TRANSFORMING YOUR SELF......



  • angel hugs

    Julianna



  • That's hysterical... probably better to stay outta Costco anyway since it's all lg quantity stuff. That is one thing I do "control" around my daughter .I don't buy lg quantity anything any more after learning the hard way (buying a freezer) and hoping to stock up cs not having a car can be kinda rough in the winter but she eats in lg quantity if I buy that way. So I have learned to buy in smaller amounts even tho this means I have to jump on my bike more often. I don't buy cereals or chips cookies or candy cept certain holidays and have to lock what is left in my file cabinet. She does not seem to have the hormone that triggers being full. She eats 3-4 times what I do and I'm the one who is exerting oneself so...I do sometimes worry. She had a crush on a guy once when she was in high school and she lost weight was down to 144 lbs and she looked awesome! She is around 185-190 now maybe bit more.

    I've always been active and enjoyed exercise but I know it's hard for a lot of people. Pushing past the initial pain is rough (1st 10-20 minutes)until you discipline yourself to "know" it's temporary and this too shall pass and there are great rewards in feeling good afterwards. There is an endorphin high but it only lasts a few hours. When I worked full time at the bookstore I didn't have to be on till 3:45 so I worked out right before and I found it helped my outlook and the energy I gave off was much more positive. No matter how haggard I may have looked I felt good.

    Before we went outta business I purchased exercise equipment stair master etc and stopped doing the gym. I was way too sensitive as I got older to being observed and there is just too much testosterone and ego's flying around. I'd hoped when I had all the equipment my daughter would use it too but she simply hates exercise. When we do manage to ride bikes together she is outta breath and red faced, panting, sweating when I am not even breathing hard cuz I had to slow down for her. THAT does worry me. But steering a autistic spectrum adult who is set in her ways towards a different direction than they want to go... almost impossible. I would like to invest in the WiFi stuff but we don't have those kinds of funds available. Plus my house is so small we are already bumping into each other. I know there is some mother/daughter dynamic going on also as what ever I like she does not. I try to not criticize her consumption and just not look. I think there is some kinda food addiction going on and my saying anything will only make things worse.10-15 years ago before I knew better I would get angry at her mostly cuz she wouldn't leave anything for me to eat. But now I'm more considerate of her self esteem. But as a mother I'm pretty lucky she may not live the healthiest lifestyle but has been lucky in never having tasted alcohol or done drugs or some of the other unfortunate things that can happen to the simple minded.

    Whole foods is an awesome place but maaannnnn it's pricey. They have some great bulk foods tho and whole grains so it's nice to mix things up. Whole grains and the fiber keep you fuller longer. I do not buy produce there tho I'm a member of the Organic Consumers Org. and they have "caught" Whole Foods in saying stuff that is not organic is.Tssk Tssk. But on my budget even Safeway is too pricey. We have a little Oriental market not too far away and they are more reasonable.

    I don't know if I'll ever be able to give up coffee. I have 2 cups when I get up and the days that I get up super early and ride long distance like last weds and yesterday( about 5 &1/2 hrs riding added together) I have a small thermos full (about 1lg coffee size) and often I stop at a Peets coffee shop about half way home to use the facilities and sometimes fill my thermos. Those days I drink more but I try to drink water and take extra aloe vera too. PH stabilizer. I stop drinking it after 2-3:00. But my inability to fall asleep is much more due to the IC pain. If you've ever had a bladder infection imagine it never going away that is what IC feels like. In a bad flare up it feels like someone has poured lemon juice on a open wound that happens to be on/in your urethra and inside the bladder. Eating things like peppers any spicy foods can burn. I've blanded my diet. No soda's only pure filtered water, I try to stick to raw foods do a green drink and encapsulate greens like powdered wheat grass and spirulina etc for when I don't have fresh spinach etc. II don't care much for cooking. What I do cook is usually for my daughter or baking I do make my own bran muffins and some breads and chipaties. My friend who is over weight and my ex sister in law are both allergic to gluten so I'm learning to experiment w/ other kinds of flours. I like the rice and oat the best texture wise. Coming up w/ alternative sweeteners has been a challenge. My daughter uses 4-5 tablespoons of sugar in her teas, makes me gag to watch her, but has a meltdown if there is no-thing like it in the house. So I've tried other stuff like blue algae and stevia but she doesn't like them. Cuz of my IC I can't use Splenda anymore. Molasses and honey are good in baking and we have found coconut water crystals (Whole Foods again)are a good sweetener and suppose to be a low glycemic but even higher in calories than sugar. I've used pulp from fruit like pineapple and other fruits that's my favorite in muffins but my daughter prefers the "sweeter" stuff. It was hard at 1st to give up my Splenda but being pain free some of the time is motivating.

