Is it meant to be?



  • I have a big no HUGE dilema and i need help i simply dont know what to do anymore?? Im in love with a guy that doesnt seem to want to commit?? we bacame official aug.12th,2007 we broke up 2 months later. I dated others but somehow we just keep getting back together? these times un-officially. =/ he never likes to express his feelings towards me, but when I seem to move on (with another guy) he pops back into my life and asks me if he could be my "sancho" (man on the side) ofcourse i said no but later I end the relationship with my prior boyfriend and we talk again. I really get along with his whole family,and right when I think hes about to give in he tells me he doesnt want a relationship, he wants to get his degree. First of dont feel i get in the way of his education. HE seems to be the one dropping classes left and right? it honestly just seems like an excuse. He then proceeds to break my heart and tell me that he never gave me a reason to like him as much as I do. Now tell me is a kiss, hug or something else in that matter not a reason to fall in love?? do u actually need a reason? he said he didnt wanna get too sereous to the extent where he could hurt me, but honestly its too late for that. I still cant stop thinking about him though?? what should I do???



  • hopefulhoney, it sounds like he cares for you very deeply..He has a goal and is trying to reach it, his degree is important to him but he may not be ready maturity wise to completely handle it yet [the dropping classes]. I think he wants to stay [man on the side] to discourage other suiters and to keep him in your heart. He sounds like he's trying to follow his goals and to not loose you or hurt you..No you do not need a reason to fall in love..sometimes it can be at Hello..I think you should encourage him toward his goals and let him be the guy on the side for now, knowing that your both getting what you want..Hope this helps..It's just what I felt when I read your post...Love & Light D



  • Hopeful, I been there and done that one. Boy, never easy to close that door. Only until I go sick and tried of the game and what I did was I prayed that we end it once and for all. I didn't pray for it to continue because I knew that he didn't love me and after 5 years he would have figured it all out. As far as his schooling goes, it sounds like an excuse and when you call him on it, then he will find another excuse. I figure if was serious, he would want his "woman" by his side to help him get through his schooling. He is definately taking up space for someone new to come into your life. Pray about it and only time heals. I did this 7 months ago and I tell you that I haven't felt better and I saw him a few days ago and I was like, what the heck was I thinking?



  • Hi, Maybe, that's all his intentions are is to be someone on the side. You know, if someone was telling me that they wanted to be my man on the side, I would probably think that they were after the "physical" side of the relationship and not the emotional and loving side. So, he's basically leading you on if your looking for something more. From what you have stated this is exactly how I interpret this.

    You are probably a very nice person and have never dealt w/this sort before. I think it's smart to move-on from this character. If he comes strolling back tell him it's time to move on.



  • P.S. Maybe the fact that he comes back is what is confusing to you. A word of caution--don't think that he has changed when he continues to come back into your life.



  • On the side translates to: I want my cake and eat it too. He only wants to good in the relationship and doesn't want to take the time for you and your feelings. I don't know you but I know that you are worth more and deserving of a relationship where someone wants to show you love and respect. If he respected you -- he wouldn't want to be the man on the side and he will honor that you are looking for something serious and he would move on too. Right now, he is using you and taking advantage of you. I use to tell m yself, "well this is better than being alone..." I was only fooling myself. Take the time to write down what you want from a partner. Also there is this book, Calling in the One by _____ Thomas. I think if you google it will come up on the authors site. This helped me alot. Take good care of yourself and focus on your qualities and what you want. Never mind him. He needs to grow up, leave you alone and move on.



  • So far all if the responces have been from an emotional re-action to your predicament. Lets step back and look at this logically.

    Your heart tells you --- I can make a difference, he will see how much he wants me and come around and we will live happily ever after--- If I just wait it out he will see the light and know that we belong together, etc.

    Your head tells you --- I deserve better than this--- As soon as he gets his degree he will have no reason to push me away any longer---

    Okay now lets really look at this situation --- Do you really want a man like this to commit to you, it sounds like he has a hard time following through on most things in his life including his education, and some of the things he's put you through are heartless, does this man have any feelings at all. His suggestion of you being "one the side", are so insulting to me it makes me physically ill. Basically what he's telling you is, you are not anymore important than a plant that needs water, or a pet needing to fed. If he had a pet and a plant he probably would do the bare minimum to keep them alive.

    Here's the deal, you existed a good long time on this planet before August of 2007. This relationship should not define you, yet, from your post it sounds like it does. Let's get real here, your life had purpose and meaning long before this joker came along. Go back to those principals, hobbies, friends, etc. it will take some time, but beleive me you will get over it and soon you will be thinking to yourself, "What was I thinking" (just like someone else wrote in a previous post). You will have pain as move move away from him, but I gaurantee you, happiness once you have. Be firm, quit going back and forth, do not allow him to lure you in. Stop all communication with him. I gaurantee you he will desperately plead with you to please give him another chance. I can tell you for sure if you do, it will be good for a short time and then the cycle will start again.

    Get out of this awful situation and concentrate on yourself and what you want. The right person will come along when the timing is right.

    One other thing, Love --- is a verb, it's an action word, it's not something you see or touch. So when someone loves you and you love someone back you perform certain tasks that boil down to Love. This mans actions are egotistical, self centered, and selfish, run for your life and never look back. This door has to close before another door can open.

    You do not want to have children with this man, he is not quality material for a father, please, please, please be careful.

    I hope this helps



  • hi honey,

    well I think that sealaskalady and dalia are right. This guy has a commitment phobia, he wants his cake and eat it !! You allow him to waltz in and out of your life as he pleases because you care about him but I feel he is abusing that. I too have been there and done that and I reckon if he was going to commit he would have done it by now. This has been going on for some time but you have to remember, you also have a life and are worth alot more than someone who actually offers you very little. I think its time to find yourself someone a little more mature and less selfish, you sound like a very kind and giving person so, save yourself for someone who will appreciate you for your worth. 'Friend' fine, boyfriend...no, hes not ready and you have a life to live. Lots of Light to you, shimana xx