I am in love with Virgo man. It is VERY COMPLECATED. HELP!!!

  • Hi Jenever, I hope no one takes my statement as judging... I only speak of things I have gone through myself and have experienced... In fact, I believe this is why we share with each other on this blog, each of us have experienced deceit. Your response was dead on...Vic needs to read aquabubbles statement.

    Oftentimes, we are in denial of our true feelings due to the fact that when we are caught up in the way this special person makes us feel (feelings), we feel euphoric. These feelings are an emotion and emotions are fleeting, hence the roller coaster effect...chemically driven. If we can keep the emotional part in check, we then can see more clearly. This is why outsiders can read between the lines and girlfriends who care can speak so candidly to us, if they feel, we are being mistreated.

    The bottom line is...there are other people involved...if you wouldn't like it done to you...why would you want to do it to someone else. As women, we should always first and foremost, make men be accountable and not be so quick to cause harm to another woman. Think about what you are stating to this married man, his friends, your friends. family, when you allow him to have both you and his family. It does not matter what he tells you. The marriage could just be going thru a rough patch or he's narcissistic and believes he shd have what he wants, when he wants it. I could be wrong, but I do not believe any person wants to be second best, no matter the circumstances. So why even expend energy on a no win situation. Force his hand and you will know the answer. Hugs

  • Hi again. I am an Aries myself and I know how attractive elusive Virgo men are to us, straighforward rams. I also know that we are an easy target for them, because of our inability to tolerate uncertainty. I don't want to say that all Virgo men are cheaters, but their moral boundaries certainly tend to be elastic. That's part of their attraction - certain air of unconventionality and outworldliness. By the way, you don't really know if the guy was faithful to his wife for 15 years - you only know what he choses to tell you. My first boy friend was Virgo. A year into relationship I found out that he already was in a few years relationship with someone else. I left and he eventually married her, wanted me back, divorced her - in that order. But I didn't go back, because I couldn't trust him. I am living with another Virgo man now, and we also had a difficult history. He was "in love" with his unavailiable ex while dating me, but I only knew about it much later. The minute his ex became availiable he fell in love with me (because I left when I found out), but later I've let him win me back. The only reason he is still interested in me is because I've become an expert in emotional detachment, which took years of practice. Virgo needs to be in control. Once he feels that you are under his spell, he loses interest. If you really want to be with him, you need to be GENUINLY emotionally independent and get your own life and your own "grey areas". However, if you want a real family - Virgo is not the right type.

  • Actually, I really didn't mean that you should even try to win him back. Women should be much kinder to each other and not do to the other women what you wouldn't want to be done to you. Excuse my English.

  • Guys! You have no idea how helpful you are here. Jen, yes, it did got too far with him, we literally built a home together and I used to see and talk to him every day. The min he is in the front of me – he is a true gentleman: cares how my work is doing, how my daughter is, brings me food to make sure I eat ( yesterday he showed up at my place with 5 min notice with food  ). We talked and argued about business matters, he values my opinion a lot. It feels like we are soul mates; sexually there are fireworks too!!! He was very insecure in the beginning, but now once he learned how to “operate my body”, I do not think I had a better partner. Aww..

    On the other hand… After reading Jen’s postings with her Virgo.. OMG!!!! Is it what I set myself for??? Guys, I know!!! I really do!! how it feels to be on the other side of the fence.. I lost my husband of 7 years marriage due the same situation (he was a Scorpio). I KNOW!! how it feels to be on the other side, and how much I hated the situation. There you go, I guess destiny had another plans for me and gave me an opportunity to be both: the wife and the mistress…

    Well… He left my house last night at 1:30PM! We did have a great time enjoying each other… he left on the happy note. But.. after reading all this I feel like I have to make better choices for myself. I want to be “the one”, not “the other one”. I do not know how much power it will take, but I am going to simply disappear: no answering phone, texts and etc.. Until it goes away. I need your support so much as this will be very hard.

    VoplySoply, thanks so much for sharing.. I fell like you nailed it.. about have my own “grey areas”. When I was not responding to him about my resent life and what I was doing and were I’ve been, I felt like he got all nervous, lol.

    And for HawaiianFlower.. In fact you can barely call me a desperate woman. I am 29 years old ( with experience of 40 years old ) I fully support myself, pay my daughter’s school and the entire my parents living. Have my own beautiful house. I do not require support of a man, not at all. He is fascinated by that as well. Nor I have lack of men’s attention. I am stunning looking and no man pass by on the street wouldn’t turn their head at me. My girlfriends think I HAVE IT ALL.: Child, Career and Beaty. Some how he, not someone else managed so effortlessly capture my heart..

    Please feel free guys to debate on that. Its my pleasure hear your voices and experiences!

