Spiritual Boot Camp
Thank you Captain. I did think about moving, but when I looked around and saw the rents etc. I realized I can't afford to live by myself. So I decided to stay here and I did talk personally to my daughter about the noise. It has been better since I did. Thanks so much.
I wonder what you can do to help all these lovely people at once -- what is it you are offering? how much time per day per person will you share? what is the focus of what you intend to teach?
FIercetika, Welcome & good for you for getting beyond old hurts now rather than living for yrs carrying them with you. Age doesn't matter here we're all healing our inner chil, strengthening self love & supporting one another. Its a good feeling to know you aren't alone & this extended family is full of wonderful old souls.
GJay & MysticalEnergy, glad I brought a smile to you....humor has always been my way of coping with life's challenges. I'm quite good at laughing at myself too its the source of most of my material!!!
Captain, I do hope I have become the mother I always wanted, I've tried very hard not to model my mom's behavior with my own sons....wasn't easy at times but I decided not to repeat what was so painful for me. Clearing out of old stuff....after a bit of thought I decided to clean a few drawers & a closet. The new me no longer wants the same ole look every day...thanks for the gentle push to do something I've put off. Thanks for this thread...perfect timing with spring on its way we're like buds waiting to bloom
Thank you Capt I did a lot of soul searching these last few days & I feel that I am understanding my self better & why my dad ask me to help & hold the family together. I actually remindeded my sister that time is of the essence in filing the will of her deceased exhubby & only she can do it I cannot but told her if she wanted to use my fax or computer it is there all she has to do is ask & she can use it. and I I feel a little more at peace with myself.
Childhood was a bear for me going to school & taking care of the house & pets but I do not think I would change it for anything & it did give me lessons to live and learn by.
blessing to all
Ahliyah, the main thing I am offering on this thread is a chance for people to talk about themselves and their lives freely, without judgement. I offer a few exercises to help people get to know themselves better, maybe get a better perspective, to release pain, and to be able to let go of the past and move onto a brighter future. We all help each other here with support and compassion by sharing our stories. Sometimes all someone needs is to know is they're not alone.
My little blooming buds!
Shadowmist, do you find it hard to let people do things for you?
(I'll repeat this in case it got missed)
Throw away something that you have been keeping for a long time but that no longer has any meaning or represents you as a new person with a new life beginning.
Just a note from me...I think your heart is in a good place and please continue with what you set out to do. I am in no need of bootcamp at the moment but if I ever will I know where to knock.
Oh jeez- cute picture. Blooming buds
So I found that I'm more able to focus and relax after I've exercised my body and my mind... I did a little bit of pilates and played a little piano and it was easier to stop stewing on more superficial situations going on around me... I'm making a big change today, though! I'm going to cut my hair. Right now it's to the middle of my back... I'm taking it to the bottom of my neck. That's something I'm getting rid of. And I'll like it no matter how shocked people are by it.
Yes Flow, people should feel free to join this thread at any time - I will keep it open.
My childhood ..... I never really connected with my father and there was never open affection there I think because of the lack of connection. My mum was the main carer with dad being the wage earner, and she is the first to admit she isn't very maternal. I find that now I am older, being the eldest child I am almost expected to do the best and my younger sister (by 18 months) always has mum and dad cleaning up after her. I left a mentally and emotionally abusive marriage back in 2003 and had 3 young children, when I told my mum I was leaving she made me feel guilty for breaking up the family unit. It seemed it was another disappointment to them. I feel that maybe a lot of my lack of self trust is from my parents lack of support with my life choices. I decided having 3 girls that had 2 happy parents that were not together was better than 2 parents living together in a house full of hostility. I had a failed engagement 3 years after my marriage failed and lost a son with downs syndrome and was with a man who allowed his ex fiance to control our relationship, this ended 2 years ago.
I have had graves disease (overactive thyroid) for 4 years and had it removed august 2009. I am still in the process of getting my medicvation levels right with that. i suffer from depression and fell into a pit during my enegagement. I am working on getting myself financially stable and metally/emotionally/physically healthy again. I know this will be a long path and I want to be able to be the person I know i can be
Talisa, no wonder you have a problem recognising a good man for a partner when your father was not a fitting example to you. Subconsciously you believe an abusive or distant man and relationship is normal. You need to work through this issue in order to recognise a 'real' loving man and have a good relationship. Abuse is neither healthy attention nor love. Your choices in a partner so far have been based on what your parents represented. Time for a mental overhaul, methinks!
Nor did you mother teach you about love. Duty is not love. Your mother was criticizing you for leaving your marriage because she thinks that duty comes before love - but that is so wrong. It was a pretty common falsehood back then, no doubt promoted by the religious bodies who had no personal idea of what healthy married life or a relationship between men and women was really like.
