Need insight regarding a Capricorn man who gives mixed signals
We have gone out a couple of times, and he tells me he has fun and enjoys my company, but then he pulls away. I don't know if I should just walk away or if he needs time to wrap his brain around the possibility of a relationship with me. I really like this man and have for a very long time, but am I wasting my time? I have tried to communicate with him, but he has not responded. I am so very confused- can anyone offer insight into whether this situation will grow or not? I'm a Taurus woman BTW if that helps.
Thank you and blessings,
It's hard to say and more information is needed like does he call you all the time or does he do things for you all the time. With Capricorns you will know we like you by us always asking a lot of questions kind of like an interview to see what are the things you like so we can make you happy. If you need help we're right there to rescue you. We will try to find every excuse to talk to you and see you but if we're shy then we can spend hours just trying to think of what to say to you before we text or call you. When we feel like you are the one for us then we will do everything possible to be with you.
Paul is incredibly shy, and I will see him on occasion at work. We are both employed at the for the same company, but it is such a huge campus, we rarely see each other during work hours. He called me two days before new years eve and invited me to spend the evening with him, which went well, and then it was almost 6 weeks before I heard from him again. This was due to the fact that his father had passed after a lengthy illness and he had family issues to take care of. When he called the last time, it was very spur of the moment and he kept telling me what a great time he had all night and that we should do this again.
I made the mistake of sending him an email through work which was very benign, telling him what a nice time I had and that I was looking forward to seeing him again.
Apparantly this did not set well with him because "he likes to keep his work life and personal life separate". However- he never mentioned anything like this to me so I had no idea that an email was off limits.
So after apologizing to him and feeling really bad about this, I haven't heard from him since. I would like to believe that he has forgiven me and will contact me again, but wow- he sure makes this confusing. Like I said, mixed signals.
He is most likely going through something right now and needs his space. The fact that he contacted you to express how he felt spending time with you showed that during his grieving time he actually thought about you and it made him smile. That is a great sign!! Try sending him a light text with some humor and see if he is willing to just hang out with no pressure. Try to keep it light and fun. If he doesn't respond don't worry because when we are in a mood like the one he is in we can go without talking to someone we even want to be with due to us trying to figure out what is going on in our lives. He will come out when he's ready so don't be pushy. I hate when I get in those moods because I push everyone away when I don't mean to do that. It's just I need time to figure out things by myself and I will definitely ignore everyone. They get mad but I need that time and don't want any distractions. Good luck!!
Thank you so much for the thoughtful advice. I did send him a light hearted text, and haven't gotten a response, but at this point I think that I will let it go and just see what happens. I keep sending him light and love whenever he is in my thoughts, hopefully he is feeling this and will respond to me soon.
Thanks so much Cappie!
hello! sorry to intrude into this thread, but i have a situation with a Cappy too and finally i find someone who also has. any conversation about Cappy men is rare around here.
any advice would be very appreciated.
im 29, he is 30. we went for 8 years to the same elementary school class. as it comes, from 7th grade i was in love with him and he was in love with me. i knew he liked me, he didn't know i liked him.
we had one half weird attempt to date at the age of 16, but he was nervous so he came drunk to the date and i dropped him.
we have not seen each other for long, had no contact, as after elementary school i moved away from my hometown.
he got a gf and i got a bf like almost completely parallel, the same time. a bit more than a year ago i broke up with my bf and like half year ago he broke up with the gf.
we've seen each other, after a long time, last summer on a festival his family is organizing. he sent me a msg. through friends that if i'd like to go, i'm his guest. i went and we had a long nice chat.
after summer i started to meet up each second month with some elementary school ex-classmates and he is one of them.
each time we party together, he is hanging on me. he is kind and caring, he is hugging me all the time. of course amongst us, the old memories of school days come up each time. and every time in front of everyone, he acknowledges how much in love he was with me, that i was the most beautiful girl, but that i always went with older guys (not as date, but as a group of friends) and that he would have never dared to initiate anything.
last time he went so far as to state to the others (while i was there too): "i still like her (meaning me), but she wrote me off a long time ago." i didnt even know what to say... and i didnt wanna talk about it in front of everyone. so after going home i sent him a textmsg. telling that i would not wanna talk about it there, but that he is wrong, cause i never wrote him off, in the contrary, life is just complex (as he stated it before too), but i wanted him to know the truth.
he did not answer.
