I need advice from Taurus women!!!
I'm so sorry What happened if you don't mind me asking?
Well, he is not sure how committed he wants to be. I understand that. I really do. We have talked off and on all day on the phone, trying to work things out. he was trying to explain his "feelings" to me and felt that I was being too demanding. I pointed it out that THAT was not true. That I just hate to be left hanging. That is what we have been talking about today.
He asked me out tonight, and I told him I couldn't, which is true.
I know he has been through a lot, but he does not share much at all. And, I am pretty sure he is not like you and has no deep desire to work on himself. Which, for me causes an issue, bc I am constantly working on myself.
So, what I think I am going to do, is just continue to be myself and just let him figure out exactly what he wants.
I agree with everthing you said and if I were you I would distance yourself so you don't get hurt. He will either make things work with you or he will distance himself. How long ago did he divorice his wife(if you already told me that I apologize. I am forgetful at times) I would guess if you give him enough time, he will try much harder to make things work. Cancer men need a little space from time to time to figure things out and more than likely he will come running back to you. If you do this and it doesn't work out in your favor, forgive me.
I talked to my ex via text today. Nothing important as usual. Anytime I bring up anything that might remind her of us or what we had, she won't she goes silent. Any idea why?
Thanks, and I hope things work out with you and your Cancer.
He has been divorced for 2 years. I am going to distance myself. If it does not work out, it is his loss. I basically told him that over the last two days. I am just NOT going to have a half a**ed relationship ever again in my life. If I cannot express myself for who I am, forget it. AT one point today, he hung up on me. I called right back, he said it was me. The phone went dead when I told him I was not interested in ANY drama from his ex and, when he immediately reanswered, I said or ANY ex for that matter. I will NOT ever put myself in that situation again. I have had enough drama to last me a lifetime.
That is one of the main reasons I have kept this whole thing on slow burn. people need time to heal, adjust and move on. And, I am a firm believer in when that time period is going on, people really need to evaluate what they want their life to be.
I also believe in clear cut boundaries between exes, especially regarding children. Children do not need to know every little detail. I think finances, etc should be left between adults and exes should only deal with exes. Now, if friendships and alliances can form, that is great. But from what I have seen, very rarely does that happen.
There could be so many reasons she goes silent. I have never played "woman/girl" games, I know the gist of them, just do not use them. With that said, she could be testing you I guess.
But for me, when I go quiet, it is usually when I feel a situation is done. Like I have said everything I needed to say, and most of the time, have not seen my desired result, which makes me done.
We are generally not rude women. I know many Taurus women and we are all very much alike. Very forgiving, nurturing and care takers, but push us too far, and we charge. Yet it can take very long periods of time and occurences before we get there.
I am sorry things are rough with you and your man and I agree with you that half ass relationships aren't worth anyones time. For me after a period of time, it's all or nothing. I'm not intertested in being with somone who doesn't treat me like their best friend and lover.
Thanks for the info on her being silent. I think you are right. I mentioned somethings I'm doing in my life to better myself and that is when she went silent. She was probably rollering her eyes thinking "sure, whatever". The best part is, her new man likely has three times as many issues as I do. And I'm not saying that out of pride, I really think he is mess of a man.
At least you and your man are talking things through. I would be happy to have that lol!
I think it is good that we are talking, and, it was after he hung up, that he asked me out. I can handle knowing that a cancer's mind is never really for certain forever. i know how you change. Yet, don't treat me as if I cannot understand that. And, definitely do not try to blame me or anyone for your (general your) issues.
I could see why she would be quiet after you texted that. We want to be shown what we are told, if after awhile the two do not match up, not good. I can offer you some advice, remain a strong, desicive man. Don't be overly apologetic or mushy. Especially in your instant. most women I know want a strong man. For a woman, there is a fine line between being strong and sensitive. I know as a taurus, the 'manly" men are the ones I have always been attracted too. ESPECIALLY if they are somewhat a mess, bc I guess we feel that it is some sort of odd challenge.
"I can offer you some advice, remain a strong, desicive man. Don't be overly apologetic or mushy. Especially in your instant. most women I know want a strong man. For a woman, there is a fine line between being strong and sensitive. I know as a taurus, the 'manly" men are the ones I have always been attracted too. ESPECIALLY if they are somewhat a mess, bc I guess we feel that it is some sort of odd challenge."
Yep, I figured that out the hard way I am working on being more strong and decisive. I need it in my life with or without her.
