Can not understand Cancer man!

  • CityEnergy ,

    I live Sydney now , my origin is follow and Spanish mixed blood. I just came America last December I had heaps of relatives there. I used to visit them most of the time cos I like traveling and makes me feel better but last year is not really good cos this Cancer mam keep annoying me while I'm away. Oh well life is too short I'll make the most out of it. Love is beautiful if someone will respect you and admire you for who you are good or bad he will embrace you. I always believed in love if not now may be tomorrow, I lift it all of this to our Lord, God will make away. God bless us. Big Big Hugs and Kisses...

  • annielan,

    Someone who is brutally honest and someone who is abusive are different. Obviously, yours was the latter. I don’t know your whole story and from what I just read on this thread, it really did not sound like a healthy relationship. You’re lucky to be rid of him.

  • Aquabubbles,

    May be you read my thread, yeah that's totally different I agree his very abusive and I can see myself before I was totally messed up. He treat me like a doormat he talk shit to me for I don't nothing wrong to him but to live him with all my hearts though his pushing me away from him. He lied to me he seems to be nice and gentleman. After a few month telling me that his going overseas the truth comes out that his having a long distance relationship and he messed up the girlfriend find out everything and the poor me believed him that his single. They fell a part and I'm the one his blaming cos I keepemauling him though I was aware that he doesn't want me to email him nor messaging and why is that the girlfriend hacked up his account.I'm so upset but when he came back I believed to him but as the day past by he feels so annoyedto me . And acting like he doesn't want me in his life and talk shit over me and calling me names , swearing on me. I'm nearly forgot who I am and where I came from I'm physical mentally drain my health was affected and I put myself in to risk by thinking what did I done to him. I'll take considerate his reason but no matter what he doesn't have a right and the most things that I hated that time washis talking shit to my family and never once respected by him thoughts doesn't have no idea of my family and that's the best part that he killing me. I'm all good now, he always asking me to leave him alone at first I'm on and off to him till I turn my back . We had few fights but I wouldn't take it so deep . Yesterday he asking me if I want to talk at first we keep arguing then I hang up the phone several times and he called and he never once did that to me . If I hang up I will lose my communication and if I tried to contact he will never answer back. This time around he seems nice I can put all the shit that he used to said it to me. I know it's bad but I deliver it on the other way around cool and calm unlike him before my God you will feel like your talking in a mobster that he will eat you alive. He never once swearing cos I told him we never grew up with swearing or expression like he did to me and it makes me feel bad and I'm getting scared if him. I told him he never respected me at all. He said to me that he doesn't care to me ar all. It's fine if he don't care and when hid talking to me yesterday. Full of question and I said to him why questioning me if you debt care wasting time. I told him I want to do things on my own. And enjoying myself to rebuild a new me after thestorm that he puts on my heads. He just laughing and I can easily stop him now. Do far hid friendly but I won't trust him at all it takes time cos he gets everything on me .what I'm doing now is to love myself enjoy things that I neglect when I was shattered and devastated. I'm going out now and enjoying different company with out any physical attachment and I'm do glad that I get or I feel what I want but at the moment I don't feel any especiall to anyone but they knew everything and very supportive I can easily put back my confident and believed in myself. Thanks .

  • Awesome, annielan!

    Because the thing to remember about the difference between 'honest' and 'abusive' is the intentions behind it. So, someone who is naturally a little too 'blunt' doesn't usually realize that thats how they sound. Their intention is not to hurt you, or anyone...they are just being themselves. So, with someone like that, if their attitude hurts you and you tell them, more then likely they will feel bad and try to correct themselves.

    However, someone who is being abusive is TRYING to hurt you. They don't care about you, all they care about is themselves and making themselves feel better by putting you down. If you ever hear words like "worthless", "ugly", "fat", "pathetic", "stupid", "hopeless", etc....those are abusive words. They are not said by 'accident', NO ONE who cares about you will EVER call you worthless or stupid or ugly. And even someone who swears at you a lot, that is abusive. Like; "You f**cking idiot, you b*tch" etc, thats all abusive.

    So, good for you for getting rid of him because from what I've read, he sounds like the abusive type. Especially with the swearing. Swearing in general is not bad (though not very classy, lol) but swearing AT you is bad. Keep going on the path your going on!

