Spiritual Boot Camp

  • ME, this person had no desire to make you happy except to ingratiate himself with you. He was in it for himself. This person no doubt has a history of pushing himself onto people - what he was saying about you calling him a liar and a fake is what other people have said to him when he tried to do the saem thing to them. Be very wary of this person - there is a fine line between friend and parasite. Alway watch out tfor the person who rushes into relationships - it's often because they are afraid you will find out what they are like before they get what they want from you. This guy wanted to push himself so far into your life, to the point where he thought you could not do without him.

  • Amused59, what would be the worst thing that could happen if you showed your true self to others? Surely those who are your true friends wouldn't reject you - they are after all not the person or people who first rejected you and made you feel this way.

  • Angela,

    Thank you for your note. Yup and this is where my insides are kind of stirring ~ If matters like this are popping up within this relationship as associates (friends) of 6-7 weeks what could one look forward to should the relationship get (lets say) more intimate?

    He says he understands but other remarks speak volume of the opposite. I even tried explaining it to him as in ~ just as he enjoys his football games and needs to wash or walk his dog, I enjoy some of my time by myself "being still" ~ He was sweet and invited me to watch football with him and walk his dog!!! LOL 🐵

    I would never want to hurt him but neither care to walk on eggshells.


  • Captain,

    Confirms ones again that if the gut is stirring something might not be aligned. And here it was someone from the outside "talking" and "knowing what made me feel good" and yet my insides told an entirely different story.

    Bottom Line: Listen to your Insides. If something feels awkward and one is not totally sure LISTEN TO YOUR INSIDES AGAIN.

    Thank you!!


  • Indeed. 🙂

  • Good Day Captain and Boot Campers 🙂

    --Well it has been reaffirmed for me that getting rid of things is one of my challenges! I have lots of stuff I need to get rid of and I think it started after my daughter passed. I did give quite a few of her things away early on, I haven't gone through them for a long time and I have lots of other stuff that needs organized. I did give my son a large artificial tree, got rid of some old phone books, and cleaned a few things out of my closet. My office is in my home and I get so much mail and magazines that are work related and my files in my office are bulging. I will be working on removing anything work related from this spare area in my living room to make room to set up my easel. So yea this exercise is going to keep me busy for awhile, but its good and enlightening.

    --I think most of the lines on my face are from laughing, except that jaw line, I tend to think sadness when I look at it.

    1. --I have always listened to my loud innervoice, it gets very physical with me right in the solar plexis, but I have been wrong about what was going to happen, by using logic I think. I am getting more comfortable and able to listen to my body signals even when they are small, I haven't really noticed an actual voice. I get most of my info while sleeping.

    2. --I am trying very much to live my truth and it is difficult for me around family, they are quite christian, which I have no issue with and actually enjoy some of, but they are very rigid in their beliefs like you need to go to church etc, so I just try to be who I am and don't tell them everything. My business is pretty cool even has Dream in part of the name, and the friends I am most close to I can tell everything and they love me even if they don't always agree.

    3.--I am still getting to know me, its very fun and I think I'm actually my favorite person 🙂 I have always enjoyed my own company, I do some really goofy things that just crack me up, and I have had some of the most interesting experiences of any one I have ever met. I do believe I am still living a compromised existence, but I am definitely trying not to 🙂

    --When my daughter died my entire world just crumbled. I could not work for a couple of years and all these issues with my family just came up about a year after. I just kind of felt like this orphan all alone on the planet. My son was an adult, so I didn't feel like a parent, my husband and I had problems I didn't feel like a wife, I couldn't work so I was no longer an accountant, my parents just irritated me so I didn't feel like their daughter, my creativity just left me. I was no one!! I had no choice but to realize these were all just titles and it was quite freeing after all to realize this. After that it just seemed so odd to meet people that would tell you that they are a nurse or a wife, and you are thinking NO, WHO ARE YOU!! So after that its kind of draining for me to spend time with what i feel are superficial people. Which is why I love this forum so much! There are real people here :). Much love and light to all my fellow Boot Campers and our Captain 🙂

  • Amused59,

    I would like to say that "Please be easy with yourself" and you are not alone as I think many of us have felt that way at a certain stage of/in our life.

