Spiritual Boot Camp

  • Amused59, your mother will continue to mistreat you because you allow her to - you don't show her any consequences of her actions. Until you stand up to her, she will keep behaving badly. You must confront her and make her listen. Tell her that if she continues to criticize and berate you, you will not want to be with her ever again. That her negativity means she will be alone. And, if she still keeps on being negative, you must follow up by staying away from her - otherwise she doesn't get your message and thinks your words are hollow with no real conviction. If you don't show her the error of her ways, who will?

  • Hi Captain, i do hear what your saying and fully comprehend and acknowledge that i was not initially to blame. I just do not seem able to shake it all off. I get on with my life, do my job, am painfully independent i am basically a nice person until i get close to anyone, and alot of the time people walk around me as though on egg shells. Do something nice for myself, i would love to but am really not sure what that might be as i dont know me anymore. All i do know is i spent a fortune in the last 5 years securing my home with cameras at every possible angle. I really dont mean to sound so negative, i just dont know what something nice for myself is. I am not a girly girl, am a tomboy and dont like to leave the house unless absolutley necessary. I did do a hypnotherapy course a few years ago and am fully qualified and loved it but i completely lost my confidence with it. I just dont seem to believe in myself. I think i am going to be a real pain for you Captain. Thanks for listening !

  • Hi Mystical Energy,

    Thanks for the feedback! You know I was a free spirited child and I'm still a fairly free spirited child 🙂 I think there's one in all of us trying to get out! 🙂 I really love this part of me that loves exploring and loves everything and also knows there is a much larger part of me taking care of the big stuff, and this allows me to be free to explore and just enjoy everything. Also I don't thrive too well when my spirit is stifled. As far as leading the kids, I think since I helped with my little brothers it was just natural, cause some of the kids looked like they were getting a bit uncomfortable. You know you just made me realize something, there is something my mom used to say to me "you really think you're something don't you" I thought she was looney, but whatever it is I can really bug her like if I held a cup a certain way etc.. And somebody thinking they are special is sure to just irritate the heck out of my mother!! Yes its definitely confusing and stifling. I think I learned to just play down and even felt guilty for many things. Good lessons I suppose and try to appreciate them for that 🙂

    Love and Light to you and Good Luck with Boot Camp!

  • Hi Captain,

    I used to not even know I was doing things that I didn't want to do or that there was another option! I've known for quite some time, its better now, but I still get into these situations sometimes, these darn habits are hard to break. Its quite possible that I didn't truely bond with my parents. If my mom is having issues she is really unavailable and who knows how long my parents were having issues before they actually split up. I've been told by my mom, dad, and the rest of the family that they were happy and excited when I was born. I know by the time they split she was pretty unavailable emotionally and physically too, and I really learned to try to please her by taking care of many things. Not too much anymore but in the past anyone who needed anything called me, my parents and my brothers. I did finally have it out with her about verbal abuse, she hung up but has never spoke disrespectfully to me since. Yes there's def been times when I have felt I deal with her because of duty more than love. Its a tough one at times. Thanks for the feedback Captain. Love and Light! GJay

  • GJay,

    I am thingking bottom line: YOU ARE SOMETHING SPECIAL! Own It ~ Continue To Be It!

    Can't go wrong with being yourself!

    Be safe.


  • GJay,

    My thoughts ~ NO Room for feeling guilty as that just feeds the human ego and in regards to down playing ~ my thoughts ~ No Room for suppressing your own specialness!!!

    Been there ~ done that ~ leaves one stuck ~ It did me but I am still working on embracing that mountain.~ One step at a time.

    Take care of self and be safe!


  • Captain, I have confronted her numerous times & now that I limit my interactions w her she has begun to back down. I do have to be on guard for when she starts her negativity & stop the conversation quickly. I'm getting better at stopping the conversation & walking away feeling good about myself. I sense she tries but can't stop herself so I stop it. In the past she transfers what I'm saying about her actions as me being a b**** or in bad mood, now I say my peice for her to stop & if she doesn't I end it. I interact more on my terms. I will contemplate your advice to try again but have found it more hurtful than limiting interactions

  • MysticalEnergy, Thanks for the support. We are kindred spirits- I'm 52 also! We have walked similar paths. I agree our moms are hurting themselves & lash out at us but is weary after all this time. My mom also lashes out at my kids but I try to "throw myself under the bus"when needed to stop her. Luckily the guys see whats happening & support me too. I'm glad Captain started this thread it came at a perfect time for me.

  • AngelBoots, your pain and fear will not go away until you confront all the people who hurt and abused you in your childhood. Even if they have passed on, you can still pour out your feelings in a letter that you read aloud. I assure you they will hear, wherever they are.

