Aquarius woman needs help with Virgo man

  • Hello everyone. Background is necessary for this story, so please bare with me. I don't know if any other Aquarians out there had a rough year last year, but I sure did, and being the Aquarius I am, the personal problems I had caused me to withdraw, and intimacy was the last of my priorities. I've always been a very social, outgoing, yet private person.I've never been interested in anything serious romantically, it's always made me uncomfortable, but I liked to daydream about it. This year in particular I had no interest in a relationship and all I wanted was some flirting and occasional casual sex (I am a 20 year old college student.)

    Over the summer, I met a 22 year old Virgo man at a bar. Circumstances surrounding his friend sleeping with my friend lead to us talking until the morning on his roof top. He didn't try to over-romance me, which I loved, we just connected intellectually and flirted a ton. We talked about our past, and this was when I first learned that only a few months ago, his girlfriend had kicked him out after living with her for 2 years and dating her for 4. He explained that he was getting over it because they had been together for so long and it was simply time, but he still had some feelings for her, naturally. To be honest, it wasn't the part of the conversation that was memorable, but perhaps it should've been. From that day on, we were hooked. It was like we'd always known each other, we were constantly communicating via text online and telephone, and we hung out almost every day for those two weeks until I left for college. We simply clicked--we didn't even sleep together for those 2 weeks, it wasn't about sex. We were madly attracted and just wanted to have fun, we didn't pressure each other for anything and simply enjoyed each others company. This was so rare for me, In the past I always either only wanted a sexual relationship or when I did have feelings for someone felt so uncomfortable that I would play endless games with both them and myself. Hard to explain, but I'm sure fellow Aquarian women understand.

    But with this Virgo I was so comfortable--he even agreed to come and visit me in College 4.5 hours away. So after a couple weeks of daily electric phone conversations he came up to stay with me for a weekend--actually, he stayed for 5 days. That's because when he came to stay with me, to be frank,we had AMAZING sex. I have never had that with anyone since from the very first time, usually it's gradual with a growing connection. We wouldn't leave my room. That first visit went perfectly, except for a moment that I should've noted much more than I did. I had gotten slightly annoyed with him for the first time since we met about a jerky comment he made, and got a little bit cold with him for just a couple minutes. This tough, tattooed metal-head actually started to cry, saying he was too fragile, that he'd been left to die by his girlfriend and was homeless for months. This should have convinced me that he was damaged goods, but I held him and wanted to take care of him. We talked for hours and his feelings of abandonment struck a chord with me, as I have often felt abandoned throughout my life and it has become my reason to avoid closeness with people. I cried with him, I've never done that with anyone before.

    I felt so close to him even though it had only been about a month since we met. We would have sex, talk, have sex, talk, repeat. He met my friends and they got along famously, which absolutely thrilled me. It went from there--every couple weeks he would come up and stay with me, and occasionally for a weekend I would come and stay with him. He was so into me, I was so so flattered, and not uncomfortable in the least.

    About a couple months in, during his visit with me at school, we were having one of our infamous lighthearted banter and I made a snide comment about me being only a little bit of fun to get over his ex. It was supposed to be a joke, but of course I did wonder how it was that he was able to say that he was falling for me after having obviously had gone through some serious heartbreak. He got angry at me for the first time then, and yelled at me about how I shouldn't even joke about his feelings for me, that he's spending all his rent money and job to come up and see me (he was) and that when he was with me his ex was the last thing on his mind. That's when things got serious for me, I've always been a sucker for a guy putting me in check...I began to think of things more seriously, and we started talking a little more romantically. A month or so later, he started semi-jokingly calling me his girlfriend.

    A couple weeks into him starting to do this, a week came where he was certainly acting a little distant. I tried to think nothing of it but became very anxious--I overanalyze everything and am very intuitive, I was positive something was wrong. It got worse when one my friend who I was with the night me and the Virgo man met called me up at school and told me she saw him hitting on some some girl at a party. I called him about it and told him that since we are not exclusive he is welcome to do as he pleases, but it was disrespectful to do that in front of someone he knew was my friend. It seemed too much of a coincidence that this was happening after a week of him acting strangely, so to see his reaction I told him that if he were to have slept with her, it would be over between us because I don't treat people as well as I treat him and things have escalated and he knew it too. He kind of freaked out--said he wasn't ready after the trauma of his last relationship to have expectations put on him, and that it had been bothering him for a few days how close we've become, because it makes him feel guilty being so intimate emotionally with someone other than his ex girlfriend. He then broke the news to me that made me call it quits--he said that if his girlfriend were to come back, he wouldn't be able to say no. I couldn't deal with being second best.

