Taurus Girl-Confused About Feelings (Please Read)
Hello everyone, you may have read my previous post about this particular situation but for those who haven't I will replay my situation for you but to those that have read this I am now speaking from a different perspective and insight. (Taurus girl-May 6th 1992 9:28 pm)
3 months ago me and my Scorpio ex boyfriend (November 1st 1991) broke up over (it was brief and brutal for me) very mysterious and vague circumstances. We were together for a year (4 months on/off and 8 months long distance) and he was very sweet, passionate, loving yet brutally honest and emotional. I loved him and cared for him and I can honestly say he felt the same way (he routinely told me that and was the first to say so)
Our long distance relationship was very special and amazing we rarely had problems outside the typical calling issue at times lol but he was the same person nonetheless and we actually continously made plans to see each other with him initating it sometimes and me doing it sometimes. Our feelings grew over time and eventually we found time to see each other-I was going to school up there in NY and he planned to let me move in with him and even pay since I was going to school (but I wanted to chip in just because I dont like for people to do everything for me)
A month or so prior to moving in with him, he kept warning me that NYC might be getting a little too dangerous and expensive for me because of the inflation and of things he's said been going on. Then he told me of a crazy not so nice roomie situation he didnt want me involved in but my stubborness (it was my dream school and I didnt care) prompted me to continue with the move in. Then everything got crazy once he told me some people shot at his house and said he needs to move immeadiately. Weeks prior to moving in-he told me he got an apartment approved in VA (where we met and dated in person) and wanted me to come along and kept telling me there are film schools here for me and that NYC just to dangerous for him and me. Disappointed (he was the only guy in NYC I knew and trusted), I transfered schools and once told him, he was estatic and told me he couldnt wait to move in with me and even kept talking to my mom about the great news. He even said, if I wasnt with him or we broke up, I would see a grown man cry.
A week later , he ends up in VA (he hadnt moved in the apartment yet) to live with his family (he and his family has had a tumultous relationship) until he got to move in the apartment with me. The next day he texts me he's sorry but he's leaving again. I try to calm him down and comfort him, so I call him and ask him what happened. At first, he's emotional and kind of stubborn and tells me things dont work out for him whatever he does. Then all of a sudden he flies into a rage and becomes moody and insensitive when I try to give him suggestions and ask him what happened with his family. He merely tells me that he got into a fight with his family and got kicked out and that he doesnt have time to sit around and figure out what he needs to do and needs an immediate solution. He also tells me that there's one reason he'll stay in VA but it wont do him any good right now. I start to cry and he tells me crying wont solve anything and he doesnt have time to worry about that right then.
Upset angry and hurt, I just get off the phone because he said he needs to save his battery. He txts me 5 minutes later saying please stop crying I see you doing it. It wont help you. So like an hour later, I txts him I sorry about what happened but I love you wish you the best and hope everything works out for you, txt me whenever you want to talk. He doesnt tell me thank you but god dont you get it my phone is dying I really need it stop it. I dont text him at all later.
The next morning he txts good morning. I tell him about his battery and he gets upset and says I thought I said good morning. I call him and tell him Im sorry about our minor disagreement aobut you leaving and I hope you know I still love you. He says you see how you felt and I saw how I felt (think he got the words confused lol) and tells me he'll call me on the next flight to Miami (where he was going) I txt him later saying he needs to get his emotions together and sort his head out and not call me yet but I tell him I love him and hope you feel better. HE texts me great I have one bar and call me to banter about his battery. ANGRY and HURT, I dont call him at all (the last txt I sent afterwards was I was just trying to tell you nice things before my phone got cut off because I didnt know what would happen to you)
A week later I tell him my phone is back J just in case he needed to talk or txt. HE STILL TALKS to me about the time his battery went dead!!!! So I finally tell him how silly it was of him to still talk about it. He txts me deuces and tells me he has enough on his plate. FED UP with this I tell him I was just trying to be supportive and told him it was his loss. I also told him he needed to hit me up when he needed spelling lessons since Im not going to be disrespected by a guy that couldn't spell deuces in the first place.
It has been 3 months since the break up and I have had no contact with him since that day. Ive resisted my urge to see if he's ok only because he couldnt appreciate it when I did really care (And still do-but as a person not a boyfriend) since then Ive been working on myself and have improved in a great way not to say I was immature at all. I am just reflecting on everything now but I do have some unanswered questions and would like some imput on this situation.
1. Do you think he still cares and do you think he ever cared?
2. Do you think I handled the relationship and the break up in a good way?
3. What is your take on the situation and what happened?
Thank you for reading! I know its long (Im sorry) I just felt as if the details were important for the insight of this situation. Thank you all! I really appreciate it
Well at 1st i was kinda grr u spammed a private thread between me n serious but then again forums r public for member so aint really any private here.
overall ur story says its NOT ur feelings thats messed up its his. So i ask why do u wanna meddle n get info on his feelings?
