Can not understand Cancer man!

  • I've been dating a Cancer man for the past 6 months. During the first month he told me that its hard for him to trust. The second month he told me I'm his best friend. The third month he said he really loves me. The 4th month we grew very close and even went on a weeks vacation together. During this time I showered him with affection hugs, kisses back rubs etc.. But I still did not have the strong "love" feeling. (I might add at this time that I am an Aquarian) I believe this all takes time to get to know the person thru and thru. The 5th month was strained, he was very moody, pulled back, one word answers. We only saw each other once a week and txted more than we talked on the phone. I should say that he is doing his MBA in electrical engineering... Which I totally understood that he needed to pour himself in the books as he will graduate this May. So, here I am, understanding all of this and letting him know that he has my patience and he still snaps at me, avoids me, is distant and then he turns around like nothing happend and expects me to be loving and kind. Sorry! That's not me, I didn't deserve all that moodiness and being treated like I was a burden. I tried to tell him and ask him what's up but he just pushed it aside saying he's busy or tired or his day sucked. Today he called me, I had hesitation on answering it so after the 4th ring i finally did. I got a totally different person. " hi beautiful, I miss you and I couldn't wait to hear your voice." REALLY. I'm supposed to respond to this now, right? Well I can't... so please if anyone is a Cancer or dated a Cancer or is married to a Cancer please shed some light on me! Because I'm ready to bail. This heckle and Jeckle crap is not for me.

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  • Thank you, CancerMan!

    I did tell him today that he needs to keep the communication lines open with me. And that I can not read his mind. He said that he's sorry and to please be patient with him... I told him that I am a very patient woman but everyone has their limits. Further I told him that I'm here for him an understand stress very well as I am in finance and if anyone can withstand pressure its me. Next thing I know he's turned it around and it's all on me? "then you should be able to realize when I need space." Uh, hello, you need space?. Trust me, I'll give you all the space you can handle and when you can't handle it anymore that's when you'll realize i'm gone. I do care for this man, a lot. But I am human and have feelings. I'm going to put my best foot forward and hopefully after he graduates I will see the man I met in the begining... oh, and by the way, he told me his company is sending him on business and he wants me to come with him! More jeckel and hyde pops up! WTH? Totally lost here...

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  • I think the problem lies in, I'm direct and he's in-direct. I come right to the point and he dances around it. I think for now, i'm just going to step back and let him do his thing. I'll live my life as I always have. It's only been 6 months too short of a time to tell anything. And as you said, if he does truly care he'll come around. I guess it's time to put the aquarian detachment to work... hate to say it, but, we are known for that. Thank you for the insight, Cancerman. Truly appreciate it! 🐵

    ps. why are cancer's known for moodiness? is it a self-esteem thing?

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  • No, I have not had an experience with an Aquarius male. Being an Aquarius woman, I don't know if 2 detached aloof people would work. Although it is said that you are compatible with your own sign. Truly, we are not as aloof as depicted. We run deep, however we don't like to show it. So if an Aquarian does show you endless affection you can't bet they are really into you! One thing tho, both male and female Aquarians do not like to be pinned down. Meaning we need to be independent and free. It's not because we are not trustworthy, because you'll never find another sign more trustworthy. But we like to explore and freedom is important. As for being unemotional, yes this is true. We are. BUT, our emotions run deep and when we are faced with them we will always let you know. Taurus and Aquarius? That will not work, mark my words. I have never and I mean never, met a Taurus I like. Sit back, relax and watch the show... heck throw a bag of popcorn in the microwave while you're at it! 😉

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  • Hi DeeDee,

    It seems it's the 5-6 month mark that freaks them out... There's one problem tho, if I back off he's got a definite problem because with us Aquarius ppl, outta sight outta mind. And, I know for a fact that they do not like to be questioned. Because he said to me once "you seem like nothing bothers you or you don't care. How come you never question me?" I told him when I think I need to ask a question I will.... and that's when he said, "good, because I hate to be questioned. I prefer to tell you something on my own." And yes they are romantic and passionate all at the same time which is one of the things i love the most about him. However, if the romance comes with I love you now but you'll pay later. Then i'll have to move on and he can scramble all he wants for me.

