I am in love with Virgo man. It is VERY COMPLECATED. HELP!!!
WOW mardepp.. 20 years past till you got a closure, WOW. How did it feel? Did you feel like that pain from past went away? My ex-boyfriend from way back.. When we broke up about 9 years ago he said he was not ready for anything serious so I left him.. Did not see him for 6 years. Bumped into each other unexpectedly.. OMG!! How much of closure I got after he was saying that he loved me and remembered me all this years. He knew my address, he said he watched me all this years, followed my life, knew I got married, seen me caring my baby.. Watched me playing with my daughter on my front yard.. He said how much he missed my company.. I was crying.. Well it was great that we met again, I lost a boyfriend but I gained a great friend after all. He is my very close spiritual friend now. Yes, our feelings changed from romantic to great friendship I got my closure
And I think you are right mardepp.. He is probably thinking (my Virgo).. The only thing it is my b-day today.. And regardless what he is thinking just a quick "happy b-day" massege from him would be nice.. But something tells me I won't hear from him today
Cuteleo.. tell us your story pls... and you said you know what you are going to do now... What is it? Thank you guys!
Happy birthday Vic! I hope you had a really good day. Sending you a hug.
Cuteleo - I saw you on my thread and apologize that I didn't have a chance to respond, but so happy that you found some answers here that seem to have helped. Wonderful! I too am curious to know now - what are you going to do.
This post is deleted!
Happy Birthday Vic.
Thanks for your reply jenver, though i use to just visit and read all your thread because of my relationship with a virgo man.
Now i decided i will change my number and leave this town and will not let him know where iam
Its quite tiring with this virgos. Surprising is how all can be with same character with a pull and push act
thanks guys once again.
I think my effort will work
The big problem is he is a lier, you are being a fool to think he would be a good mate... Married is just that,, make no mistake... he took a vow to be by his wifes side..... I have no understanding for this kind of betrail.... you are a fool to even think he could be true to you even if he left his wife.. he is not a man of his word....
To Vic013: First of all, I mean no disrespect to you by saying that you were very easy for him from the start! That automatically sets up a precedence for disrespect. This man does NOT respect you! Whether you have sex or not, you are an escape hatch for him so he does not have to deal with the ups and downs that's typical in any marriage! I have been married to 2 Virgos, and know their personalities extremely well. My 2nd one did not start out being a liar, but certainly ended up being one!
You have got to be strong and start respecting yourself because he certainly won't! If I were you, I would tell him that, until he files for divorce from his wife and can present you with the signed papers from both parties, you will have nothing more to do with him, and stick to your guns on this. Don't call or text him and don't reply to his! Try this, and I will bet you millions you will never hear from him again! No matter what he tells you, he still loves his wife very much, no matter how much he claims he's not happy. That's why the chicken **** won't file for divorce himself! The problem is that he is not happy with HIMSELF! And remember .... even if you are able to get him away from his marriage, if he's cheating on his wife now, it's only a matter of time before he cheats on you too.
Hi guys.. Well here is my update.. I was completely ignoring his text messages for last 2 weeks. How hard it was! He kept writing me stuff like “I am sad”, “what did I do?”, “Why up do not talk to me, am I so bad?” “I do not want to loose your friendship. I need it more than you think. I am a good friend!!” And so on… 2 days ago I decided that these massages are torturing me so I deleted him from my BlackBerry Messager.. Wow!!!
(we were bbming eachother always, not texting) Next morning I got this very angry text from him.. Ohh-Uhh! LOL. The fact that I deleted him from BBM pissed him off.. He called me a looser, and that I’ve been unfair to him and this is the way I paid him off for his friendship and advices. LOLOLOL.
Well I wrote him a quick email thanking him for all the advices, wishing him all the best and told him that I am not going to bit him up with words or call him names, that this would make me to step down to his level. “May you eventually find your peace of mind. God bless.” That’s how I ended my email.
He responded me right back all polite and thankful and everything, saying if I ever need him he will be there for me. He wrote in the end: “Thank you, your friend always” WTF??!!! FRIEND!?!?! Is it a joke of some sort??? Brrr….
And I go another email from him at 2:30 AM today. He just fwded to me some comic pics, you know those that ppl email each other for fun. Whats up with it? What am I missing? I was clear ignoring him, I wished him all the best and let him know that I have no intentions of communicating with him and here we go..
More better.. Today he emailed me regarding work related matter that I can’t (professionally) ignore. Cause this is the situation where he represents his client and I represent my client. I had to professionally respond him with the information he requested.
OK.. What else is coming? Will he leave me along or what???
the control has shifted back to you...you're in control now....whereas before he was control and kept you where he wanted you. he can't take the fact that you are not grovelling to him or being there when he clicks his fingers.
you have to decide for yourself whether you can just deal with him proffessionally or not. because you telling him that you wished him the best goodbye didn't really prompt any kind of 'im leaving my wife' or anything like that. Just friends which means really he never thought of a future with you.