Thanks for the advice! You are spot on with this one. My ex is the same way and I believe that was a big part of why we aren't together anymore. Is your Cancer man a manly man?
He thinks he is! lol For the most part, yes. I mean he is not a rugged outdoor type. I really did not realize how complex and insecure he was until monday. I know cancers are that way by nature, but he does not want to talk about anything initially. As the conversation progresses, he will open up some. But not very much.
I think boldness is more the word I was looking for earlier. To me, that is far better than manly man. Now, interestingly enough, J is very bold, yet only on things he wants to be bold about. lol
"He thinks he is! lol For the most part, yes. I mean he is not a rugged outdoor type. I really did not realize how complex and insecure he was until monday. I know cancers are that way by nature, but he does not want to talk about anything initially. As the conversation progresses, he will open up some. But not very much."
What type of men do you go for? Business men, average joe, artists?
Also, I'm sorry that he has a hard time talking about his feelings. I am extremely open with my lovers about how I feel about them, and talking about problems. From what I understand some cancers just don't like to open up.
"I think boldness is more the word I was looking for earlier. To me, that is far better than manly man. Now, interestingly enough, J is very bold, yet only on things he wants to be bold about. lol"
I can be the same way, bold about things I am comfortable with and timid with things I'm not.
One women said something like "If cancer men didn't have insecurity issues they would have way to much power over women. The other men wouldn't have a chance!" I thought this was funny
Taurus7: One more question about this "Don't be overly apologetic or mushy"
I know you love romance and gifts, but do you Taurean women hate anything mushy? Can you give me some examples of what being overly apologetic and mushy is to a Taurus? I think I can be both if I'm not careful.
What i search for is REAL. I think that is what most Taurus women go for. So, as far as the overly mushy, I hated it when my ex went on and on about something. Like, Oh baby, you're so wonderful, pretty, etc.....it begins to feel empty.
What i would have rathered ( and I told my ex and J this) is when my man walks in th edoor, to grab me and kiss me like he has not seen me for ten years and a simple..."Hey baby, I am glad I am home" would suffice.
For me, it's all in the kiss.....really. I know that sounds corny, but I would prefer hand picked daisies to stro bought flowers. I need my lover to KNOW me. What I specifically like.
I am really not interested in verbage.
Thanks for the insight! I am a very real person and I believe when I tell someone that I love them, they feel it. But I wish I would have known how much more physical intamacy means to her than verbal crap before I met her. Not that I am always saying mushy crap anyway, but still, it would have been nice to know. I actually did give her a good amount of physical affection. I'm guessing much more than she is getting from her current man.
How are you? Anything new with your man?
I don't know what I am. Today will be the 1st time I will see him since monday. I think my reaction to seeing him and seeing his reaction to seeing me will tell me a lot. I am afraid of the way i was feeling yesterday. My taurus.. I AM DONE. It is a heavy feeling. I am not a teenager anymore, my tolerance seems to be a lot less than what it used to be.
I am sure my marriage and divorce play into that, plus my age. I just hope when I see him, I don't cry.
You have been through a lot and you do owe it to yourself to be with someone who makes you really happy and genuinely wants the same in return. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to deal with kids and a relationship. It's hard enough to deal with a relationship on it's own. Can this relationship work with him taking care of his kids? How old are they?
I hope this doesn't upset you, it's just something I've noticed about my ex. She could be extremely self focused at times. She was very kind and giving but if things didn't go her way, she had zero tolerance for it. It's good to have enough self-respect to not put up with crap, but my ex was sometimes a bit unrealistic. Her ideas about what a relationship should be were very idealistic and not always based in reality. I'm not saying you are being this way, I just know from experience with my ex that she had issues with being able to see another persons point of view. I know that you are much more wise than her so this probably isn't an issue for you, so please forgive me if I am way out of line here. I'm just speaking from experience with my ex and wanted to point that out.
Btw Are you a religious women?
"I think my reaction to seeing him and seeing his reaction to seeing me will tell me a lot. I am afraid of the way i was feeling yesterday. My taurus.. I AM DONE. It is a heavy feeling."
I really admire this side of you Taurus women but it also scares the crap out of me because my ex is a Taurus
"I am sure my marriage and divorce play into that, plus my age. I just hope when I see him, I don't cry."
