I need advice from Taurus women!!!
It isn't true...we change our minds continually...we do. Only bc our worst enemy is ourselves. I am my own nightmare........really. I wish I could talk to your ex. She will never find someone who loves her more. Be careful.....I would hate to see you devastated. We can do that. We are our own worst nightmares. We always second guess our natural instincts. I do not know why, but we do. Self protection I guess. And to keep the microscope off of ourselves. We do not deal with that well at all.
Ok, this was not going to be my next why cancer men drive me crazy topic...but..it fits....
OK...J and I were getting serious, but I am not sure if either of us were prepared for these intense feelings...I needed a break. I went to him crying.....and just poured out my heart...he told me..Babe..take all the time you need, I am not going anywhere.
That made me feel good, bc I need time to reflect and sort.
I was feeling good, then the very next day..he called me..he wanted to come over?? I was like babe..you said I could have time.....do you think 24 hours is all I need ? he laughed and said YA...? And yes, he came over?
Why? Was he afraid to lose me? I just needed time to myself to sort out my intense feelings.....yet...he NEVER lets me out of his sight or thoughts. I sometimes do not know what to do about that. I was in such a horrible marriage that I need to know if our relationship is best for me.
But I think he thinks that if he gives me time that I will change my mind and that is not true. I just need my OWN processing time. Granted, my time works slower than his, Which makes me mad, but my process is exactly that. My process.
I do not instantly know..yet, I know that I do not want to live without him. I don't. He knew I loved him before I did. he did.....made me mad again...lol
Which leads me to another frustrating point...when I kiss his neck...he shrugs and pulls away and says..quit!! I am like WHY?? He says bc it tickles...WTH does that mean? Really?
Sometimes i feel as though he is afraid to love me and that makes me sad.
Thank you for the kind words of encouragement
We Cancers are terrified of loosing the women we love, so yes, no matter how much he wants to respect your suggestion of needing time to think, he can't help but worry that you may decide he's not the right guy. That is why he wasn't able to give you sufficient time alone. We obsess about what our lover is thinking when they say they need time to think about things, and it makes us a little crazy. We can't help it, we need to know if our lover is with us or not. It is a black and white issue for us. You should definitely take time to make sure he is the right guy for you, but don't ever tell him or you will make him crazy! Just think about it when he is with his kids. That should give you plenty of time alone.
I do wonder why you are questioning your decision to be with him? If he makes you feel like no other man has ever made you feel, go for it! There are no guarantees that he won't hurt you, but is single life better??? I can tell you from experience that single life sucks, unless you are in a really bad relationship.
I don't like my neck (at times) to be kissed either because it tickles. Sometimes I can handle it, but often not lol!!! Honestly
"Sometimes i feel as though he is afraid to love me and that makes me sad."
He is probably just afraid of getting hurt, just like you are. Cancer men get destroyed by being dumped. I can attest to that.
I repeat THERE IS NOTHING THAT WILL DESTROY A CANCER MAN MORE THAN LOSING HIS LOVE! NOTHING!
By the way... Were you are toying with his mind when you told him you needed time to process things? You said you don't see him enough because he spends a lot of time with his kids. Why then would you ask him to give you time to process things?
I'm not trying to be an ass, I just don't understand why you would ask for time alone when you already have time alone. Where you secretly hoping to get a reaction out of him?
Awe Mark- thank you....it is not that I question him as much as I question me. You see, I was in a horrible marriage, I mean horrible. My kids are my world, just like his are.
I feel that i owe my kids so much..but J..he is always there for me. yesterday, I needed gas, I was on empty and had no cash, he easily handed me his debit card....he did not even think twice about it, i went 2 cents over and told him..he said..you bitch......but he was kidding, but what he does not know, is that my ex would have meant that. Really.
So, I just get scared. I was with my ex for over half my life. I tried so hard to make it work. We had children, they deserved the very best. I took my vows seriously. I did. But now, knowing and loving J..that is all I need. I know this. Yet it terrifies me. It does. My kids suffered so......horribly, the emotional and physical abuse..I feel as though I failed them.
i even told J..I was so weak...so afraid to leave, he told me I was wrong...he said I was strong, trying to give my kids their Dad and a good life, but no matter what he says, I still feel i was weak. My ex gave me a broken eye socket, a fractured sinus cavity and 18 stitches in my eyelid alone......and I stayed and protected him. I had a concussion and I went to work 2 days later. J apologized to me, yes, before my ex. he gets mad at me and says I do not know what you ant me to say.
I guess there is nothing, but his admiration makes me feel weak. I know I was doing my best. I really do, But I also feel like I failed my kids. He just holds me though it. I feel as though I am letting him down bc I have not and cannot let that go. It hurts him. I tell him, no one forced me to marry my ex. I made the decision. Me alone. I trusted him and I was wrong. I was not pregnant, I did not have to, and I know his heart breaks for what we all have suffered, but it is our reality. And through it all, mu kids love and respect heir dad, bc I made sure of it. he has issues that are not theirs.
Yet J wants to pound him, which, I am not sure I understand why. OK, ya, I know he hurt us, but I was just trying. And those feelings of animosity are not good. I can't allow J to be around us or him when he feels like this. It would be so bad. None of us needs that.
Yet, he worries that I have to deal with my ex. I am fine, I told him that. Yet, it is a huge issue and I do not know why he does not trust my view on this. I would never, ever put myself or my kids in jeopardy again. And, I never asked him to fight my battle. But he gets mad at me bc of it.We really are not white trash..I had to say that.....we were average middle class...my ex was an executive and still is for a major corporation.