    My pain is about 6-7 today I'm sure it's from all the riding I did my girlie parts 🙂 feel raw. I did drink a lot of coffee weds too. It was all riding against the wind too urrgh! It fascinates me on the days I'm riding N the wind is coming from that direction and later going S it changes! Go figure! I have a bay bike trail I take and it's very quiet and peaceful. But thankfully it didn't rain till the last couple of miles. Last fri I was soaked thru down to my socks had to ride both ways wet. Twern't fun. It's been unseasonably cold here for Ca. They say there might even be snow. That hasn't happened in decades.

    Glucomannan can be found on but take w/ care if you have blood sugar issues.

    I trust everyone is doing well.

    Cheers P



  • Morning, I've decided to ditch the diet pill and go Au-nautural, need to do more excercising, I shall pull myself up and out of the house maybe this evening and check out the free neighborhood gym's, if not today, tomorrow, or the next. I know, I know.



  • PFree, you go girl, I'm tired just reading about all that excercise!



  • I just want to offer all of you my encouragement in your health endeavours. It sounds like you are all doing some good thinking about your needs. Poetic, you are going to be just fine without those pills! Your body is going to lead you where you need to go and you seem to be listening, so you are more than half way there. And damn - you are both quick thinking and funny! I didn't know that was allowed.

    Pfree, you sound like you have a difficult time to contend with. There has been some recent research in England about the value of treating IC with acupuncture. If you look up Esther Holford and JCM (Journal of Chinese Medicine) you should find some information. I haven't yet read the article and it may be written in language too exclusively for practitioners, but it may light the way to something useful. I'll read it myself after I've written this. I know acupuncture can be prohibitively expensive, but there may be a community acupuncture (Community Acupuncture Network) clinic near you that offers affordable treatment.

    I feel for you and your worry over your daughters health. Such a difficult one. I wonder too whether you are getting the rest that you need. It sounds like you are always on the move. Always trying to make things work. If this is true, is there a way round this? Is there anything you could let go of? Sometimes? What would happen if you did?

    I have spent at least half my life as a comfort eater, although that is behind me now it seems. I am very interested by the info Poetic copied regarding energetic protection. It all seems very relevant. Within the last two years I found I had lapsed into comfort eating with a distressing desire to purge as well. I quickly got some useful help from a friend. I realise it was tailored to me, but it may be of use to someone else;

    if one feels the need to eat beyond meal times, stop and check internally what is behind this action. If it is a nutritional need, carry right on. Take the time to enjoy and savour the food. Stop all other actions; walking, watching, reading, working. Just eat, enjoy and be nourished. If one is using food for any other purpose, for example to stop feeling an emotion, take the time to feel the emotion, to follow it through, where does it come from? are there memories connected with it? Let the feeling come (with the tears or the anger or the shaking) and let it pass through. It's ok to feel it. It's all energy. If it isn't the time or the place to feel it, make a deal with yourself to give yourself the attention before the day is out. We deserve the attention. Our bodies deserve the right level of nourishment and movement for optimum functioning and our spirits deserve the space to process our emotions.

    Now why do I have time to post today? I'm ill in bed ! Hmmn. Pass the sugar - I've some of my own medicine to take. Now, Greenshoots, tell me what are you afraid of? ...........



