Captain, Hanswolfgang, or Anyone (PAINFUL BREAKUP)
(Forgive me if this is long. I am really hurting right now. Thanks)
I recently learned my b/f of nearly a year has been seeing another woman for the past 5 months. All the while, I suspected, but wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, since he markets himself as an honest, upstanding person and always said, "If it's any comfort to you, I'm not seeing anyone else or talking to anyone." From time to time, he would want to take "breaks" so he could have some space to himself, and spend time with his guy friends (one whom he grew up with and another who is a teenager - like 19-20 years younger than him). He has always said how much he appreciates me being understanding and accommodating, down-to-earth, and that he loved me (without me asking or prompting him to say it).
We had had some difficulties, because he had some dating profiles before we met, which he kept open ("to be fair" to the women with whom he corresponded before/at the time he met me); he had a roommate which he used as his excuse not to let me come over (except for once - otherwise we were always at my place or going out); and I mostly felt like he was using me for sexual experience (he said I was his "first"), since it didn't always feel like he was making a proper effort to get to know me. We had talked about marriage, and he often said we would eventually have to start living together (he was looking for houses), but once he got his house, I guess he felt confident enough to move forward with the other woman.
I found out when I was looking at some photos he had put on Facebook. There was a woman whose comments wreaked of inappropriate, subtly-se.xual, as if they were messing around, with winks,etc. His responses to her comments were also fresh, with winks. I thought, surely this can't be what I'm thinking, especially 'this' public and blatant. She was actually in one of the photos he'd posted, but her face was completely darkened, as it was a sunscape photo. One of his hallmarks has always been to never hurt other people, and be as God-like as possible, so I was taken aback by all this flirting. I looked at her Facebook wall and, and right in the middle of the page, I see some photos of him and her, hugged-up, at a party that had taken place that past weekend. Also, she had photos taken in his bedroom (not raunchy).
I called and calmly asked him what was going on, he denied anything and said he was just accompanying her to the party to be nice, we argued, then he called me in the middle of the night and we talked cordially for a few hours. He called me again the next morning to check on me and said we'd touch base again that evening. Well, that evening he called me, with her on speakerphone so she could hear everything, and told me "I am with this girl, and please do not contact me ever again." I asked if she told him to do that, and she got on the phone and started arguing with me. he got back on the phone and I was crying and told him that was wrong, and in poor taste. After I hung up, he tried to call back, but I didn't answer. He then emailed me to apologize for her taking the phone and said he told her i am a wonderful person.
Flash forward to the next day. She was mad at him because I told her (when she made him call me) that he and I were still together as recently as a few weeks ago. He called me and raged that he was only with me "out of pity", "I hate you", "you're an idiot", and you name it. I told him, if he was seeing her all this time, why did he keep seeing me, also. He said he didn't consider us together, or me as a part of his life, because "to be a part of someone's life, it means you're living together", etc. It was all basically just any excuse to justify his deceit. He said he never wants to speak to me again, so I deleted him from my phone/email contacts. I am extremely hurt by all the things he said, because it goes against the grain of what he says he is all about. I did not deserve those things to be said to me, and I did not respond the same way. I was classy and chose my words decently and truthfully.
I can understand why he is infatuated with her, as she is something new, a few years younger than he and I (he is the same age as me), great job, designer clothing type. Whereas he is more like me, quiet, practical, non-partying, and likes to soak in spiritual pursuits (or so I thought). I know it is a long shot that he may ever want to mend things with me, and I sound crazy right now, as all this is fresh, and I still love him. A part of me would like to think, once the infatuation wears off, he will have time to think about his words/actions, and want to make amends with me. Then a part of me feels like, if he said those things, he must mean them, but I have to ask myself, why would someone be with anyone out of pity, and two-time with the person you're infatuated with? Why not just break-up clean, and be with the other woman, instead of letting things to to such a devastating ending? Thank you, if anyone can help me understand all this, I would appreciate it, and also, does a reconciliation at any point/ him missing me seem likely?
Here are some of our placements. I noticed their placements are highly compatible on all three aspects (sun, venus, moon), which makes it hurt even more, as they seem almost "destined" to be together. It hurts because someone (me) else got hurt in the process:
HIM, 5 30 1977: Gemini (sun), Aries (venus), Scporpio (moon)
ME, 1 14 1977: Capricorn (sun), Pisces (venus), Scorpio (moon)
HER, 3 31 1982: Aries (sun), Aquarius (venus), Cancer (moon)
It's always easier to fight for your principles than to live them. Your ex wants to be good but is drawn to the dark side instead. Look at his actions, not his words. Your ex opts out when the going gets too tough for him which is why he likes to have several options in love. Don't be just one of his options. Move on before you lose all your self-respect. Don't be surprised however when you withdraw your affection from this guy that he tries to get back with you. What he can't have will always be an exciting challenge for him. But you would be foolish to ever trust him again as he will keep on repeating his actions until he matures properly.
Thank you, Captain, for your time and insight. I am going to pray with some white candles tonight to remove any (or at least, make a start) negative energy I have collected from all this. I am better than what he did and said to me, and I believe the hurt he gave will come back to him threefold (that's not to be negative, it's just the truth - rule of three). I have seen this happen. I will get through this. Thank you, again.
Good for you!
I truly commend you for going through this and coming out in one piece. So much love and good energy your way.
My story is similar to yours...I posted in a forum as well. "Aquarius woman needs help with Virgo man" If either of you could provide your insight I'd greatly appreciate it.