If you do cry, it's ok. You are human and you love him. If you end it, he will more than likely come running back after he takes time to think about it. Or he will tell you he loves you and doesn't want to lose you. Or if he doesn't really love you, you will lose him. Either way, if you're not happy, and you believe it's because of him, and he won't listen, you should take a break and see how life without each other feels.
My ex and I have been texting each other every few days with random crap. I know she is still with her man but I'm not sure how it's going. Should I keeps the lines of communicatuion open?
Well, this was interesting. When I walked into work today, when he saw me, he did a double take. it was just me, in clothes that I have had. I said hi, he said HI and how are you, I said fine and walked away. I did not talk to him the rest of the day, we left about the same time. i said See ya and so did he.
Now, I am a religious person, he is not. He can take care of his kids, but he is self professed lazy. His kids range in age from 16 - 9. I am not self centered at all. My thoughts are always on others. My self and my needs last.
After I saw him today, I was mad, very mad at him for hurting me. In my mind, my battle was how I was done with this. I did not text or call him today, maybe he is wondering why or maybe not. I just do not know. I was careful to not emit any of my feelings. He picks up on those so easily.
Right now, all I know is, I do not want to talk to him. I don't. Either I can get over this or I can't.
You did good. Let him wonder what you are up to. Give him a little chase. It never hurts, though it is annoying that people always want what they can't have. It's a childish thing.
He will likely change his mind and come running when he realizes your not going to put up with his shit. I'm glad you are not selfish like my ex. Actually, It's not even so much that she is selfish, she's just really stubborn and cannot, or will not, put herself in someone elses shoes. Considering the type of guys she goes for, she will never find a man who can live up to her expectations of what a lover should be. There are men who are much easer to date than others, but her taste is for attractive artsy guys, and unfortuantally they often have a good amount of baggage to deal with. I should know, I am one lol!
Relationships are about loving and supporting each other through the good and the bad. If one person is struggling with something the other should be more than willing to step up and support them, as long as they are actually trying.
I am religious as well but my ex was not. It's really annoying because it seems like the women I am attracted to are never religious.
You didn't answer my question at the end of my last post.
Honestly, I would say no. Let her wonder! Sorry for not answering that, I am just heartbroken.
i agree with you 100% on what relationships shuold be, sadly, very rarely are they that.
I told J, most people lie to themselves. BC they do. And, that most people do not want to know the point blank truth, bc they'd rather live a lie. Delusion seems to work well with people, except me. he told me I was confusing??? really. i am point blank. Maybe that is what confuses him. All I can say is, if he loses me, it will be the biggest loss of his life.
But I hurt him. I did. I told him right now, I was not interested in making a life with him. That was after he hurt me. I know that was bad, but I meant it. I cannot do drama and his ex has so much. That's when he hung up on me. He would rather run away from reality than face it dead on and I just cannot do that. I have no energy for that. I don't. I cannot stand the way she uses their children as pawns...makes me sick. And I know him well enough to know that even though they are divorced, she will always hold a place in his heart. I understand that, I do. I don't have a problem with that. I really don't. Why would he NOT care about her? She is the mother of his children and they had a life. But I will NOT compete with his memories or whatever of her.
I would rather love and be vulnerable with the possibility of being hurt than being so reserved and safe that I miss out on love and life.
This just sucks.
I am really sorry I agree with everything you say. Here is the thing. If you ignore him, he will likely do anything and everything to get you back. Do you think you will be able to be strong?
Do you just feel like more of a fling than a girlfriend? How does he make you feel?
I just hurt. And I hurt bad. I just feel like he was too afraid, for whatever reason, to take a chance. And that chance was me. And, I know I am not perfect, but I am real. I know I have loved him more and better than anyone in hos life. But it just does not seem or feel good enough for him right now.
I can be strong. I have been that my whole life. He even acknowledged that on monday. Yet he was the one who flipped the off switch, not me. And I do not know if I can go back. I love him so much. I do. He is so amazing. And yet, I do no think he sees that. I just do not get his, BC all of his actions and comments prior to this just do not add up. At all.
I appreciate all of your insight and effort Mark, I really do. I look forward to your responses BC they give me hope. Out of all of this that transpired, his biggest and only gripe to me was, I asked him too much when we were going to be together. I would ask him once a week at most, too much pressure he said. I said ya..that's horrible....someone who loves you wanting to spend time with you.
I just do not know what that means. I can't figure it out. I feel used and taken advantage of, yet he told me it was nothing I did in like the next sentence. And I am the confusing one.