  • Funny Greenshoots! I am still a foodie for sure, just eating less of it, the actual going somewhere to work out????? Don't know yet. I will always love food just have to have that moderation thing, I ate out of boredom, watching t.v., mindless eating they call it, dangerous, used to keep snacks next to my bed, don't do that anymore. It's gonna be a hot summer here in Florida and I gotta get some more weight off before the misery set's in!

    I know have free time magically between 5pm-9pm gotta fill that with something other than HGTV. Thanks for your input, I like it!



  • Oh, I kinda have a wandering mind/ I'm so glad you are not purging anymore, don't wanna do that, bad for your health and teeth will rot. 🙂



  • Thank you dears yes I probably "use" doing exercise as some use food or drugs to avoid certain feelings. There is much in my life I cannot control and find it hard to accept or be witness to every waking moment. So I jump on my bike to escape.Or close my bedroom door and jump on my stair master. My daughter bless her does not see my room or my stuff or even me as much more than an extension of her so boundaries and personal space can be an issue. I try to give her hers and keep mine. I am lucky in that I have the energy most of the time. I had a practitioner tell me years ago when I hurt my back I was 220 voltage but wired for 110 so tend to over push the river. There is a sort of ego trap in it that I fall into and a feeling of accomplishment. I learned a long time ago my daughter does not follow by my example but more from the young ones on her soaps. It's pretty clear she was put into my life to learn acceptance and to give up control. I am learning to sit as I get older and be more present to my life and my feelings.I do believe in giving oneself permission to just be. I admit I am tired in the eves and mornings if my IC is in a flare up I don't shore up energy but I cannot afford acupuncture. I do have friends who are massage therapists and know acupressure etc and have sought help there but IC is stubborn and so I am trying to purify my diet, lifestyle. Accept it and not fight it anymore. I've read about all there is on it.

    Aloe Vera has really helped. I tried medications for the 1st few years but they only made me lose a bunch of hair, which has been a bit hard on my ego but now I just use pain medication on occasion when it's unbearable.

    As for my daughters food intake her mindless eating in front of the tv I have to just try and have healthy food and I do remind her every day to eat something green, We make our own vities w/ spirolina and wheat grass and other herbs rhodiola and maca and vit C etc and she enjoys using the encapsulating machine. I put it in my green drinks also so I know she is doing something wholesome and healthy. Maca I started taking to help stamina and hopefully cross my fingers help grow some hair back.

    When my bookstore job went outta business I learned there was a lot I had to give up in order to take care of us, I do not have a car so I use the bike and train. It is not bad now cs I can choose the train if I'm pooped (my jobs are physical now helping some elderly folks maintain their home) but this summer they are stopping half the trains. The train station by my house and one by one of my clients is closing so I will have to always ride. There has been a relief in knowing the train is available even if I choose to ride. I'm worried about not being able to be of service to the older ones who need me(and they do need help) and yes, my bank account. I don't charge much but it helps. But the cutbacks are pretty severe here in Ca. Other than the cable tv we have for my daughter we live as frugally as possible. We never eat out except she does get a small junk food allowance for when she gets together w/ her little social group. She does not understand finances or budget so I tend to live even more frugally to compensate. But I am lucky in that I enjoy being physical most the time and am not a picky eater. My kitties eat better than me.:_) But I love them to death and they bring me tons of love and laughter and joy. If I could afford it I'd foster many more.

    Thanks for listening time for my green drink!!

    Cheers P



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  • Jump in jump in! i'm trying but have no get up n go today. will try harder 2 morrow. Pfree i admire your courage I love the elderly too, they have so much wisdom 2 share



  • I too had hairloss from alopecia and i keep diggin in my scalp it soothes me bad habit. Dmick we will try to encourage each other we can do it.



