Spiritual Boot Camp

  • Gracefuldaisies, I can relate to your childhood - I was always the one who upset people with my innocent comments, without meaning to. Like at my Catholic school, I was punished for asking why we needed a nun or a priest to speak to God for us. I was stunned by the uproar that created. I set off adults who should have had better control - I only spoke from my deeper truth just as you did. The people around me didn't have that same connection to their own truth or they would not have been so shocked. In my family I am called "The Terminator" because, although my mother taught my siblings and I that problems and strong feelings were always better swept under the carpet, I would always be honest and forthright about what I saw going on. People often tend to over-react by 'shooting the messenger' but that doesn't mean we can stop speaking the truth. After the dust settles, the truth is always appreciated.

  • And GD, just because people "can't handle the truth" of your soul doesn't mean you should hide your authentic self away. That hurts both you and the people who need to see your truth so that they can feel free to reveal their own. You are a truthteller, don't be a truth-concealer. There are enough of those types in the world already. What do you fear will happen if you reveal yourself - that everyone will stop being your friend or liking you? Yes, some might but the true friends will support you, and you will attract new more honest friends. If you hide your truth, you give off vibes that only attract more truth-concealers to you.

    And that's the truth! 🙂

  • Find out if you are ready to find your authentic self and begin to live by design. Respond to these questions honestly and thoroughly. There are no right or wrong answers; rather, these questions are designed to get you thinking about your authentic self. After you've completed this exercise, review your answers.

    1. Did you at one time listen carefully to your innermost voice? Describe this moment. When was it and what was the circumstance? Do you suspect that somehow, somewhere along the way, you have lost contact with it?

    2. Is your behavioral life, your public persona, at odds with the values, beliefs, desires, passions and visions that define your authentic self? If so, how?

    3. Do you know, today, in vivid detail, who the authentic you is? Or are you living a compromised existence?

  • What is the 'authentic' self?

    Psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw defines it this way:

    When you're asked, "Who are you?" what is your answer? "I'm a mom/dad." "I'm a doctor." "I live in Ohio." Often the answer is not who you are, but what you do, what your social station is, or how you see your function in life. You can't answer who you are, because you don't know.

    There is another level of existence that is the real, true, genuine substance of who you are. It's the authentic self.

    The authentic self is the you that can be found at your absolute core. It is the part of you not defined by your job, function or role. It is the composite of all your skills, talents and wisdom. It is all of the things that are uniquely yours and need expression, rather than what you believe you are supposed to be and do.

    Fictional Self

    When you're not living faithfully to your authentic self, you find yourself feeling incomplete, as if there is a hole in your soul. You may have found that it's easier to fill the roles your family and friends expect of you, rather than becoming who you really want to be. Living this way drains you of the critical life energy you need to pursue the things you truly value.

    When you live a life that has you ignoring your true gifts and talents while performing assigned or inherited roles instead, you are living as your fictional self.

    The fictional self sends you false information about who you are and what you should be doing with your life. It blocks the information you need in order to maintain the connection with your authentic identity. Relying on information from the fictional self means you're putting your trust in a broken compass.

  • HI Captain, may I join?


  • 1-My inner most voice...

    I honestly can't recall 😞

    2-I don't believe my behavioral life is at odds with my authentic self... Whoever that is. I know how I think, I know how I feel... Most of the time! But I don't think I do anything to go against what I'd say I stand up for.

    3-The authentic me: If I try to look deep all I get is gray. I love, I feel, I keep good morals... but the term "authentic self" feels so intimidating.

    I'll try harder..


  • Paddi, you don't have to ask - jump in. 🙂

  • AngelaVictoria, on my calendar there is a wise saying for February: "It is easier to fight for your principles than it is to live up to them."

    I think everyone can relate to that.

