Virgo man, a lifetime of confusion - Is this time real?
I am so confused with a Virgo man (9/10/63). We met when he was 19, I was 18. I am a Gemini (6/13/64). He was dating a friend of mine and I had a boyfriend at the time I was very much in love with. After he and my friend split up... and I partned ways with her as well. He still continued to contact me. I was still involved in my relationship. However, he did become one of my best friends. I always knew he loved me, but I do not date my friend's boyfriends...although he is right, she would have done it to me. Seven years later when my relationship finally ended I decided maybe the right person was under my nose all this time. It was very hard for me because I still felt it was wrong and he was one of my bestfriends. But he is right again, there was always a very strong connection between us. However, only 3 weeks into our new relationship he broke my heart when he cheated on me. I knew going in he was not the most faithful guy, but I didn't think someone would pursue someone as long as he did me or do that to a bestfriend...or why would someone pursue someone for that long and then do that? I have no idea how he convinced me to stay in my life, but we continued dating for 3 year more years. We did date other people because I never fully trusted him again...but he was still a very good friend who I knew would do anything for me. However, during that time he was not the same person I knew any longer. He became very cold and aloof. I know I was very lonely back then since most of my friends were getting married. I eventually happily moved on and moved away. We kept in touch over the years here and there only because he always found me and wanted to know how I was doing? But during our conversation he would say things that would upset me like, "You were always so beautiful inside and out." I felt he was playing games to see if he could get me back.
Then last year he reached out to me and confessed that he's been a coward all these years and too afraid to tell me how sorry he's been for not treating me very well when we were together and hurting me. He told me he has loved me all this time and that I broke his heart when I left. He opened up to me about a very troubled childhood, self-medication, therapy and how he has turned his whole life around. He told me abuse from his childhood affected our relationship. He heavily pursued me, stirring up feelings in me I didn't even know were there anymore. The problem is we are in different states...and yes, we are both in very unhappy, unloving relationships for a very long time. I am so mad at him for stirring up these old feelings in me when there is no where to go with it. What upsets me the most is I don't know why he says the most beautiful and amazing things to me making me feel so loved. He will contact me night and day...then all of a sudden without warning he will disappear...then reappear several days later as if it were nothing. This happens all the time and he knows it upsets me. He says it's not because he doesn't care, he just has too many responsibilities. But it makes me feel so foolish when he does this like I fell for his old tricks again and I wonder if anyone really can change as much as he has...but then when we talk he always apologizes and is so sweet, wonderful and giving again...I forget I was even upset with him. He is never upset with me. He says he can never be mad at me...he thinks the world of me. I hate these roller coaster emotions I have with him...and I do wish he never came back into my life causing this confusion. I tried cutting off ties with him so many times but I always get so heart sick...and so does he. It does make me sad that we may never know what kind of life we could have had together, but he tells me never say never. I don't know what this is or where this is going...if anywhere? We make no plans. We just talk. I know he cares a lot about me. I feel I am all he really has. I don't know if this is real? How can it be? He just tells me he never wants to lose me again because he needs me and he wants me in his life forever because he doesn't have a connection like he has with me with anyone else. I've read the other posts where someone said a Virgo man will tell you anything and everything you want to hear. I do know a lot of women like this Virgo man and it makes me wonder who else is he pursuing? But he says he is not that person anymore and I have nothing to worry about, he's too old for that now.
I ask that you please not judge us that we are both involved with other people. Neither of us have children. This is not how I ever imagined my life to be and I never wanted or asked for this. I have talked to my closest friends who agree that both, he and I have been on a long tough road and we finally deserve some happiness in our lives...and to feel loved.
Thanks for reading my story.
You're showing real courage in your honesty and openness. And of course in reaching out for help.
There's a lot of confusion surrounding your issue/present situation. I feel as if my advice is going to be rather vague. I apologise if this is so. Still, I'll try my best to help you out.
Are you doing a lot of soul searching presently? Holding a kind of inner dialogue with yourself? And/or seeking answers and advice from others?
If so you may have inadvertently put your own feelings and "knowing" aside. Almost as if they've been drowned out. Buried if you will.
Try some silent meditation. Don't ponder your situation any longer. Instead, try to empty your mind of the confusing thoughts you are experiencing. I find it helps by imagining dropping them into a stream and watching them float away down the river. You could also imagine having a funeral for each thought!
Our intuition knows what is right and timely for us. I believe the answers you seek lie within. You just need to clear some space to let them out.
Dream your dreams and own them.
I hope this helps.
Thank you PisceanHealer for responding to my post. I have been doing a lot of soul searching, lately mostly since he came back into my life and confused it as he usually does. I think you are right, I need to mediate. I've been doing a lot more yoga for relaxation, but I need to get back into meditation again. Maybe I will try to have a funeral for some of my thoughts. I have done the hot air balloon, but a funeral is more permanent. Thank you again.