    I think Cancerman276 said it best, they are moody individuals happy one minute the next grumpy, sad, mixed up, aggitated you name it! lol I'll work a little more on us. We are seeing each other tomorrow evening as he had a major test to take and was busy (which I totally understood and let him know that I support him) I'll post more to keep you updated.

    Thank you for your insight, DeeDee! Much appreciated and very helpful!

  • Hi! CityEnergy,

    Wow! I adore you I like the way you express yourself very Aquarian straight forward .But were opposite with me , I can't stand it if I know some how I hurt his feelings it doesn't matter if, I am right I will makes sure to make up. I use to go out Cancer man keep yourself like that be strong enough. Don't allow him to see you without any confident and as much as possible. Don't give him a power to bullying you. Cancer man is always confused and very sensitive. They never ever wanted questioning them. Don't show your weakness he will used it against you. Don"t give too much attention let him heal his self prepare for his jealousy,hold yourself don't lay all your cards Bu,t I'm telling you were totally different extremely opposite Cancer and Aquarius but if you can connect all good. You have a good start you stand up for your principle. But I am worried to you honestly I am like you I never once expected that he will over power and calling me names , swearing on me for I done nothing wrong.Don't allow yourself to get under his skin if you want to keep your self respect. He will turn your world up side down and you suddenly find yourself needy they know how treat woman very well. Its good to step back for the mean time allow your self to breath.All I want you to do is to guard yourself properly. In all honestly his nice person,family oriented and that's my weakness, gentlemen, but I wonder why if sometimes they telling the truth or just to playing mind games.I've been to a lot there are times all day his swearing on me though it was his fault he will expecting you to relax and zipped your mouth.He hates argue but his the one full of crap. I am totally mentally drains to his attitude I almost forgot who I am and my health was affected though he knew what I've through his still have chance to teasing me and accusing me for I did nothing wrong to him. It's almost 3 weeks, I feel so free from everything. I don't know if its right I also find myself guilty for hurting his feelings. He knows what I've through his treated me like a piece o@#@#@ a doormat that no body does to me. After all the messed up and find out he lied and using me physical ,mentally, emotionally. I had a chance to tell him how I felt sorry for myself and giving him a warning not to treat me badly.Apparently I'm on and off to him till I turn my back to him. for the past few days I never hear anything from him after I said all the pain that I carry on . But Aquarius can be rebellious one time we had argue I put everything in him all the abusive words that he used to me. I asked him if he really things I deserved the way he treated me while I know to myself I deserved someone much more better than him.The idiot answered me we both don't deserved what we been through .i TOLD HIM TO GO TO HELL AND BURN HIS SELF GO AND ENJOY HIS SELF MAKE SURE HIS PROCTECTING HIS SELF FOR ALL THE DISEASE....For all I know I am his past time and I am aware where I stand on him. I'll take that cos I care about him.But this is not I wanted to be and I don't deserve that way he treated me. He only needs me own his time most of them are selfish. Cancer man never once let me in on his emotionally problem but he doesn't knew I am part of it. I felt so relief now. But I am worried to him cos I believed he never meant to hurt me but its not about hurting my emotionaI investment to him . I reckon he needs to know not all the time people can understand him and everything in this world has a limit.I will never ever intend to be his friends and I will run away from him. The only thing that I can give to him is my prayers hope he'll find his self and it will never too late for him to see his self alone and confused and unhappy. I believed all of us deserved happiness.No one body is good enough to anyone all we need to do is sit down and talk communication is the key of all the loops whole and no body will understand you by keeping yourself away from the person involve. Being by yourself is what you always want what if the person give up on you and it's too late for you that he is the one that you looking for.Too bad too late someone giving her attention love,care, and respect and live happily with wonderful husband and lovely kids.