i always knew him as a very calm and very closed person, not really open with his feelings. so his whole behavior and openness towards me surprises me. but between times we are not partying and seeing each other, he is totally silent. he does not text, does not write, does not call.
when i am there, he is all affectionate... so what is this about? could anyone help me figure it out?
i am to go away to another country to work for half year. he knows it and he said, that please i should not stay long and come home soon. and he also asked why i wouldnt move back to my hometown and search a job there...
is such a behavior mean serious feelings/intentions for a Cappy man or is he maybe just playing with me?
again, sameesmom, sorry to intrude, it's just nice to see another person with cappy questions.
noonie1801, if you drop by again, could you maybe help me?
thanks in advance!
oh lawd...he is in love with you. He feels that you are the one and he seems pretty shy. When he said what he said in front of everybody he was actually confessing his love for you which actually took a lot for him to do because we don't like talking about our feelings. That was when you were suppose to step in and say the same. He may be feeling that you don't feel the same. He is dropping hints by telling you not to stay in that other country too long and asking you to work where he lives. Just because he doesn't text or call you when you don't see each other doesn't mean he isn't thinking about you. We can be madly in love with someone and not call or text because we're not sure of what to say and don't want to say the wrong thing. He doesn't want to get hurt and you need to tell him how you feel because he has already told and your friends . Not only say it but prove it because we look at actions mainly. Good luck!!
you're not intruding at all! I definitely get the same vibe as Cappie- this guy is totally into you and sounds like he doesn't want to get hurt. Please don't give up on him and the next time you're together, make your feelings known! If I had that same situation, I would jump on the chance to let my Cap man know how I feel. All I can say about this is Cap men are an interesting bunch...
and I hope the one I care for can see how much I would love to be a part of his world.
noonie>> first of all thanks a lot for answering. i mean, i know no Cappy person at all and have no experience with them at all… so i’m like walking in the dark.
he feels that i am the one??? is it so far already? wow. ok, it shocks me. well, he was talking about being 30 and wanting a family already. and that he wants someone to go home to every day and that it is so hard to find the right person, etcetc.
when he said that he still likes me but i wrote him off, i was shocked and i am no person to talk about stuff like this in front of a bunch of other guys… im pretty much private, hence i texted him later that i did not write him off at all… did that worth anything?
and so at that point when he said that, i tried to take it easy and told him smiling: „what do you mean i wrote you off? you just got out of a 5 year long relationship…”
so ok, how on earth do i approach this situation? i mean, i don’t wanna corner him and pour all on him... but i’m gonna go nuts, if i leave to Spain without talking to him first and letting him know how i feel… like how he talked about wanting a family and stuff… im afraid i go away, he finds someone and the ship sails forever…
so really, my question is… how do i approach it and what do i tell? sorry for being so detailed, but i don’t wanna screw this up, he means a lot to me…
thanks in advance!
sameesmom>> i’m glad you don’t mind my intruding. i do feel too that we really have that vibe between us, but i’m hard to crack (even for myself), im not the flirting kind, i am so awfully shy and i guess i never believe that someone great and cool can like me…
i am also a very strong personality but on the other hand, by no means a feminist or so, rather a very much classical woman, who believes in old values.
so i wanna have a guy on my side, who i can look up to and who i feel woman next to… and he is like that. and i feel such a deep affection from his side how he treats me and i feel the same for him.
like at 4am in the morning… he was still wanting to give me a back massage and then he said he could do it for hours still… and the last of our friends told he was leaving… and i just got frozen and i was afraid to stay alone with him, so i left too… im such a shy coward… and i don’t know how to change it…
You've been the one for a long time. He didn't just decide to be with you. Trust me he has definitely thought about this for years. I wouldn't be surprised if he was thinking about you while in his previous relationship. The fact tha he told you he wants to settle and also asked why you aren't looking for work closer to him tells you that he is serious about moving forward with you. You should've stayed when everyone left that night because that would've been the perfect time to discuss your feelings. Hang out with him again but try a romantic setting but not too romantic. You want him to feel comfortable and safe but not cornered. Just casually make comments about you two and he will do the same. Let the conversation lead up to taking things slow between you two and being in a relationship. The more comfortable he feels the more he will express himself and be open. If he starts touching you then he is starting to get comfortable and don't be afraid to touch back.
hi Noonie! Again, thanks for your reply.
the problem is that we see each other like once a month or in two months... we have no communication, except when we meet. i've seen him last time two weeks ago. don't know when im gonna see him again...
and well, yesterday, after i've read your reply to me... i thought i should just be a bit nice, give some sign of life....
he mentioned that he will go do some language exam. so i texted him and asked whether he has already done it and how it went and then added: "well, i just thought of you.'
he replied telling that he is happy that i thought of him and that he is going to do the exam this saturday and that he is afraid of it and so.
i thought i'm sick of hiding, so i wrote him back: "then you can be often happy, cause i think of you a lot lately, you have done for it enough. :-)" and then i added that he should not be afraid of the exam and so on.
i did NOT get any answer from him... so i don't know what to say... i mean i did not expect now to discuss this serious topic through textmsgs.... but no answer? is that okay? why did he stay silent? did i surprise him and now he is thinking?