    There was a time in my life when I was out and about living life and to its fullest and than came a time when I totally isolated myself inside my house even to afraid to go out grocery shopping, thinking back now why I felt so afraid ~ honestly not a clue to say the least . To top it of I live in one of the most beautiful cities in the USA, beach front, sunny days and my car in the garage, go figure.

    One day this thought occured to me: Imagine 2 individual people each one of them standing in the middle of the field in their own (home town) huge sports stadium. One of them is surrounded by a mass of people and the stadium is filled to the max, everyone is cheering having a grant ol' time yet this person feels so very lonely whereas the other person stands amidst an empty stadium by themself yet feels content, complete and at totally peace.

    I am enroute to find me in that empty Stadium.

    And don't forget ~ YOU ARE NOT ALONE!


  • GJay,

    Oh, you stated "I was no one" ~ Just a Reminder:


    .... and purging through stuff "sorting, donating or tossing" feels wonderful, cleansing and freeing ~ stuff wise and emotionally. Trust me when I say that as I probably have enough clothes to dress myself for months without having to do a load of laundry to have clean clothes again. Geez, I did just say that didn't I?

    I got away from "maybe I can wear this when I loose weight, gain weight, this or that occassion or whatever". I donate stuff to a shelter as it might put clothes on someone's back who has less. I would not be truthful if I said it is easy for me to start but ones I get going I do not look back, bag it up drive it off, if you store it in another corner there might always be the chance of going back later and going through everything again.

    Trust me when I say it is freeing and really feels good.

    You are not alone!


  • Hi ME,

    I love the stadium story!

    My feeling for your situation with your friend. RUN and change your phone #! 🙂 This person seems a bit unstable.

    Thanks for the advice too. Yea its so weird for me having too much stuff, I never used to have this issue, cleared out all my old stuff every fall my whole life, you know making room for those new sweaters 🙂

    About 15 yrs ago when I lost all my titles (Accountant, Mom, Daughter etc) I was not aware that the titles defined me until I lost them, and losing the titles enabled me to find me, the real true naked untitled me. It was a good thing.

    Take Care ME

  • Oh yea the hard part when I found myself was - I was a mess 🙂

    one minute you think you are this successful person and you are, in the material world,

    the next minute you realize the real you, your spirit you, is this sad neglected baby that is really glad you woke up, because she really needs u! 🙂

  • Yes Captain that is true, I only ever ahd one relationship before this one and the guy was an ex drug addict and his new drug became alcohol and I suppose I thought I could help him but when he became offensive I dropped him. Immature_ Yes not accepting parent responsibilities, childish selfishness. I have asked him to decide whether he wants a bachelors life or if he isready to accept responsibilities and that otherwise I want a separation. Havent got an answer yet.

    The mirror. Yes I have done therapy to deal with the bad childhood memories which started resurfacing after the birth of my second child. I have accepted it and know I cant change it and I know it was all rubbish what was said but it doesnt make the hurt go away.

    Being true to myself. I have to work on this one. but it did make me realise I am not being true to myself. I am in a relationship i do not want but which I am pursuing because what would it look like to split it up, with 4 kids. And because I do not want a repeat of my own childhood for my kids. but maybe it is better for them and me to make a break now instead of in 10 years when I am bitter that I have wasted a life.

    I will continue to assess the real me and to work on getting back to that spot.

    Never thought it would be this tough emotionally.

  • ME, thanks It does feel good to know I'm not alone. Its hard to lower the bar for myself ...guess thats what brought me to this thread- lived with too many people who expected a lot from me & now I need to let myself of the hook so to speak. I need to have patience with myself

    GJay, I'm sorry for your loss. After my husband died I felt similar- a part of my identity was gone. It eventually gave my the push that brought me to this site as I began to strengthen my spiritual self. I'm still redefining myself but can say I like this person a lot more- she has the guts to say i'm worth standing up for & want my voice heard. i just need to become more comfortable doing so.