  • CityEnergy,

    Aquarius are very friendly I can easily mingle with people in one snap. I'm very intellectual I find myself bored if I am with him. English is not my mother unfortunately he humiliate me that I need to go back at school cos I know nothing about English. I honestly meltdown when I hear that from hear.He never hear anything from me I always wait for him to calm down his always having slip personality now his on good mood all of a sudden bad mood. I can be rude to him if , I know its too much, I felt bad when sometimes his a bit racist.I can easily slap on his face and ask him how many language or dialect do you know to speak. Obviously English and I can be sarcastic to him lately and feed him info that English is a big thing and we have different meaning to plus I can understand and spoken four language. His a bit show off but once you give him a proper answer that he can never fight back. he became moody and aggressive.His financial messed up for his past relationship. And when it comes to money matters I value myself never once asked to pay my bill and never touch any single cent of him cos, I am aware of his financial status , I once offer him a help cos I know that interest will kill him. Apparently he refused it and for me that's a good points he said that he never wanted me to do that and he can pay his debt bit by bit.I am willing to help him out without any hesitation but I'm thinking that his a bit scared cos I have all the rights to stick with him all the time which I never wanted to be.I have a strange feeling that sometimes he suddenly disappear and I will confronted him.And he has insecurity that he was not lucky and no will to travel cos he had debt to pay while I am wow there you. Obviously his insecurity ruined his moods poor thing but I can easily put down myself on him but too late cos he never wanted once to know my family and he wants his privacy now I need to do my things and leave him will alone with all my hearts. I will never ever bothering him giving any attention but I told him he will always be a part of me. And if he needs me I am just sms,phone call away from him. But I already draw the line and he knows the limits this time.For now its all me, myself and I in short its all about me loving myself rebuild myself respect and keep the good spirit.

  • Wow! Hi Annilan,

    I have to say some of what you say is very true of my cancer man. Except he is not verbally abusive to me. He will however ignore me, once he told me I was a pain the butt. I laughed at him when he said it! I know he has no patience what-so-ever when it come to driving he works in Manhatten commutes from New Jeresy and if someone honks their horn he honks back and calls them names. I laugh at him then too. To me its funny. He has on occasion said to me "will you argue with me!" on this particular time we were going out for the evening meeting up with my friends. He wanted to go an hour early and I didn't so he tried to persaude me into going when that didn't work he said well then I'm going I'll see you there... I laughed and said relax and let me finish getting ready that's when he said will you argue with me. I turned to him and said, ok. "I'm not going." Just like that, plain and simple he stood there blinking his eyes and was at a loss of words! I told him when we first met, that I do not argue I don't like it if we can't settle differences then its not going to work. One thing that is different from your situation, he can't stand to see me cry or even tear up. It breaks him down. But I have caught him in lies, and I've called him out on it. He stumbles for words then says I'm not a good liar. That's when I say then don't do it! I have to admit, I was very confused at how he could go from a loving caring man to cold as stone for no apperant reason. I took some advice from Cancerman above, I fugured who better to listen to then another cancer man. And I stopped EVERYTHING! No calls, texts, didn't answer his calls return email or texts. Then when I saw that he was giving up. I called and said, are you ready to talk? He calmly said yes. In the end we straightend things out, he said to never do that to him again meaning ignor him. I said don't make me do it to you again and I won't. We both work in stressed out environments all day. We only get a chance to see each other maybe 3 times a week due to schedules and our families. We both have childeren from prior marriages. I care for him greatly and could see myself falling in love with him. But I will not lose sight of who I am. I have too many people who depend on me.

    I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that. No one should have pain from the person who is supposed to love them. Good for you that you've seen your way out! I will take all of your advice to heart that's for sure. As you said, and I've also been told... it's better to be alone then in bad company! Keep in touch, Annilan. And stay blessed!

  • Annilan I'm sorry I didn't realize that there was another post from you untl after I replied. I'm actually surprised that you being an Aquarian took all of that from your exboyfriend. I got that you are very friendly from your posts and I found them to be trustworthy too! What country are you from if you don't mind me asking?

  • One thing I gotta say that I notice about Cancers in general, men and women, is they are extremely blunt and they have no idea. When I say blunt, I don't mean they express themselves and their feelings bluntly, because they dont. BUT, with everything else they can be kind of hurtful with how like....cutting? they are. So, annielan, when you said your boyfriend/ex often told you flat out to go to school and learn english, that was pretty typical Cancer of him. Now I don't know him, but in his mind he isn't being mean -he's being helpful. Both my Cancer girlfriends will say things equally as blunt. They have ABSOLUTELY no idea how rough they sound when they say it. Lately, the rest of our friends have been letting them know slowly that they're "rough around the edges" or "too snappy" and they're slowly starting to get it.

