So many things happening at once!!
Sun entering Pisces tomorrow, it's a full moon in something that I can't remember, there's going to be a whole crapload of interesting things going on, I'm heading back home, I'm meeting with an old friend, and I have NO idea what is going to happen. On top of this, I'm obviously interested in this girl (the old friend) for a crapload of reasons so... I have NO idea if this is going to get WAY out of hand or if things might actually be pretty chill that day.
It's a horrible thing when you break up with someone the day before Valentine's Day, but it's even worse when you know you didn't mean to say those words and yet you didn't stop yourself or try to immediately redeem yourself. Now, coming back after two years, reconnecting, and realizing that we were actually really good friends before things got all effed up, we don't know what's going to happen next. I'm interested because I have a lot of fun talking with her as is, but I had great times hanging out with her back in the days of High School. I'm also interested in trying this out because of some moral obligation to un-F-up what I did before and try and replace that memory she could never get out of my head with a better one... I don't want to be remember by her as the one guy that broke up with her the day before Valetine's Day and crushed her dreams. I'd rather be remembered as the one guy who gave a damn, fought off the hurt (instead of just distract from it), and stayed a loyal friend from then on. Besides... she's a badass gamer. I'd really love to have her along and I know for sure that something interesting is going to happen later on in our lives. Probably not in a romantic sense, but I KNOW something big is going to happen.
Truth is, I do not know if I'm treading on unfamiliar and dangerous territory or if the coast really is clear... or if it is dangerous but I should keep going anyway.
It's something you have to see through or you will be forever plagued by "What if...?" Just try not to have too many expectations one way or the other. And don't get into a love relationship because of guilt or shame for past actions.
No doubt I had no such thing in mind as a love relationship but... I can't quite explain what it is I'm really doing here. Just the same, no doubt that I know for sure that I'll be plagued by the 'What if?' and already have been for a while. I always wondered what if I hadn't made certain choices but... anyway...
There isn't really any possibly way to explain what's really going on here but I know that it's not bad, I just don't know what to expect at all...
But I suppose I should begin to expect what I predict rather than what I hope to happen.
You may not be the one who wants to get into a love relationship but...
...But what? I've known this girl for years and I already know how she thinks, how she speaks, and what clues she leaves to send certain messages... I don't know for sure what she's up to but I have an idea in mind.
You are saying that she might?
She is certainly wondering about this meeting and your motives. And you can never entirely know someone.
Which is exactly why I did not go through with it. I probably won't be wondering what would've happened since it already all played out in my mind and... I didn't like any of the outcomes. It's better for me to just stay where I am.