Star t'wixt parents?

  • Hello! I am a Virgo, born 19/9/91, Sydney, Australia.

    My father is a Sagittarius, born 5/12/60 (That's written in the same context as above!), also Sydney.

    My mother a Scorpio, born 31/10/63 (A scary lady, by all accounts!), Cairo, Egypt.

    After looking up my compatibility with both of my parents, as well as citing relevancies to current circumstances, I have come to this forum in the hopes of... well, I guess a final opinion. While I do not strictly hold to the Zodiac as the be-all, end-all of things, I just find it quite funny how things have worked out.

    My father being a Sagittarius with I, the Virgo son, we always found this an interesting point. He expects me to feel the need to talk to him everyday, but, we've gone for weeks without talking, even while living under the same roof.

    Whenever I back away sharply from him, it's because he has tried to force down my throat some kind of view on politics, religion, random semantics or life lessons - not in a, "Son, come here," manner, but in a, "Boy, what's wrong with you?" argumentative sense. When I'm proud of accomplishing something minor, he completely misses the point and often dismisses it, which just stings hard, so I also pull away. If there is anything I have that's better than his, - God forbid it, - then he must, unto the bitter end, defend it. The way he philanders around with almost every woman... I miss the point. A trist or two, perhaps I have had, but sweet moonshine, he.. Were it men that were left with pregnancies, I wouldn't be sure I was born to my mother!

    Often, we're left with nothing to talk about. He likes proving he's the best, he's the Alpha and the Omega, he's the one that's holding up the rest of the planet with all of its inefficiencies. I like.. not quite proving I'm the best. I can know I'm the best without needing to broadcast it, mainly because I'm never truly sure I'm the best. If I haven't truly mastered something, then I always refer to myself as, "The best current option, unless there are better ideas in the air," but leave it at that. When we communicate, I must take the more humble, subservient side of things, lest I show any of my wit and quips that he might take a slight against. If I do not willingly crush myself down and let him take center stage (He doesn't seem to understand that I'm not after his limelight - frankly, I don't want anybody to too greatly notice me), then he'll make sure to beat the fact of his superiority home with cheap shots at my already non-existent self-esteem (On that, I have made the metaphor that he has the highest self-esteem possible, yet no stability of self-confidence, while I have the greatest self-confidence, without the will of a self-esteem to impose it).

    What I admire most about him, though, is the way he can command people's attention - and seems happy doing it, too! I love the fact that he can get almost anything done - not just anything, but everything! The man can build houses, brew beer, write a formal and concise letter, address a political hearing, perform his own clerical work, ... If he could lose the ego, he could be my idol, and if he could just talk about idle things once in a while (Note that I say THINGS - not his involvement with them, but just the THINGS themselves!), I would ergo have no problem with the man. As it is, I have only lived with him for about three years total under the same roof, two of them consecutively, and dear Lord... Kind of glad my mother wanted out of that one.

    I know that my father will always have my back, that he loves me (In his own way, even if he looks at me with a puzzled stare everytime I try to grab his attention) and that he'd do anything for me.. the real question becomes do I want to accept throwing him a log into the fire of his ego? Although, the times when I have desperately needed help and he was able (Even if unwilling), he never made a big deal, but the matters always loomed in the air, unspoken.

    The flip-side to the parental relationship is my mother. She has always been, and I suspect always will be, warm, kind, caring and loving.. to an extreme. She is happy to admit faults with herself and glad to admit that I'm the only thing keeping her alive (Which is.. a little off-putting, but appreciated).. so I should give the same to her.

    As I grew up with my mother, she always felt that she had spoiled me, because I was never afraid to ask for things I wanted (VERY clear to define the difference between a /need/ and a /want/ each time), which were quite a few things, many left unrequited, but those that she fulfilled cherished. While she did this freely, though, I always tried to ask how much we had left, if we could cover everything, what about x, what if y happens, and if z..? If the request for something was a negative, then I'd longingly look at whatever it was, imagine a few happy moments that could be had with it before moving along my merry way with a quick, "Okay. Thanks anyway, mum!"

    While she cared, she was never always around, trying to work to keep house and home as many other single parents do. I do not mind, and I have no bitter feelings over it; in fact, I'm quite grateful that she did, although it did mean that I felt no real, "Connection," with her. Due to certain circumstances, we had to part for a year when I was six years old with her leaving to travel around the world to author a book apparently meant to change a world with me.. left behind in Egypt for that year with family, mostly asking to the point of annoyance, "What's mummy doing now? Does she know I still love her?" more or less feeling like a piece of furniture that consumed supplies once I realised that people had their own interests to attend outside of my own, and the fact that I couldn't understand what anybody was talking about (At least for a while until I'd resolved to force an auntie into teaching me as much Arabic as she could!) meant I was quite isolated from anything constructive. I do resent her a little, but the story is told for this;

    Now, obviously a few years later, with the same sort of, "Separated-close," relationship, whenever my mother tries to get into what I suppose could be called my armour, I step back and push her away. The trust that she seems to just innately expect.. isn't there. In all honesty, whenever we've spoken, anything I say is always incorrect; no matter what views or stances I have, they are always alien, popping out of nowhere. "Why do you think that? Why would that be how you feel?" are the constant questions she asks, and it almost serves as a painful reminder of how un-close we are, since I expect her to know. When I step aside and noncommittally brush it off, but remove myself from the conversation, she tells me that it hurts her, which usually leads to some sort of emotional outburst I simply cannot fathom, unless we've skipped the pretense of, "Talking about your interests!" and gone directly to the supposed fight scene. It invariably ends with me walking away telling her, "Look. Unless you're going to shut up and tell me whatever you're saying calmly - just be quiet! I can't understand what you're telling me when there are seven hundred words in the next second, I'm only human!" before, "I'm out of here. Do whatever you want."