  • There seems to be a common thread in many posts where someone feels that because someone else is a parent or family member that they are obliged to put up with their spite and nasty behaviour. WRONG! Everyone must earn respect and, if their lesson must come through being left alone to stew over why they are in that state, then so be it! If you wouldn't put up with tantrums and criticism from a stranger, why put up with it from family? (Or do you put up with bad behaviour from everyone?) You must make a stand and decide if you will continue to be dragged down into their swamp of misery with them or if you will happily get on with your own life. Bad behaviour should NEVER be put up with or explained away - from anyone. A family is not necessarily your biological relatives - it is the group of people who love and support you and treat you well. If our own family doesn't measure up, then we can find new 'family' who will.

    It's a shame that our idea of family has shrunk to such low numbers, just a handful of people, when the whole world is really our brothers and sisters. The good people here on this forum can be our family members, for example.

    This thread is really about empowerment and strengthening your sense of self and finding your authenticity. Empowerment means loving yourself enough not to let other people infringe on your rights or walk all over you.

  • GJay, it sounds llike your mother has always been jealous of you.

  • MysticalEnergy, who is this wise woman that supports and comforts others? Why, it's you - the new you. 🙂

    Do you realise how far you have come? You should read some of your old posts. You are such a different person now.

  • Another exercise: would everyone look in a mirror and tell me what you see? (Physical and any other impressions)

  • I'll take this for how I see it...

    When I look in the mirror, I first see tired eyes. Pale skin with thin red veins visible through my cheeks from holding my breath as a kid during tantrums... Naturally light blonde long hair. Long eyelashes that look false.

    When I see myself in the mirror, I'm trying to approve what I see. There's always something that could be better, but I'll be fine with it because I'm not going to find the means to "fix" it unless it's quick. It's hard for me to see more than how I look while looking in a mirror. Some days I feel good about it, some days I don't- like many.

    And then sometimes, when I'm bored... I'll be a kid and make as many terrible, ridiculous faces as I can so I can laugh like I do for jokes...


  • AngelaVictoria, does the person in the mirror look happy? If not, why not?

  • Thank you Captain, but my daughter takes up for him so I can't do that. I already tried and my daughter got on to me. But thank you anyway.

  • The outlook I have is a positive one.. But feelings aren't always so happy. I am constantly looking for approval, even when I receive it. I feel good but then need more.. I am happy with who I have become, but I reflect that from others expectations.

    So.. The person in the reflection seems unsettled. Almost unsatisfied...

  • My reflection seems almost unhappy in many ways. I see a face that is getting older, that makes me sad.

  • I must admit that it took me sometime to sit down and write about my childhood, it's a time and place I don't really like to think of and I don't really know if I would get out as much as I want to but here goes.

    When I think about the past it brings a mixture of feelings, some good and some bad, I do feel there were more bad times then good for me. I do remember the times I wished I would die because something was bothering me or made me upset, I do remember always asking my self What was my purpose? Why am I here? and Why in this family? I think I do still ask myself one of those questions, What is my purpose? but I ask myself this now in a positive way, because now I am interested in finding out what I must do or accomplish with the time I have on Earth.

    I remember growing up without my mother around much, because she was either working or attending to whatever it is she did with her time after work, But the times when my mother were home it wasn't really pleasant, I couldn't handle her controlling negative spirit it was to the point where I really didn't want to see or hear from her at all, whenever I knew she was on her way home I would either go to sleep or pretend I was sleeping so I wouldn't have to deal with any of the moods she was in at that moment, Don't get me wrong I love my mother and she isn't like this all of the time, we just don't see eye to eye and she isn't someone I can really talk to. It's kind of the same way now, she lightens up sometimes put for the most part she is still negative and to controlling I just do whatever I can to stay out of her way, which doesn't really work much because we are always arguing.

    Someone I do look up to is my stepfather, ever since my mother met him he just stepped in and fill in the empty spot my real father left behind when he decided to move to Vegas, He's really positive and so easy to talk to I think it really bothered my mother because instead of her kids talking to her or coming to her for advice we turned to him and asked for anything. Now that I think about it, maybe I have a lot to work on because not so much changed since then, Even though my step father and mother are separated now we still continue to look to him for support.

    When I think of my family members I think of a dysfunctional family, No one really sticks up for each other or helps each other unless they feel it's a serious crisis even then they would remind you that they did for you and didn't really have to, my family likes to compete with each other, who have the better house, who is married, who kids is the best, because they were so judgmental I went through a lot growing up everything had to be perfect or someone in the family was talking about you, My mother is the type to worry about what people think about her so if we miss behaved or did something wrong in school it makes her look bad and she isn't happy with that. I feel it's the same way now with my family, but I learned to ignore things I didn't like about them or things I didn't want to deal with, I don't talk to certain family members anymore because i either feel they were to negative for me and I didn't need it in my life or they actually did something to me that i would not forgive, like verbal abuse or anything else.

    I think I will have to stop here for now. Remembering the past is bringing me to tears and making me realize that I really didn't let go of anything even though I thought I did because I no longer pay attention to it.

  • Hi Captain, thank you so much that suggestion seems to be something tangible that i can get my teeth into. I have many letters to write and i will be practising the mirror thing aswell. I may be a slow learner so i thank you for your patience.

    Sent from heaven you are Thank you so much.

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