    So we ended it--only to have me visit home for the weekend to see my friends, my drunk dialing him, and us sleeping together. The next morning he repeated thing--that it had gone too far, that unless I only wanted casual sex we couldn't do this anymore, that he needed to be alone for a while and figure out his shit etc. He let it slip that the week he had started acting strangely towards me his ex had contacted him with some kind words. I was very sad, but unconvinced of his sureness of wanting to end things with me after his obvious intense feelings for me. Rightfully so--he flirted with me a week later after he swore he wouldn't. Then a week later, I came home and the same thing happened, with the same morning after sadness. Then it happened one more time a week later. Mind you, in between these encounters I would never reach out to him--I wanted each time I slipped up to be the last time.

    But he would contact me, sometimes drunk, telling me he still had feelings for me and didn't know what to do about it, that he hoped we would work out in the future etc. This gave me hope of reconnecting with the one of the very few people I've felt truly close to, so the mistake repeated. The full relationship lasted about 4 months. I finally stopped all contact after the last time we slept together after about 4 slip ups, he was actually rude to me the next day instead of being harsh, as if he were angry at me for his feelings for me--I couldn't have that. He even told me that after that night he was swearing celibacy until he won his ex back. I was sick of the psychotics-- I felt I finally got closure, I was so sick of the emotional ups and downs. He tried to hit on me through text a week later but I wasn't having it, I blew him off. I then found out through word of mouth that a week later he took home a girl from a bar--so much for celibacy. There's no way this man could be without sex. Word of mouth says hes been hanging out with this girl ever since--a motnh later. He's found reasons to reach out to me, stupid, silly reasons as an excuse to talk to me, but I've been blowing him off. Truth is, even though it's been a couple months since the lat time we slept together and I finally decided to really stop everything, I still miss him and feel we should be together. I know for a fact he still has feelings for me. I don't know what's wrong with me, this is so unlike me. He's obviously emotionally unstable and kind of a pig and his baggage is the last thing I need right now. Today I texted him for the first time since he started seeing that girl, although he's teted me to ask if I'm in town when he heard about me coming home, which I didn't end up doing. I asked him about some random favor I need to ask for my friend's business, because he had asked me about an event I'm throwing a couple days before, my answer was cold and I was oh so sick of talking to him that way. I can't stand this anymore.

    What do I do, If anything? Do I keep denying these feelings that I have always craved and never have been able to have for anyone else? I'm consumed with always finding out about him and this girl through other people and the internet, learning about his ex the same way...I just want it all to end, but I think I'm in love and the reason our relationship ended was because of his fear of him having the same feelings. I realize he must be a shitty person, but I feel this undeniable connection with him. He's supposedly in love with his ex and is filling this void with being with other women, but as naive as it sounds, I'm convinced that we were for real. Virgo men and women with experience with these creatures, please help...

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  • But I suspect that you are partly right - your Virgo friend does resent how close he feels to you - because he has a very independent spirit and doesn't like to feel too tied down to anyone. He hates how weak and needy you make him feel.

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  • This matchup is easiest for marriage but hardest for a love affair. A curious dynamic emerges in this relationship - a need to be supported and nurtured conflicts with an equal need for independence. Overall however, the relationship's energy is beneficial to both of you. You are likely to derive inspiration and strength from your partner, who will sometimes have preceded you down the same road you are travelling. But the benefits you receive from the relationship can become habituating and your reliance on your partner can become a bad case of overdependency. Somewhat paradoxically, you will be able to turn to your partner's wisdom to help you in your struggle for autonomy within the relationship. He too will have much to learn here, though his lessons will be more absorbed than struggled over. In his own way, your partner can be quite rigid, and he could learn something from you about the freedom he might find by accepting things as they are and moving on.

