Having the toughest time

  • I could really use some help. I have been having the toughest time, and despite working my tail off to do for myself, I can't seem to get on track. I am estranged from my relatives because of abuse, and I don't have many friends. The ones I do have don't live where I am in Ohio. My husband's family is also abusive and we are estranged from them. We have been raising our daughter by ourselves without any support in any way. She's now 3 1/2. And I am FRIED.

    We relocated to Ohio for his work. We both hate it here, but have tried repeatedly to make it work by joining parenting groups, going to the library, I have done everything I can think of to connect and failed. It is heartbreaking how people who have tons of family and friends won't give newcomers the time of day.

    We are working on getting out of Ohio, but the economy is making it slow going. In the meantime-- we're losing our minds and our marriage is falling apart. I stopped going to therapy because the therapist got so po'ed that I don't like it here and I spent all the time explaining why Ohio isn't working for me instead of getting the help I so desperately need.

    I have not been lazy about asking for help. I do not expect someone to save me. I don't expect thing to be perfect and rainbows. But this is ridiculous, and I'm just so frustrated.

    Any supportive, kind input is much appreciated and I am grateful for your time and energy.

    lost stargazer

  • Your heart is not really into making new friends or a life in Ohio. You stubbornly cling to wanting not to be there so you shut everyone and everything there out. In your mind you are not really there, only your body is. So you give off vibes that say to everyone "I don't like it or want to be here. If I make friends here, it might make it harder for me to leave."

    With your situation, you and your husband are not living in the present, but in the future when you are not living in Ohio. Unless you focus your minds on your living situation RIGHT NOW, you will be unable to fix it. You have to be present to heal your present situation so accept that you ARE in Ohio for now and deal with that and make it as good as you can, not some misty future situation that may or may not be better. One realistic step at a time. You can't see solutions for your present when you live in the past or some future dreamtime. Basically you don't deep down want Ohio to work for you - so it isn't. You are getting exactly what you want.

  • True, and not true. We arrived 3 years ago with good attitudes and open hearts. We didn't really give up on Ohio working until about a year and a half ago. We were very much in the present working realistically, but at some point you gotta admit when it really isn't working, when no seeds you plant come to fruition and it's just a dead end at every turn.

    Thanks for the input, I do appreciate it!

  • So when you arrived in ohio, you didn't have any doubts or dread that you would be there permanently? No plans to move on somewhere else?

  • And may I ask what you and your husband are trying to achieve?

    Winners do not give up when they fall or fail - they get up and keep on trying until they do succeed. You may have stopped trying on the brink of your success. One and a half years is not a long time to devote to achieving your dreams.

  • You may just have to change the way you go about achieving what you want - it doesn't mean you have to give up altogether. Impatience has defeated many a potential success story.

  • Dear lost star grazer,

    I really can relate to what you are going through my dear. I had to put distant between myself and my family also due to adbuse. I had to move with my husband to Rhode Island in 2006 and I really did not want to leave the sunny skies of TX. I'm clairvoyant and I will see what I can pick up now for you:

    You charted Ohio in your life path, there are lessons for you both to learn there. Patience is one of them and how to renew your faith in God (the master healer) . Your hard work will pay off soon for both of you, there is a Jim here that will be of help to your husband perhaps a head hunter in finding a new job for him. Three months will bring a turn around in your thinking and your situation, there is a move coming to a warmer climate I feel CA or Los A I really feel it will be the opposite of your current environment. You have one sister that is open to receiving word from you and if you feel in your heart that you could reconnect with her than the door to healing will be opened. I hear an S in her name.

    As for your marriage you must stand strong on this and not let it fall apart for you as the negative thinking and feeling of defete is transferring to your husband and pulling him down too.

    This will soon be brought back into balance with the coming work changes for him, and than you after the move.

    On a personal note- I have learned why we were brought to RI. I really did need to have the time of peace and quiet to look inside of myself and at my life. The people here are so different from the people in TX , they are quite lovely and I was not when I came here, so I learned to be more peaceful within and also that I'm a healer. I thank God now for this experience and yes we are now leaving to go back to TX after three years of my husband searching for a job there.

    Times are hard still, but there are opening doors for people now and your husband and you will be walking through them soon into the light. Keep your faith in yourself that you are on the right path and ask God and your angels to send you friends that will become your new family when you make your move. Please go get spiritual counsling when you move so that your heart will reconnect with your heavenly father and heal you form the hurt you carry so deeply within due to the disconnect of your family and support system. Believe me you can make it without your family but must have wonderful friends to take their place.

    God Bless and Does Everyday


  • You are such a jerk for being so judgemental when you do not know what you are talking about so why don't you, Captain, keep your comments to yourself because you are not helpful at all.

    If I needed more crap, I'd call my mother!!

  • Shuabby -

    I give you my thanks and blessings for your insight and kindness. You are too right with the lessons and we have been working hard to pay close attention, listen and adapt. What you are saying really resonates and is right on target. I send you love and light.