    Captain, I know in my head there should be no reason to be so protective with my true self but even as I write about opening up I can feel myself controling panic & tears. I have tried unsuccessfully many times in the past to open up but the hurtful responses continued to occur. guess I chose the wrong people. I'm determined to be successful this time but will proceed with GREAT caution. My biggest fear is rejection for being wrong ...I realize now I lived too many yrs trying to be the good little girl & the good wife now I need to determine the definition of good & not let others do it for me. Easier to say than do but I'll get there.

  • Amused59,

    thank you for your note

    You wrote "My biggest fear is rejection for being wrong ...I realize now I lived too many yrs trying to be the good little girl & the good wife now I need to determine the definition of good & not let others do it for me" Please allow me to share some food for thoughts ~ thank you.

    "My biggest fear is rejection for being wrong" ~~ what if truly it is not a matter of right or wrong but instead some folks understand/get YOU but some folk's radar is not tuned in with yours (at this time) and since you can not control them (folks) and vice versa ~ It's no one's fault just different (lets say) radio stations trying to relate their information according to their own scenario (music).

    I could almost see it in 2 ways ~ a whole bunch of mixed music and nothing can really be understood as it is just loud and mumbled words or the Rock n' Roll channel is tackling the Easy Listening while the Jazz channel is trying to hold its own never the less noticing that on occassion it gets pushed/pulled by other channels as its working hard to bring out his Jazz Music.

    "...I realize now I lived too many yrs trying to be the good little girl & the good wife" ~~ YOU are NOT alone, I think many of us have been there but allow me to ask you this?!

    A "good little girl & good wife" according to whos standards? Your parents, sister, brother, school teacher, pastor to name a few? Same thing "good wife" again based on your husband or mate, your mother or geez his mother, TV, movies, society or a book you found in the library or bookstore "The Good Little Girl & Good Wife for Dummies 101 Manual" right next to "The good Parent for Dummies 101 Manual" and I'd have to look at it with one eye brow raised wondering what made the author such an expert as what your mate believes or perceives as a "good wife" might just be so different then your parents, friends, neighbors etc.

    "I need to determine the definition of good & not let others do it for me" ~ I need to start with "not let others do it for me" ~ You are RIGHT, don't let others tell you because imagine asking 100 different people and each one will give you a different answer ~ oh my and now what? Now you would have to sort out amongst all that information to see what your gut or your authentic truth identifies with.

    Amused 57, "Determine YOUR definition of good" as it sits/feels/aligns with YOUR truth.

    You are not alone.


  • Hello Captain and Boot Camp Champs ~ a little information I was able to find making one wonder who is good at what and especially who detemines, creates or invents it.

    In 1929, the modern tampon (with applicator) was first invented and patented by Doctor Earle Haas ~ A Man, go figure.

    10 Most Famous Chefs in the World as of Aug. 2009 ~ Only 3 of these are women. The 1st and 2nd place is held ~ By Men

    Top 10 American Fashion Designers ~ 6 of them are men and 1st place is held by ~ A Man

    Have a great day everyone!!


  • DailyOM -

    Sometimes a part of us must die before another part can come to life. Even though this is a natural and necessary part of our growth, it is often painful or, if we don't realize what's happening, confusing and disorienting. In fact, confusion and disorientation are often the messengers that tell us a shift is taking place within us. These shifts happen throughout the lives of all humans, as we move from infancy to childhood to adolescence and beyond. With each transition from one phase to another, we find ourselves saying good-bye to an old friend, the identity that we formed in order to move through that particular time.

    Sometimes we form these identities in relationships or jobs, and when we shift those areas of our life become unsettled. Usually, if we take the time to look into the changing surface of things, we will find that a shift is taking place within us. For example, we may go through one whole chapter of our lives creating a protective shell around ourselves because we need it in order to heal from some early trauma. One day, though, we may find ourselves feeling confined and restless, wanting to move outside the shelter we needed for so long; the new part of ourselves cannot be born within the confines of the shell our old self needed to survive.

