Spiritual Boot Camp



  • Looking in the mirror see a face starting to show wrinkles but there is a smile & a twinkle in my eyes that has just returned after many absent years. I am happy but do need to reassure myself all is well. I do look for approval from others but less than before as I am learning to be ok with myself....this remains very hard but I keep at it. I'm sensitive but now realize often it is my need for reassurance that is the cause. I see hope



  • AngelaVictoria, thanks for sharing. I too need reassurance more than most I now realize...its nice to hear I'm not alone. I'm hopeful that through the quidance from Captain & support of one another we will all grow & leave some of these hurts behind us once & for all. I've started to ask myself why I'm feeling insecure -is it my need for reassurance or is it the actions of another person. I've begun to assert myself asking for clarification before I get anxious & the insecure thoughts drag me down. Many times its a misunderstanding & doesn't require the anxiety I have lived with in the past. Do you find asserting yourself difficult? For me its all tied up together. I try to reassure myself daily & its corny but whenever I look in the mirror I say " you rock!" It makes me smile & can lift my spirits which can never be negative!

    Great work keep it up. 🙂



  • Thank you Captain! 🐵

    I am a different woman and very appreciative of her wonderful StarCrossed Teacher.

    xoxox

    ME



  • I do feel like everybody is a family in this forum! This thread is something I look forward to reading each day.. a couple times a day, in fact. I understand that it most likely wont be here for as long as we will be around, but until them I am grateful for it's presence.

    Amused59, I think your method of asserting yourself is perfect. 🙂 I have, semi-recently, become good at asserting myself... but even more recently I have forgotten the importance of adding that boost to my life. It's like I try to figure out my purpose and solving this puzzle and trying to radiate love make me more preoccupied... so then I forget to keep up with my initial well being that supports the other things I try to do. I will have to get back to that... Thank you for helping me to realize that!

    -Angela



  • Hello Amused59,

    thank you for sharing. I would like you to know that you sharing your story here and all the others that have shared their story here has been a breakthrough for me to recognize that I am not alone in this, nor crazy or all knowing but still a work in progress with the understanding that everyone has their own path to walk in their own right, their time and space. Some are receptive to our communicating and some well just aren't. I totally understand your feelings about trying to talk to your mother again, in a sense one has to ask how many times should I put myself in a position that all past times I know I had to protect myself from the others blows.

    Like you I have tried over and over again only to find myself few minutes into the conversation my mother would go back 10, 15 even 40 years digging/revampng up stuff. She has alienated so many folks in the family that neither want to talk to her. She lives only 45 minutes from where I live and I havn't seen her face to face since 2000 at my daughters graduation on the other hand my dad who lives in Europe I have seen almost everyone of those years ~ never-the-less that they have been divorced for 40 plus years she calls him stirring up drama telling him I am a drug addict and alcoholic. Do to unemployment she tell me to go walk the streets, as the whore that I am.

    I am none of the above ~ so my question again "How often is one to go face 2 face or via telephone with such situation?" Couldn't the time be spend on somthing more positive?

    Amazed59 I see you have a pisces sign, so when is your birthday, sister 🐵 ????

    Be safe ~

    ME



  • Hello Sister AngelaVictoria, 🐵

    be easy on yourself ~ it is not a coincidence that those here were drawn to this thread ~ try not to envision an ending of the threat at this time as there is none at this time. I look at it like a sharing and playing field with everyone in the midst of learning, of clearer understanding and been enlightened.

    According to most stories I have gathered that we didn't have such support from the so callled biological family and now VIOLA here WE are. The Captain is a wonderful teacher who has so much in depth insights and I truly feel that by sharing and us been authentic with ourself and our family here "We will discover things we never thought before but they will be so freeing and essential to our growth and evolvement."

    xoxox

    ~ME



  • Thank you, ME.

    Each new thought and feeling really is a personal evolvement. Each interaction on here has helped that for me 🙂 I love how everybody here is able to express themselves without a ground for judgement.

    ❤

    -Angela



  • If I could just talk to my mother one more time. She died in 2006 and I miss her so much. I was her care taker until she died. Please, if anyone has a rift between your mother and yourself, just remember, nobody is here forever. Make your peace.



  • Hello AngelBoots,

    Thank you for sharing and if I may share the folowing with you please. Your statement of "I fight daily battles with myself to be a better person but am just conforming to family, friends and strangers ideals." Iam NOT an english lit on the other hand yet the "but" in your statement had me thinking ~ I don't really know you yet feel YOU ARE a good person that is torn between your true self and what the others (family, society, etc) perceive you as. I can relate so may I ask this which side makes you feel better about yourself? Your articulated already the words "better person" yet than down play it by "just conforming ...".