I think it's like Noonie told me- he needs time to compose his thoughts into words. He wants you, but needs to find the right things to say to you. Obviously he is afraid of being hurt, so let him think and process the information you have shared. He is thinking about you and will come to you- just let him do it on his time, when he is comfortable. That is what I am doing. And I think I made the right decision by giving my Cap man time to think.
That was a good text that you sent stating you were thinking about him which made him happy. If he didn't care then he wouldn't have said he was glad you were thinking about him. Another thing I can point out is that he told you he was afraid of the exam which is big because we will not admit any kind of fear or weakness unless we trust you with our emotions. Just give him time and right now he has his mind on that exam.
sameesmom>> you are right, i know. i don't plan to do any steps at all, until i see some sign of life from him.
noonie1801>>great, i'm glad you think the text was good. I was thinking after all he told about/to me in front of everyone and how he treated me, how he behaved with me, this is the minimum i can write down to him, that i think of him a lot lately.
it was just totally weird to me that he did not reply. i don't mean something big, but i sure would reply to someone who would write me such a thing. but you must know... i am pretty fast moving myself, so it is hard for me to deal with 'slower' people.
Anyways, i am an Aqua by sun. But i have a Virgo moon and Virgo rising, and Cappy Venus, so i have enough earth in me to fit to a Cappy i think. well, we will see.
you know it is just like such a big romantic love story. jeez, 15 years. and i just always felt in my guts that we HAVE to give it a try some time. I mean for years i have not had any contact to him, have not thought of him often, he had a gf, i had a bf and still... I DREAMT WITH HIM REGULARLY. i always dreamt that we were together and i was so happy... and i do believe that dreams have a deeper meaning... and now that you tell me, that you think he has chosen me for long time... it is all just way too much to pass by simply and move on with my life...
so you say, i should just sit and wait? let him breathe, let him figure out what he wants... I am so grateful i found you here!
sameesom - I went through something very similar with a Capricorn. Actually...two of them, now that I think about it. Both of them acted interested and then pulled away after. One of them I went on two dates with, as well, and then he promised me he'd set up a lunch date and never did. Actually, he stopped talking to me altogether. Two months later he messaged me out of the blue, but by that time it was far, far too late and I basically told him where to shove it. The first one I went to school with so I saw him everyday, but he would come and visit me in my class and flirt with me endlessly and we'd always spend all our 'pub nights' talking to each other only. I can't believe how much time we spent alone, talking. But every time I mentioned trying for something more he'd give me the "I'm not ready" speech.
So, my advice to you is to just leave him to his own devices and go about your life. I still have no idea what either of their problems were, it may have been that they were only looking for something serious and wanted to test out if they thought we could go anywhere. Who knows. What I do know, is that it's best to not wait around and give them the space that they are forcing you to give them.
What I found with one of the Capricorns was that he could really only deal with one thing at a time. So, at the time school was his main focus and I think he didn't really want to consider filling his brain with anything else. The second Cap, still no idea what was up with him, but he may have gotten busy with something too as he's very 'professional' as yours seems to be.
I hope that helped, lol!
You do want to check in on him a couple of times a week. He has that test on his mind right now and MariaRia is right about when we have something going on in our life that we feel is important then that is all we focus on. We are workaholics but we do provide a stable and secure home. Sometime you have to remind us that you need our attention because we're so focused on providing. You also need to look at where he is in life. Is he still trying to get his feet off the ground? If he is then that could also be a reason for him going extra slow. He wouldn't want to be with the girl of his dreams and not be in the best possible position in life. I lost a girl of my dreams because of that. She felt that I wasn't interested and was always hiding something. Which I wasn't but I wasn't stable enough in my eyes for her and I wanted to be the bread winner and take care of her. It's like we have to be perfect not only in your eyes but ours as well and it would really kill our self esteem if we felt that we wouldn't be able to provide and give you the things you need. If you love him then stick in there. We believe those worth having is worth waiting and working for.