    I gotta say, though, don't even keep him as a friend...abusive people don't really change. At least, not to the person they were abusing. If he treated you like that, he'll do it again and again. So, yah, kick him to the curb forever and don't even give him the honor of your friendship or time. Hell, don't even talk to him anymore. Just don't entertain it.

  • MariaRia,

    You are so right about them being dumb about how blunt they are! The hair analogy was spot on! Yesterday in fact, I was out with my Cancer man and he said something similar immediately I turned the table and said a direct hit to him (all the while with a smile on my face) after I did that he laughed and put his arm around me and kissed my head... Later that evening we were discussing a business plan and I said "I don't think" and b4 I could finish the sentence he said good don't think you might hurt yourself! I knew this was stemming from this afternoons diss I through back at him so I said You're right, I have to slow down with my thinking and let the rest of the population catch up to my vision!

    When you don't let them get away with things they back down, this I've learned. I think this may be the reason I'm intrigued being an Aquarius we don't back down from challenges.


    SO GLAD YOU"RE RID OF THAT MAN!! I agree with the others, he was abusive and good for you that you recogonized it. And you're right, as long as you yourself don't give up on love it will always find you! God bless you and may he bless you with the one who truly deserves you!



    Thank you, seems like anyone that knows or knew a Cancer has the same things to say. I'm taking everything to heart. So far 4 different people have commented including a Cancer man himself, so you all can't be wrong!

  • "was out with my Cancer man and he said something similar immediately I turned the table and said a direct hit to him (all the while with a smile on my face) after I did that he laughed and put his arm around me and kissed my head... Later that evening we were discussing a business plan and I said "I don't think" and b4 I could finish the sentence he said good don't think you might hurt yourself! I knew this was stemming from this afternoons diss I through back at him so I said You're right, I have to slow down with my thinking and let the rest of the population catch up to my vision!"

    Haha, that is exactly the way to play it, girl. Cancers are usually very intellectual, so if you give them a good playful tongue lashing they tend to love it. Actually, If I may say, I find they actually love it even more when you REALLY put them in their place. Like, once in a while just full out order them around. Obviously, if you do this too much you'll be bossy and no one likes that. But I really found that if he was being a bit like...dodgey and I was like "J, just come HERE and sit DOWN." then all of a sudden he'd get this look in his eyes and he would come right over and sit right down. And then he'd have a big grin on his face. They friggen eat it up.

  • Hello to all of you,

    I just got to say, when I am reading your posts and descriptions of your cancer man, I would swear I wrote it. Everything you are all saying about cancer men is so ironically true! I mean you don't know which end is up?? God I thought my cancer man was my lid, that I finally found my match and the man of my dreams. Our first month was bliss, he said and did all the right things, he called all the time, and yes making me feel so special, as if he was sincere. He would call before I had to go to work, to see if he could just see me for a minute cause he missed me so much, ( I just saw him the night before). God it was as if he walked out of my dreams and into my reality.!!

    Then it happened, I can't tell you what?? because to this moment I don't know, what happened, yes the lack of everything, kindness enthusiastic person who was so poetic, became, so dark and gloomy, contradicting, unstable, whiny miserable person. who didn't call for days then started texting instead of talking, even though we both said in the begining how it was so impersoniable. I mean in the begining we would talk for hours as if we had know each other for years, but it had only been moments,then weeks. We could talk about anything, or everything. even if we disagreed, about something, we talked and everything was fine. I know this is jumbled and confusing to all or most of you. But honestly this is where my head is right now. I am so devasted and confused. I am completely heart shattered, from this man! He would do and say things as if to deliberately push me away, and when I would say okay maybe we should break up or give us a break, then all of a sudden he was in love again! He told me he never had a relationship past 30 days, they just would never last.>?? He was never married but lived with someone for eight years but been together for a total of 15 years, they have a 16yr old son together. He said he never loved her, she trapped him, and he tried to make it work for his son. OMG!! I feel like I could write 3 novels out of the 3 months we were together. Well things just became so aweful I broke it off and he agreed, well two days later he text and said he wanted to be just friends. I couldn't because I knew in my heart I loved him, but really wasn't sure about where his heart was? So I just said it's best that we both move on. Well he would continue to text every 2 to 3 days not saying much just that he didn't think it would be this hard.