So does it matter if he gets in touch or not the question is do you you want to be there for him as anything more other than work related which would just be to keep it proffessional without emotion.
you know he can't offer you anything...the decision in your heart to break contact is made? or was deleteing him from BB just to see how he reacted? dunno I'd say stay well away...if you can work with him fine, but if it means holding a torch for him or hoping for more then i would try to give my cases to someone else. it'll just hold you back from detaching yourself and being open to meeting someone who can offer you everything.
absolute total cold turkey....work even no contact, might prompt him..but with such an easy way to keep popping in to each others lives...he has his family his wife kids which he feels a duty to and will always choose and you...being in love with the man recieveing an email and wishing it was something more when you open it.......
us virgos do like to end amicably maybe this comic book stuff is just to make it okay or could be to prompt you to say no i love u i need u feed his ego, just the fact he likes having you there, he seems like a selfish virgo..being virgo female, i don't like leading someone on when I know I can't offer them anything....but maybe men r different.
Thank you VF. You are right in the matter of me deleting him of my BB had both purposes. It was difficult to receive and read his messages and at the same time I wanted to see his reaction, but got nothing but anger. I just will continue doing nothing. Will finish the project that we are both involved. I do not have to see him for this matter thanks god. Electronic communication will do. I honestly believe if its ment to be the time will put everything in is places. I know we are leaving this subject unresolved where none of us are getting any closure. I know he really does not understand completely my behavior. He thought we are doing great. And I just felt like I can’t do same way anymore and loosing my sanity. Will see how universe will take care of it.
Oh Jen... Do not hate me guys.. I broke down. almost 4 weeks I was strong not to talk to him. He got me thrue work related issues. Word after word, after word... and there we go.. He took me out for drinks on Wed.. We did not talk about us, but we both could read each other.. how missable we were both thrue this time. He ended up in my house that night and it was amazing... I soooo missed him. Well that was this Wed.. Thur (yesterday) we got together for lunch.. Again, no talking about us.. he asked me out to go dancing on Fri night (today) He will bring his friends and I bring mine.. Then we planed to go to the Magazine launch event this upcoming Tue.. he jumped into all this again, and I just say "yes" again to all his invitations. To spend 4 nights in one week together.. wow.. he is putting the efforts.. Do not hate me ladies, but I feel like flying again.....
well considering your in love with him i'd say you can't help yourself. you want to spend time with him etc...
but really the cycle will begin once again no mention of what this rekindling means? that he wants a proper future with you meaning seperating from his wife (if he even has intentions of leaving her) you're both avoiding the issue, perhaps you're avoiding asking him because you know he'll say what you don't want to hear and he is just being his usual non commital self. he always gets his way without changing anything. he goes home to his wife and you go home wondering when if you will hear from him see him again.
when you are attached to someone who you are drawn to work can never stay innocent because there are too many emotions behind it, it can never be neutral. it took what 3 4 days from deleting him from your bb to meeting him again. he does this because he knows he can he knows he has the power. you have returned the power back to him. he is in your life on his terms...i see you when I want to....i invite you my terms and really what can you ask of him? i'm in control!!! you thought you were in control by deleteing me from ur life but nope, i am in control of this!!! so see when i click my fingers ur there!!!!
dunno vic, if you're happy just being the mistress then don't mention or expect more? but if you ask and he blows up or disappears? or fobs you off, then what is in your best interests other than to leave him properly and see if he makes changes properly to incorporate you into his life?
you're accepting lesser than you deserve but, i guess love does this...but is it love for him? I expect most people male or female want to be with the person they love everyday. and if they are in a love less marriage they resent that person more and take measure to leave because it affects the children also. x
Hi Ladies… Why do I never listen to valuable advises!!! You guys were so right.. again..
How do I though him out of my head and my life?!? We never even go to the date #4. After date #3.. well he disappeared.. again.. Last time we went dancing on Fri – that’s it, silence. Sun night I asked him whats up? He texted me back with 3 seconds “Good night”.. Now is Tue when we were suppose to be going to the even together.. Heard nothing from him. WHATS THE MATTER IS WRONG WITH THIS PERSON!! Oh, I just so pissed off!!!
Dunno what to say...it's sad...it'll always be like this as the power is back to him now....he lured you back to his net...now he's being his normal self...he got his fix.....
Something has to change..either him or you and how you handle this....he doesn't seem like he wants to change...
You have two choices...
A) you accept you are a mistress ......a secret which has no real rights in his life and comes secondary to him. (you are an ego buzz an escape from his real life which he is not wanting to
change) so whenever he turns up be happy and not get accept when he spends time with his family and wife....you do have to kind of accept that he is being intimate with her also.
B) you cut off all ties take the control back....total no contact change numbers avoid him....so he gets the message..that your in control not to get back at him but to take back control over your own life. You are dispensable disregarded when someone feels like it. You heal and then meet someone who can offer you everything.
In the interim if mr v does have real feelings for you he will make real changes to his life so you are not a dirty secret. But this doesn't mean holding a torch for him while there is no contact, it means you enjoying your life being happy and looking after yourself and your daughter.
This is emotional abuse of a kind you know...you have no idea where you stand, your head is all over the place...
