Two years ago I met back up with my junior high crush, who at the time told me he was single with 3 kids and he has parkinsons disease. We are in our late 30's his dob 6-22-73 mine is 8-1-74. We began plans to get a house together, and start a life. Throughout our relationship there have been other women that claim a long time relationship with him, but all were found to be just friends or women he refused their advances for more, although finally in one argument he admitted that in the first month we were together because he was unsure he did physically cheat with another woman with whom he had been dating before me.
10 months into our relationship his mother calls me telling me he is a happily married man, he claimed yes he was married but i t was a contractual agreement and that it was only on paper and he had never been intimate with her and as soon as she got her immigration they would divorce. I have pushed for the divorce and he agreed to start proceedings, he purchased some land that was to be an investment on our home together after he fixed it up and resold it for more than it's value.
Until about 2 months ago it seemed he had gotten over his "jitters" and was really putting effort into US, then one day almost a month to the day ago, I asked to use his cell phone to call and see if my son had to stay after school or went home and he said I had to use a payphone, I responded with I have never gone through your things what is your problem at which point he yelled "you will never have access to my phone" Angry Hurt Confused and Suspicious I figured out the pin to his voicemail and checked it. 6 numbers from women calling him baby, I left a seperate greeting to each of those numbers so that only they would receive it when they called my name my purpose and my phone number, His wife called me back. She is american, no immigration papers to wait for, however something still isn't right there for 2 years she has lived in another state 3000 miles away but while talking to me she gave that away she was waiting on his VA benefits to come thru and then divorce him. She told me I was not the only woman she had ever had to talk to but that I was the only one that he had slept with and actually made plans with. She tried to tell me dimensia, a late symptom of parkinsons was the reason he went so elaborate with me, but I know he really did want something more with me, we have known each other since we were 12, after his military training he went to my parents house looking for me but I had already moved away with my child's father.........so anyway I have noticed in the last couple of months he has gotten confused but it didn't seem that it was major.......he and I were still trying to work out a future and him a divorce although he did say he wasn't sure how he felt about me or her and then we got into this huge fight and havent spoken until 2 weeks ago. He says the doctors say his dementia has progressed, but I notice he forgets only what has just happened and remembers in quite good detail other things. He started to tell me he loves me several times and I told him not to say it if he was not sure, but that it was ok because I love him. We talk everyday now for the last week and a half, we kinda keep it light and short but he has expressed interest in maybe trying at an US later when he gets everything sorted out healthwise and relationship wise. The wife said he was moving with her out of state but he enrolled in school with me yesterday.
Is there any hope for us? He has always been a good kind person since we were young, and he has been through alot more than I can put here, he has also put me through a lot but I feel had I known a bit more what was going on we could have worked through it together.
sorry this is so long but any advice or thoughts or intuit would be most welcome.
oh I completely forgot about the land he purchased as an investment, turns out a house is being built on it for his mother.......I know he started with a lie and they just kept compounding and he didn't know how to get out of it and between me his mother his wife he had absolutely no room to sort this out in his own head........he is not a bad person for this, I did get badly hurt, but I feel he did love me with all his heart and honestly did not try to hurt me. I have never felt like I could completely forgive someone and continue a relationship the way it should be until him.
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This is a tough one. All in all he IS married wether its the one or the other issue regarding it.
I believe u need to ask urself, do u wanna stay close as long as his mess is going on? Do u wish to wait until its solved? do u feel in ur gut n intuitive it will b solved?
I feel best for now is to remain friends until he is divorced firmly, officially oncen for all. Otherwise the wife will keep her grip on him. I get its a i dont want him but ill make dang sure no one else does either situation.
Whats done is done n it can b undone, n here i think of the things u did to get some clearance, some info some sense of where r i in his life. I doubt i need to say that was a very very stupid move. if u dont know why its stupid ill say it can b seen as a mistrust mis loyalty.
So when u ask do we have a future, well he could ask how can i trust u not to poke snoop into my emailaccounts, my cellphone n do stuff which r in face of law illegal, called hacking n so forth.
i know in desperation one may do dumb things.
it may come together as u dream wish want BUT it lies on 2 major parts. 1. him being divorced fully officially n firmly, 2. u not being nosey n by it u need to dig into urself n ask y am i nosey poky n distrustful.
the latter has in past been a major killer of marriages n relationships. worlds largest cemetary started out by such actions.
for it to work he as said need to b single divorced, n u need to stop poking n snopping n show trust. further dont listen to hear say. wife n his mom are both just into themselves as they want him for themselves. Here its the finance money thing. Wife bc she is a money spending gucci fendi etc purchaser n she needs his money to finance it, mom bc i bore him n birthed him he owes me.