    Needless to say one day a month later he calls and said he needed to talk and we did. He said I was the only one who cared about him, and understood him. so over the next couple of days we continued to talk, and he asked if he could see me one night so we did. Those three days were like that first month/. Then he became distant again, and moody . I just called him and told him I can't do this anymore. He just said if that's really what you want.? He never took responsiblity for his actions never. He always flipped it!! well needless to say, I am left devastated and he has moved on!!. My friend called him and asked if he would return my keys and leave them in an envelope inside my door. He said he would but hasn't . IT's been another month since we talked or seen one another. Was he playing me? Did he mean anything he said ? Will he ever come back to me?

    Please I need some insight here, I was married for 25yrs to man who was abusive physically and mentally. And I didn't think falling in love or finding a man who was so kind and loved me was possible. THis man knew all that I had been through, If not just cancer men but are all men this cold and heartless? That they would play someone or toy with their emotions just for fun and their gain???

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  • dragonfly426,

    Personally, I think it’s a common theme for all men to come on strong at the beginning. They offer up the world and exhibit all those qualities that make them more attractive to you, so it always takes time to get to the meat of who they really are anyways. The sideways crab dance is famous or should I say infamous and it can be devastating when a Cancer man starts doing it. The intimacy they convey initially within a short time frame makes you feel like you’re in heaven, so the shock when he does a 180 hits you harder.

    Among other things, your cancer was inflicting his moods onto you and although it’s his right to have his moods, it’s not his right to subject you to the wrath of them. It sounds like you’ve already decided you don’t have the stomach for it, which is fine. The only way to deal with it otherwise is to take a firm stand, communicate how the behaviour affects you, express your needs, give him time to think it over and wait for his decision. If he decides he can’t give you what you need then you haven’t lost anything because his behaviour unacceptable to you in the first place.

  • Aquabubbles,

    Thank you so much for responding, it is greatly appreciated. However my cancer has moved on, and although his behavior was not acceptable to me, he still took my heart. I can't seem to get passed this hurt and emptiness in my heart. I honestly don't know what he wanted, I don't think he knows what he wants. But I do know he didn't want to say it was over he just showed me it was over, by the distance he kept and the coldness he exhibited, when i would see him. I am so devastated by this, I feel like I was hit by a gust of wind swept off my feet, for a split second and yes it did feel like my life was heaven. Only to drop me to the ground just as quickly and shatter my heart and life to pieces. Its been two months and I have not had one text or call from him. So needless to say, his decision was made, and no doubt it was from day one. I know I have got to let him go, I just wish my heart didn't go with him. I would want nothing more than to have those precious couple of days back, before Romeo turned into Mr. Hyde.

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  • Cancerman276,

    I completely understand and get what you are saying. I am a pisces and i also have a big heart, and love with my whole heart. So I guess he really didn't love, cause he let go, or pushed me away, or made it so difficult to stay, cause I couldn't endure the rejection; It was a constant roller coaster, up and down. One moment he knows I am the one he wants, the next moment, he treated me as if I were a stranger(like an unwanted salesperson on the phone or at his door).

    I could deal with his emotional state or his moodiness. But it always seemed like he would purposely direct those moods and emotions toward mine. Like the more loving and attentive, and understanding, the more he pushed me away. How confusing is that??? Yes he had a big heart, but it seemed to be for others, when I needed him the most, (my son leaving for the army). He wasn't there, he ditched me for his ex-girlfriend, or at times it was his friend. I would always take the back seat, but he wanted me there for him, In the begining, he would demonstrate so much interest love and affection, he would climb mountains to get to me. And if you maybe thinking I did him wrong somewhere down the line.. the answer would be NO, I was constant with loving, understanding, affection, attentiveness. He changed, drastically, which confused me so much, cause I couldn't figure it out. WHY??? The only thing I come up with is that, he wasn't sincere, or real about who he is or was. This cancer with a so called big heart, was heartless. But yes he has mine, and I only think of those moments where he was a dream and like aquabubbles stated Like I was in heaven. So I guess my question is this? was it all just a lie?? Will he ever come back??? Did he really move on for good???