1. He did care now he is too in over his head in messes both personal n emotional he cant see straight.
2. u handled it in the only way u could. its tough to break up it hurts u feel misunderstood n u ask questions as why to how so n so forth
3. my take is, u moved faster than he was ready for. when women do this men recoil like serpent in the grass. not saying its ur fault entirely bc he encouraged u. he has his blames too. for now back off dont think of him move on.
I was asking about it today because its been probing my mind for a while only because it was never clear what took place so for me to fully recover (trust me Im doing alot better) i feel i need to know exactly what happened. The funny thing is he recently got a facebook after he claimed, he never wanted one and was never interested. I dont know if it was because of me or what. Do you think he still cares but too afraid to initate contact? and also loads of people (including scorpios) have told me it might be best for me to contact him just because it'll give me closure as to what happened. Im not looking for a relationship with him though. I just have a possibilty of running into him because Im about to go to Miami for school in the summer. So tell me what do you think about this contact issue please thanks.
And also its been 3 months since the breakup and I havent contacted him in anyway since.
I think u oughta take a wide berth around him n away from him. he is not good for u n seriously dont u think u deserve better treatment than that? he acts like ure the bubonic plague
lol i understand but what do you mean by that last comment?
And also just for future reference do you think he might contact me first? (just asking)
So far no matter what u have done he has acted repulsed no?
by it i mean he treats n acts like u have a deadly plague.
future reference ? eff u needd ot get ur priorities straight. to us u say u aint into a relationship with him YET ALL UR QUESTIONS HINTS POINTS U WANT HIM BACK.
on THAt no one can help u. if u wanna be booted n worn like a doormatt b our guest
so in future if u need help on this issue, u need to get clear what it is u want.
n what i see now aint .................. sorry cant help u any bc u say u want one thing n do another.
ps in all this iver only seen him him him n not u u u. n that marks it even more. in shiort what u wanna know is how u can win him back. i know it n u know it sooner or later.
sorry my guides advices me to step back. nada i can do on taurus stubborness sorry.
I understand how you and I think thats why Im said Im confused at the moment only because what happened was super crazy and it doesnt add up and I never understood why. Im sorry for offended you and seeming this way and no offense to you I am not a doormat and never have been thats why I call him out when he broke up with me and havent contacted him since. I was just looking for answers and asking questions but I am glad you gave me your opinion. I guess its just best to deal with this myself since I am kind of hurt that your being a little brutal but I understand and respect your opinion since you maybe older and little more wiser. thank you and goodnight.
truth smarts. i could tell u what i saw for u but i sincerely doubt me if i did. as far as brutal no im not brutal if i was i´d tell what i saw for u. im blunt, im in ur face truth. u asked n this is what u get. im not into sugar coating bc it wont b nor do u any good.
i myself has learnt that lesson 4 days ago. No sugarcoating. it may schock n hurt but in long run its the best.
Now if u dont get this then who do u expect will help u? others may say it sweet tones n ways, lesson the blow BUT the blow will non the less be there.
I know I understand cwb I do like your bluntness because it helps me see things Im just a little sensitive at times. Ive just been going through a lot for some time. I had an abusive father who really demeaned me and shot down my confidence and self worth ever since I was a young girl so It took me many years to build it where it is now (Im 18) and I know this has something to do with my relationships but Im trying so hard to anylyze things and make myself a better person and Im doing ok but obviously by me still liking him a little i still have work to do, I go into these forums because my family doesnt help me too often (except my mother) so I do like opinions. I just really need help support (most of my friends are away in college and dont really call me anymore) is there any forums to help me with this? And thank you CWB in all honesty regardless of how I feel your a great help and thank you so much god bless
In my opinion, it sounds like that Scorpio guy is very confused in many aspects of his life. If you feel you need closure, I guess you could contact him and see if he would honestly tell you what the deal was and why things happened the way it happened, but from what it sounds like is he most likely wouldnt even be able to tell you because he is so confused himself. My advice would be to just continue on with focusing on yourself and just put his memory away and know there were some good times, but you werent right for each other.
The thing is even if we give you some insight YOU are the only person who knows THE WHOLE story, you know what I mean?! There are things you just can;t mention that happened between you too. I'm a Taurus Girl and I fell in love with Scorpio, I always liked him but he is the ONLY person in the world who made me fall in love, he broke through my ice heart. It's impressive!
If you are STILL in love with him, and you can feel him, then I say you should contact him. It's like when me and my scorpio had a fight, I realized I need to tell him the truth because I got an EXTREME fear that I wont see him again! I mean that kind of fear like you gna die... And I contacted and poured my heart out to him, and he replied back very badly and in a careless way, but somehow I knew it was just a pretend because I hurt him before (I didnt mean to, but you know Scorps are sensitive as hell) and thats why he replied so badly but anywho then I was so smashed and I posted things on facebook, very sad statuses and he started to post things to make me laugh ( and he managed to do it) and I started to talk with him over facebook and he was nice to me. and very caring. He was sorry I m sure he was. I think if you love each other things will work out. Relationships ARE hard. You just have to take matter in your hands with scorps, I reckon the lack Direction. And they lack communication skills so bad I swear. I mean they are great at communicating and flirting BUT they suck at expressing true feelings. and I mean SUCK. lol Anywho I love my scorp, hell i let him go!