Hey Cappie! Thanks for answering.
you say to check in with him a couple of times a week? that goes totally against my nature/personality. From that i would feel totally pushy...
all i could do maybe is send him a text saturday morning, to wish him luck. is that okay?
i was never the pushy kind and so that you understand me good: it does not hurt m EGO that he did not reply to my textmsg., it simply makes me insecure. And i am generally an inscecure person. so it is a big step for me to write down something like that and then not getting an answer at all... that makes me run away.
so what about sending him a good luck textmsg.?
and for your question where he is in life: he works, i have no idea how much he earns, but he loves his work as much as i know. he has a college degree and now he is going for the university degree. actually he is stressed for he has to finish his thesis soon. (he wrote me that too). and he told the last time i've seen him, that he is considering doing the doctor's degree later too. that's about him profession-wise.
otherwise, he still lives in his parents' house, though he has a separate section in it on the second floor. so it is weird for me. as for me from the earliest age possible, it was important to live apart from my parents and keep up myself alone.
he talks about wanting a wife and children already, but he still lives at home... so that is a bit of a contradiction for me. like how he is planning to provide for a family, if he still lives at home?
otherwise he seems like a very mature and responsible person, with whom i could imagine starting a family in the future.
well, so it is all blurry still... i don't know that much about him yet.
okay, so i have a question. in case he really feels and thinks about him how you say it. That i am the chosen one for him for some time already... if i leave now and be away for 5-6 months... will he 'wait' for me?
cause the thing is: he was in a relationship for like 5 years. he closed it finally like half year ago. last time i've seen him - while he was telling all those things about me - he told that he has now an other girl. he did not say a gf, he said that they are seeing each other, but that still, he feels kind of free. meaning even he has this girl in the picture... he feels he will have the first 'single' summer for long years...
so what is this girl story? i don't treat it that important if he still says stuff like that to me, but still... did he tell it to all of us, to check my reaction?
i think so far, he thought i am completely unreachable for him. he did not know about my feelings and i live 120kms away from him. ok... jeez, i wish he were a bit more communicative.
Wow...I can't believe he still lives at home. Capricorns are very independent since birth and we can't wait to be on our own. If he still lives with his parents then there must be a good reason he does like saving money or if he needs to care for them. You need to ask him if he will wait for you. Dont pressure him just like I stated, be casual and ask. If you can get in a relationship before you leave then he will definitely be faithful. Ask him about the girl, which if he is telling you all those things about how he feels about you then he really don't care about that girl. Tell him that you're thinking about moving closer to where he lives and see what he say. You want to make him feel like you want the same as him.
hi! he does live at home, but i know that since he is 15 he had a separate part (flatlike thingy) in the house, as much as i know with separate kitchen and so.
i do know that you Cappies are pretty much independent and wanna have your own, so it always surprised me.
Again i say, i do not know how much he earns, but as i said it is a big contradictory that he wants a family soon, still he does not live alone.
maybe he is sparing up as you said, or maybe he just didn't move cause there was no gf to move with. isn't that possible?
i do not know his father personally but i know a lot about him, cause he is kind of famous in the town and i have an impression that he is pretty autocrative... like he is 'ruling' him a bit.
i did send him a text like an hour ago, wishing him good luck for his exam tomorrow. no answer so far, though i can imagine he is stressing himself out right now.
are you Cappies kind of perfectionalists? i am much more a Virgo (earth) than an Aqua and i am SO much a perfectionist.
i just asked whether you think he would wait for me or not, cause if he kind of 'waited' so long in the background, if he really has those thoughts/feelings about me... then some months are not the end of the world. we'll see...
i might be paranoid, but i have a bad feeling about this... i mean... he is so passive when i am not there at spot around him... maybe you are right and he is just very busy and concentrated on stuff.
i leave in like less than two months to Spain... i should see him before, but i don't know how to go there and stand in front of him, in case i wrote those things (got no answer) and he won't give any sign of life by himself.
jeez... why is it always so complicated?
I have decided to let him go, if he decides to show back up in the not-too-distant future,I will give him another opportunity to try and move forward, but I am not going to spend my life waiting for this guy to make up his mind. While I like him alot and believe we have enough in common to compliment each others lives and enough differences to keep each other interested, I can't tell him that without him first reaching out to me.
So, it's time I move on and let him do his thing-whatever that may be!