  • Dragonfly, I totally hear you on the Cancer/Pisces thing! I too am a Pisces (Gem/Gem) and I have a very close friend who is a Cancer...not surprising because most of my close friends are Cancers lol but this one in particular, yeah, we got very close in a very short period of time and when he retreated, I wasn't ready for it and it hurt so bad! I did the same as you; tried to be my supportive, understanding (and with such a strong Gemini influence; communicative lol) self, but to no avail. He simply ignored me, and I finally learned to just wait for him...lo and behold, he did come back, and our friendship is so much for the better because of it. The problem is WHEN, when will they come back? Lol. Even now he still does his crabby thing and retreats and even though I know that 1) he WILL return eventually, and 2) it's not personal (hard thing to grasp; I'm pretty self-absorbed) there's still the hope it won't be very long.

  • tooralooryeaye,

    Yes we got very close in a short period of time also, it was so magical. Wow I can not thank you enough, for your encouraging words. Honestly a little bit of hope is better than no hope at all. It has been two months since I heard from my cancer man. A lot of people would say if you don't hear from him in two -three weeks after break up than forget it, he has moved on and found someone new. But it is so hard to except it's done, finished as quickly as the fire was lit it went out. excepting his moods and quirkiness, was never a problem, I excepted him faults and all. I just couldn't handle the disconnection, or the way he rejected my support.

    I really hope things are going well for you, as I know waiting is not easy.!! Thank you again, I actually feel a pulse again, its faint but at least I am not numb.

  • dragonfly426,

    My cancer man did the same thing. he told me he loved me 3 1/2 weeks after our first date. I was shocked, he really meant it. It took me longer to say it and it upset him. when I finally said it, it seemed he turned on me.'

    We were together 6 months total. He would say very harsh things and I didn't know how to respond, usually I kept quiet and when I gave it back to him, he would do as others mentioned, he would laugh and get close. After 3 months of coming on strong, he said he didn't want to get serious.

    When he was loving, there was no one better, I believed in him more than any man I have ever dated.

    He had me meet his family early on which I was shy and wanted to wait and it made him angry, everything had to be at his pace. After I said I loved him too, he immediately had a HUGE smile on his face, as if he won! then, boom...I have no idea what happened. (I came to see that he has a drinking problem though)

    he once mocked me "are you in LOVE with me is that it? I was so hurt and shocked, I responded 'NO', he laughed and walked away and came back. And i felt awful but tried not to show it.

    he told me that I make him angry when I get his kids things he cant afford!

    eventually, I realized he used me to get his ex jealous, whom he told me in my bed one time that he felt badly the way he treated her and he is sad he feels he'll never have a family he wants. I was so hurt! I cried, then i thad to get him back and said, well when we first were together I thought of my ex, but after that I never thought of him again...well, he was furious, but COME ON! I am not going to lie in my bed and have him pine over some ex of his!

    I made his b'day special, and he didn't call me after, I went overboard giving him things during the 6 months I knew him bc he didn't have money. he took from me only to call me possessive later.

    He blew up when i took him to nice places, saying he can't keep up. (i will NEVER do anything or give anything to another guy! - my BIG mistake!) and when I blew up at him for not calling me, he didn't like it, and basically said he had enough. I didn't do anything. But i guess his game was over. he said he will always love me and I said I don't understand his kind of love (I should have said fake love, but I didn't want to be mean and hurt him!) and he is sorry that he led me on.

    Any of the drama between us, he created and yet, tried to turn it on me. I ended up feeling so badly, I apologized for my part when I shouldn't have. And i had the lowest self-eseteem when he got done with me. And he refused to see me or talk to me.

    I have called and he didnt respond till 4 months later on his son's bday (he probably thought I had a present!). but he wouldn't see me.

    I believe that he toyed with my head and my heart. and it has been 7 months and I am still devastated I loved him. and he ruined all that is good. I am still crying and wondering what happened, but I can never call him again. He owes me a sincere apology.

    I guess, if they really love you, they come to you. And they would never want to hurt you, but my cancer did everything in his power to push me away, esp when he was feeling bad about himself. I saw him on the street as I drove by, I waved, but will never do it again. they seem to like it when people ignore them. he made me lose myself and I am still so very sad.

  • Wow, Kmuse...that is a very intense story. You just have to remember there is nothing wrong with YOU. This was all him...I'm not sure what's wrong with him, but he may just be one of those intensely insecure Cancers who can never get their acts together because they're too busy trying to hide their insecurities or make themselves feel better. If he will tell you he loves you and then mock you when you say it back, then he definitely has issues. And these are not issues anyone can fix, he has to fix them himself over time (if he ever does...he seems really bad).

