I really need insight on a relationship...



  • I dated a guy for about 4 months. In that 4 months I totally fell in love with him. I felt like he was the one. But I had questioned him many times on many things.. Because I was insecure. Through out our relationship he saw things about me that he wasn't too sure about. I feel like I scared him off because I was soo scared of losing him. And also I don't think he was fully over his ex. He now has a new girlfriend that he told me he wasnt happy with.. And the way he has been acting towards me makes me think he is thinking of us again... But I am not too sure... I have made alot of changes in myself that he showed me I needed to make... I want to know if there will ever be a chance we will ever be together again? What do I need to do? I don't see myself with anyone else and I am having a hard time letting go... its been 5 months and all i do is think about him.. Please someone give me some insight... MY birthday is 12/24/1989 Erica His is 6/18/86 Chris...

    thanks



  • Your relationship with your ex was like a wakeup call. It may have involved revelatory, even transforming, experiences. After weeks, months or even years of mutual involvement, you two can undergo something like a Zen moment in which a truth or realization comes in a flash, although usually only after long periods of struggle, and after you have given up expecting anything at all to happen. Since this kind of experience may be just what you both have been searching for all your lives, your relationship - a lightning rod for this sort of thing - should be of great value to you. Yet you two often only sense the chemistry between you in retrospect. Ironically then, the content of the revelation you experience is sometimes just what the relationship means to you, a discovery you or your partner may make too late. The true benefit of this relationship may be in how it helps you improve on future relationships.

    A love affair or a friendship here is mutally beneficial. Your friend brings you out of your private world, encouraging a more positive and aggressive approach to life. You in turn help your friend to become more thoughtful and quiet. A love affair usually puts both of you in touch with yourselves at a level previously denied to you, giving you both a chance to become more fully alive.

    But it is in marriage that the experience of revelation really shines through here and is most apt to occur. What you learn is that you are both part of something much greater than yourselves, something close to your fellow human beings and to Mother Earth. Sadly the love affair does not often lead to marriage and lesser but still revelatory experiences can break you apart before your full lessons are learnt. You must then go on to find other 'teachers'.



  • Ok I am kind of understanding this.. But are you saying that all our relationship was, was me making the changes I needed to for myself? That this isn't ment to be anything more? I know that everyone goes through a bad break up and at the time we all want that person back.. But I love this man with all my heart. I have never felt anything like this before. Everyone tells me something different. ( After weeks, months or even years of mutual involvement, you two can undergo something like a Zen moment in which a truth or realization comes in a flash, although usually only after long periods of struggle, and after you have given up expecting anything at all to happen. Since this kind of experience may be just what you both have been searching for all your lives, your relationship - a lightning rod for this sort of thing - should be of great value to you. Yet you two often only sense the chemistry between you in retrospect.)

    Can you explain that a little clearer to me? I don't really understand that part. Thank you!



  • It means you two only really realise what you meant to each other after you break up.

    This was an important learning relationship for you both but it is time to move on. Besides, as monogamous as you Cappys are supposed to be, deep down you have a huge issue with the confinement implied in being with one person all your life, one person and one person only, all the long long days of your life. On the other hand, you also fear rejection and that you may not be attractive enough to be loved. Your friend also has a fear of heavy commitment and prefers his relationship to be light-hearted and not very responsible. He tends to idealize his partners but, as soon as their human imperfections start to show, he moves on to find another image of perfection (that sadly doesn't exist). Once he becomes disappointed with someone, he will not usually go back (or at least not for long) but keep jumping from one new relationship to the other in his quest for the best.



  • that may be true otherwise but with him i wasn't scared of commitment... i wouldn't even look at other guys... he was all that mattered... and i can see what ur saying is right about him.. but i am sure if we don't have a chance him and his ex will one day get back together... i am sure she is not fully over him either... i just had hoped things would have worked out in the end.. he means alot to me. 😞



  • Four months does not give you an idea if you can commit for a lifetime of being with just the one person. Once the glow wore off, you may have felt quite differently.



  • I doubt he would stay with his ex for long,either, if he went back to her. He is looking for a perfection in a partner that doesn't exist and his neverending search will make him very dissatisfied and frustrated until he realises that, just as he himself is far from perfect, neither does the perfect woman exist.



  • yea you are right 4 months is not long enough but now i have known him for almost a year and still feel the same... and things change throughout our life... but I cant help the way I feel...i have never been more faithful to anyone in my life until i met him.. and now that we are done i dont feel i will ever find anyone who makes me feel like he did...



  • It's natural to feel cheated after just a short relationship, but you have to accept that you learned a lesson and move on. Because it was only short, you seem to be building it up into something it could never have been. Stick with the facts and forget the fantasy - you really don't know how a longer relationship with Chris would have turned out. You might have had even more pain and suffering. I have never met anyone in my life for whom there was only one partner.


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