Long-distance relationship with cancer male who disappears

  • Six months ago I met a cancer man who I found to be gorgeous, funny and smart, a fantasy guy of sorts. We live in different countries, but he was visiting my city for work. I gave him my card and he contacted me the following day, and we have been chatting/emailing since then. Since the beginning, it was obvious that there was an intense attraction between us and that we were comfortable with each other. I had never pursued a long-distance relationship before and I was surprised at how deep my feelings for him became and how quickly it happened. He said he was also surprised about this. He would say the most beautiful things about me, make me laugh out loud and be thoughtful and generous. But then one day he just disappeared with no explanation. I was surprised and confused. I sent him a couple of emails to ask if anything was wrong and got no answer, so I stopped writing as I did not want to appear pushy or needy.

    A few weeks later, he reappeared, apologized and said that he had been going through a really hard time as his best friend had committed suicide. He said that he had really wanted to talk to me but that he didn't know how. He was sweeter than ever and I completely sympathized and let this weird episode go. For the next few weeks, we had the most wonderful conversations online and even made plans to meet, as he would come to see me. Then he disappeared again. This time I felt heartbroken and angry. I didn't understand why he would hurt me like this. About a month after that, when I was forgetting him, he reappeared. Again, witty and wonderful... but with no explanations. I did tell him that he hurt me when he disappeared and that I did not want to play games. He said that it wasn't a game and that he was really into me. After that, things grew even closer, to the point that I felt it was a relationship, especially for the last two months. But now he has disappeared again. This is driving me insane... I have written him once and will not write again. I am pretty sure he will reappear at any given moment, but that doesn't assure me anything.

    Have any of you had a similar experience? Is there any future to it? Every time I feel like it is over and I am ready to move on, he comes back! And then, when I'm all happy and excited about our "relationship", he's gone. I would really appreciate any advice you offer. Thanks!

  • They do need hermit time every once in awhile. I’ve been with mine for over 4 yrs and know that he needs this, but he always tells me beforehand so I don’t worry and it’s only for like a week. In your case, a month seems like an awfully long time to disappear without a word. After the 2nd time did you ask him why and also did you ask him to let you know when he needs time alone? I can think of a couple of reasons in your situation, 1) he needs to clear his head of the intensity each time period you are together, wade through his feelings, determine his next step etc. 2) He just needs to recuperate from life period and doesn’t want to have to explain it, because he might not even be able to explain it to himself. Leave him alone for now until he comes back then if you still want to pursue it, ask him to let you know beforehand. The good thing is that you are keeping a level head about it, but you can still express your needs without coming across as needy or demanding.

  • Thank you very much for your answer! After the second time I did ask him why and he said that he's crazy like that (or something along those lines). When he reappers I will let him know that he needs to tell me beforehand. I do need to know where I stand, I deserve to be treated with respect. I don't know how much more I can take if it's long-distance and he still needs space!

    Anyway, thanks again! Oh, I forgot to say that I'm a Taurus, perhaps that's why it's so hard for me to let go.

  • My man has a Taurus moon; slow to commit, holds on very tight once he does and stubborn…lol. My descendant is in Taurus. Long distance relationships are hard. I was in one for about 3 years. The concern I have with them is that you’re not living each others’ daily lives and when you do see each other, one or the other is in vacation/visit mode. So there’s a sense of euphoria which is not weighed down by the daily grind and it doesn’t always reflect reality. Idk, it seems quite common now and some do make it work, but I want to reiterate…disappearing for a month without contact is highly unusual and even more so considering your physical distance from each other. Just protect yourself.

  • Hi! Thanks again for your reply! Well, he has reappeared after a week. He apologized, explained that he was swamped with work and with internet problems, and promised to chat longer tomorrow. As always, he was sweet and witty and flirty. When I talk to him tomorrow, I will let him know how I feel. Perhaps things will improve or perhaps it is time to let him go.

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