    We may feel a strange mixture of exhilaration and sadness as we say good-bye to a part of ourselves that is dying and make way for a whole new identity to emerge in its place. We may find inspiration in working with the image of an animal who molts or sheds in order to make way for new skin, fur, or feathers to emerge. For example, keeping a duck feather, or some other symbol of transformation, can remind us that death and rebirth are simply nature's way of evolving. We can surrender to this process, letting go of our past self with great love and gratitude, and welcoming the new with an open mind and heart, ready for our next phase of life.

  • Amused59, you cannot be wrong if you are coming from your true self. And like you say, maybe you haven't been wrong in the past - it's just that those around you were wrong or not ready to hear your truth. But they also probably needed to hear what you expressed. So just because your reception by others may seem negative doesn't mean that you are wrong. If you need other people to validate who you are, it speaks to a very low feeling of self-value - that you think others' opinions are worth more than yours.

    But we are all the same and equal.

  • Paddifluff, what do you think will take your pain away?

  • Start seeing everyone as your equal - no better and no worse than you are. Be it a saint or a sinner, movie star or criminal, we all have our flaws and strengths. We should not judge each other. We should stand shoulder to shoulder. Be aware that everyone is struggling to survive on this planet, that everyone is screwed up in some way (not just you). Expand your awareness out from yourself and feel others' pain and insecurities. We all have them. Straighten your back, raise your chin and stride out in the world, confident that you are as worthy or valuable as everyone else and that the Universe supports you. You are LOVED.

  • That is wonderful. Learning to let go, basically...

    I feel clearer today. Like a fog has lifted and I can finally see deeper into myself. 🙂


  • Kathy Gates, professional life coach says -

    On the surface it seems an odd idea that you could actually be anything other than who you really are. But from the time we can talk, we’re being programmed to “fit in”. We find ourselves conforming in order to please the people we love, and who love us. “ But sometimes that means that you have to suppress what you know is the real person inside.

    If you’re ready to get re-acquainted with someone you haven’t seen in a while – yourself – start with these 5 ideas to help you rediscover the real you.

    1. Quiet the noise in your head. You know those voices well, the ones that are constantly nagging you to pick up the dry cleaning, talk to the school teacher, juggle the bills, call your mother, keep the kids in line, and keep the boss happy. With all that noise going on, it will be impossible for you to hear anything above the din. This MUST be the first step. How do you do that? By setting up systems, simplifying, and establishing enough extras in your life to allow you to operate from a position of abundance, instead of lack.

    2. Learn how – and practice – thinking about yourself in healthy ways. In order to do that, you must first BELIEVE that you are valuable, and your Real Self has something to offer the world. Since you talk to yourself more than everyone else in your life combined, --that’s a lot of talk!—it’s up to YOU to establish the healthy communication in your thinking. Consciously listen to how you talk to yourself; write down the unhealthy things you say; challenge them; and replace them with facts. Talk: “You never do anything right.” Challenge: “Of course I do things right. I did (example) right. I did (example) right. This time, I just made a mistake. I’ll learn from it and have better success next time.”

    3. Listen to your heart. Sounds easy enough, but by the time we’re adults, most of us have stopped listening to our hearts and go only with our heads. Those two must reconnect in order to find your real self. It’s easy to become accustomed to thinking about your feelings instead of really feeling them. Instead of asking yourself what you think about something, ask yourself what you feel. Ask yourself why it’s important. What comes easily for you? What’s difficult? Be careful not to get hung-up on a specific goal, when what you’re really after is a specific feeling. Keep an open mind to the feelings, and be willing to adjust the methods you use to achieve them.

    4. Uncover your natural strengths and your natural talents. Trust your instincts. Look back at your childhood, and make a list of things that you used to love to do. Ask why you stopped doing them. If you always loved adventure, it’s a good bet that’s a part of the REAL you. Notice what things you now do during your day – even if only for a few minutes – when you feel the most happy. If you have no idea what the real you is, begin to experiment with things that you find you used to like.

    5. Look back again over your life, and begin to remember times when you felt the happiest. What where you doing? Who were you with? What skills were you using? Be willing to tell the truth about who you are, and what you want in your life. Stop trying to “be” who or what you think you ought to be. Instead, determine that you are comfortable with what you want in your life, and how you want to address the world.

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