Captain - love?

  • I'm not sure f this would be more appropriate in the spiritual boot camp thread. I know I'm not alone i this but I've recently become a little anxious about never meeting someone with whom to share my life long term. I have had plenty long(ish) relationships that worked for a while but didn't feel right forever. I've also had plenty men interested in me but it's like walking with a pebble in your shoe. You can do it by why should you? They just don't feel right and I'd rather be alone at that point. i want someone who I am in love with and they are in love with me back.

    I have been alone for a while and have been fine and fulfilled with that. I've had times in my life where I've been alone for 5 whole years. My most recent long term was two years ago. Those times went by and I was happy.

    I have animals I love, wonderful friends, work, health....I am happy with the person I am. I am very fortunate and I know it and am thankful for this.

    Recently though, I've started to feel as though my life will be enhanced if I have someone who I truly love and want to be with to share my memories with. I'm not sure what this "nesting" desire is all about. Since I've felt this way, I've had one or two disappointing false starts with men who seem very sincere. They are very kind. Honest. Good qualities and it feels like it should work but they don't and it is disappointing.

    Should I be just fine and dandy on my own? Why am I feeling a sense of urgency all of sudden to meet "the one"? I know that urgency isn't healthy but also I do think it's natural to want to come home at the end of the day and have someone there who I can say "remember when?" with. More and more that is something I desire and want.I don't know what answers or sage advice I'm looking for. I guess.... how does one obtain this? Is there someone for me and who might he be and who might he be and how might I find him...or will he find me?

    Thanks for everything Captain.

  • Your struggle is definitely appropriate for the Spiritual Boot Camp. I invite you to come on over and share your story with the others there.

    If you find you are attracting nice guys who just aren't exactly what you are looking for, it suggests that you are giving off uncertain vibes about what you really want. You have this partial "I'm OK on my own" feeling warring with this other "I want someone to hold me and care for me" desire which is perfectly normal but when it brings your nature into conflict can prevent you from getting what you want.

    So c'mon over and sit a while at SBC and we can all support you in getting to the bottom of this issue. I'm not sure how many people are 'living' over there, but the more heads, the more solutions we can find.

  • Thanks Captain, I'll certainly head over there. I've got a lot to talk about and contribute I think.

    Before I go. I feel this question might be better served just for you though. I had been seeing a guy (his birthdate) May 30th and I'm Oct 1 if that helps. he was a great nice and I know he liked me. He ended things a few days ago though saying he met someone and was going to give it a go but wanted to know if he could contact me if it didn't work out. Now, normally, that would make me I'm second best. BUT, i don't believe this guy meant it as it sounded. I think maybe he had been seeing this woman a little longer or she lived closer to him or something and that otherwise he would have been with me. I just felt that he really liked me and I liked him. Do you feel this is true? Also, My gut is strongly telling me that I will hear from again to try over but then maybe I'm deluding myself? What's your instinct Captain? Am I deluding myself? I normally am pretty realistic about these things but i can't shake the feeling that this guy feels he may have made a mistake and will want to get back with me and his reason for dumping me were more practical than emotional. Do you have any feeling on this?

    I know, I know, I should not wait and continue on with my life but I am wondering if you feel my gut instinct is correct and this guy will come back into my life again? I think sooner rather than later. Two months tops. Am I deluded? I know you'll be honest. 🙂

    Thanks for your response. After, I'll see you at bootcamp.


  • Stonyeye, I am feeling there is a patttern here in your relationships, at least lately. You seem to be drawn to guys who are ambivalent or non-commital in some way which I think mirrors your own ambivalance about romance. You are not sure if you want it or not and this vibe attracts similar types of partners. Your last partner for example - I feel he likes a relationship to be light and breezy and can feel like running when things get too heavy or he is asked to take on too much responsibility. I also think he tends to jump between extremes of idolizing someone, then feeling horribly disappointed in them when they turn out to be less than perfect - he doesn't have any middle ground and can run back and forth between lovers looking for the perfect woman who doesn't exist. I'm afraid he would behave the same way if he came back and it wouldnt be long before he was off again. You really need to work out what you really want.. Being in two minds just attracts guys with the same sort of indecisiveness

    Stonyeye, I feel like you are the classic round peg person in a square hole kind of world, always trying to fit in even though you know you are different. You're not crazy, just an original thinker. You may have to accept that maybe the conventional 'normal' way is not the right way for you, and do whatever makes you the happiest. I think you also look for conventional partners when you should be searching for someone who is unusual and has his own unique take on life. I think you need someone to be around part of the time for company but not all the time, someone who is independent and respects your independence and need for alone time too. Someone who loves nature and animals like you do. Someone who likes you the way you are and won't try to change you.

  • Wow! Stonyeye, this thread struck such a strong chord in me. I feel like I just met an identical "lifestyle twin"—the picture you painted of your life and primary struggle in the last ten years could have been written for me! I'm on the SBC thread and don't want to butt into your private conversation, but will just add here that I feel the Captain is exactly right about ambivalence attracting ambivalence. I wonder if you also, like me, tend to be drawn to long-distance relationship situations? It sounds like it with the guy you're describing here, and I know that every single relationship I've had in ten years (there have been six, and there's a seventh brewing) has been either partly or entirely long distance. I wasn't conscious of it at the time, and it wasn't specifically what I was looking for, but looking back at it now it seems to be a subconscious way of guaranteeing myself the space and solitude I so often require and that very few people in a relationship seem equipped to comfortably accommodate. Captain, thanks for your wise assessment. OK, I'm heading lickety-split over to SBC to follow up on this : ) soul hugs, gd

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