  • Keep the faith. Sometimes it just takes one person to change the appearance of a situation. One person who helps in that move. Even if it's just you, your husband or both, (could be another person like the previous post said) take the initiative and try and turn things around. I've had to stick things out that were not in my best interests until things changed. Well, things changed that appeared to be terrible but actually was a blessing. Things will work themselves out, eventually. Like I said, keep the faith.

  • Loststargazer, if you keep playing the victim, you will always be one. There is no magic wand that can be waved over your family by a third party - you have to be willing to put in the effort yourself and I believe you give up too easily, that you are stubbornly clinging to your old ways and attitudes when you need to adapt and change to each new situation. Your therapist and nobody else can do for you what you need to do yourself - you are the only one who can help yourself. Deep down you and your husband are still the abused children waiting for a saviour to come and put everything right. Time you grew up and became your own saviours.

  • Daliolite-

    Thank you so much for your kindness and positivity! 🙂

    I give you my thanks and blessings.

  • Ohio is not the issue--it is the manifestation. Your post is public and wide open for help or abuse--and the rage you unleashed in response to the answer you did not like is huge--and I feel you have been here before--asked help---in a desperate tone only to end up needing to unload a lot of baggage. Everyone is wrong including your therapist. Your therapist was trying to get you to dig deeper past the superficial objects of your misery. A healthy whole person makes the best of their environment. It is about victim mentality--the world against you theory is where you are stuck. Your therapist got that but you did not---you've been wronged--hurt and are a very angry in pain child who has yet to be heard. Just knowing you've been abused is not enough--there has been damage--it is real--you can't will it away. You must understand and let someone help you. You just do not TRUST--that is a synptom of your wound. How frustrating and real! To reach out wanting help but yet you cannot trust anyone. You are at war with your self. No matter how much money you get, where you move---your angry hurt inner child will attract victim situations. Bringing up a small child is not as hard as you say--you do not give details enough to make it true other than the real issue is you---a child can bring up old deep wounds that have long been burried. Just because one acknowledges abuse doesn't mean the damage goes away. Your child brings back your own childhood---you can heal or repeat the cycle. If you continue to feel overwhelmed by motherhood--your child will feel the vibe of that--you can smile and hug all you want but the truth is there---the child will feel bad and a source of troubles. That's how familys grow toxic--it ripples through. You can move a million miles from your mother but she is there right now on your back. You have unresolved anger and life will keep bringing that out. The people who can really help you you will hurt them for it.Sorry but God is just too generouse to not offer help---to honestly feel abandoned is against faith in divine good and guidence. To believe there is no help is a lie--sorry but this is the one place you are going to be confronted with that. These posts are filled with needs and prayers answered. Not all bad situations are bad--you have to trust in Spirit guiding you towards healing--it is not always pleasent. It oftem means walking through the pain long burried--give it a name or life will invent outside events to manifest ways of letting out anger and tears BUT without the awareness no healing. Get a new therapist and force yourself to listen and TRUST an authourity higher than you--TRUST will set you free. BLESSINGS!


  • I hope all your judgment comes back to you tenfold. Christians are a huge reason why I'm hating it here because if you don't believe as they do (really narrow, limited and rigid) then you are a failure as a person. You must be a Buckeye, a Christian, and a boomer.

    Judgmental, cruel, narrow, rigid, and completely without compassion for any living thing.

  • Loststargazer,

    I'm not "gifted" I'm just another soul looking for advice and answers. Trust me when I say none of the gifted and very generous people here who have responded to your post are judging you, they are just telling you what they see. It's obvious you didn't like what they had to say but you had absolutely no right to be so ugly to any of them who were kind enough to offer advice - advice you requested. You started a thread asking for advice and you received some beautiful gifts of blessings, prayers, encouragement and most importantly INSIGHT!

    When my children keep trying to blame others for things not going right in their world I tell them I will be more than happy to introduce them to the person who is making their life miserable - then I march them into the bathroom and tell them to look in the mirror.

    Sweetie, I've had to look in that mirror as well and it's not comfortable but it's part of growing up. It's so much easier to throw a tantrum and stick your tongue out at someone but you're still left with the same problem.

    My inner child thinks your inner child is a poopy head if you don't apologize to these very kind souls. I'm not "judging" you, I'm defending these very kind & gifted individuals who do good every day for people they don't even know - you, my dear, were one of those people, I just wish you could've appreciated their message enough to listen.

    Love and Blessings from Longhorn Country

    P.S. It sounds like you're a Michigan fan and the Texas Longhorns have played them once on 1/1/05 in the Rose Bowl - WE WON!

  • Christians? Buckey--baby boomer? Holy paranoia! Honey take your meds!

  • flowers for everyone!

  • Rock n roll!

  • How can you tell when a Catholic is speeding?

  • OMG....I just pee'd my pants....that last picture/joke did me in!

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