    His patience will be necessary in a love affair if you become too starry-eyed over him. There will be instability in this relationship. Maintaining a kind of dynamic equilibrium of feeling will be a principal challenge. In marriage, you Teddanyc will need to come into your own as an equal partner and the relationship usually will give you the chance to do so. You are inclined to see your partner as a role model (though he is quite unaware of the effect he has on you or others) and you must beware of falling too much under his influence. Strive to retain your own individuality and to stand up for yourself. Inspiration is healthy, domination is not. You both must avoid unfavourable comparisons like the plague as it will only led to angry arguments and even physical confrontations.

    Your partner has a deep streak of romanticism that makes him vulnerable to distraction, seduction, and fantasy. Dreams of being loved and adored are his undoing but they also save him from a dead, boring existence. He must find the balance between the two. A healthy detachment from his situation will make room for love on a higher plane that is free of dangerous escapist dependencies. Without this courageous objectivity, he can be seduced by any and every sweet talker who promises him eternal adoration. He desperately wants to be in love, to be adored and share centre stage with someone who returns his passion. But these sweet talking people mess him up emotionally and imprison him in a relationship of non-love which is based around his faulty belief that five minutes of pats on the head will make up for months of being mistreated and ignored. He is desperately searching for his one great love and he feels that if he resists temptation or doesn't give in to distraction, he will miss out on it. So he ends up chasing gratification, other people's approval, and personal validation in all the wrong places to the point where it may damage his health, distort his mind, and keep him from being successful and productive. He needs a lover who will also be his friend and his support. This necessary detachment and objectivity that he must learn will also free him from his own self-centredness and selfishness and show him how to take other people's feelings into consideration as well. However, before he loses his double standards, overbearing attitudes, intolerance and inconsideration - when he in fact matures - he may have to face losing those he loves.

  • Hi Teddanyc,

    I'm 41, my Virgo was 51. Yes, we have have had a bad year too.. It is supposed to be ayear of big change for people in general...and I think the Virgo of yours has issues of being young, being attracted to a strong, confident young lady, and just coming out of a hurtful (from his point of view) relationship.

    They seem so strong, yet so soft. I'll give you the advice I was given, that I tried to follow as much as possible, but had to be myself about it too: Be patient. be kind, be warm, show him in ACTIONS not words that you are his friend,, you are not trawling for other men, that you are sincere. But be yourself. Never let your wonderful self get changed by anyone, but allow yourself to learn new traits. There's nothing wrong about us Aquarians learning to be softer, show our underbellies. We are genius, and sparky, but we have a vulnerable side. Its not weak to show it once in awhile, to the right person. Just allow yourself to make mistakes, and your Virgo too. He will, although he will try harder than you not to. And unlike us, he will not like to be told he has. We like to learn from our mistakes, but they already know, and they need to be led in a softer way. You can do it. Maybe not with this Virgo, but perhaps with the next one, or the next man of any sign...


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  • Yes I feel it may be some time before this guy matures enough to realise what he is doing. He is so self-focused that he doesn't even realise what he is putting you through. One day he may realise what he has lost, but all you can do now is get on with your life and be as happy as you can doing your own thing.

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  • Hi Teddyanyc,

    I think so too. I wouldn't wish the pain I went through with my V on anyone. And he was 51. I think I kicked his butt enough, and got it through his head he is too good to be a drunk, or bossed around by his family, and that he needs to grab life and make choices that will lead him to happiness, and stop wallowing in self doubt.

    My ways aren't his ways though. Virgo needs to wallow until he is sure. Mine was selfish to the core, always blowing with the wind to any friend's house for drinks. Finally he is doing his life-long project of renovating his house. That will make himself happy, to be following his plan, his dream.

    If mine hasn't found the right girl, it doesn't mean yours hasn't either. But yours will take his time to get to know you. He really will. If you can, try to only imagine him as a friend. Go out and do your thing, whatever that is, even date if you want. But don't let him know. Keep your friendship sacred and platonic. If he gets ready, he will make his move on you, gently. If you are still interested, then allow it to happen...slowly.

    It's hard to go slow, especially for a young aquarian.

    If I were you, I'd give him a wide berth for awhile. Let him come to you, but that will take awhile, and in the meantime you may move on. Maybe that's why we aren't perfect matches for them, even though our mental level is there, attraction, compassion for others, etc...

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