Seeking advice and words of wisdon courage please

  • I'm so down and helpless since last week.I always had a bad experience. I take all the risk but I honestly knew that it will turn cos me pain and miserable.I lay all my cards into this site and most of you guys give me a god advice and telling me stop and move on.This Cancer man have two personality a good pretender and best actor. When were together all is well but once he left my place he forgot that someone missing him. And I knew that he will never once thinking of me after using me.Treat me like a doormat , loosing my self steam and my confident to myself.I been to a lot of pain that never happen in to my past relationship, arguing with my best friend was torturing me too.Ever single move that I move was so wrong. Asking to stop thinking and shut up my mind. I appreciate his concern but I really don't want him when his blaming me and telling me what I'm doing is totally my fault.All I want is to clear my mind. I didn't even ask him to comfort me. I know he felt bad and doesn't want to see me like this. I felt that this man doing this to intentionally. After all the fight, lied,calling me names and swearing . He ignore me and making excuses every time I want to catch with him. I admit that I cut myself short and give him a chance to manipulate me. I asked to visit me which is from the beginning he never once invite me to spend time together .It's pretty obvious and slow my own pride. He never knew that I am upset and I don't think I need to inform him. What for he never once giving me a chance to show the real me.I gave my everything , patient and understand but it doesn't work .I want to close eyes and wishing if I woke up , I forgot everything. I'll tried my very best to keep me cool and and think all the positive after my down time moment. My health was affected and last year I'm candidate for anorexic patient and now I need to focus on my health ,kinda stressful and mentally drain.I honestly want to cut everything .I want everything change mobile or any info that he knows. I need to change everything cos I am silly to keep hoping that he might ring or message me. I am too slow to learnt all this stupid reality.. I thought I had a nice birthday celebration this year my birthday .

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