Him.....secure his nice family..wife...and you when he clicks his fingers....guess who's at a disadvantage here....
You are a young woman...I expect you want a committed exclusive relationship....this is not what is good for your self esteem...or state of mind....you'll lose confidence thinking why he doesn't want to be with you etc....
The bottom line is...this has nothing to do with you...this is a weak coward of a man...who cannot face up to the real problems real issues in his life...and he runs off and hurts innocent people because he wants to escape from reality...when he is with them he forgets the mess his own life is in which he is too gutless to sort out.
You deserve better....and you're a role model for your dughter this is not what you would want her to aspire to!
Men don't even have to be married to behave in this bizarre manner! However, being married certainly gives this man the license to 'disappear' and then 're-appear' when it is convenient for him. And there you are -waiting for him! The level, on his part, of irresponsibility, infidelity, manipulation of you and his wife and children, plus the emotional blackmail and psychological abuse he is putting you through, is horrific! If what he's doing to you were against the law, he'd be locked up for life! Unfortunately, he can get away with all this, since you give him permission to, by not confronting him about the reality of the situation, or your own real feelings. How would you like to be married to him and find that he's cheating on you too? There's no hope for this guy, but there is for you, if you let go of him. Otherwise he'll drag you down with him, and then God help you. i know - i've been there.
vic>>> He texted me back with 3 seconds “Good night”.. Now is Tue when we were suppose to be going to the even together.. Heard nothing from him. WHATS THE MATTER IS WRONG WITH THIS PERSON!! Oh, I just so pissed off!!!
hf>>>> he has you exactly where he needs you. in a corner with no way out. you were warned he would do this toyou, and now look where you are,,, you are in a predictable situation, and unless you use your head and get smart,,, you will continue to be his puppet. don't get me wrong, I'm sure he digs you, just not enough to change for you, and he willalways play you as his second fiddle. maybe he plays you like a violin?? I bet he is smiling knowing he has you where he thinks you belong.
People come into our lives which we may not have control over, but choosing to connect your emotional needs to a married man is a choice you made for yourself. Why? He is emotionally unavailable and I think that little voice inside you is screaming to find a connection that’s fulfilling, but you’ve made yourself unavailable to find it.
You ask, what is wrong with this person. In this respect there is nothing wrong, because he has his commitments and although you expect to be treated as a commitment, you aren’t. Vic, you really don’t have the right to question his absences.
You’ll leave when you’re ready. When the b.s. gets to be too much. When you realize that your needs aren’t being fulfilled. When you realize that your needs are important. It’s about you. It has nothing to do with him.
Why do people always call these cases complicated? There is no complication here. You want more than he is willing to give. There is no complication here. He has made his intentions clear and he is not budging. The ball is on your court, either stay and be his Mistress or leave him and find someone who is able to give you what you deserve. This is textbook cheating on his part . You should also remember this " If they cheat WITH you they will cheat on you. It's called Karma dear. Aquabubbles makes an excellent point too, there is nothing wrong with him, he told you were he stands, his commitment to his family comes first ,so if he disappears he can't be blamed. His marriage is his licence to treat you like **** and he uses this licence to it's full advantage. This guy is a master manipulator and a champion at mind games.
True, true, true!!! Everything that you say here guys is absolutely right. Last night I’ve decided that’s enough to kill myself with thinking about him and what is wrong with all this.. and I decided to go to the even that I invited him to come with me.. (I had 2 tickets to Magazine launch party where bunch of successful good looking ppl gather. Last week I asked him if he wants to be my date, he said “of course!”.) After he disappeared again I was all depressed and decided not to go. Last min my girlfriend said “I can be your date, lets go! I have a feeling this night you can meet someone special” She literally dressed me up and got me out of the house. When we got there I was glad I came, my mood got better, I was walking around chatting with people, photographer was taking pics of me for the magazine and etc.. For these moments I got distracted, he was not on my mind!!!
NOW SIT DOWN AND DO NOT FALL OF YOUR CHAIRS
I checked my cellphone – missed call from him.. My girlfriend told me “hide your phone and do not look at it for a night.” She got the phone from my hands to put it in her purse and… her face changes.. the text messege on my phone.. “I am outside. Are you there yet?”.. Well here we are.. He came without any prior communication.. He acted all happy, thanking for inviting him and etc.. Was following us all night.. We went to take pics for the magazine together.. was his idea.. Pic of us will be in next publication of the magazine!!! How weird is that, he not only did not mind it, he was kind of excited to see us on the pic there!!! Any common sense???!!!!
Anyhow, I was very cool, friendly with him and everybody else.. just friendly. In the end of the night I just told him “good night”.. no kiss.. no hug or anything. Turned around and left with my friend. His last phrase was “Are we on good terms, right?” I pretended I did not hear it while walking away..
Ok, it was a miracle that I ended up going there.. I almost did not go.. I never in the earth expected him showing up. He even did not know the address of the place.. And what my gf told me just before we went “I feel you must go.. you’ll meet someone special” HAHAHA.. Was it HIM.. that special person.. lol??? I can soon start shooting a movie from our relationship story, lol. I am still very much shocked of what happened last night….