  • Speaking as a Virgo, we have a tendancy to fall in love with the unavailable or the unobtainable. It's absolutely intriging to us as it keeps everyone at arms length. If we are the faithful and upstanding types we fight dilligently against the urge to walk that path. Your Virgo man is very dangerous emotionally and you should probably keep your distance no matter how much it hurts. Take this as a learning experience and move on. As AriesBurnsBright has said ...there are other people involved.

  • LOL Vic - I don't know if you're setting yourself up for the same thing I've been through. You've been through plenty already. It depends on what's going on with your particular guy. If he's committed to not giving up his kids and everything he's worked for, then "yes", those are the same excuses that my Virgo has and I would predict tons of frustration in your future. It doesn't seem to matter what kind of ugly relationship my V has with his wife, he's seeing things through until HE is ready to make a move or until his wife finds herself a new man and leaves him, or, if she either drops dead or gets hit by a truck. (Why she doesn't just divorce him I don't know - all the signs are there of a woman who is detached, distrustful and unloving. Maybe just because she can't support herself either?) But until that point he is "there for the kids". Although I suspect that even after the kids are grown, that severing himself from his life's accumulation of "stuff", and the institution of marriage, won't be easy either. He claims otherwise, but is that worth me waiting years for to find out? Depends on what you want in your life I guess.

    Overall though, it's not nice is it? Nor is it healthy. Your concern for yourself needs to be an awareness that you are dealing with a man who is living a very dysfunctional life outside of your time together. Do you think that living a dual life is something that makes sense and is manageable for a person? Any person? In some ways I agree with whomever it was here, VoplyScoply maybe, who said that your man is particularly scary. If he can conduct himself like this without any remorse or conscience about his actions - towards his wife and towards you - then you have some serious tihnking to do about who he is. I've had to face this myself. For all the good I see in my V, there is something really wrong with his ability to face and deal with his realities.

    These guys are playing by their own set of rules and will continue to do so as long as everyone plays along - or until they recognize within themselves that there are other ways to deal with life - which may not happen until they outright get caught. I guess somewhat to my Virgo's credit, he does introspect on his behavior, but at the same time, he doesn't have it in him to make the tough choices that would free him to live a more honest life for himself. In his world the solution seems to be, play the martyr for his children and grab whatever happiness he can on the side, while hoping that Fate will come to his rescue. I'll admit that I don't feel much guilt over my involvement with him because the damage to his marriage was in place long before I came along. BUT, what I do hate is the idea of allowing myself to accept less than what I want in a relationship AND the fact that he can't seem to appreciate that this is what it means for me to be involved with him. I suspect that this is because he and his wife are both accepting less than they want out of their relationship on a daily basis, so this is his norm. Whatever the source though, that piece of the total situation is not my problem. What I need to be content in a relationship is my problem and my choice.

    Mind you I totally appreciate the emotional aspects of this. Even having said all of this, I still struggle with the emotional attachment to my V. Like you, I've generally got my act together, there are other options for men out there, I may not be "stunning" but I consider myself to be fit, reasonably attractive, intelligent and good company. Yet there is still such a "pull" there for V. But, I am learning to just accept - as so many other Virgo lovers that have posted on the threads here seem to - that I can like/love him all I want, but it's probably best to stay out of anything more with him. These men don't have their sh it together and they drag you down with them. Just as this is all dragging you down now, and forcing you to dig up super-human strength to get over him. It's just a total pain isn't it? Haha, I think that I am becoming like the reformed smoker who now lectures everyone who smokes. 🙂

  • Good analogy Jen 'reformed smoker/alcoholic!" LoL You are soo right to say that...cuz these are toxic relationships and if you abstain long enough, the withdrawals will subside. You will be able to think more clearly and when someone else that is a much better fit enters your life, you'll be looking back and saying, "What the heck was I thinking?"

    IMHO, I believe we often tolerate less than is deserving when our mind/body is out of balance.

    Side note: And, my continued interest in this blog. I still think it is very, very odd that so many women on this thread have almost the same exact story...V has stated and done nearly the identical thing to each and every lady...coincidental? Don't think so, unless it is the same man everyone is dating. JK

    Wasn't it Leogemini that truly suffered when her V thought his wife might find out? Can't remember, wd have to look back, but I think he also told her he and his wife were very unhappy. Would like to hear from someone who dated a married V and the wife found out.

    And Voply has hit the nail on the head...w/ Vs you have to be straight up independent and aloof, they love it! This is for the single ladies though...once married, it appears Vs seem to wander off both physically and emotionally. It is stated that Virgo men are the most likely to be bachelors....