  • LOL I am sitting here convincing myself that I have dealt with all my childhood issues, I write a huge long post and press the wrong button so it gets deleted and I am left sitting here in tears realising it still hurts (my childhood). My mother died when I was 6 months old in a car crash and though she is always beside me I have spent many hours wondering what it is like to have motherly love and a mother friend. My father remarried 2 years later and my stepmother, well I can make excuses for her behaviour but she was horrible, at least this is what I remember. She was physically very violent and verbally very demeaning, especially towards my older brother. She tried to drive a rift between us but that did not work. she had 2 kids of her own and my youngest brother was my baby, still is, I mothered him till I left home. My father chose not to get involved; as he said himself when confronted with it in later years, he preferred to keep the peace and went along with her commands to hit us. It was like walking on eggshells. What have I taken out of it all? I learned at a very early age to survive, to be strong, to read people, to trust my gut, unfortunately also I learned how not to cry and not to show emotion.

    The mirror - I used to hate them. I never used them unless absolutely necessary. I still don't like them but I have 4 little girls so it is impossible not to have them. I have gotten better at telling myself I look good today, that I can do it.

    Throwing something away - I have been chucking out a lot of stuff recently because I do not want to take it all with me when I finally get round to moving and because I know my girls would not want it when I am gone, just another pile of old papers in a computer world.

    The new challenge. That will take lot of thinking about.


  • Paddifllu, do you see any duplication of or resemblance to your father and stepmother's relationship/marriage in your own relationships?

    What is it you fear seeing in the mirror?

  • What a wise thing for a calendar to say! Haha, I suppose it's true, though. I kind of interpret that as a variation of hypocrisy... But less deliberate.

    Like, say I stand for equal treatment between & but I still have personal biases.

    I feel as if I'm missing something. Maybe it's confidence.. Maybe faith in myself.

  • I am not sure if I do, my stepmother was gratingly rude and mean to my father in front of us, she never made any secret of the fact that she regretted ever having married him and taking on my brother and me. I do rule the roost but that is kind of like the agreement we made when I got pregnant the first time. One thing I do strive to do is to talk with my husband when things get rough, to sort things out, I am absolutely determined not to put my kids through the pain of fighting parents. If it can't be sorted out then it is time to part. I have no time for weak men, that is men who have no opinion of their own, who only do what they are told, who traipse around after their women instead of standing tall beside them. I do have issues with showing my husband that I love him, with touching, hugging that sort of thing because I just do not know how it is supposed to work. And I am so afraid of rejection.

    The mirror. What do I fear. I don't fear anything. I just hate to see my sad eyes. You can put on as much makeup as you like, practise as many smiles as you can manage, but you can never ever get the sadness out of the eyes of someone who has been abused, physically, bodily or verbally. I can spot them a mile off. My husband was abused too as a kid. Mind you he has no problems with mirrors and such like because he built himself a whole new personality when he moved out of home. But that look remains in his eyes. And looking at my sad eyes reminds me of the pain, the fear, the hurt, the degradation, the humiliation and the complete and utter lack of love.


  • Paddifluff, I do see a repetition here of you feeling you have to care for and protect males who are immature or damaged. I'm not judging that as wrong - I just think everyone needs to be aware of repeated behavioural patterns that they may be acting out unconsciously.

    Of course you fear what you see in the mirror - it is a continual reminder of the abuse that you still haven't healed from. Otherwise you would be able to face yourself without fear. You fear bringing it all up again. But it must be dealt with so that you are unafraid to look into your reflection. Because when you heal, all the sadness in your eyes will disappear. Acknowledge the fear first so that you can face the issues instead of turning away and pushing them down inside you.

  • 1. I believe I had a strange stirring within a few weeks ago yet couldn't really pin point its source. A friend of mine just consistantly wanted to spend time with me, day after day and into the nights and as much as I enjoy their friendship it became a bit too close for comfort and I missed my time of just "being still" and by myself. When I said No as they asked to come over to spend time with me ~ projection from them just unfolded to the extreme. I didn't allow their replys lay a guilt trip on me but I noticed feeling pulled/pushed in different directions. Something must have gone awry within me because it all turned worse, every word was twisted to their projection and I was exhausted from constantly reassuring them.

    "Do you suspect that somehow, somewhere along the way, you have lost contact with it?" Yes in a sense so as just asking for some "still time" just turned into huge scene.

