I PLAYED GAMES WITH CANCER MAN...UH OH



  • I know, I know, playing games is never the way to go but I honestly couldn't help it. I met this guy at work (didn't know he was a Cancer at first) and immediately when I met him, I knew there was something 'special' about him but he was a bit arrogant (a facade perhaps) and being the Virgo woman that I am, I wanted to bring him down a peg or two.

    Anyway, I began to ignore him and he mentioned it to me one day in which I didn't respond. After the initial ignoring phase, we had a few tiffs via email and in the last tiff, I got the last word. Funny thing, that night when I went home, I knew that he would be the very first person that I would see the next morning when I walked into work...and he was! There he was coming toward me to confront me about the fight we had via email (all work related) and he pretty much summed up the argument by saying " I don't like this, I don't like this" while simultaneously moving his hand back and forth between the both of us. I felt really bad and decided to try and get along from then on.

    Now the entire time that all of this is happening, I started to develop really intense feelings for him and I thought that he started to feel the same. He was a pretty flirty guy and in the beginning flirted with me a few times (like leaning in while talking to me and biting his bottom lip) but I never flirted back. My work attitude is pretty serious and I am pretty closed off to others but I felt like he was the only one that could see right through me. One day he sidled up beside me and smiled warmly after I showed him some teeth, LOL and I noticed that he would get upset and hang his head at times when I wouldn't speak to him. I would also catch him staring at me a couple of times when I wasn't looking and one day he got really nervous around me to the point where he was so jumpy. I also noticed that he would create reasons to come around me for no apparent reason, and his eyebrow would flash in excitement when he would see me coming.

    Through all this, I'm sad to say that I never gave him anything to go on (I never once tried to talk to him about anything outside of work or get to know him personally) because I would just stiffen up and get really scared or just focus on the job. Our relationship started to become off and on in the sense that sometimes we would talk and sometimes we wouldn't. I sensed at some point that he couldn't stand me but funny, still wanted to know me. It eventually became a never-ending cycle of us punishing/ignoring eachother to the point where he began to run from me/dart out of sight if he saw me coming into the building in the morning for work (something that he never did at the beginning) and it even got to the point where he stopped flirting with me altogether.

    I didn't know what to think as I was very scared and shy and immature and not very experienced with men and to be honest, he was a very popular guy with alot of female attention and quite flirty with many and I just didn't want to be one in a million. I sadly admit, that I was mean to him on many days but I noticed that it never kept him away from me for too long and he would show signs of jealousy if I engaged with another of his male co-workers. I was basically a female version of him (moody, sometimes selfish, rude, egotistical, then kind, aloof, guarded, and I matched his level of intelligence) and I think he came to the realization that I could dish it back just as good.

    Anyway, I write all this to say that I have left the job recently to pursue other interests and he did come by to see me on my last day (I sent him a very general and professional email saying goodbye and cc'd his superior so it wouldn't be so akward with only him on the email). He aksed me where I was going (as in what new building I would be working at) and if I was going out for drinks.

    Can you guys please help and give me an objective take here on me and Cancer man? I know I came across hard and I can accept anything you have to say, but I realize that I probably blew it and I miss him very much and often wonder what could have been. I didn't want to assume that he liked me in the least because of the way he was with many women and it's very possible that he could have simply sensed that I liked him (that famous Cancerian intuition) and was just using me for an ego boost? Anything you can give insight on will be greatly appreciated.



  • I can't. Only BC games have never been my forte. I find it sad that you play them. Only BC when one plays games, it is my honest opinion that they miss out on life.



  • I am in deep, head over heels in love with a cancer man and i would NEVER play games with him or our love. Love is too precious to do that.



  • I value my cancer man to much as a person to ever f*ck with him. I value people that much. Regardless if I like them or don't. if you are that immature, then this relationship was not for you.



  • Thank you Taurus7 for your honesty and as I read that title back as I posted, I think I should have worded it differently because I wasn't consciously playing games, it was really just me in my natural state with all of my shyness, akwardness, inexperience, immaturity, etc. Please understand that I am not trying to now make a case for myself but just trying to get across that I didn't really know how else to be and was just being myself and it came off as me playing games.

    Thanks for your input.



  • I wouldn't necessarily say what u did is bad but if u want him I feel like now is the time to truly say how u feel



  • I'm sure some of that u dished he took as no fraternization at work,now he's asked where you'll be working and out to drinks. It is clear his interest is peaked, he sees qualities that compliment his. Take the opportunity to learn each other outside of work, have a few drinks and soften (only a tad) to a more casual just hangin out attitude and then go from there.



  • Let me come back and say, if it was not intentional, but truly bc you were shy, that is different. Sorry to be so harsh.



  • Thank you LilCrabby. I would like to try but I must admit that I am still scared but I know that I should try to get over my fear of rejection because of the goodness that could possibly be waiting for me on the other side of the pond...nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

    Thanks for your help



  • No problem, Taurus7. I completely understood where you were coming from because it's never ok to play games with someone but it was really just me not knowing what the hell to do. smh After this experience, I have made a vow to work on myself and get better at my communication with men.