We lived an outward appearance of an awesome life, yet that was all it was...an outward appearance. Our lives were hell. The physical and emotional abuse were too much. And J hates it. Yet he cannot fix it, but I cannot understand why he will not let it go.
Mark, per last response, see my previous response. My abusive marriage dictates much of my present life. Sadly, but it does. I can no longer deal with angst, anger and hatred. IO have to protect myself and my kids.
It is a hang up. J's ex hates me. She has flared her drama side with us, and I just cannot deal with it. I can't. Yet, I need him more than the air I breathe...I do......but drama..NO...I will not go there again.
She blames me. I had nothing to do with their split, absolutely nothing. Yet, I am the preverbial bitch in her eyes. It just frustrates me so bad. I know it frustrates him too. I do, yet that is why even though we are so wonderful together, we have to remain so seperate for now. I cannot do drama. never again. He hates his ex for it. But, it is what it is....does this make more sense now?
It makes perfect sense and I am so sorry you had to go through that. You are a strong, and good women for trying to make it work with your ex. No one who loves their kids wants them to grow up without a father and you were strong for trying to hang in there. Again I am so sorry for what you went through. I do not understand how men can be so mean, but there are many out there.
As for J not wanting to let go of kicking his ass. He is a Cancer sweetie. What do Cancers care about more than anything? Protecting the people they love. I would want to kill him and I am the most unviolent (not a real word lol) person you will ever meet, but if someone harmed my love, I would loose it. Cancers are protectors through and through. We are the knight in shinning armor that all women desire. Unfortunately most women don't desire a knight until they are like 40 lol! I am referring to me when I say unfortunately.
I received a valentines card from my ex today, but before you get excited for me, know that it was from of a collection of cards, and she sent them to all of her good friends. She loves sending cards to her friends. Even knowing that I wasn't the only one who received a card, I was still on my hands and knees sobbing to God.
I was such a fool for not being bold and working harder at moving sooner. I didn't know I could love a person this much and it scares the crap out of me. We really made so much sense together and all of our mutual friends agreed. People always say you need to find happiness in yourself before you can make someone else happy, and I agree with that, but it brings such joy to a Cancer man's heart to be with his loved ones, and it's extremely hard for us when we are apart for long.
I sent her this text "thank you for the valentine card. I hope you are well. I miss your smile :)"
she replied with smile face. Nothing more.
It is such a blessing and a curse to be a man and have a big heart. It can make me vulnerable and weak at times, and that can be a turn off for a strong Taurus women, because she needs to know she isn't the strongest one in the relationship. True?
Sorry to unload all of that. I usually don't, but I am just worn out. But thank you for your kindness. I felt it was important, bc my kids and I need to heal. We need time. That is the main reason our relationship is moving so slow.
As far as a strong man, yes, I want a strong man. I want a protector, I think most women do. I do not want a possesive man, but a partner. When I say protector, not someone who will fight my battles, but that he loves me so much he looks out for me and I feel safe and secure.
no no. Don't feel guilty about unloading on me. It's good to get things off your chest. The weight of stress can be heavy. It's good to vent.
Thanks for being honest with me about wanting a strong man. I believe I have been to passive my who life and I think it has damaged my relationships. I am working on being more decisive and proactive in my life. I have a tendency to be too shy, laid back, and lazy. It's not something I'm proud of, that's for sure. I want to be a strong man, and emotions can get in the way if I let them.
I hope things work out with you and your cancer man. I am happy he makes you feel like no other man can make you feel. That gives me great hope because I believe the same is true with me and my ex. I pray that one day she realizes that and comes home to me. That would be a wonderful day indeed. In the mean time I am going to continue working on being a strong decisive man and getting my life together.
whole life not "who" life lol
Don't worry about the typos..I make them too. I am bad about not proof reading.
OK - so here's a question for you. J has said that he is just flat out lazy too. There have been times I have wanted to do something, but he did not want too. So we didn't. A couple of times he did, but, I would rather not do anything if his heart is not in it.
Yet, he is never to tired for his kids. I think it is bc he knows they will not hurt or leave him, so he is willing to go to the moon and back for them. I guess it is a safety thing for his heart. I do not mind and can respect when he gets tired, and I respect the father he is. What would be my best way to convey that? Just point blank? Would he really understand my true intent or would he be leary?
Well for me, I respond well to point blank questions. So I would want my partner to be honest with me and just tell me straight up what's on her mind. I hate it when women want me to figure something out by their body language. But that is me. He may take it the wrong way. But I believe that open honest conversations about how you feel is always the right approach. Just be nice and keep eye contact with him. A little smile never hurts either We love eyes and smiles.
Well, tomorrow, we have a date and a small yet serious talk is in order. I want it to be light and easy. I will let you know how it goes. I am not worried at all. If he truly loves and cares about me, he will understand.
Mark - This is crazy, I live in Indiana and for awhile, I lived in Olmsted falls, Ohio..
That is Crazy! What part of Indiana do you live in? Let me know how your talk goes
I will......west central in between Indy and Terre Haute right off of I-70....
He does not know what to do with my realness sometimes.......he doesn't, but it is high time he figures it out...!
Be straight forward and gentle and if he doesn't care enough to respect you, let him know how you fell. If your request is reasonable, and I'm sure it is, don't let him make excuses for why he can't meet your needs. He may get upset, but that's ok. If he loves you, and I'm sure he does, he will get over it and make it happen.
I am hoping so...:)
Well mark, it went horribly. I have known he is going through something for awhile. I am not sure how I am going to move forward. All i know is that my heart is breaking.