Oh, captain



  • well. it happened. after 7 months with that other girl i hear mr. aquarius is engaged. and if i said it didn't bother me, i would be lying. i found out this the day before i left on my spring break. a little ironic b/c last spring break mr. aquarius and i spent a few days at my parent's and a few days in a hotel at the beach.....sigh. lol it just brings back all the hurtful memories and feelings. fun.



  • He has moved on so you must too.



  • Be careful you don't let your standards slip just because you don't have a partner. Maintain your love for yourself by taking good care of yourself. Do that for yourself, no one else.



  • yes. i have let go of him. we are different people now. but engaged after 7 months? really? he was everything i thought i wanted but we want different things out of life. and he apparantly has found a comfortable situation. it just hurts b/c it brings back all the hurtful things he has said and done to me. he did me wrong and dirty, intentionally. i think in the long run all that hurt is good for me. i will never, ever feel that bad about myself ever again. it's just hard to sink in. this time last year we were so in love and planning on moving in together (his idea) then summer starts and "what'd you think, i was gonna marry a waitress?" and all the other hurtful things said on that day. sigh....i am just having a hard time wrapping my head around all of it



  • all this dang reflecting. i think the hardest part of letting go for me was the connection we had. it was electric. i swear. and we just "got" each other. i have never been that close to another human on that level ever before. and it terrifies me that will never happen again. i have been with a few guys since, and in the back of my mind if i'm not thinking of him i'm comparing. it's terribly sad. they haven't even been together 2 whole seasons...it's absurd. his own mother told him he was afraid of trust and commitment. well not now, apparantly. the whole thing had me questioning my self worth for months. and just when that dies down i get this news. on the photo readings thread when i posted a pic of us you said something along the lines of "he is afraid of himself and will continue to be with people (girls) he feels much less for". that has stuck with me. it hasn't even been a whole year since we broke up, but it certainly feels like a lifetime. i miss that guy that was my best friend, and i realize all of that is long gone. but that doesn't erase the fact of all the hurt feelings being brought back to the surface. he always said we were so different.....i am too much of a free spirit for him. he wanted to settle down and buy a house and have kids. and i want a beach house and no responsibilities...why her? half of his (our) friends don't even like her. i don't understand. i guess i never will.

    sorry for the long message. i couldn't sleep. i keep going back over everything in my head. this moving on process,.. whew! at least i already had his stuff he left/ and/or gave me packed in a box for goodwill. i can't look at it, that thing needs to be gone.

    i also think one of the biggest reason everything that has happened bothers me so much is i feel like he got the best of me....i lost it for a while. but he played dirty, stringing me along while dating someone new. that is so not fair. life is not fair, i spose...it also doesn't help our friends run in the same circle. i have yet to shed a tear, so that is good. but to pretend like it doesn't bother me is absurd, i am a cancer. i will continue to reflect and be bothered for quite some time to come....



  • For someone who says she has let go, you seem to be clinging on rather tightly to his memory. And if the two of you had such an amazing connection, why did he say hurtful things and dump you? I think the connection was one-sided and not all that special that you won't be able to find someone else to make another with.



  • i am a cancer. i cling to lots of things i shouldn't

    i'm not sure why he did any of the things he did....ie dump me and string me along. even after we broke up he was inviting himself over to hang out etc. he was a strange one. his dad dying after he went off to college messed him up

    the 7 month thing has some irony, as well. at least for me. he broke up with me at 6 months of dating and then came back around talking about "i made a huge mistake. it just seems every relationship i am in after 6 months i do this and take off but i don't wanna do that this time...blah blah..." and then when we got back together after 6 more months that was a wrap. so the fact he made it to 7 and got engaged...well i don't know what to think. it just isn't fair that i have to sort through all this mess. now. b/c for the most part i have been over it and seeing someone, myself....although that is a different story...

    haha i sound pathetic still talking about this. but it makes no sense to me. and the fact it bothers me this much makes me wonder why i even still care. but like i said he hurt me more than anyone or anything ever will. and i am not sure why