  • I can't believe i missed this post also..

    heres my story...

    all of my life i felt not good enough, so i would eat purge,eat,purge...then not eat for days or weeks...im 5'7 and a half inches my lowest weight at 18 was 95 pounds,,,it didn't help that i had a boyfriend who said i was fat:( I have never had a hunger pang in my life,I Wouldn't know what it felt like....I don't eat all day, then comes 9pm at night and i will eat and eat till i fall asleep, I'm not hungry which is a strange phenomenum..i'm not bored! i just don't know what that magic time is about...Last year was the happiest i felt and i would walk and ride my bike..i would feel good in a swim suit at 49...but this year menopause has struck like lightning..but i have to be honest with you, right now i was using that as an excuse..i know that a good 10 to 15 pounds is because of the menopause, but now what about the other 20 pounds....i'm a gorger now, i can't stop like i said until i fall asleep...when i wake up in the morning all the guilt sets in...and i feel so sick and P'OD at myself only to repeat the pattern again the next night...it doesn't matter what i eat as long as the food keep going into my mouth...i'm very sad right now as i am beeing brutaly honest with myself and now for the world to see...i will write somemore later..this writing about the truth has upset me, but i know it has to be told...

    thanks poetic again, you have brought another topic into my life to gain more widom,,,,i love ya spunky...

    Namate' to all

    Shee



  • We're listening My Journey. When you're ready. Love to you.



  • Shee good for you for sharing. I too have always had a horrible self image, imposed initially by the bullies at school as a kid and only worsened in my teens. Now I'm 48, I'm not pleasantly plump I'm downright over weight. Yes I can blame some of it on stress and even more on inactivity. Menopause has kicked in and I'd be tempted to say there is possibly a thyroid issue lurking in me somewhere. I eat a good breakfast most of the time. My greatest downfall is probably the continuous consumption of my friend Pepsi. But late at night once the little one is asleep I reach for the comfort which usually comes in the form of cookies. I made cookies this Christmas a real assortment and quantity of them for the first time in my life. I was so proud to have them to offer others but the others didn't want them. Talk about discouraged, heart broken almost. Little one loved them but not to excess. But I admit today the remaining didn't go to waste, they went to waist, mine. How deep must I dig to stop this behavior? Any suggestions?



  • Wow, yeah guys we all have issues, Sheila you are in the right place for unconditional love and encouragement we all are. I think the writing is good for the soul, because as we write we are releasing, acknowledging our issues, fears or insecurities. I'm not Dr. Phil but I am Dr. Cile, so to speak, everything stems if you notice from childhood issues/puberty, self image and peer pressures and our own self esteem. I think the first step is which we already have done is admitting we have a problem, which is huge. Now mabye we have to find ways to avert doing these things to ourselves, I've never binged, I have pigged out yes, I think the food is a way of filling the emptyness inside of ourselves, maybe replacing love or some other human emotion.

    I come from a huge family of eaters, every occasion and holiday was centered around food, I did a College essay once about food in my family and got an A. "Food was King in the Jones Family." I made the teacher hungry and she wanted samples, LOL!

    You guys should look yourselves in the mirror everyday and say ""You are Beautiful." Not just superficial beauty, but your souls are gorgeous. If any man or woman does not see the Beauty in you, that is their problem. You don't have to settle for junk, and trust me I have too sometimes in the name of Lust and not Love. We have tremendous power inside of us, ask to release whatever no longer serves our greatest good! It works, Sheila try binging on someting healthy like nuts or fruits, you can do it.

    Guys are jerks! Not all just the young one's/. RC I woulda helped you eat those cookies!

    I read once to remember Food is not our friend, Eat to live and not Live to Eat!

    I admit I used to live to eat, and eat and eat! ummm bad girl!



  • So far this morning, I ate a few small rice cakes, ham/cheese roll ups no bread, coffee/water I have a bananna/orange and Roasted Chicken for later. Lunch/Snack. Home is where the trouble is, I'm safe at work.



  • I have never been skinny, I don't wanna be skinny, just healthy and a good weight.



  • We have to take our power back! That just popped in my braineo.



  • I'm for it. You know I wish I would have sent you those cookies. Speaking of which I want to send you something I came across during our move so I'll let you know when I can get it in the mail so you can watch for it.



  • Poetic you are making excellent choices today. Good for you girl. I actually had a piece of cold chicken for breakfast, protein! For lunch I had chicken pot pie soup, which is basically the fixings of a pot pie in a creamy chicken soup. Not sure what dinner will hold but I've asked for a ride to the store to get some more juice and fruit so maybe I'll pick up some pomegranate.