Where is this relationship going?

  • Hello, my name is Heather, I am a Gemini born 6/19/88. I have been seeing this Taurus on and off for almost 7 months. He was born 5/11/78. When we met it was the most amazing feeling ever, I felt like i knew him forever. He felt the same, and actually brought it up first. Our relationship was very hot and heavy instantly. He broke up with me the first time in October, went back on it, and within 48 hours did it again. His excuse was he needed to focus on his career because he had messed around his whole life and was ready to get somewhere. We ended up back together in November. of course everything was just as good as it always had been, i had my insecurities, but he assured me he planned on spending the rest of my life with me, silly to believe him after such a little amount of time. I ended up finding out i was pregnant at the of November. I was a wreck between the horomones and insecurities of him leaving me. Well he broke up with me mid December and it was very ugly. He just completely walked away and rejected me. I decided to get an abortion at the end of December. He didnt seem to have any rejection about it at all, he paid for it and it was done. Well January came and he was concerned on how I was, we started talking and ended up back together, and currently are. He said he was so sorry about everything, it wasnt how he wanted it to be, he just got overwhelmed and i was such a mess I was bringing him down, but he never wanted any of that to happen. He said he loved me, he ran real hot and passionate for a while, but now he has completely turned cold again, and theres such a distance. He is very busy, I mean really busy, so we dont see each other often, but lately when we do see each other, its theres so much distance from him.The quality of our time has diminished greatly. He said he knows, and he wishes it could be different, but it cant at this point, he has so much going on that he cant focus on us. He says its going to get worse before it gets better, but its not always going to be like this. He wont talk about our future, he talks about his plans and future with everything else but us. He used to talk about our future and us all the time, he used to be the mushy one, saying all these sweet things and always wanting to be with me, and now im like that, and feel so shut out. I guess what I am asking is why he runs so hot and cold? Does he really love me? Is there a future with us? Or am I just spinning my wheels here? Why would he keep coming back if he didnt want to be with me and doesnt want to put the effort in? Somedays I see and feel the old him, but its less and less lately, and it's tearing me up. Sorry so long, just want to make sure I was very thorough about the relationship. Thank you very much ahead of time for any insight. Peace, Love, and Light!!

  • Im really sorry that you're going through this. Truly I am as a Taurus girl I must say his feelings are all over the place. I think he might feel bad about everything thats happened between you guys only because it was wrong but he might not be too concerned about you or probably just not right now (hence, him just talking about his career plans and not your future together) but for now I think he just might need his space only because he's confused about the relationship right now. He'll make up his mind about you eventually, he might not even be over you being this confused (Tauruses are known to latch on tight and have a hard time letting things go) so hopefully things will work out. I wish you two the best and as always god bless. May you help me with my latest post if you will (Taurus Girl Confused About Feelings-Please Read)? Thank you so much, Id really appreciate it.

  • Oh wow, geminichk88, I am so sorry for what you have been through. I get the sense you haven't healed through any of this. So lets start at the very beginning.

    You ask where is this relationship going. Nowhere would be the answer. Not in its current state. You are going to have to do something very difficult. You are going to have to confront him, and it's likely going to hurt.

    There are a lot of lies and self-deceit on his part. Not necessarily malicious in origin, but destructive none-the-less. He is in denial.

    This is a major test for your relationship. There is a real possibility that it could die. Unfortunately, if you do nothing, it will most certainly die. On the plus side, if the relationship survives, it will be stronger and better for it.

    So as I suggested, confront him. About his behaviour, about his role in the relationship, and what he wants out of the relationship. Don't back down. Find that inner courage within you and confront without fear. Whatever comes out of this will be the best for you both.

    Be prepared to rip apart the denials and lies that may appear. Don't stand for "things are going to get worse before they get better". That's an excuse. A lie.

    Please, if you have any questions or comments, do ask. You needn't feel alone in this.

  • The thing is, I dont know what is lies, and what isnt. I have confronted him, he says he has answered all my questions to the best of his ability, he says he wants to be with me, but he really doesnt have time to "water" the relationship so it can grow right now. I asked him what that means, and what he wants me to do, and he answered simply, he wants me to do what I want to do. I tell him that I want to be with him, and I want to stand by his side while he is working towards his future career wise. I asked him, if he wanted me to let him go, since he feels he doesnt have time for a relationship. He says he doesnt know. He loves me, etc....i told him i would let him go if thats what would make his life easier, that I didnt want to, and i would hate to let him go, and he take it the wrong way. He said he understands, but he doesnt know. after that conversation, he literally acted like nothing was going on, he was just as loving and sweet as he had been before.....its so confusing

  • Your entire world is upside down. You've confronted him, asked your questions, yet clearly you are unhappy. You can't stay in this position Heather, it's blocking your spirit.

    In all honesty, I still get the impression this relationship is going to die. Moreover, it needs to die in order for you to grow into your future self. We resist change, especially painful change, because of our fears. So...

    What are you afraid of Heather?

    ~ Marc

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