  • the connection wasn't always one sided...the boy was in love with me at some point in time (this time last year, i guess that is also why the whole thing is so hard to swallow). i didn't imagine it. our friends saw it. i am the first girl he told he loved. and also the first one he ever said "i am in love with you". the i am in love with you came about 3 weeks before the epically hurtful breakup. it's ok, like i said i understand why it didn;t work. i don't fit into his suburbia america dream. that isn't what i want. and i am pursuing a career and going to school, which he kind of pushed me to do but i am glad b/c it was time. i just hate that for all the good memories there are many hurtful ones. this is a whole new set of issues for me to deal with. i'm not the only one of us who doesn't get it. like i said, his friends aren't really impressed with this girl. she has offended many of them with drunken comments etc. lol and it's things like that that amuse me. i have heard from many of them that he is what she wants him to be and to a couple of us he is known as the guy we used to know. i am not the only one who hates what he has turned into. even though it hasn't quite been a whole year, it's a lifetime away for me. despite everything being stirred up in me. b/c of all of this i know more of who i am, and it took a lot of wrestling with it all to accept. there is a lot of irony. and it feels like i have to sort through all of it and get over it, again



  • Hello MELinSC, I hope you don't mind me giving my input on a thread meant for theCaptain.

    TheCaptain is amazing, and she gives great advice. I've had her give me several reading for some very bad and dead end relationships. she tells you how it is and then it's up to you to realize what went wrong or what didn't. she always sets it straight for you and no matter how much you deny, it's the truth.

    I've been through a lot in the past 2 years or so. I've fallen "in lust" with a cancer man and he took me for a wild spin to where I couldn't let go for almost an entire year. it's cause he played games with me. made me feel special and then completely ignored me to where I questioned myself over and over again. I've also recently had my Gemini man tell me that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. however, it's difficult because he says he still has feelings for me. it's a complicated situation and has not been easy for me AT ALL. we have very different personalities, and then I've asked TheCaptain about our situation, she's only told me the truth. which is, move on.

    I know it can be hard and it looks like he was with you for a while, and then boom, out of no where he finds this other woman and gets engaged to her. I've been there before. it's hard. and you ask youself: "if you were ready for marriage, why didn't you pick me?"

    I had a good friend tell me this once, and it holds true to most situations I've every observed with couples. she said "Women marry because it's the right man. Men marry because it's the right time." I've noticed that guys don't necessarily marry the perfect "match" for them. when they've made a decision to get married, it will happen no matter who they are with. it's very odd indeed. lol. now i'm not saying this happens 100% of the time, but it happens a LOT.

    I hope you feel better and move on from this guy. if he made you feel bad at some time or another, then he's probably not worth it. I'm slowly but surely learning this lesson myself. I find it REALLY hard to get over guys and move on.

    having heard news about your guy probably brought back a lot of memories, good and bad. I'm sure you're not the first one who's felt this way about an ex who's decided to marry the woman after you. chin up, you're in a better place now. 🙂



  • thanks, scorpvirgo 🙂 any insight is welcome as i am just trying to vent and process everything. again. yes, the captain is pretty straight up and i like it, though i don't wanna hear it at times. haha. it's just been a long letting go process. going over all of this stuff yet AGAIN makes it obvious to me i wasn't ready for marriage. he definitely was. he always used to tell me he loved me so much b/c i "got" him like no one else in his life ever did. but in the long run he has changed his entire lifestyle while i am still the free spirit i can't help but being. i don't know him at all anymore. and his ex best friend and ex roommate has the same sentiments. and he hates this girl. haha. i thought for sure we would end up married. someday. i just knew he was "the one"(obviously not, but he was my "soulmate" for a while. i know this. the undeniable connection was there at one point in time, but has been long gone) but looking back and replaying everything i realize i will not be married for quite some time, if ever. i don't even plan on sticking around where i am once i graduate from school. i have always wanted a beach house in florida. ha. now that i don't have to have someone else's dream of suburban america with 2.5 kids and a cat and a dog, i realize i am not cut out for that.anytime soon, if ever. i'm 25 and should be a little more grown and mature than i am, but i don't see the point. life is too short. i heard about said engagement about an hour after it happened, as we have the same friends. he has steered clear of me for months (i sent him a loooong e-mail about 3 months into this relationship and let him know i did not appreciate the way he chose to treat me, etc. my own mother even sent him a message saying how disappointed she was in him for doing me the way he did. my mom...i guess she had never heard me quite that despondent. you know, having panic attacks on the phone b/c i just found out through my roommate's facebook my ex who was still calling me and stuff had a new g/f. who everyone has said looks a lot like me....) he even admitted to my best friend (who was one of his close friends) that he shouldn't have handled things (me) the way he did. but he never said anything about it to me and sure didn't apologize. ha i can only hope it haunts him and karma does something. i'm not the only one he hurt when he completely changed who he was and kicked some friends out of his life. and apartment. ha..