His lies as u said escalated for good reason ..................... it was his way of survival. Ahm
So until the issues has been solved, taught n learned n implemented, remain friends, dont invest more as u have for now, bc seriously neiother of u can pay that amount as it stands now. it will ruin u both if u did.
if this hurts u am i sorry but what i get i cannot sugarcoat. N if i had, what help would it be for u at all? its wake up time sweetie.
No, I'm fine with it. Honestly I went 2 years not ever looking at his stuff, knowing I was being lied to I tried to let him be honest, but the house thing also involved my child, I needed to know one way or the other. Lie to me, don't lie ever to my child.
There is a part of you that knows the truth--truth is if you ask the wrong questions--protect yourself--in any way threaten his freedom to do as he pleases the truth is he will cut you loose so fast and there are thousands of willing women out there who will take your place. He bounces around to the moments of least resistance. One woman agrees to let him lead no questions asked and then when she tires of the confusion and pain she fights back--demands truth and he treats her then like the how dare she puppet he creates and cuts her off and moves to another woman who will support his world as he sees it he creates it. You are allowing yourself to be a victim. Keep your power intact. Protect yourself--pray to Saint Michael for a strong sword to protect your big heart. You are all heart and needy for something he tempted you with---he knows your need--he knows all his woman's need.s and you are all female fix it nurture but where is your protector? Your male side that keeps you treated fairly and safely. Don't waste anymore of your preciouse life on this situation--you are sending a very toxic message to your child that will be hard to reverse. Still the heart around this man--he does damage---wether it is intentual or illness is not the issue--IT JUST IS! Get out of the way--he is not going to magicaly change and be the man you crave in your heart. In his presence--listen with your head--trust your gut. Take back your life. You deserve love and this is not love--you know that--it does not feel like love. Spend more time with your best friends and your child until you get past this trainwreck.. Do this faithfully and resist that lonely false feeling and it will pay off by August. A new vibration will attract what you truelly need. The next man will be worth this effort..-Spirit says you need to protect yourself with the same feelings you would your child! Be your own perfect mother--father and life will change--abundance will come in a deserving way--the law of attraction---this man is giving you a great opportunity to learn this.. No regrets or beating yourself up--just get the lesson! Life is a journey, don't get stuck in your "mistakes" You tend to beat yourself up--be kind and forgiving--unconditional--just like you would your own child. Love yourself first and you will attract the same. Untill this sets in take that break from men and choose the love around you already there. You were right but took too long to check his phone! He lies--it is what it is When someone shows you who they really are--believe it!. BLESSINGS.
Saint Michael--thank you for hearing this prayer of protection---God's own right hand--raise your just sword and protect this child's vulnerable heart--Amen.
I would look at the person you are becoming in relationship w/ this guy, not being able to trust..just having to think of looking at his phone is a bad sign. And we deserve to be able to trust. Maybe look to why you are drawn to tortured souls w/ so many problems and lies on top of lies.
Honey i strongly advice u to look past pfree´s replies. they sound so doctor psychiatry like, n i dont see any diploma´s whatsoever.
pfree if u think urself so high above all else, better known n know it all, u need to ask urself, what am i at all doing here?
u think u help but u rub people the wrong way n im half mind to report u.
LOL, It's ok, I can choose to look at which ever replies, I expect some people to be able to dish out what they think is "wise advice" there are know it all's in every facet of life. I also expected some to reply that I was an awful person, also just the same uneducated, unenlightened, and one track tunnel vision thinkers that you meet in everyday situations. No need to report anyone, though I do appreciate it.
Thank you to all who answered this post, It may not have been what I wanted to hear, but at least I heard something and am no longer in this void alone with only my thoughts.
in addendum.......@pfree.......exactly how would you know that I am drawn to "tortured souls" when this is the only soul you know about? just a curiousity .......I mean it's not like you know my life story or anything.....perhaps you should look deeper into your own self and discover why it is that you always end up looking like the back end of a mule with your foot in your mouth.......hmmm