    So, whenever you feel insecure or like you 'lost' yourself, you have to remember that whole situation had nothing to do with you. He was the one with issues, and you were unfortunate enough to get mixed up in them. Instead, look back on the situation and think about what you took from it. I bet now you know the serious Red Flags to look out for, right? Well, thats something very important to learn. Also, I bet now you know your limit of what you'll take from a man and what you'll give. So, try to look at the positive side. I know it's hard because it was so awful, but thats what I did with all of my heart breaks and it really helps heal and makes you feel better for it 🙂

  • Kmuse,

    If I didn't know better I would think we experienced the same cancerman.!!, You are so right, the more you ignore them, the more they seem to want you. Also they never see their actions, or take responsibility for them. I met my cancernans family, as I am shy also, I wasn't ready either, and as far as my cancerman's son and ex, well it was the same deal, He wished he could have had a better situation with her, so they could have been a family, and his son wouldn't have to be living in a one parent household. I also bought him so many expensive gifts, over the course of our five months, lending him money, and everything else.. I know how you feel I lost myself, and myself esteem , crying, all the time, i am in such a funk, I can't snap out of it no matter what I do. I had no interest in anyone for thee years after my divorce, I just focused on my work and kids, and I was happy with that, for real. I was married for 25 yrs to an abusive man,, so my solitude and peaceful state of mind I was content., I healed and gained back my self and self esteem, Then Dr, Hyde comes along, like a prince stepping out of my dreams, saying all the right things and so opposite of ex. in every way. Yes he was very sensitive and his emotions ran deep. His heart seemed so real and with only good intentions. I was still cautious, and he would say he would never hurt me or break my heart, that I needed to let my guard down, that he was not my ex. Well finally I did, cause he was right (I thought) he wasn't my ex, (he was worse), but mental abuse is as bad if not worse. I opened my heart and it was as though he intentionally, used all that against me, The calling and texting every min. came to a sudden halt. When I asked him, if something was wrong he would get angry and just say he didn't have time for this. So many inconsistances, and ups and downs. I was so confused, hurt, and broken. Needless to say, I feel like Maybe I am not ment to be loved or find true love and happiness. Maybe the fairy tale doesn't exist, And I don't know if I will ever trust again, all I know is pain.... and I don't think I could handle any more pain and rejection, I have a great personality, I am smart, kind giving, loving . etc. So my question is DO men in general really want someone to be a b^^^ch, cold and heartless like themselves? Because that is what they are creating when players like our cancer men. like toying with someones mind and heart is nothing but a game to them. Kmus I wish you the best. I really do, and I know it is not easy, that is because we don't have closure, That big question of Why!! is magnified 20x

  • CityEnergy did your guy ever live in Derby Connecticut? Just curious he says a lot of the same things my cancer said. "I'm a pain in the butt" etc.

  • CitiEnergy did your guy ever live in Derby Connecticut? He says a lot of the things my cancer guy used to say like " you are a pain in the butt" etc.

  • Dragonfly they do it too us all. Reading your story and Cityenergy's I swear it's the same guy. I broke up with mine when he never called for my b-day this January or to say Happy Valentines Day. My psychic advised me it would be best. But in my head I knew it all along too. We were together for a year, one perfect consistent year. And after New Year's it went to shambles. Still torn up.

  • NessaE,

    I hear you, with after New Years, all going to shambles.

    I honestly, am mentally exhausted in trying to figure it /or him all out. After reading these post about cancer men, and men in general, I realized I don't want to waste my anymore time analyzing his issues. Don't get me wrong I know we all have issues, but for these men to parallel the way they do. Well it's not us! It's them, and their issues. I am sorry that you are still torn, and quite understandable why, but the bottom line, I think we all deserve better treatment then what they gave us. The not calling for b-days and temper tantrums/hissy-fits etc. I decided I want a man a real man, no 30-40 year old should act 3.

    I have a son who is 23years old, he joined the army, and you know what he is the best man I know, and to be honest I envy the girl who captures his heart. He is more mature and respectful of women than any of these men here that we are talking about. Sorry for going overboard here, but I want the fairy tale, I believe that it is still possible and it exist. I have encountered alot of toads lately, so I know my prince is out there.

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