    At the moment, I am forced to rely on her, which brings me no end to my own stress levels trying to find a way out of the situation... Scorpio mother also feeling to need to emphasis that without her, I wouldn't be able to get along, only adding to the general feeling of inadequacy that lingers in my own idle thoughts.

    As stated before, my main reason for posting on this forum was to share the musings with others, a crowd I am assuming a little more knowledgeable in the signs of the Zodiac. I am not really sure of the rules and regulations in regards to the next statement, but perhaps a secondary reading or some such would be an idea for a good chuckle.

    Thanks in advance,

    ~ Phil.

  • Well why don' you go to the Spiritual Boot Camp thread under Anything Goes for some help, I think you need to deal with your attitude towards your parents and let it go so you can move on. Not that that answers any questions for you but there you will find others with similar stories and some good solutions.


  • Oh? Thank you. I'll definitely take a look there.

  • Perhaps I can shed some further light on your situation by comparing your astrological compatibility with your parents.

    You and your father: this is more like a teacher-student type of relationship than father-son. It's usually a straightforward one, emphasizing intensity of emotion and an appreciation of beauty - passions run high here. At its simplest, this combination is about your father being inspired by your magnetism and charm, engendering a desire to become involved with you in mutually rewarding or pleasurable activities. He usually takes the initiative here but you are just as often drawn to him for his innovative thinking and vision. Not infrequently, both career and personal involvements are interconnected in this combination, making it difficult for professional relations if there is a breakdown in the personal area. Thus it is usually best if a choice is made as to whether the relationship should concentrate on personal issues or career matters, but not both together. Your father will usually adopt a dominant role here in the parent-child relationship yet this may lead to a process of you discovering your talents and abilities. You will be flattered and comforted by his attention and may respond by trying even harder or, conversely, by taking it easy, secure in your ability to manipulate your admiring 'instructor' at will. But you must separate work and play if you want the relationship to succeed. Your father yearns for a more idealized world. He may still be suffering from childhood issues of being left too early to survive and fend for himself, or having had to take care of people who were supposed to take care of him. He may still be struggling with a fear of ending up like his parents, or with a fear of abandonment which might make him more clingy or dependent on others to provide him with a feeling of safety because of his victim consciousness. He can be practical, organized, and apply his inherent spirituality but he is unlikely to view the world the same way as everyone else. His uniqueness is by no means a liability here but he will have to overcome feelings of insecurity, defensiveness, and inferiority if he is to function effectively and to avoid a tendency to have an exalted sense of martyrdom. His technical gifts are most pronounced and, if he organizes himself through training and discipline, he can specialize in new approaches to old problems, or put an entirely different spin on old information. His potential for success is quite strong and it is likely that he will find his nameless yearnings assuaged by life in a secure and manageable environment. As long as he doesn't foster dependencies or escapism and sets up stronger emotional boundaries, he can make great progress in either his career or hobbies, especially within a scientific, religious or research-oriented atmosphere.

    You and your mother: there will be love here but not much friendship. This can be an unsettled and suspicious relationship, but also one in which a persistently contentious dynamic forwards the action on life's stage. Thus the relationship is characterized by impulse and aggression. Things will not go well between you if your mother feels that you are treating her in a condescending way. She may even see you as a snob, and your approach as elitist. You on the other hand may feel that you have been made the unrelenting object of your mother's scrutiny or criticism. Feeling personally attacked on such a level will only cause the two of you to take countermeasures. But any periodic blowups between you will make you, Kurukusha, feel knocked off balance. Ambition will also play an important role between mother and son here. She may push you to further your career or change to a more ambitious one, supposedly for your benefit. Attempts to engage in a family business can be emotionally catastrophic and should be avoided unless strict objectivity can be maintained. Try and keep things lighter between you - deep involvement may not work well. Your mother has a deep need for material security which is why she might push you to be successful. She knows she is different but tries to hide her individuality and her creative fertility because of a fear of rejection. Polarity of experience can mark her journey, yet with time and life education she can channel her highly charged emotional self into more appropriate avenues for creative expression. Though she may well have begun her life in a much more ordered and restrained environment than where she ended up, she may have experienced a number of extremes in between. Chief among her life tasks will be to come to terms with her mood swings, as well as her tendency to fear and suspect everyone's motives but her own. Her need to be validated and honoured by people she feels have betrayed her can lead her to becoming involved with all the wrong people. She feels she has often been taken advantage of and abandoned by people who wouldn't listen to her. She must learn to forgive both herself and others and to transform her fear with humour. What she wants most is to be in absolute control of every area of her life all the time. She needs to know she has the power to succeed. To do this however, she must stay in touch with her own feelings and insecurities, and trust enough to share the truth of herself with others. Yet her intensity can be a great blessing and, if she can develop a measure of objectivity as she encounters the bumps in the road of life, she is sure to find the joy of integration and a real sense of connection with others and with a source of inspiration.

Log in to reply