I need advice from Taurus women!!!
Taurus 7: My ex is 28 and I am 33. Neither of us have any kids but we talked about starting a family. Her and I both want kids. I wish she was as wise as you. I think she is not willing to accept the fact that her knight in shinning armor may have some flaws lol.
I honestly believe that there is no man in the word who can make her feel more happy and loved than me. I am a huge romantic, and so is she. We both love to hold hands and cuddle on the couch for a movie. And we are both fairly conservative with our views. I believe that before things went south, she felt the way you fell about J, but being a little immature and naive, which she is, she let the excitement of being with a "super cool" artist, who she has probably had a crush on for many years, get the best of her. Everything I know about him, and everything I've read about Aquarius men, is the exact opposite of what a Taurus women desires in a life partner.
J's over the top ego may just be a front for his insecurity. Most cancer men have insecurities and most probably try to cover it the best they can. Now that I've had my heart handed to me in a blender, I may hide in my shell awhile too.
The hardest part about our breakup was when she just completely cut me off emotionally. We were looking at rings a few weeks before and then suddenly out of no where she just stopped acting like my girl. I would call her and she would act pissed off. I have never seen anyone go from being the sweetest girl in the world to complete coldness like that. It really freaked me out.
My heart was beyond crushed, and then she starting going out with her friends and acting like nothing was wrong. But she kept treating me like I shit until I convinced her to let me visit. That is when she cried in my arms.
"Do you guys always need to be the alpha male? And why would he let that come in between us? I just do not care about money or stuff."
I think all men want to be able to provide for their families, and when they feel like they aren't, they become very insecure. I am the same way. I just need to feel like their women deeply loves and respects me. Apparently love and respect wasn't enough for my ex.
I just can't imagine her and her new man working out. They really are polar opposites, which I realize that is what attracted them to each other, but once the lust fades and the love grows, they are going to be in for a rude awakening.
mark - I think he feels inferior bc he thinks he cannot give me the lifestyle I am accustomed to, but all I need is him. That life..who cares what we can or cannot do, I just need him. Whatever will be will be, yet, he does not see it that way.
I don't know why he will not let my realness break through.
I'm sorry but it is in a man's soul to provide, and if he doesn't feel like he is adequately providing, he will have a tough time getting over it. I wish my ex was like you and just wanted to be with me. That's true love. Yes it is important to work hard and do the best you can, but love for family should always be first.
Mark - I am going to take awhile and think about your Taurus girl. Sometimes, we are so guilty of self sabotage. I have done that so many times. if I could only rewind the clock!
I wish J could be as open as you. But I get why he can't. BC he loves me and his wars between his need to protect himself, his kids and me and my kids. he feels for all of us. He always tells me to be careful. I think that is sweet. he always wants to know my schedule.....i think that is sweet too.
"He always tells me to be careful. I think that is sweet. he always wants to know my schedule.....i think that is sweet too."
Welcome to the wonderful world of dating a Cancer man! The best part is, he's not just saying it to be nice, he really means it. We LOVE our lovers and will do just about anything to make them feel happy and secure
I have a feeling my ex Taurus will be more like you once she's gone though some tough times, and I believe she will very soon, but unfortunately, it often takes hard times for us to have our eyes open to what's really important in life. Losing her definitely made me realize a few things, that's for sure.
I really appreciate your help! I really miss holding my ex in my arms. There isn't anything I wouldn't have done for her. When we Cancers find "the one" watch out. We will do anything and everything to make things work. We take great pride in making our lady happy. It gives us great joy!
It is odd that you said that..bc us Taurus women are strong. I know that J loves me for my strength, but yet, sometimes I think he wishes I was more dependent on him. Like the double edged sword.
he does not like things being uneven between us. That I know. i think he can accept me as an equal person, but he wants me to depend on him as his girl. maybe I need to work on that. I do for him non stop. And I enjoy it. He hates when I pick up heavy things. he is like..you need to let me do that?? I am like why??? I can do it...And I know I have hurt his feelings when I have said that. But I am capable.
He even said to me once, bc I asked him for something..Oh..you ask for soooo much. He was being sarcastic. I knew that instantly. Do I need to ask him for more?
"It is odd that you said that..bc us Taurus women are strong"
This is definitely an issue for us Cancer men when dealing with a Taurus women. My ex was the same. She was very independent and strong willed, and me not being as strong willed became a problem. It is hard to swallow not being the strong one when in a relationship, but us cancers are not always the strongest emotionally, so it can be a challenge. I didn't realize this until the end of our relationship. This is why I'm working on being more headstrong and decisive in my actions. We Cancers can be indecisive and too passive at times, and that is a turn off for most strong women.