    talking about it on this forum has helped out quite a bit. i guess more than anything i'm just still in shock over the whole thing. yet amused, bc like i said, most of his friends do not like this girl. she's pretty stuck up from what i hear. and 2 years older than all of us. but the complete opposite of me, as she is a young professional and i guess she has money b/c mommy and daddy help her out. there is no being happy for him, but the odds of me running into him are very low and i sure wouldn't fake it anyway. i think all of us are interested to see how this will turn out. in the meantime i'm going to try and shutup about it and keep doing what i have been doing, as he has not been in my life for quite some time. i went through a couple months ago and deleted all pics of him/us and goodwill will be getting everything that reminds me of him. it's hard being a sentimental fool 🙂 i know it wouldn't have worked out for us, obviously he did as well. i'm going to shutup now 🙂



  • OH and cancers and aquariuses aren't sposed to work out, anyway. at least in romantic relationships b/c my best friend/gay husband is an aquarius and we get along fabulously. i attract many aquariuses, i have noticed. what you got to say about that, captain? lol



  • scorps and gem's don't get along either, apparently. when we were good, we were great. when it got bad, it was kind of silent and down...uncomfortable really...:(



  • What has happened here is that your ego has taken a battering, MELinSC. This guy made you feel you were less than lovable or attractive. You don't love him anymore but you want him to want you still so that your ego can recover. The fact that he is engaged just makes you feel how easily he got over you and even more unwanted and thus insecure about your future lovability. Ego battering is easier to get over than a love attachment. You will get past it when you start taking better care of yourself because that will make you feel good about yourself and more confident of being loved and not rejected.



  • And if you keep attracting people who are wrong for you, it suggests that part of you doesn't really want to be in a relationship at all.



  • i don't want to be in a relationship. i am pretty certain of that.

    yes, he got the best of me. i can't stand it. i am at home b/c it's my spring break and i haven't seen my family since xmas, and my mom said she almost sent him a message along the lines of "i hear congratulations are in order. i hope you two are deserving of each other." even mama is bitter and spiteful, if that tells you anything.

    and to make it a little better, his own friends are placing bets and there are many jokes on if he will make it to the altar at all, and if he does how long it takes before he is one of the 51% of society that is divorced. my ego may have taken a battering, but hearing comments like these and why these people don't care too much for his fiancee make it a little more bearable...i may not understand but i do believe i am better off on my own. at least for now.



  • Glad your mother didn't send your ex that message - it's really none of her business (or yours) what he does now. And you hoping his marriage doesn't last to make youself feel better is only hurting you. Bitterness has a way of building up in the body as bile and can cause physical and emotional illness. You will only be certain you have matured and moved on when you can sincerely wish him well.



  • well. that isn't going to happen anytime soon. not after all the emotional bs he has put me through. it has been a rollercoaster, but i am genuinely happy i didn't end up having to deal with it for a lifetime. so that is something i guess...

    and mama gets protective when her baby gets hurt. lol bless her heart....she means well



  • obviously it bothers my subconscious as i had one of those dreams where i am wandering around bawling my face off and people throughout my past keep asking me what is wrong. strange.

    and i also remember something else. the day we had the ugly epic breakup after he said all those hurtful things he says to me "i love you, i don't want to break up with you. but i have to"

    this process is very aggrevating. i'm mad he is still haunting my dreams



  • It's only your ego clinging on to the memory.



  • Mel, honey, it's time to take back your power... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EwViQxSJJQ

    XO,

    WG


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