What's so bad about being alone?

  • There seems to be so many people desperate to find a companion for the rest of their life on earth. But what is so terribly bad about being on your own? Of course everyone must have friends but do you really need a life partner? Filling your life with satisfying work and activities should be enough, shouldn't it? If you feel you do need a partner, it suggests that you may not like yourself enough to feel comfortable alone with yourself or that you feel you are not strong enough to manage by yourself and need a lifetime 'prop-up'. This suggests you have not completely left the helpless stage of being a child and become an independent self-supporting adult and that you need to deal with your issues, not run around frantically trying to find The One - or just anyone.

    So tell me - what frightens you so much about being alone? Do you think it would mean social and personal disaster if no one 'picks' you? Does it mean you are totally unlovable or unattractive? What is your worst fear about being alone for the rest of your life?

  • You know, I'm all for romantic dreams being shattered. Real love is not about heaving bosoms and manly chests and riding off into the sunset together. It's about support and honesty and communication and understanding. Only fairy tales entail happily ever after. The belief that real love happens without any effort is rubbish - even a soulmate relationship takes hard work and may not necessarily last forever. Why do we want something to last forever anyway? Any relationship needs to change and grow if it is to endure so anything that stays the same will stagnate and wither.

  • I agree captain- I do not mind being alone, i will wait till i know it is the best time for me to have a partner, or for the partner, so to speak to find me. I am working on myself at the moment, and i can wait for that person to come along, when it is time. I am content with being either way, on my own or with another person, neither which bothers me. I enjoy my own company, though it is good to get out and be with friends every now and then. I do not think that love is all about the romantic stuff either, and yes your right you have to work for it too, but it is good to have, and make you feel loved when your with a partner, and appreciated. As they say small things come in big packages, I dont mind waiting for my small moment, with that someone spacial to me it could even be just a friend. Love and light Bee Xx

  • This is a good subject! We've covered this before, too!

    I don't feel the "need" to fall in love. I've been in love, it was great, I'd welcome it if it were the right situation, but for now I am loving myself... And my friends and family! I would be sad if I had no friends or family... But I know life goes on, you must love yourself before you can truely be happy with life, I think. And because I feel this fulfillment, a romantic relationship isn't something I'm continually looking for.

    But, if I'm asked out by somebody I'm attracted to who doesn't seem like a mess, I might not say no! Open to change/possiblity but HAPPY otherwise!


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  • I feel the same way as Bee. Yes, over the last two months I have had some really down days, today being one of them. I have been feeling the loneliness, the void, but these days I have noticed those negative feelings don't last as long. The days aren't as frequent as they used to be.

    Yes I want the love, the companionship, the intimacy, and the romance, but I am content to wait for that right person to walk into my life. I am also prepared to put in the work necessary to keep the relationship alive and happy for as long as it's meant to last.

    I want to meet the right girl, marry her, and hopefully have a child or two. But for the first time in my life, I truly feel that desire is no longer born from a fear of being alone. There is still a pang of fear at the thought of those dreams never coming true, but when I think of my wonderful friends and family, and the people I meet along my life journey, I tell myself, I am never truly alone.

    Unless I choose to be.

  • Dmick59, why do you prefer to have some company? Is it your own company you don't like or do you feel the need for support or what? I am not trying to push being alone on anyone, just wondering why people prefer one state to another. It's all about understanding our motivations to see what is driving us and what might need healing.

    What is it you want companionship to provide for you that you feel you cannot give yourself?

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  • Dmick, do you care more about others than you do for yourself? There has to be an equal balance.

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  • Hello, I am new to the community and a little nervous {hope my spelling is ok} but i was reading your comments and wanted to join in, I hope you don't mind. I don't think there is anything wrong with being alone, I enjoy my alone time when I can actually get some, but it doesn't stop me from feeling so lonely sometimes even when people are right there with me.

  • I loved being alone, it was wonderful and easy, but I kind of wanted something more. Then I loved having a child it was incredible and a bit hard (okay a lot) but I loved it and would not have traded it for anything and then I kind of wanted to share it and my boyfriend wanted to share it. And then I loved being married to my boyfriend (My chllds father.) To finally experience a sharing loving family life the whole white picket fence thing, and it was easy. Then it became hard, the day to day grind and no alone time. We made special family time and special adult time when we were separate. It wasn't enough and that was part of the getting married, we wanted more. Somehow, living in the same house made it harder than ever to have special time as there was always time for it and sio we never set any aside cause well there are always life things to do and we'll get around to the other but we never did.

    Captain, you wrote:

    "It's about support and honesty and communication and understanding."

    Absolutely, and its about setting priorities for one another and with one another.

    Its getting better again and I think I can look forward to the next phase.


  • Traym1, you make a good point that being with other people doesn't necessarily stop you from feeling lonely.

    There's a really stupid stigma in society about the single person - that it's somehow wrong or shameful to go out on your own, that you can't have fun alone. You get stared at if you go to a restaurant or to a theatre. I find it interesting when I am out by myself to watch couples and their body language - some are hanging onto each other as of they are afraid the other person will leave them at any moment; some seem to be using each other as crutches to prop themselves up, etc. My stomach always sinks when I see a guy or girl with their hand around their partner's neck or arm like a vice. I even see Western women walking a step or two behind their man like a servant or inferior. Being in a couple certainly is no guarantee of happiness.

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  • Hey jlinaangel thanks for your insight! I might email you sometime in the future just to reply to that last message lol. But thank you so much. Hugs to you to! 😉

    You know Captain being young I dont have too much of a problem being alone. I believe sometimes I give alot of my love to everyone sometimes too much of it when they dont deserve it. Maybe because I understand people and have a sense of compassion for them too well even when they are being mean. I give people chances but not to the point where they cross me. My ex boyfriend even called me one of the nicest, sweetest people he's ever known but at the same time I dont know if he like other people try to manipulate me because of Im that way. I just hate when people try to hurt or manipulate me because of my tender nature. Often times when I realize this its either too late or Im already hurt by the fact they try to do it. Sometimes Im scared of liking someone or falling for them only because I fear they might try to use me or hurt me. Captain what do you think my problem is and how can I fix it?

    Captain may you also help me with my most recent question about my odd encounter?

  • Jlinaangel, it's obvious from the many posts I see on this forum every day that lots of people do feel bad on their own. But my question was not me saying it is bad. It's asking why some people think it is bad.

  • Asia, you answered your own question - "I believe sometimes I give a lot of my love to everyone sometimes too much of it when they dont deserve it." You have to learn when to give and when to keep your love for those who deserve it. This involves thinking about potential relationships and getting to know other people well before jumping in.

  • Lol I guess I did answer my own question. I try my best to take things slow with people when I know them. When you give your're love to people that deserve it, do they abuse it (not to say this happened to me) for the fun of it, or is it that they dont know how to handle it?

  • I've been alone more than I have been with someone. I will agree with Dmick...I'd rather be alone than miserable with someone. I was there before, I don't ever want that again. I am accustomed to being alone. I like the intimacy of a relationship, I like sleeping next to someone and I love spending time with people one on one and enjoying the same things. I was really good friends with my ex husband....we enjoyed a lot of the same stuff so we had a lot of fun together. Same thing with my last boyfriend, we enjoyed a lot of the same things and enjoyed doing things or just sitting and watching a movie together.

    But...that isn't what is going on right now. Right now I am alone and I'm fine with it. I do my best work spiritually when I am alone. :0) If and when someone comes along that I want to spend time with again...I will do it and enjoy it. Maybe it will last...maybe it won't. I will say that I would hope that it did because while the newness of a relationship can be interesting...I like the compatible silences too.

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