Hi folks, I wonder if anyone would like to do a read for me. Am I fooling myself and which way is the best to turn - listen to my heart or listen to my head in this case? All related to work and present circumstances ie where I am living, my relationship, the job I have taken over.
Thanks very much in advance.
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I did a reading and here is what came out of me. I tend to write a lot and believe me I held myself back, it could have been a novel.
You are a saint and calm and have it all together. You make everyone’s live a brighter place and no one understands where you get all your talent and energy and thoughtfulness and on and on. Well there was a limit and you went past it.
You have gained so much, you have so much, that should be a great joy but you have held on too long and are worried about losing it and your vision of the future. Now all these things have become a burden you can not hold any more and you know it. You keep thinking, “what can I drop?”
You have taken on too much and depleted your inner resources, learn to say NO and learn to release.
This depletion has knocked you off center so you can no longer think straight. You no longer feel in control and do not know which way to turn. Your head and your heart are NOT in conflict, they only appear this way due to your stuck situation. One you placed yourself in. You DO know what to do, you just don’t want to go there. It means more work and you don’t have it in you.
You do not want to let others down or rock the boat. You always try to instill stability and be the peacemaker, the helper, but due to your depleted nature at this time, your are the one who is unstable. That confuses everyone and puts them in disarray. You have not taken care of you.
Unload. Dump old things that really are just tying you down. They are not really that important to who you have become and are yet to become. There are old dreams and desires that regardless of their sentimental value and the peacefulness they brought to you just don’t fit you now. You don’t want to release them because they represented your bright future, but they were a bright future to an earlier you and drove you to the place they needed to drive you. You are well past that now and holding on to them has gotten you stuck. There was a point where you needed a new vision with the change of circumstances and you missed it.
It is like driving down a road toward your goal with blinders on. You forgot to enjoy the trip in getting there and seeing all the sights along the way. The different crossroads were opportunities to grow and experience new things but you ignored them with your straight shot vision.
You used to enjoy the ride. But when you got so close to your goal you became driven with the need to get there and missed a pleasant surprise.
To get back on track:
You need some rest. That sounds wonderful but you don’t know how to do it. You still have responsibilities.
There are people who can take up some of the slack but you have to actually let it go. Release the need to be everything to everybody. They will do things differently, not your way and they will make mistakes. Let them. They have to learn as well how to manage things their own way. It is a learning experience and you do them no good by making everything turn out right. In the end, you were the one who made the difference. Let someone else shine and don’t get mad when they do it “wrong.” They will be much happier knowing you are in a better frame of mind and if they can give that to you, they will feel good. Like they helped. They just want to give something back to you.
Things will get better but you must have patience and maintain a good outlook. Knowing you are moving forward. Stop worrying about maintaining the level you are at so you can get to where you once thought you were going and trust that the new path will in the end be even more wonderful. You will wonder why you were so intent on something that meant little to your new perspective.
Also let go of things that are taking up your precious time. There are things that you call relaxing that are truly just distractions from thought. Use that time for taking care of you instead. Quiet solitude and or exercise or meditation or a long hot bath. Use that time to find your center on a daily basis and you will become in tune with it again.
:What can I drop?” The old dream.
Live in your present moment again and just be who you are and do what you can. Stop trying to maintain the status quo. You were not meant to be static but moving from moment to moment. NOT mindlessly but with mindfulness. Love the real things in your life. The people and the experiences.
One warning. While seeking someone to fill in; watch for someone with their own agenda. Be open to what your gut tells you. Don’t get so caught up in the hopes of relief from tasks that you do not see the real purpose behind another’s attentiveness. I do not feel this to be a family member but an outsider.
Hope it can enlighten.
Wow Ibelieve that is really a lot of info to take in thanks so much I will digest it first and comment later. Just the thing about someone with their own agenda. That is exactly what I wanted to know and you have answered my question thank you so much, now it has to be stopped and that is not really my task.
xthanks I will get back to you
actually there are 2 people I am not sure of.
Allow them to reveal themselves to you. If you scrutinize every little thing, you are concentrating to much on the details. Release your cognitive mind in this matter and let your higher mind tell you when to look deeper. Know that you WILL know and proceed normally with trust that when it smells wrong you will get a whiff. If you go around smelling everything your nose will quit being reliable, understand?
Sometimes speaking in the abstract can disassociate one for better understanding. So let me try.
The Fool is best at experiencing wonder. You don't want to lose that, it is the best of you and the best part of life. The Emperor will let you know when there is something in your path and needs to take over. But right now, the problem is you have left him (the Emperor) in control for to long and the Fool is wasting away. Neither is served by this and both need relief so they can function wholly again.
