What happend to my life?

  • I had it all, married my best friend n had our son... one night out with his firends he got busted and took the rap and did 4 years! I was a wreck... took a few years, moved in with my mom and then met some one new. He had gone through a bad relationship too.. 1yr later we have our own place and i have my second son. My Ex husband hears about it, and tells me it's okay... I still Love you, you did what you had to do and i left you out there so i don't blame you. And wanted me to be with him when he got out. I didn't know how to feel? I do love him, i never stopped loving him, he got taken from me. Well when my youngest turned 1yr old.. I found out his dad was cheating on me, so i left. And waited 2 years for my ex husband, writing all the time visiting him, i couldn't be happier! The weekend he got released we had a family welcome home party at his mothers (who was my best friend) We have been together since 1998. I'm close with the family, closer than i am with my own! Well after a wonderful weekend he calls me while i'm at work and tells me he doesn't think we should be together.. He Loves me and always will, but doesn't want to get back together... I couldn't breathe.. i didn't go into work the following day. I don't know how to deal with this... His mother and i had our whole wedding planned out, Everything. I was so looking forward to having my family back, then i lost it in a blink of an eye. Then 2 months later... i lost my job. now i'm back at my mothers house 2 kids, don't talk to either of my kids dad, i get no child support. And i'm 32. How do i stay positive? Will i end up alone forever, how will i find some one with 2 kids, mom figure, and living with my mom! Am i suppose to live my life alone and just raise my boys the best i can... Was this a life lesson? Or am i being punished for some thing i did? I am a good person, and i'm always the one getting hurt in the end. Thanks for reading this, i needed to vent. 😉


  • I look at it as if it was meant to be. Be positive knowing that something better is out there for you. The past is the past, so let it stay there & get on with your life.

    I had 3 children at the age of 28, just divorced, had to use credit cards to stay afloat, then one day I got a notice from the court stating that my ex wanted custody. 😞 I went to court & ended up losing custody to my 3 babies. In Michigan the court system can be so cruel!

    I too am a good person & life doesn't always turn out as we expect.

    I fought my ex in court for the last 16 years trying to gain custody with no avail. In 2005 I finally got my son at 15 years old, and just this past August 2008 my daughter 17 years old. Just after my divorce I met a wonderful man, someone I can call a soul mate, if you will. We have been together for 16 years now & have a wonderful life with my children.

    I always kept the attitude that this was a life lesson & I always had faith that life has a way of working itself out - we just have to kept that faith & know that God has bigger plans for us.

    I hope this helps & I pray that life works out for you as it did for me, but in shorter time of course! 🙂

  • Thank you.. And i know it will all work out. I was jusst wondering "why"? Like what happend? Am i that hard of a person to get along with? I tried so hard and lost twice. I do love my boys to death and am very happy i have them. I've been single now 2 n a half years... And i do like it. I just want the Happy family...house, dog, yard, vacations, bbq's with friends, ya know?

  • hi. i am a new member and just came across this discussion.

    i am a true blue gemini and i guess my high levels of optimism is responsible for bailing me out of any unfavourable situation.

    i got seperated from my husband ten years ago and live with my parents and 13 year old son. just about a year back, i fell in love with a married man who has a family of his own. we love each other a lot, but neither of us wants to break up his family and cause hurt to his wife and children.

    sometimes i feel as though i should end this relationship as it is causing me a lot of heartache, especially when i see him with his family, but then i console myself with the thought that some day if fate permits, we may be able to live together.

    it is very confusing and i wonder if anybody could help.

  • Look, I don't know where to begin. I had it all. I married my high school sweetheart, had 4 beautiful children, and had a good life. We had our ups and downs, but what marriage don't?

    Then my husband wanted a divorce. I was devastated.

    It took me 6 years to actually get this man out of my heart. He is still there in certain ways, but I have realized, that he can no longer control my heart. He moved on and remarried, in 2006. Now in 2009, him and his current wife are living with me and our children. I never realized until this time, just how much I matured and grew. I let them move in, because our son, said "Mom, Dad and Sarah don't have a place to live, you can't let them live on the streets." Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to make that decision. I decided that I needed to let bygons be bygons. He was right, I am a bigger person than that. Just the look in my son's face, made me realize that I am not that type of person.

