you think she feels upset by it if yes? I have a feeling that she's the kind of mother who can be very threatened by girls who like her son - she likes to bring up his academic accomplishments a lot so I feel like she might think highly of him and might feel threatened/irritated by girls who she thinks aren't "good enough" for her son. Even if Andrew and I don't start a relationship, I wouldn't want anything bad going on between me and her. She seems like a really nice lady.

    In your last post, you mentioned that I'd meet a man. I think that what I meant when I asked was if you see me being able to have a healthy and happy relationship with Andrew once I'm healed or if he's not the one for me. However, as of yesterday, I stopped the three-weeks thing that your spirit recommended. It's not the right time for a romance to start, as you said, and I think that especially if I want to be with someone like Andrew who has his own insecurity issues, I'd need to come to term with mine. I'd need to go in strong and with a clear and confident head. So since your spirit sees me healing in about 6 weeks, I think I'm going to start the 3 weeks plan that your spirit recommended in perhaps five weeks.

    Best,

    Nina



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  • Oh, I wanted to tell you that I think I understand something now. What you meant about how you can be attracted yet repelled at the same time. You said that was what was happening with Andrew yet I feel like it happens with me too, and when I think about what you were initially saying to me, I star to understand it more.

    I want love and affection and intimacy. Care. Yet at the same time, little pieces of it scare me. For example, I might imagine being held in his arms yet at the same time, I feel awkward about it. It's like there's always a contradiction in my head: I want to be close to someone and intimate but at the same time, there are some parts of it that scare me.

    I think it also has to do with the parts of intimacy that aren't the most pleasant. When two people are truly intimate there are many wonderful and beautiful things that come with it, yet at the same time, there are also bad things that come with being too close to another person. Fights and all of that and I case I'm scared of those. I want to be close to him physically and emotionally yet I'm scared of conflict. With my current family, too, although I love them to death and when times are good I pull closer, when there's a conflict I bolt and want to be left alone and want to separate from them and get the urge to separate for long periods of time. I guess this is how Andrew feels and I hope that the counsellor can help me to get over that so I can open myself up to the good parts of intimacy and not allow the bad parts to make me run away. So that I can get through the bad parts without running off and sacrificing the good parts. I think that right now what is happening with me (AND him, I guess... perhaps we're going through almost identical emotional states) is that I really want the good things that come with intimacy - I want to cook their favorite dish, I want to be held and loved, I want to laugh together - yet when the negative stuff comes about, I sacrifice all the good times and bolt.



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