Healer Louise Hay says about the thyroid that problems in this area represent humiliation, "I never get to do what I want" and "When is it going to be my turn?" The positive affirmation is "I move beyond old limitations and now allow myself to express freely and creatively."
You can heal yourself. You will find a truly happy and loving relationship by first starting with yourself.
With the 'looking in the mirror' exercise, note where the lines on your face occur. Try to replicate the expression that deepens these lines. Are they frown signs or laughter lines? Does your face look more or less tense? These lines are a good indicator of the emotions that are most common in you and your life.
Great, Captain, I'm just getting started. Can so use this work to clear out the old and get to the new. Thank you for your help! Love and Light.
AngelaVictoria, it's good to change your hairstyle from time to time. Our hair can lock us into a certain time or memory in the past so it's good to update, even if everyone around you is shocked. It's amazing how people get used to you looking a certain way and when you change, they feel like you are a new person - and in a way you are.
Waterbear, we all look forward to hearing about your life.
Thanks Captain. I am working on developing my spirituality and know that I need to clear quite a few blockages before I can achieve an open line of communication. I have studied reiki and am working on having the confidence to trust that I am able to assist and help others while I help myself. You are so right on everything you said. I know try and achieve as much as I can without my family as I feel that way it hasn't cost me a part of myself
Working on it So far so good!
It is totally different, in a very good way. It fits well.
Thanks for this thread, Captain, and for letting us just jump in on arrival. I’m eager to see where this journey leads us all, individually and collectively.
Starting at the beginning, childhood was often a struggle for me. In my family I was the “stubborn” one. From very young I had a strong sense of justice and was sensitive to my own feelings and others’, but one of my early memories is of learning that other people’s feelings mattered more: at about 3 years old, asked what I had liked best about the movie Bambi, I answered “when Bambi’s mother died”, which made my sister cry, and I was punished for having hurt her feelings (and doubtless also my mother’s!). I didn’t know how to explain that I didn't feel happy about her death, but the sadness was emotionally powerful and I connected with that. I felt much misunderstood by my (well-intentioned) parents, and unlike my sisters, who were compliant by nature, I was spanked frequently, as well as interrogated—kept up hours past my bedtime being asked why I had done something, or even why I had made an offhand comment such as “my teacher doesn’t like me”—which I could never explain to anyone’s satisfaction.
Although I started out rather feisty I learned to stay quiet to try to avoid conflict with authority figures (who nevertheless often reacted strongly to me, whether positively or negatively). I was an avid reader from very young, and escaped into the worlds of my books. The only passion I felt safe expressing was in coming to the defense of others. As an older child and teen I used to have a recurring nightmare, always with different details but always involving telling a truth that no one would believe no matter how I tried to persuade them of it, until I would finally wake in hysterical tears. My parents’ sudden conversion (when I was 5) to evangelical Christianity fed my mother’s morally judgmental side, which I could rarely satisfy—at one point she told me she saw God and Satan fighting for my soul, and that Satan was winning. No great surprise that my own spirituality evolved away from any organized religion.
In addition to these “difficult gifts”, my parents also gave me some straightforwardly wonderful ones: they fostered my independence and appreciation of solitude and nature through Montessori preschool on a farm, where I was encouraged to pursue my own interests as well as to connect with the natural world; we had no TV and reading was strongly advocated and completely uncensored; and we lived in a beautiful rural area where I could spend whole days roaming stone walls, streams, and deer paths through the woods and fields and hills. They also provided a home that was nurturing in many ways—my mother was devoted to making sure our every physical need was taken care of, as well as teaching us to take care of ourselves in that regard (cooking, cleaning, sewing). And my father fostered our work ethic, financial sense, and our chosen interests and activities (sports, books, etc.). Having been a strong-willed child himself, he also, unlike my mother, seemed to like me as a person.
So, I feel positive looking back in that I’m grateful for all the things that have contributed to who I am today, even the experiences that were hard at the time. I have a lot of empathy for powerless, misunderstood, and unheard people, especially children and the disabled, and that empathy has born good fruit, so I can’t see wising I hadn’t had the experiences that cultivated it.
But I do have a deep sadness that as an adult I haven’t yet been able to sort out the issues of power imbalances and feeling voiceless or misunderstood in relationships, and that I continue to try to protect myself from conflicts by keeping people and emotions at arm’s length. When I do let myself be vulnerable, the energy of all that pent-up emotion scares people off (thinking of those floods in Australia now, Captain!), which of course confirms my belief that I won’t be understood or accepted as I am, and precipitates a hasty retreat into silence and solitude again. Solving this puzzle—clearing out this old pattern—seems to be both my greatest challenge and deepest need. I've done a lot of work on it over the years and still feel like I'm flailing and failing here.
Thanks for listening, fellow travelers. Light and love and courage for the journey!