Question for Captain
Captain, could you tell me whether my long-time friend Pedro L. is a good influence in my life, or not a good one?
He was my best friend in high school, and now he's come to study in the same city as me.
He claims to be a very 'evolved' being, so I doubt he could be a bad influence... but the fact that my parents tell me he's not a good influence, plus some things that happened lately have led me to question this.
Like, plenty of times he tells me person X and person Y have a past-life connection with him..
Now he tells me he had something in a past life with a friend of mine. I'm not sure if I can believe this.
Plus it made me uncomfortable watching him make most girls in my group uncomfortable with his way of acting last night, especially since it was me who invited him to come with us.
I'm always suspicious of someone who claims to be an evolved being - they usually turn out to be very insecure and snobbish/thinking they are superior to everyone else. I feel this guy is just a wannabe pretender who knows very little about true spiritual matters.
Ok, thanks captain..
This is weird, as he seems very knowledgeable when I ask him about things... and claims to be able to talk to guides easily, and lots of other things.
Also claims to be able to manipulate energy, activate his 3rd eye, and stuff like that which I barely understand at all.
One thing that makes it tough for me to believe him is the fact he claims alcohol makes it easier for him to communicate with the guides, instead of harder?
And that he is waaaay overprotective/worries too much toward any girl he is interested in, and even to myself ;
AND that he doesn't seem to worry about getting bad karma because he claims he is able to ''cut karmic lines before they manifest''... for example, he has no conscience problems with randomly beating someone up who has done nothing bad to him, should he feel like it (fortunately this hasn't happened before, as far as I know).
Alcohol just makes him think he can do anything but he is no more evolved than you, HD - in fact he is going in the other direction. He is just pretending to be knowledgable and talks a load of garbage he has read on the internet and in books to impress people, especially women. At heart he is very insecure and weak.
Alright capt'n tyvm :)))
PS: ... well, as long as he doesn't convince himself that he's right... because in that case it risks becoming a psychiatric problem.
This was a minor detour in my path I guess.
Or maybe it wasn't a detour at all..
Time to get back on-track ;D
edit: (my own track!!)
No, his problem is that he knows deep down he is weak and a fraud, but still feels compelled by his insecurity to try and fool people into thinking he's a guru. The worse he feels about himself, the more he pretends to be a wise man.
Captain I figured I'd reuse this thread, instead of starting a new one..
I have thought about things... and I think although he's maintaining that sort of web of lies, his friendship for me isn't a lie. Correct?
For this reason, I think I should not destroy it, as I can use the current situation to promote some improvement in other things about him. I'm not planning to pretend to believe him... I'll just brush aside anything he says about things he claims ''the light'' or ''the light guides'' or whatever has told him, and conduct the conversations as I would conduct them with anyone who isn't into spirituality.
This is a good idea, correct?
He called me about some things he is troubled about last night (made me stand up from bed lol... and in fact I didn't find it to be such an important thing, but it must've been important to him I guess).
I answered in my own way, without including any spiritual talk, and without looking like a know-it-all.
After all, it's the same when a patient has lied... it's important to always give the other person a way out of the lie, without hurting their dignity. So I have nothing to gain by exposing my friend... but I have something to gain by encouraging him to gain self confidence!
2. This tuesday, I went to get food at a restaurant and gave it to a girl ''because I promised her''. To be honest I don't know if I am trying to hide the real reason, or if I'm trying to show it without being too obvious?
She lived with another girl from our class (our class has only 20-30 people, so it's not like I'm a stranger to the other girl). When I gave her the food, she invited me to have lunch at her place (note: as expected!).
So I had lunch with her and the girl who lives with her.
Was I wrong to do what I did?
Am I driven by the right motives?
Did she realize something? < It looked to me like she was looking at me more after that... but it could easily just be a way to attempt to read through me.
What is her current attitude towards me?
I am somehow trying to tell myself that ''I don't like anyone... but if I did like someone, it would be this girl.'' -> I think this protects me from the trouble that is being the first to fall for someone, emotionally.
(Initials are A M N, I believe... I am sure that A M are the first two names... not sure if there's something between the M name and the N name.)
I also remember that once you told me that at THAT time, what I needed was a love that was ''lighthearted''.
I think this is pretty much lighthearted. At least... well, I don't know how to explain but it doesn't feel heavy.
But maybe the reason is because of the thing I wrote in the previous paragraph.
As well as the answers to these questions, I will defenitely appreciate if you add some advice of yours, like you always do, Captain.
My bad! It was not tuesday, it was THURSDAY!
I can see why your friend is drawn to you - you both like to play the guru. It's good to want to help and encourage people if they are in trouble but if you seek to change anyone but yourself, then it will backfire on you. We only have the right to change ourselves. That has to be our number one priority. If you think you are here to change your friend or anyone else, you run the risk of becoming as egotistical as he is.
Yeah, that girl wonders about your motives for bringing the food - she thought it was strange behaviour and suspects that you were using it as an excuse to visit (which you were). It shows your insecurity that you couldn't just be honest and ask her if you could see her. Be honest with yourself and everyone else - that's all you have to do (that and being kind and considerate). You don't need to concoct elaborate tricks and games. Just be straight with people and they will appreciate it.
1st paragraph - Alright, got it!
2nd paragraph - Should I be taking the risk then? Just telling her straight out something along the lines of (probably not by these words) - 'I should've been more sincere last thursday, I apologize for that. The reason I brought food, and the reason I asked you your favourite food in the first place, last semester, was because I'm somewhat drawn to you.
...then we'd probably feel somewhat awkward and walk away.
No, rather, I would probably say ''so.. well, thats what I wanted to say. see ya :)'' and leave.
And I'd think ''OMG WHAT DID I JUST DO''
Also, how does she feel about me ''using it as an excuse to see her''?
HD, don't you see how much time could be spared if we were all straight with each other about what we wanted? It would do away with all the agonizing and the getting up of courage and the dreaming of possible outcomes, and the time wasted on playing games. If you are honest with someone, you find out right away if they like you or not. Yes you might get rejected but then you know not to waste your time and to go looking for someone who does want you.
Isn't that time and energy saving worth the price of facing rejection?
She wasn't comfortable with your methods and thinks it rather sneaky.
I'm gonna hope its not too late to apologize, and be straight, then. Ty
(If you disagree, please say so xD)
Would a phone call do, or does it have to be in person (in which case I have to wait 2 more days)
Sorry for barging in HD, Captain. If I may be so bold...
HD, consider the 3 I's when making any sort of decision; Intention, Integrity, Intuition.
Intention: Simply, what is your intention. It should always be for the good of yourself as well as others.
Integrity: Does this abide by your morales and ethics. Bear in mind the old ethos "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
Intuition: Does this "feel" right to you.
If any one of those is a "negative", don't do it.
And you're not intruding at all
About the Intuition part, it's usually not going to have any effect - I'm not too good with it yet.
But about the 'do unto others...' - Well, from the start, the giving food and making up an excuse (a pretty lame excuse actually) is something I'd like, I think... if it was done to me, it would give me a hint.
But then again, you're right, I wouldn't want to give away the wrong impression by accepting the food. But after someone went and got specifically my favourite food, I would not turn them down.
I don't think my intention itself was wrong either. Do you think it was?
A phone call would be fine.