If you want to make him really happy, let him do the "manly" stuff around the house. He may have issues with women doing things for him because he was probably an emotional boy growing up and was probably picked on a lot by stronger boys in school. So now he feels he needs to be a strong man all the time.
Cancerman - Ok, I have thought about this all day. With all that you have said, I think the distance is what mainly drove her away. Add the distance to your relationship issues(which I do not think were that great) and a Taurus' inability to have patience...well.....there ya go.
I know I hate to wait. I mean HATE it. I think that it was possible that she felt she was wasting her time. Now, if distance was not an issue, I am sure it would have been a completely different story. I have always been willing to work on my relationships, but, I do not see how possible that is when miles separate each party involved.
Especially when the relationship I am in, I have never, ever felt so many different things. Like, I have never wanted to do so much for my partner before. I would do anything for J. Then, sometimes, he drives me crazier than anyone I have ever met! lol And, I am not a jealous person, but I have felt it flare a couple of times, which freaked me out! I was like WHOA!! What the heck is going on???
I would agree with you but the last conversation we had before shit hit he fan, I asked her if it would be ok if I stayed with her for awhile while I looked for a job. This was not my original plan. I planned to find a job first, then move and get my own place, get engaged, and then get married. But then I thought it would be easier to find a job if I moved there first. I was being indecisive, I know, but I was willing to do anything to get there and make it happen, and she knew that but seemed upset that I didn't have things planned out better.
We had only dated a year and she acted like everything was fine up until this conversation. This is when the switch flipped and everything fell apart. If she was so upset, why didn't she say something earlier. Why did she have to be so emotionally detached. She would barely talk to me after that conversation, and when she did she acted like I just told her I cheated on her. I just don't understand why it was such a big deal, and I don't understand why she couldn't have just been nice about it. All she had to say was something like "I'm sorry but I just don't think that's a good idea". Instead she just started hanging out with the new guy.
Gotcha - so she's afraid of commitment and the reality of your relationship.And by you moving in with her, it makes everything real and permanent. There could be so many reasons as to why, but, none of those reasons have to do with you. That's her personal issues and I am sorry you are hurting.
I know that in my youth, I left some messes. Like a category 5 mess and it was just made by me. Not fair or proud of it, but I am guilty of it.
Thank you again for helping me! I honestly think she wanted to make sure this guy, who has been her tattoo artist for 10 years and who she's probably had a big crush on, couldn't offer her more than me. I aslo believe this is why she hasn't cut me completely out of her life. I do believe she has me on the back burner while to tries out the new guy, and that's extremely selfish, but I love her and am willing to wait and see how things work out, which I am confident they won't.
However, if she ever comes back to me, her and I will need to have some very long discussions about life and our future. she will need to convice me that she's not going to walk out on me again, and I'm sure she will have concerns about me as well. Love is blind
Oh and before I forget. Give me some more stories about how your man drives you crazy. I want to see if I can relate to them
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Thank you so much DeeDee1970!
I think there could be a second chance for us if I move there, which I was planning to do with or without her, and if things don't work out with her Aqua man, which I highly doubt they will. However, I know how some of you ladies like to think you can tame a "bad boy" and he is definitely a "bad boy". We all love a challenge from time to time but some girls will do anything and everything to try and tame a bad boy. It's very frustrating to be a nice guy sometimes.
Do mind me asking what type of things your Cancer man does to drive you crazy?
I'm always looking to learn new things about us Cancer men and what we do that annoys women.
Ok Mark - remember, you asked for it! Ok, I personally think this is an issue, and it drives me mad, but here goes. I have 3 kids he has 4. All 4 of his are very involved in a sport and he is very involved with them. Which I think is great! I do, that was one of the main reasons why i fell in love with him. BC of what a great father he is and just overall caring man.
But ok, he has a busy schedule. often times he does not fill me in on the entire weekly schedule. So, I can get to missing him, we work together, but not like we see each other all day, and I'm like "Hey, do you want to come over tonight" And he's like, I can't babe, so and so has this. I do get a little sad, but I do understand. I told him I was NOT in a competition with his kids. But, when he sees I get sad, he gets weird. Like the last time I asked, he said, you are putting too much pressure on me. I replied " Oh ya, it is tough wanting to spend time with someone you love huh? man, HORRIBLE pressure.." Yes, I was a little sarcastic but, I meant my previous statement about understanding. That will NOT change. So, I apologized to him, I said I am so sorry I put pressure on you, that is the last thing I want to do. All I want to do is show you what an amazing man you are. he kissed me, smiled and said I had nothing to apologize for??? But it gets better, if he wants to come over and I cannot bc I have something going on with my kids, you would have think I have abandoned him and sent him to Alcatraz for punishment!! Seriously. He pouts, I told him...' Welcome to my world buddy...now you know how I feel.." The he'll laugh.