I AM NOT PHYCHIC BUT HAVE YOU THOUGHT THAT HE MIGHT BE MARRIED OR HAS ANOTHER GIRLFRIEND? IF YOU WANT ANSWERS GET A PI TO INVESTIGATE.
I think I want to call him just for closure because Ive been doing okay without him its just my feelings for him still linger sometimes only because the breakup was brief brave and brutal but on the other note I dont like the fact he did me like that especially since my future for school was on the line so its really hard for me to look past it. I feel as if I contact him my feelings and all my thoughts would pour out and Im kind of scared of that happening only because I dont want to be a burden and Im still hurt over it and I dont want to give anyone the notion that Im hurting. I havent contacted him because I dont want to be hurt anymore than I already have but I feel he owes me an explanation bigtime/
1.What do you guys think about the way Im feelings
2.What do I look like to him if I contact him now if I havent contacted him in 3 months (of no contact whatsoever?
3.Do you think he might contact me instead?
1. Your feelings are perfectly normal. You've lost companionship. You've lost someone you could love.
What else have you truly lost?
You lost someone who didn't respect you or your future.
You lost someone who doesn't care enough to try.
You lost someone who hasn't bothered to find out if you're dead or alive.
What you haven't lost (and this is important):
Your capacity to love.
Your ability to find companionship.
2. Desperate. Weak. Don't do it. You will not get closure from contacting him again. You are already growing and gaining strength, do you really want to undo that now? Bear in mind the old adage; if you love them set them free, if they return it was meant to be.
Also, a fundamental truth of the Universe is that what is yours cannot be taken from you. If you've lost something, it's because the Universe needs your empty hands to give you something better.
3. It doesn't matter. You need to let go of the hope that he will. It's not healthy for you. Ask yourself, "What am I blocking from coming into my life by hanging onto him?"
If you need closure here's what you should do. Write him a letter of forgiveness. Pretend you are having a face to face discussion and put down in words everything you would say to him. Then take that letter somewhere private and burn it. As it goes up in smoke, open your heart, forgive him, and wish him the best of luck and happiness.
In essence you are releasing him to the Universe. He is no longer your responsibility. You can't help him or yourself by clinging to false hope.
Part of you knows you are doing the right thing. Trust it. Even if it does hurt like hell right now. You are already learning how to turn negatives into positives and your weaknesses into strengths. So far so good, but you need to keep at it. You are still very young. To have this experience at your age can be a gift, or a curse. The choice is yours.
Thank you so much @PisceanHealer. I have been growing pretty well without him. Ive been working on myself and thier are some things in the relationship and things about him I probably havent seen before if I was with him. Ive been working out (nice toned and fit too lol) and been working on my issues within myself. Ive always had an abusive tumultous relationship with my father and seen it go through within my mother so it took me a while to build myself up without my fathers help and when I met him I was on that process of just getting better to getting better and better-Im only saying this because I know relationships with your father affect the ones in your future. But all in all I think we were both maturing (even though I must say Ima mature individual.) at the time. Some people told me he probably wasnt ready a commitment like that even though he encouraged me but even if that Im still hurt at the fact someone would do something like that to me especially with my future on the line.
1.Do you think he treated me like that because he was being self absored and was going through something (he told me their are things I dont tell you because you'll get mad and stay there its better for you) or do you think it was that he never cared about the relationship at all?
2. Do you think he ever cared about me at all (just want to hear your opinion-and even if he did I still dont like the fact he did that to me)?
3.And what do you supposed happened to us (I dont understand but I think he was involved in something (sounded like criminal activity) and didnt want me near him but hey theres other theories) ?
To be honest I am not getting anything about your ex, his ways or his intentions. What I am picking up on is the fact that you are angry. Angry with him and the situation he put you in, but - whether you realise it or not - you are mostly angry with yourself.
And that is perfectly normal.
The questions you are asking however, are not healthy ones. You are searching for justification, an explanation for what happened when truth be told you may never find one. Here's the important aspect of that: you don't need one.
Put it like this. You've fallen over and cut yourself badly. Those wounds are finally starting to scab over. But by asking these kinds of questions, you are essentially picking at those scabs. You are just going to continue to bleed. Is that really what you want?
Start by accepting that everything that happened, happened for a reason. Again, you don't need to know that reason in order to heal, to grow.
Oh and that bit about the relationship with your father predetermining your relationships with other men in your life? No longer does that hold truth for you because you've already identified it.
Perhaps that was the lesson for you in this situation? If so, learning it at such a young age, you should consider yourself very lucky. You have the potential to have very healthy relationships with guys from here on out