You know I actually do not even know anymore what my dream is, I do not really have a proper one. I do not know what it ever was except for wanting to be a mother and I have done that and will always live it. Another dream was to get my doctor degree and I have put that on hold and everytime I think about it there is always a reason for not doing it. So I am not so sure where I came off the path. But yes I am doing too much but that is not by choice, my husband went off for 2 weeks and literally dumped everything on my lap. The two people I can hand it over to are the ones I do not trust, call it a gut feeling. But yes I am exhausted. I need a few days to recentre and replan. I will take that time soon. At the moment I do not feel like there are any crossroads with an opportunity to get out, especially of our miserable financial situation. I would love to just throw in the towel, take my chances and pack up and go back to Ireland and see what life throws at me there. With my kids. And maybe my husband.
xthanks Ibeleive if you have any more to write please do it is good to be faced with what I am trying to pretend is not true.
Yes, I know where you are.
Your dream of the university is in your past, it is not who you are right now, it doesn’t fit. Your dream of being a mother is wonderful and you would not have denied yourself that but it came with a price as well. But where do you go now?
Anywhere you want. Only you don’t really know what you want. What were your expectations past this point? It doesn’t’ really matter as you’re a different person now and you will have to discover that person again by being in tune with yourself and loving yourself and discovering the wonder of it again.
The only way to do that, is to spend time honoring you. Not with a distraction but with intent. Instill a daily or nightly routine just for you. For myself I would recommend a bath; long, leisurely with no thoughts of your responsibilities. It is a ME time. Just be you and feel the water and the refreshment, oh does this sound like a meditation? Yep.
Can you spare half an hour? No tv, no magazine or book, no kids, no work? But don’t wait till you are exhausted and fall asleep.
I also know well how the husband thing can feel like a “take it or leave it, doesn’t really matter” sort of thing. But neither of you are at your best right now and remember the part about “for better or worse.”
If you told your best friend you were leaving your husband because of a card you pulled or a psychic you spoke to; would she slap you up the side of the head? Mine would. You are too intuitive to let others make your decisions. And if you can not rely on yourself right now for clear thinking, then obviously you should not be making that kind of decision.
I do know it sometimes sounds like it would be so much easier, a relief in fact. But that is exactly what I was originally trying to tell you. You are holding on to too much. You have to release the future in order for it to take hold. Do what you can do and the rest will take care of itself. There are some mundane things that you just have to let be. If it is only for two weeks then you can hold on but it sounds like you were already overdoing prior to this.
I have to go take care of some of my own things now and can talk again later but I hope that I helped.
It is not easy but it does get easier. I know you want to find yourself again but a clean slate is an illusion. There is no starting over but there is moving beyond.
As for the two "helpers", is it possible to let them have enough rope to hang themselves?
LOL yes I have actually just sent a mail to one of them with exactly that intent, letting go of osme of the responsibility to see how she will take it.
Thanks IB I really appreciate being at this side of a reading.
See, now that is taking back control!!!
Come what may, REMEMBER the feeling.
PS: I just saw that shubby is doing readings just today and not too far along in you want to throw one out there.
Hi Ibeleive, I asked Shuabby a question thanks for the tip!! I might give out sometimes about my hubby but then who doesn't and like you say it is for better or for worse. If I do ever take the step to go to Ireland I don't know if he would come with us because he has his company here and works a lot on the Continent of Europe so we would only see him at weekends. Which is one reason why I haven't done it yet.
As for overdoing it befor ethese 2 weeks, I am not a good judge of that because my life is so normal to me, I have brought up or rather am bringing up 4 kids alone and work when they are in bed to earn extra money to help pay the bills but that is normal for me so well I don't feel I am overdoing it.
xxthanks so much for your time I really appreciate it and I will try to find my centre again.
I'm glad you got in early for shuabby, your welcome. The thread was right on top when I got done here and I thought, hey go tell Paddi.
Yeah, I get the hubby thing, I thinik we all do, at least for us independent/think for ourselves kind of people. Seeing him only on weekends might be a good thing, wonder if I can get my hubby to do it. He's retired now and always in the house.
I'm only raising one, but he's enough handful for me thnak you very much.LOL
I was running along fine keeping care of the house, taking care of the kid and working full time, writting in my spare time and hey no big deal when I got hit emotionally and lost my center. Knocked me right off and I did not know how to get it back. I'm a doer, thats what I do and I had kept it going for so long on top mode, I did not know how bad a shape my spirit was in till I hit bottom.
Hope yours is in better shape and can come back quick. Or your better at finding it.
Hi IBelieve, are you fully back on centre yet? I am having a relaxing day today, well not really relaxing but not as stressful as the last few. The person I gave the rope to to hang herself has not hung herself so I am so glad because the other person was talking bad about ehr but I have trust in her so I am glad my instinct proved right again. Will deal with the other one tomorrow.
My spirit is not emotionally exhausted though it is not on full power, my body is just exhausted and my mind is exhausted from try to cope with everything. Yes release release so easy to say, takes a lot of training to do.
xxhave a nice day Pad
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