If you could give me insight into that one.....I would forever be in your debt!! lol
Trust me, I have plenty more......
Mark - you are almost dead on with the bad boy thing, but listen to this. I had a badboy once, for a very long time. He was my 1st love. The 1st time we went out, we were10. I nearly destroyed my life bc of him.
But here's the Taurus take - we always want to help, fix things or people. We are good at that. But we are generally not good at fixing ourselves. Something that I have been working hard on the last 20 years of my life.
Anyway, when we have a 'project" especially if it is a person, we can feel like we are soaring, bc we can get superior in mindset and then we do not have to work on ourselves. So, it looks like a win/win. When actually it is mostly a lose/lose.
hmmm... Unfortunately it's hard for me to relate to the kids thing because I don't have any, but as a man I know that I can be selfish with my time when I know I can get away with it, but as soon as I'm called out on it, I will apologize and make an effort to be less selfish. I think it's great that you are mature enough to call him out on his bs when he tries to be selfish with his time. As a Cancer man I can only imagine how hard it is to give up time with the kids, we live to nurture and we are bad with time and schedules, so I can only assume he easily gets overwhelmed with having for kids and trying to find time for you.
This is something he needs to work on and you should definitely try to talk to him and help him plan his schedule, if he would be willing to let you help. You Taurus girls are great with scheduling and planning things! He is unfortunately almost always going to put his kids first, which will be tough on you. I'm sure he loves you very much so try not to take it personally. See if you can help him plan his weeks better so you and him can have some carefree alone time. It's so important for any relationship!
I really hope my ex will come to her senses sooner than later. This guy is soooooo bad for her. She has a little wild side, most people do, but this guy it a TOOL. However, he is very talented and has a lot of friends so I'm sure she is enjoying the attention and the challenge of trying to find a soft spot in his heart. She is extremely practical but a bit immature, and naive and that worries me. I sometimes wish I was able to move on like she has. I haven't even considered dating anyone as the thought of being intimate with anyone else still makes me nauseous. I am so in love with her and I know she still loves me but she knows how much I love her and probably thinks I will be there if things don't work out with the new guy. And she is probably right in thinking that unfortunately. Nothing makes me happier than to see her big beautiful eyes looking into mine. I wouldn't say she is a head turner but to me she is a princess. I miss her so much. My heart hurts so much.
Mark - I had tears in my eyes !! Have you thought about being that strong and straight forward with her? It might do some good. A Taurus cannot stand to be called out, yet, we do accept it.
I have no issues being second to his kids. That is why our relationship has not progressed further. My kids need time and so do his. And, he needs to take care of them, not me. I am adamant and firm on that area.
Are you ready for the next crazy sceanrio? lol
Thank you so much for you heartfelt reply. Talking to you has helped me a lot and I greatly appreciate it!
I have told her many times in person before we broke up, and via letters and email after, that I love her more than anyone and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But she has not replied to any of my letters or emails. The only contact we have now is when she sends me random texts about nothing important, which hasn't happened for a week or so now. I feel like she just wants to shut me out of her life so she can feel ok with what she is doing with the new guy, but every now and then she can't help but text me to see if I'm still there for her. A good example of this is when I wrote her on facebook to see if it was cool if I put up a picture of her in my "friends" gallery. She ignored the message until I took her picture down. The day I took it down, she replied "what picture are you talking about, I don't see it?" She definitely read the message before I took her picture down because she posted several times the same day I sent it.
She may also just care about me as a friend now, but God that would be hard to imagine after all our talking about starting a family, all the mutual friends we have, and looking at rings together. Not to mention us crying in each others arms the last time I saw her and her saying she loves me and isn't going anywhere.
I really just feel like she is trying to have fun with this new guy but maybe knows deep down inside that I am the long term guy when she is done being selfish. But I'm not sure. She may be thinking this new guy is "the one" now because he is a "take charge" type of guy and I know that is attractive. I need to be more like that. It's a lot to think about and it is killing me, but I must suffer for awhile to see where things end up with her and him. I am done trying to talk any sense into her. She ignores every sweet message/letter I send to her.
I'm actually hoping he breaks her heart so maybe, just maybe, she realizes what she had with me. But I also know how stubborn you Taurus women can be, and that worries me. I've been told that when a Taurus women makes up her mind, it's final. I really hope that's not true.
"Are you ready for the next crazy sceanrio? lol" Always!