    I have learned that if I would try to conform to every person I knew to "make them or me comfortable" I would be running "UP' an escalator instead of down, one would have to really sprint to make it upstairs but what if one had more people operating the escalator speeding it up as one is trying to hike up the stairs ~ geez what a work out and I am not sure how much energy it would take to get to the top ~ if EVER!?

    You stated " They say i have foot in the mouth syndrome, i do think before i speak but maybe dont put the words together as they might hope, have hurt alot of people with my words, yet i am university educated so i know how to string a sentence together."

    Maybe if you would look at it as that you are speaking "your truth" and they are at this time just not receptive ~ which is absolutely NOT your fault yet maybe they just haven't caught up with you yet!?

    "I dont feel i have the courage to live as the person i was born to be, i was asked to get comfortable in front of the mirror and look deep beyond the my body, i cannot see anything else but blue eyes."

    AngelBoots, I see so much more and all I have is your name "AngelBoots" as I feel the courage for you and I know it is within you. OMG ~ you have blue eyes how gorgeous (mine are hazel) and besides that I see a beautiful, insightful, University educated spirit (sadly my academics are not as high as yours) never-the-less I absolutely see myself as smart.

    xoxo

    ~ ME



  • Tonib, so you are saying you can't stand up for yourself where you are living? Then you must either pull more courage out of yourself to speak your mind or move out. Otherwise this disregard for your feelings and rights will eat away at your soul and make you very ill indeed to the point where you will wonder if you are at all significant or loved or worthy of good health or any good things at all. The more you let people (even or especially family) beat you down, the more you lose yourself. And this thread is about finding yourself. No one else can make things better for you but you.



  • AngelaVictoria, the things we seek have to come from inside ourselves, not from the outside. Do you approve of yourself?



  • Fiercetika, it's true that ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away, in fact, it just makes it worse. Only by facing and dealing with our issues can we overcome them. You need to step back emotionally from your family and try to understand them like a stranger who is seeing them for the first time. Instead of arguing or competing with them, remain calm and speak with them without emotion. Try to see why they behave the way they do. Evaluate logically their motivations and drives. Understanding will bring forgiveness and letting go of fear and resentment. Have you experienced fear of abandonment and bad moods in your adult relationships?



  • Amused59, what you are looking for is approval from your parents which is why you cannot find it in others. You must realise that your parents' expectations were not about you really, but about themselves as they felt they were failing to live up to their own prospects and potential. We can only give ourselves approval. What expectation do you feel your parents wanted you to fulfill?



  • Self-assertion is not the same thing as aggression or anger. A self-assertive person is calm, quiet, objective and yet firm and confident about getting his/her point across. It doesn't mean raising your voice or losing your temper, just remaining resolute that no one is going to shout you down or push you around or sway you from your course. You dig your heels into the good earth and maintain your position with grace and courage, knowing your are right.



  • MysticalEnergy asked "How often is one to go face 2 face or via telephone with such situation?"

    Until you realise that it is not the other person you are trying to convince of your worth and truth - but yourself.



  • AngelBoots, you say you don't have the courage to live the way you want. But it takes a heckova lot of courage to survive the life that was handed to you. You survived severe abuse, emotional mental and physical, and yet here you still are - damaged yes, but not beyond repair, and still going strong. STRONG! Look at yourself in the mirror and feel pride for being a survivor. Find a brooch or something you cna pin on yourself like a medal so that it will remind you that you do have courage and strength and love of life or else you would not be here today. How beautiful your soul must be having been purified by all that fire you went through!



  • Captain, i think that is the most beautiful thing Anybody has ever said to me Thank you



  • MysticalEnergy, Thanks for the support. I, like you, had no idea other people had this experience. Parents are not supposed to hurt their children even if its emotional abuse or neglect. It took me years to realize thats what was happening>

    As far as how many times do we try...I'm not sure but I do want to heal & move forward. I've decided to stop the interaction either hang up or leave when my mom continues her negativity after asked to stop. Maybe that will break the cycle & I'll feel as if I'm taking a stand. Have you tried this?

    My DOB 3/4/59 officially 52



  • AngelaVictoria, Your name should help you remember to be positive towards yourself...Victoria= Victory!!! Keep up the good work 😉



  • Captain, It was a baby step but I feel good for starting. During a phone call initiated by my mom, I told her a conversation involves 2 people talking & listening. I wanted her to listen to my thoughts &stop her negativity. She complied for a few minutes but returned to her usual way. I ended the conversation& felt good having been able to take a stand.

    I agree that its up to me to approve & nurture myself- to strengthen self love. I think my parents were not always happy with themselves & as a couple. Maybe if I was a good girl, a show piece they thought I would legitimize their success. It was easier to control me than other aspects of their life....sad....lacking self love they expected too much from a child & my mom continues

    I


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