  • timzsgirl,

    You are absolutely right. I was once told that "you don't get your honey where you get your money", LOL, and since then I have always tried to abide by that rule. At the time of my departure, there was no other 'building' that I was going to because I was leaving the workforce altogether to complete my Master's Degree and since I didn't have anything planned for drinks, there was really now way to connect. It's ok. I've learned a valuable lesson from that experience and perhaps that's all the universe wanted for me.

    Thanks so much for your advice.



  • *no way. Not "now way". Sorry.



  • Honestly, I gotta say that you guys started off so rocky that it would be hard to correct your path into something happy and stable. First of all, Cancers generally play the exact kind of on-and-off you guys were already playing. So, even if you had been forward with him, it is VERY possible he would have acted on-and-off with you in the same way. So, if you come out and tell him you like him, it may not be as straight forward as that. You may have even more sideways action and backtracking to look forward to. So, my advice is if you want to go for it, just send him an email and tell him you miss talking to him and maybe you guys should go out for coffee? However, if you feel things are too complicated, and that its best to start over with someone new, go ahead and do that. I don't know what this cancer is like, but its my experience that they ALL come on strong and flirtatious, then back way off when you show interest. So, take it slow if you want to advance.

    just my two cents.



  • Also, I just want to add that i don't blame you for being cautious with him when you could clearly see he was a 'ladies man'. I hate to say it, but these kind of guys DO need caution. Not games per say, but a very level head and a lot of caution. You have to take a look at how he treats the other women you work with. If he flirts with ALL of them, well....it's very possible you're just one of many happy flirty times. Not to say you can't develop into something special, just don't jump the gun right away. Take it slow and natural, and watch his attitude with everyone else.



  • MariaRia,

    I totally agree with everything you've said. Interesting how we as women still always want to know if we could be 'the one'. I sincerely took a liking to him (I didn't even like him at all at first) after working with him for some time. It's as if he crept his way into my heart and I always felt like I had done the same to him but who knows. My gut told me that he was into me but I could definitely have been wrong and just seeing and feeling what I wanted.

    I am proud of myself that for the most part I kept a level head and didn't fawn all over him the way the other women did. As I've mentioned before, I am gone now so I don't even have contact with him at all anymore which may be a good thing. I came here to get suggestions, opinions, and advice because oddly enough, I can't stop thinking about him but I can leave things as they are and I have moved on with my life (and will continue moving) and one day I know that God will take this pain away.

    Thank you again for your thoughts. I really appreciate it.



  • No problem, and maybe this did happen for a reason. You may need to take some time for yourself, if you do indeed have issues opening up to men. If you were just cautious of HIM, thats different. But if you get that scared every time you like a guy, then you have to sit down with yourself and work through this. Most guys will not make a move unless they're sure the girl is interested, so if you like a guy again who is sincere, you don't want to give him the impression you don't want him.

    Just some food for thought!



  • ^^^ Yes, definitely working on myself and I know that it's due to my insecurities and inexperience from lack of relationships but I plan to be better next time.



  • Anymore thoughts? Takers? Thanks!



  • I'm a cancer female so I can give you some insight. First, cancers never go at anything directly. We typically cautiously sniff around to see if something is worthwhile. We are definitely notorious proceed and retract types, mostly because we are so cautious and don't want to get hurt. We will almost always mimic the other persons interest but will usually not initiate things. We can be non-commital, believe it or not. Not because we're players or anything but we put a lot of thought into where we aim or emotions and will not invest them in anything petty or not worthwhile. Also, cancers are typically attractive and have a lot of dating options and people interested (I think our mystery/aloofness alone intrigues people), so when someone is playing games we just move on to find someone who doesn't make us guess so much. We would prefer not to be the ones to lay our feelings out first. We would prefer the other person does it first so we can feel comfortable to tell them how we really feel, otherwise we'll act cool and aloof like we don't care. The men are notorious for falling in love quickly and some fall in love far too often. We have a hard shell but deep down we are extremely sensitive and just want to be loved and appreciated. But from the outside we are tough and non-emotional when you don't know us. My advice is, and normally I would say let him come to you, but with a Cancer man you're going to have to tell him how you feel first. We are probably the most receptive when someone is upfront with us and it can even cause us to like you more, just because we appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. If you can manage to get one of us to commit you will have the most loyal, loving partner ever. I say if you care, go for it and tell him how you feel. Otherwise he may never come around.



  • nyccancer,

    Thank you sooooo very much. This helped a ton. I still have some pondering to do but you still gave me a clearer perspective of how you guys actually operate. Yes, he has kept my interest and I did find him very very mysterious/elusive, etc. Hopefully we can connect one day but if not, 'tis life.

    Thanks again for your insight.


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