  • As my Virgo partner commented on a subject of emotional detachment, - " there is a little bit of Michael Jackson (another V) in all of us" . And he knows what he is talking about - Virgos have lots of warmth for human kind in general, and are very good at making eye contacts with strangers, yet fail to make a single woman happy for any significant amount of time. If she is intelligent enough to be happy on her own, then he might (or might not) join in. She can always count on his "constructive criticism", though. 🙂

  • Hi guys, just an update.. As I said I just disappeared on him. Since he left on Wed night I cut all the contacts. He sent me 5 messages since and I never responded. Last night he messaged me at 12 AM asking “Are you upset at me? You gotta be. I wish I knew why?”

    Really? Why??? Cause I had enough of lies!!!! That why!! You know I was a smoker for 15 years and I quit about 4 month ago. I did it in one shot. Just through out a pack of cigarettes and never touched it again in 4 month. Why can’t I do the same thing with this man? I am sure I can!!!

  • Stay strong Vic. Clearly you were not getting what you needed in the relationship or you would not be questioning yourself and writing on this blog. Curious though, as it appears you just disappeared...did you ever let him know what you needed in the relationship as one of the other girls mentioned you should do, or did you just disappear? Sending lots of positive energy to you... ♥

  • Hi ABB, I did tell him what I wanted from him. It was 2 month ago. He went on a Vacation by himself, just along, to figure out things for himself and make a decision. After he came back he said the only thing he missed there was his kids and me. I asked if he made his choice, he said yes. His decision was "to leave everything as is and see how things turn in the future; that he is not ready to change anything due financial / kids situation. I thought that 4 month was not enough to make this kind of decisions so I stayed around for another 2 month. Now I got the feeling that he just so super comfortable to have both, his family and me, that it will never change until I put my foot down. Well here I am. I did. I do not think he has to hear another word of explanation to "Why I am upset with him"

  • Vic, you did the right thing. Vs always go away to think and quite often, when they r put on the spot. IMHO Vs probably will not do anything unless forced to, either by the wife or by a significant other and why it is very dangerous if it happens to be a married man you are dealing with. If the wife doesn't leave or throw him out, V is not leaving... IMO V probably loves you maybe his wife, his children, his money and yet V is not willing to gamble with his security...which most men aren't and why they cheat.

    Again, stay strong...if we all could just do what we wanted to do and not get caught, we would all be doing crazy stuff...and why we must not be a party to it! You sound like a great catch, so there is no reason at all for you to be second in anyone's life. Stay strong...think about your daughter! ♥

  • Wow, that's exactly was on my mind "If the wife doesn't leave or throw him out, V is not leaving..." He said he would love if she could just leave him herself. That would be the best resolution for him he said..

    Thank you ABB. Thats what everyone keep telling me, friends, family, co workers... That I've done as much already that most ppl don't do in their live times financially and with my looks and especially with my head how could I possible got into all of this.. So as of today I am looking at this as another opportunity to test my will powers. Its easy to ignore the messages and do not pick up the phone, but what I really afraid is to bump into him. I am very scared of face to face contact. Then it just feels like I loose all the control.

  • spot on abb, never be second...especially if you never make some else second in your life!!!! if you are wanting to offer the whole package to someone then you deserve to be offered the same in return.

    ;-( i hate it when people any person is put in this situation when they are just waiting around for someone to see their value. Lifes too short.

    I think no contact is definitely the best course of action.....total cold turkey from your attention that V likes with no strings. See what happens? if he is willing to change to make proper room for you in his life. otherwise whats the point? just waiting around for what?

    He just seems to escape into the world you create for him from his 'real' life. But he is part of your real life and you want him to be an everyday reality.

    His loss...his life will stay the same, but your life once you feel better stronger is like an open hand, waiting for something amazing to drop into it.

    you need to stay strong, look in the mirror and think...'i deserve better, i am better than this, I want more'

    sometimes we can overlook pitfalls of a relationship by just remembering the special moments. and the worst thing is we often forget what the emotions feel like when we are an outsider looking in, like me. I know i am saying all this you deserve better etc....hmmm but it hurts the temptation the wish to see them blah blah its difficult. sometimes the mind needs to be trained to over power the heart to protect yourself and those you love.

    Hoping things work out for you vic hugs x x

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  • Thank you Mardepp!! Thank you all of you!! This is exactly what I need to keep strong. You guys bring so much valuable reasoning so how can't I not listen to it. I agree Mardepp, if its a real thing - he'll come back, but I only want him for myself. Period. I do not have 15 years to waste. In fact I do not have even a day to waste, lol. Spring is in the air, this is always bring my spirit up 🙂

  • Since his last text messege on Sun I never heard from him anymore.. It’s been 4 days..

    I wonder what’s in his head? I actually was expecting him to go crazy trying to contact me.. It happened before when I left him twice.. Hmmm.. Not that I want any of the drama or anything.. Just find it unusual for him..

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  • thank u all, iam in same situation like vic013. now i know what to do with my virgo

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