How do i help my husband



  • he has been a gambler, a lier, a thief. he has ran away from home-slept rough- police out looking for him. he has come home then done it again.

    just now he is living away from home he does not want to come back. he cant trust himself. we have a daughter(4) and he has been a step father to my eldest(13)

    i miss him and i want him home. am i stupid?



  • i am gemini and he is libra. i love him and have put up with so much pain. i want to be strong but i feel as if i am falling apart. does any one have any advice for me



  • Jeanr,

    It is difficult to help you from the type of description you have given of your husband. Have you considered doing a horoscopic compatibility chart? If so, this would help identify if you are both compatible with one another. However, it can not serve to help your husband with his gambling problem. Serious gambling is an illness, most like alcoholism where the affected person needs to come to the conclusion that they need to seek help. You can try to help your husband through programs that are available to you such as: www.gamblersanonymous.org and their affiliate progam gam-anon which is to help you and your family. I would suggest that you get help for you and your daughter through gam-anon first. Your husband will ultimately have to make his own decision to obtain help. Unless he is willing to receive help there really is no help for him at the present time. To answer your last question, No you are not stupid, you simply love your husband and are devoted to him even through his illness. Sometimes though we need to be somewhat thick skinned and show a little tougher love for individuals that have problems like your husbands. Gam-anon can help you achieve this. If you would like the capatibility chart done you may contact me at: . I wish you the very best and I hope your husband will seek the help he needs to become a productive member of society again. Good luck!



  • thanks for your response. there is more to the story than i have mentioned. his gambling has been a symptom of a rape that happened to him 10 yrs ago. he hid from this and ran from the memory, which has now become his way of coping. it only came to light through a session of N.L..P. in feb. he returned home after 2 weeks away in feb then was told he was not getting a work bonus and could not face telling me this news so lied again then ran. he was sleeping rough. he has now decided that he can not come home, he is scared he will cause me pain again.

    i am lost without him, and i dont know how to manage. i feel as though half of me has gone.

    jeanette



  • ia have tried to contact you bur not getting sent?



  • he was in contact, phoned, came to visit. wants to stay away to get help. but i discover last night he was lieing to me about working overtime and planned a night out. i dont know where he is staying most nights. who he is with. yet he tells me he loves me and does want to come home. i dont know how to deal with this or what to believe. its my birthday next week and we had plans. he always treated me like a princess.

    any advice?



  • I too am a Gemini married to a Libra man. I am so sorry you are having to deal with so much at one time as far as he is concerned. And as we all know, Gemini's love to communicate and Libra's hate it.

    For now I would just let him go through whatever it is he has going on. You focus on yourself and your child. If it's meant to be he will come back.

    Sending love and light your way.



  • Hi Jeanr, You have to get him in therapy to talk about all this. He has to know that there are millions of others that have gone thru this--men included. There's a # a can get you. Never tried it but saw it somewhere. The key is to talk. If he grew up in a closed-judgmental enviro, it may take a while. You are up against it and so is he. You have to take care of yourself and child. I think he knows he has you as his helper. Tell him you'll help him. Other than this, I hope he doesn't follow crime (which happens in most cases.) Seek help from a professional. Don't be afraid to get him the help he needs. If he doesn't follow, you will have done everything you can.



  • hi, he has been to therapy, still going. am trying to hard to understand. but its the lies that hurt the most and the way he pushes me away. he is still staying at his mothers-who has told me twice to tell him to piss off. i just want him home and i dont know if thats what he wants. i loose sight of everything at times and doubt what i am trying to do.

    i have told him i love him and will support him in getting help-yet he continues to lie to me and push me away. he comes to visit and makes promises then blanks me the next day. i dont know what to do.he is not a bad person, just needs help. but how much longer can he treat me as if i dont matter.



  • To me it sounds like you are making excuses and protecting him. Yuk, that is an awful place to be. You have got to get this man out of your life until he is ready to deal with the issues at hand. There is only one possibility that might salvage things, but it requires great strength and courage.

    Move one with your life, stop letting this man see you waiting around for him. I don't mean fake this, I mean really do it. Men do not understand what they have until it's gone. I do beleive that when a man is going through what yours's is, they have a tendancy to drag things out as long as we are wiling to put up with it. Move on and don't look back, he will then be forced to really see what he is loosing. It's the only way, trust me I know.



  • Hi, Yes, your going to have to move on. Please talk to someone to help YOU cope.



  • just spent all day talking things through, i gave him an easy way out but its most deff not what he wants, i was wrong about the overtime - he was working. i have explained how hes has made me feel. he hates himself for hurting me but thought we would be better of without him. he has therapy twice this week and is waiting for hospital app.



  • I agree with Dalia, you need to find a way to cope and you need support. Maybe therapy for the both of you and if you have children (depending on age) they need some help too. This is effecting the family and the family needs to heal together. Remember that this is not the end, he will go through his healing and if things work out then you two can bring the family back together. Take good care of yourself first.



  • thank you for the support and advice. i have access to therapy through work-i have made contact with this service and intend to use it. i cant fix his problems, which is whatt i struggle with but i can support him. as long as he is honest and stops pushing me away. i have told him this.

    thank you



  • i am so angry with him, the day after talking for hrs, he did not turn up when he had promised. loads mor lies, loads more tears from kids.

    he had also said that his mother had bought a ticket to got to a family wedding in italy. he said he would not go-just more running away.

    he just just informed me that he is going-will not be here for my birthday. am so upset. i think i shall have to accept that its over. gonnag take back control and phone for laywer app today



  • jeanr,

    I have to agree with myviewpoint. I am a Leo just recently married to a Scorpio. It took me four years to finally commit to him. The reasons were his past, his drinking, and his drinking buddies. But, after leaving him for the fourth time and getting back together for the last, we finally came to a compromise. Us being away from eachother really gave us the time to realize that we could not be apart. I feel you need to give him the time away to figure out what he really wants and needs. If you love him, set him free. If he comes back, it was meant to be.

    contralto



  • i have started divorcing him, unreasonable behaviour and he shall get no acess to his daughter-after the way he has messed her about. This was not what i wanted but he has backed away from us too many times. stollen from us lied and avoided us- left with no choice. he shall get the laywers letter on his return from italy. i believe i feel calmer in a way for doing something instead of allways accepting his behaviour. I deserve better, my kids deserve better. a new chapter begins.



  • I am so proud of you and I don't even know you!!! You and the kids come first, good for you.



  • not easy, head going to explode with it. but i know that life will get better. thank you!

    away to put the make up on and head out for tea. got friends coming round tomor for my birthday and another night out is being planned for me for fri.

    lots of friends about and i have been honest with them this time, instead of hiding what he has been doing.

    kids will be more stable without him, life will be more stable.



  • he has sent me txt from italy to say he will fight me to get to see his daughter. i dont care because i am right in trying to protect her from his lies. told him he can do his worst....but i have a lot of dirt on him so i think he has to just let go and take blame for it all. i am not at fault for his way of treating us. i have only tried to help. i told him to fuck of. i am happy with that. hope i find some self respect.


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