    I still am unsure if I ever will find a man that I can trust again, but I strive everyday, to make me and my children's life happy. I figure one day the right one will come along who will accept me and my kids as a package. I wish you luck in your journey and I hope you find happiness cause we all deserve that.

  • Whatever happens in life, just makes us stronger! Did you ever hear that saying? It does, I am proof, stronger to make us better apt to deal with life's harsh realitites. Keep the good thoughts, live in the moment, cherish what you have - life could always be worse. You do have your kids, and a mother that is willing to take you in until your life turns around. Family & loving support will carry you through these times. You are still young, as I was when this all happened to me, but now I have to say because I kept those thoughts of what I wanted to happen in the future, those things eventually came to me. I now live in the country in a beautiful victorian home, with my children, 2 dogs on 10 acres. My husband & I also own a business! I grew up on the streets of Detroit with an alcoholic abusive father, with only my 2 older brothers & sister raising me - life could have ended up so much worse for me. I always knew this wasn't the life for me & because of these thoughts & having faith in myself & in God - skies the limit baby! I just can't wait to see what the future holds for me because my thoughts have only excelled. If something bad happens along the way, I just use that as a stepping stone & get my life back on track. I have faith in you! Oh get them girl!

  • You're still young and there's still a lot of hope. I was 36 with 3 kids when I got dumped by my ex husband after 15 years marriage. Its not easy but I found love again and he loved me for me and took on my kids too. We married and now have 2 kids of our own. I'm approaching my mid 40s now....

    Please don't despair, look after and cherish your beautiful children and look after yourself. Life will get better...life is a learning curve...and you will come across somebody who will totally love and respect you for you and will cherish and surround your whole family with love.

  • Momd32,

    My hat is off to you..I have to say I admire your strenght about letting your ex and his wife move in with you and your son..Your right it's the best for your son, I just don't know if I personally could do something like that..I had enough trouble being civil with my ex [did not bad mouth in front of kids though]..Again koodo's for your courage and strengh..

    Love @ Light D

  • I agree with you darya - Momd32 you are amazing! I couldn't do it though...

  • Nor could I, me & my ex cannot even be in the same room together. I never did bad mouth my ex either, although he use to in front of my kids about me. Now my kids live with me, they got old enough to know the differences & they cannot believe some of the things he use to say. The adage, "what goes around comes around!" I am also in my mid 40's!

  • I completely understand where you're coming from. I often ask myself the same thing, and then I actually answer myself! Sometimes there's no rhyme or reason why things turn out the way they do; they just do. You've got to quit looking back on what was and start looking forward to the future, or you're just doomed to keep doing the same things over and over. You have two kids thanks to these relationships, and even though you're back at home with your mother, take this time to regroup and figure out what you want in life without a man. You're probably wondering how I can say all of this. I am 38 years old, been married three times. That sounds really bad, but just listen. My first husband, the father of my three children, and I were married off and on for nine years. Married him after I graduated high school. I couldn't wait to be be grown and out of my parents house. Boy was I naive! Soon after we married the abuse began. Like the adolescent I was I stuck with it because I was ashamed of myself for putting up with it. So, I lied to everyone, especially myself. After my third child was born I went back to work. I had nothing more than a high school education, but I had the drive to support my three children. You see, not only was he physically abusive, he also abused drugs and wouldn't hold a job. Soon I was working two jobs. At that point I filed for divorce and put him out. I remarried my high school sweetheart a year and a half later. We were married for almost two years when he died in a car accident. I was a widow at 29. I had my first nervous breakdown also at 29. God was looking out for me and put my next husband in my path. We were married for five years when he died in his sleep. Yeah, widowed again, this time at 35. To top it off everyone talked about me being a black widow because I had two husbands die. Mind you I wasn't even in the car when my second husband died. Nor did I have anything to do with the third. But, people can be cruel. I tried to commit suicide three times; been in therapy three years. And you know what I've learned? People are going to talk regardless who you are. You have to know yourself well and in doing that comes a sense of worthiness that no relationship with anyone can give you. I'm not saying I'm happy with my life, but I am saying that I can be content alone because I can't control no one else's actions but my own. I choose to live my life each day for myself, not to make anyone else happy. I have my children, and now they have children, and I have their unconditional love and respect as they have mine. I have also began trying to forge a new relationship with God. I still date, but I'm very picky with the men I let in my heart. I also never rely financially on a man or on anyone else. Life is too short to live in the past! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and figure out what makes you happy. And don't find your happiness in the eyes of someone else. Find out the person that you were born to be!