    2. "Is your behavioral life, your public persona, at odds with the values, beliefs, desires, passions and visions that define your authentic self? If so, how?"

    Yes, to some degree because I have no clue how to interact with this friend now as I almost feel gun shy hoping it won't blow up into something.

    3. "Do you know, today, in vivid detail, who the authentic you is?" No, not really!

    "Or are you living a compromised existence?" I think so and when I hear my friend say, they just want to be a companion, enjoy my company and make me feel good ~ Geez I feel anything else but good and would rather run for the hills.

    Does anyone have some insights for me? Thank you


  • ME-

    Your friend sounds pretty dependent... They feel better with your company and must not understand that you don't have the same feeling... It's nice that you don't want to hurt them, but if they can't understand what is, then I'm pretty sure they have yet to deal with their insecurity.

    I wish I had more insight for you...

    Thank you for all of yours you've shared with me.


  • AngelaVictoria,

    thank you for your note and insights. Please don't get me wrong my friend is a very nice person, attentive, compassionate and I enjoy their company ...... and we have a good time watching a movie, going out for breakfast or walking the dog yet I feel it doesn't need to be 24-7. I guess the hair raising/brow raising thing for me is that for knowing each other barely 2 months and creating a friendship the unfolding of their projections is so extreme.

    Thank you


  • Oh, no, you don't need to be a fun-sucker to be dependent! I definitely know this lol.

    The unfolding of their projections is extreme, how? If you don't mind me digging..


  • AngelaVictoria,

    the following came from him when said No to them comoing over and I just requested the need to step back a bit ~

    "Have I been that mean unfair & evil too u to make u think that I am fake and a liar?? But I didn't realize that I was that awful of a person!! I invited u into my circle of friends SIMPLE because I wanted to & not because I had too!! I am so sorry u feel that I am that person!! I feel bad that whatever I did to make u think that I am fake!! My time spent with u came from my heart & that I wanted to be with u!! Emptiness that’s how u view me!! I'm emotional @ a cross in the road not sure where to go. I understand u need time to find yourself. That's fine but, I’m unclear what that means? So I am @ a cross in the road on what to do & what u want. Please don't b mad @ me!! Please understand that I’m not mad at all. It is what is & It's over."

    I never referred to them being a fake nor a liar. They consistantly tell me that they only want my best and inviting me to join them with their friends wanting to be nice to me and make me feel good ~ Considering I just met them at the end of December this appears just a bit too extreme and intense for me and if I do decline it almost appears to evolve into a sour attitude.

    Anf here is what I have noticed: If I send a txt saying yes to them coming to visit me, they will txt me back again and again just short of them standing in front of my door.

    If I state No or that I am busy ~ that is just where it ends with either a "Fine" ~ "Bye" or nor reply.

    Your feedback is appreciated ~ Than You!


  • Questions: After contemplating my answers It seems to me that a lack of confidence, fear of being wrong & rejected continue to plaque me. I do believe I'm better at recognizing this & have begun baby steps towards change. I have 2 people in my life with whom I feel safe enough to reveal my innermost thoughts... a bit at a time. I do believe Its time to do it but it is scary.

    1. My inner voice is loudest about people & relationships in my life. I ignore it at times - if I don't want to hear it or if I'm not sure if its my insecurity speaking.

    2.I'm myself in action but guard my thoughts & feelings

    3. I know my authentic self just not sure how to begin to share me with others. I feel its a risk , exposure, awakens my anxiety from insecurity

    This frustrates me that I'm frozen at times from fear of being wrong in my thoughts or actions I want to let go of old hurts from the past yet it creeps in

  • ME-

    Holy Toledo.

    They're offended easily and jump to conclusions. He may be nice and compassionate and good company when things are going smooth for him, but if there's a slight rough patch it seems he might just fall apart. You seem very smart to me, to put it simply... I've learned that when somebody is that touchy, it's best to keep to yourself so that you don't have to worry about how much your life is involved with theirs. It's frustrating that time for yourself is that offensive to him, from my point of view. Compassion is a beautiful thing, but he must show that to you along with understanding.


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