    So, if people find their Cancer men to sometimes be "mean", "aggressive" and "snappy", unfortunately this seems to be in their nature. The ONLY way to fix it is to call them out on it. Like, call them out RIGHT AFTER they do it. So, for example:

    You: "Hey hun!

    Cancer: "What the hell is wrong with your hair?" (he would say things like this to people. He was never this bad to me, though)

    serious face "Don't talk to me like that."

    "What...? Talk to you like what?"

    " 'what the hell is wrong with your hair'. That hurts me...please be a little more gentle'"

    Now, what follows depends on the Cancer. But I found that every time I called my cancer out on being mean, he straightened himself out right away. Just be sure not to be too...standoff ish. Because if you yell at him he'll just yell right back. But, you have to let your cancer know, every time, when he's being to crass. If he cares, he'll try to stop.

    Okay, thats the end of my random advice 😄

  • Hey this the same Cancer or different one..... :0

  • Oh, well, the 'guy' cancer is the same one. But I also notice my Cancer girlfriends will do this. They can be extremely hurtful and they have absolutely no idea. I remember in highschool I called my one friend "The Mean One". I didn't remember this until a few months ago. She is not a mean person AT ALL, its just she can be SOOOOO like...harsh? But I think it's just in their Cancer nature.

  • True enough...mine can also be brutally harsh without thinking that maybe his choice of words aren’t the best. Then other times he fumbles around when I want an honest answer….like when I ask “does it look like I put on weight?” and his response “uh…is that a trick question?” lol

  • Haha, yah. It is kind of funny how they'll flop back and forth between being really hardcore and then super soft. They can say the most mind blowingly nice things to you without even thinking about it, and then say the most mind blowingly rude things to you without even thinking about it. Huh...maybe they just need to think more, lol.

  • CityEnergy, MariaRia, Aquabubbles,

    I do agree to all of you guys, I'm not trying to be mean or rude here base on my experience cancer male, female kinda nasty, bully most of the time . I had experience to my too girlfriends they always think that I'm an idiot and no nothing in every single days of my life. I honestly not affected to their silly words my mum always telling us no need to argue as long as you know who you are and where to stand. Oh well I used to be like that I just smile if they teasing me thou sometimes it's below the belt but u can't help it sometimes so I just walk away. But theres always perfect timing in everything the truth will prevail everyone have a flows . But before they need to talk shit out of someone make sure they can back it off. I'm like that but don't hit my break I'll make sure bulls eye though I'm slow I'll make sure I win in the end. They always putting me down what life they have now messed up. Even this Cancer man he thinks he can put me dong and he was surprised that I can have better life than him . Oh well he just call me and asking me if I want to talk for once and for all. I'm not mad at all and I honestly dont know how I feel for him . What I'm gonna I will let him in to my place but he needs to fix house problem so dont need to pay to someone. But no F involve otherwise I can easily tell him to get out of my place. By the way CityEnergy my origin Philippines and have Spanish blood. This Cancer man is totally mentally drain that was before I guess it's my turn to be happy. I had a few good man surrounding me at the moment apparently they knew my story and giving me advice bur they never pushy to me I can easily see mist of their concern .And this Cancer man who's calling me slut and swearing on me twist his mood now never once using thus words though I hang up my mobile this time if his laughing at me. And when I'm asking him why do you want to meet the slut or do you want me to be slut for you. I was told this time is not a nice thing to say and how stupid I am for me to tell that to myself ... Pleasssee I won't buy that it will take so long for you to win me back I have learnt my lesson and enjoying some other company without physical contact I'm good now and doing well . He told me I'm the drama queen oh well may be I am and his the bad one on our dramas .. Poor thing to him I had no trust to him at all. I told him I don't mind hearing his joke but I don't want to be one of his joke anymore. He said he will be nice time will see how he goes.. Go girl power Lol

  • CityEnergy ,

    I live Sydney now , my origin is follow and Spanish mixed blood. I just came America last December I had heaps of relatives there. I used to visit them most of the time cos I like traveling and makes me feel better but last year is not really good cos this Cancer mam keep annoying me while I'm away. Oh well life is too short I'll make the most out of it. Love is beautiful if someone will respect you and admire you for who you are good or bad he will embrace you. O always believed in love if not now may be tomorrow, I lift it all of this to our Lord, God will make away. God bless us. Big Big Hugs and Kisses...

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