  • Latransfer.... I am sorry for your rough life. And yes your right, about it all. Thanks

  • Don't be sorry for me. God knows I've spent more than enough time feeling sorry for myself. Now, I just laugh about it; can't really do anything else except cry, and I've done enough of that too! Things will get better, just keep focusing on what makes you happy. And, most importantly, take each day one day at a time. I don't make any plans for the future, I'm sure you see why. I just live for today and let God take care of tomorrow. I try to live by the Golden Rule of treating others the way I want to be treated, and that's it. That's the secret to getting past yesterday and through today. Chin up, your life is just starting!

  • Pre70... Ya, i don't know? You are letting him have his cake and eat it too... If he doesn't want to Love his wife, And he cheats on her with you.... Why stay with her and live a lie (stay together for the children) isn't always the right thing to do. And you don't feel bad being the "other woman"? And even if you did end up being with him, What makes you think he wouldn't do the same thing to you later when the "sneaking around fun" is gone? Cause if you meet a, "Married Man" and he willing to see you on the side.... What does that tell you about his morals and how he can't keep his wedding vow's. To me he would be a Jerk! And i would be turned off. Emagine it was you he was cheating on? Don't you want to be able to trust your man. When he goes out you can know for sure he's staying faithful to you, not sitting and wondering if he's giving the "waitress, girl next door" his number when your not looking. ( I'm just sayiong) It says a lot about a person who CHEATS on their spouse, and knowing he's married... and you still talked to him, Thats a home wrecker. If you didn't know he was married then shame on him. Best of luck to you.

  • latransfer....I don't feel sorry for anyone. Feeling sorry for people only makes their situation seem 100% worse, to that person, themselves. I do agree that we all need to pick ourselves up and get on with life. I think that is wonderful that you are able to find happiness being alone. I have discovered, over my many years of confusion, with my ex-husband, happiness is something we have to bring ourselves. Then once we are happy with ourselves, and only then, will we be able to share life with someone else.

    My favorite saying is"Don't feel sorry for me. You don't know the real me. I just wish you would take the opportunity to get to know who I am, as a person" I wish you the best of luck and am glad that you have found happiness.

  • Pennysense... I agree and live by that saying. What goes around comes around, every dog has their day. I do believe that and I think that my situation has proved that very true. I also think that is wonderful that your kids are old enough to make their own choices and opinions about you and their dad's relationship. I am waiting very patiently, for our four kids to get to that point.

  • Keep waiting patiently, as I did. It's like all the fad now about seeing the ending or future of what you'd like to happen, you make "it" the outcome.

    Whenever my kids would tell me all the horrible things that their father said about me, I would just brush it off, remind them that they know who I am, how much I love them & change the subject to happy thoughts. It wasn't always easy to do believe me, but I know who I am - my ex just took every bad situation that ever happened in my life & used it to his advantage against me. The problem with that is, all the doing in my life that he used against me was how I was raised, not by my doing at all, it was just a life circumstance that I was born into. My ex (not by my doing or our children) have not spoken with my son in 5 years, my oldest daughter in 2 years, and my youngest daughter since August of 2008, all because they have contact with me. Some people just never grow up & til this day I still prayer that he comes to terms with his life & hopefully establishes a relationship with our children. I just became a grandma for the first time in June of 2008, what a shame that he has to miss out on such a special opportunity.

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